Gym & grocery store approaches

[FlexpertHamilton]

This is more of a general topic for general experiences and discussions about these two environments. I do think they require a different mindset and approach from bars and clubs because women expect to get hit on there, so I think you can use this to your advantage. I know this topic has been discussed a lot, but things change and there's always fresh and newer perspectives on this with our rapidly changing culture and sexual marketplace.

My thoughts:

The gym is a little tricky, since your reputation is at stake a little bit if it's a place you frequent, so you have to do it in a way that's not so "all or nothing" but play the slow game. I think it's most effective to literally just say "hi" and start talking about exercising... you don't need an excuse, you are a man and you like attractive women, and for this reason showing "intention" is just as pointless as any other scenario and it can only backfire here if you come on too strong. That said I do still question if hot women truly understand that the only reason men find them "interesting" is because they're hot, or if they're mostly delusional enough to not understand these men just want to smash - so there's surely a way you need to differentiate yourself from the simps who pretend they don't have a ****. All that is to say, I think there's a bit of a gray area here, but it's pointless to analyze it beyond this.

As far as grocery stores...you can be more direct here and possibly even hit on them but it's probably better to just talk about groceries...since, ya know, you're in a grocery store. In my case, I know so much about food ingredients that I can rant about that alone and I do think women appreciate a learned man that can demonstrate some competence in a way that's not arrogant. But I do think a more direct approach, for instance commenting on their appearance, isn't necessarily a bad idea but it needs to be calibrated more.

Any thoughts on this? How do you handle approaches in either of these environments?

 

[SW15]

Yes, there is a difference between doing approaches in non-bar venues vs. bar/nightlife venues. Using the same approach style for both isn't ideal.

There are even differences between gym approaching and grocery store approaching.

The gym is a little tricky, since your reputation is at stake a little bit if it's a place you frequent, so you have to do it in a way that's not so "all or nothing" but play the slow game.

The general gym floor is not the best place for approaching

Most women on a gym floor are wearing earbuds and won't be receptive to most approaches. It's very difficult to receive IOIs/approach invitations from women in the gym with headphones/earbuds. Only the absolute top tier men have a chance to break through headphones/earbuds and possibly receive an indicator of interest (IOI). IOIs make approaching much easier. It's possible to approach without an IOI preceding it, but it reduces the odds of success.

Group exercise fitness classes solve the earbud problem and offer men fantastic ratios. However, women do not have a reputation for being sociable after fitness classes. Based on this, you may or may not want to do fitness classes.

One of the big risks in gym approaching is future interaction should an approach, early stage date, or even an extended relationship would fail. If you are both members of the same gym and tend to go at similar times, there's a high probability of a future interaction and it's not going to be pleasant.

There are a few workarounds for this.

Some might might get a secondary gym membership, use ClassPass, or buy short term class packages at standalone studio brands such as Title Boxing or SoulCycle. After doing that secondary facility purchase, they focus hitting on women at those secondary places where they aren't regulars. ClassPass and short term secondary facility class packages can enable you to take fitness classes at multiple places, which is very good for a seducer who wants to get in and out and limit potential messes. These solutions can help avoid uncomfortable situations at a primary gym caused by approaches or relationships gone bad.

A lot of times, after a bad romantic interaction, one person will change gyms within a few months. This tends to happen more with a bad short term dating situation or longer term relationship if a person is developing romance at their primary gym.

grocery stores...you can be more direct here and possibly even hit on them but it's probably better to just talk about groceries...since, ya know, you're ina grocery store. But I do think a more direct approach, for instance commenting on their appearance, isn't necessarily a bad idea but it needs to be calibrated more.

I have been known to approach in grocery stores. It is likely my favorite traditional daygame venue for approaching and the venue where I have arranged the most first dates of any non-bar venue.

The foundation of my grocery store approaches is based on Roosh's "Day Bang", which I read in the early 2010s. His grocery store model of approaching made a lot of sense for me. Roosh promoted a more indirect model to start, creating an extended conversation and ends with a social invitation (aka a date).

On an individual approach in a grocery store, it is possible to be more aggressive because it is unlikely that you'll ever see that woman again after that exact moment. This is more true in bigger metropolitan areas.

Every grocery store attracts somewhat different consumers. It's a good idea for men to think about the women that they are into and think about where those women are most likely to shop for groceries. As a result, certain men to be more successful at approaching in some stores as compared to others for a variety of reasons.

Store locations in neighborhoods with mostly single family houses and a lot of married people are going to be worse options for grocery store approaching. Store locations near apartments and in neighborhoods with mostly unmarried people are where you want to do your grocery store approaching. In a larger metropolitan area, sometimes small distances can make a difference in picking which grocery store you'll want to go to if you want to try and do approaches while out shopping.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Any thoughts on this? How do you handle approaches in either of these environments?

Grocery stores are easy... I walk up to the most beautiful girl in the produce aisle, then point out:
"You needn't spend your hard-earned cash on melons honey, not when The Deities have already blessed you with two ripe specimens, both of which are attached to your equally majestic body. And since we both know you're conscientious about maintaining your figure, it only makes sense for you to bring me back to your place, so that I can feast on them in your stead"

Not even joking here, kids... I did this very thing, about 90 minutes ago, with great success

 

[BaronOfHair]

Ok bro

Drop by Whole Foods, Sprouts, or any other high end grocer and try it for yourself, Flex. It'll be far more gainful than spending paragraphs mourning the imagined "loss" of some broad https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/i-didnt-think-women-could-hurt-me-anymore.282998/ you barely knew

 

[pipeman84]

I look at it from a risk/reward POV. Doing cold approach, particularly when an age gap of +10yrs or even +20yrs is involved, the very real risk is that you'll be known as 'that guy' quite soon and won't be able to set foot in that gym or grocery store. The illusive reward is that maybe you'll have sex with a lunatic on 3 meds who will then ghost you. As far as I'm concerned, it's a no brainer that it's not worth it.

What I suggest is playing the long game, in either place. If you see her regularly, she gives some IOIs, you get to interact with her, she doesn't present signs of being crazy and you like her energy, then you can invite her on a date which she'll most likely accept. That's because you did your homework and you've established that 1. she's not taken and 2. she's not an attention seeking bimbo who likes to lead guys on.

 

[New_Journey]

This is more of a general topic for general experiences and discussions about these two environments. I do think they require a different mindset and approach from bars and clubs because women expect to get hit on there, so I think you can use this to your advantage. I know this topic has been discussed a lot, but things change and there's always fresh and newer perspectives on this with our rapidly changing culture and sexual marketplace.

My thoughts:

The gym is a little tricky, since your reputation is at stake a little bit if it's a place you frequent, so you have to do it in a way that's not so "all or nothing" but play the slow game. I think it's most effective to literally just say "hi" and start talking about exercising... you don't need an excuse, you are a man and you like attractive women, and for this reason showing "intention" is just as pointless as any other scenario and it can only backfire here if you come on too strong. That said I do still question if hot women truly understand that the only reason men find them "interesting" is because they're hot, or if they're mostly delusional enough to not understand these men just want to smash - so there's surely a way you need to differentiate yourself from the simps who pretend they don't have a ****. All that is to say, I think there's a bit of a gray area here, but it's pointless to analyze it beyond this.

As far as grocery stores...you can be more direct here and possibly even hit on them but it's probably better to just talk about groceries...since, ya know, you're in a grocery store. In my case, I know so much about food ingredients that I can rant about that alone and I do think women appreciate a learned man that can demonstrate some competence in a way that's not arrogant. But I do think a more direct approach, for instance commenting on their appearance, isn't necessarily a bad idea but it needs to be calibrated more.

Any thoughts on this? How do you handle approaches in either of these environments?

I recommend you to stop posting and start reflecting on yourself. You wrote a post 2 days ago about a woman taking too long to text you, you obviously are not in any place to get plates, with that type of mindset.

Why don't you take some time off this forum and dating altogether, so you can start to understand your shortcomings and become a better man? Just food for thoughts.

I'm starting to think, the people who post the most, are the biggest incels. Its like the saying goes "The empty barrel makes the most noise"

 

[New_Journey]

I literally just took a year off from dating or meeting women and have made big changes and improvements in my life.

I love how literally asking for people to discuss their strategy for talking to women (literally the entire point of this forum) is somehow once again misconstrued and twisted to fit some bizarre narrative you've built up.

I'm just going by what you're posting man. If you took time off and you're still that angry at a woman who didn't text you to your expected time fram, then you didn't do anything to your mindset. Self improvement is masturbation, you need to have goals and achieve them, not just slap some "self improvement" and that's it.

This is just my opinion brother, your best thinking got you were you are.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Honestly, some posters here seem to be genuinely incapable of reading or understanding nuance

Or we're recognizing things that you've been blind to thus far. Engaging in a conversation, only to then violently reject all responses which don't support your pre-existing beliefs, makes less sense than allowing your 13 year old daughter to spend the weekend in Tijuana unaccompanied, and being surprised to learn that she was made into a woman by a donkey during her visit there

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

One side of becoming more mature through emotional self control is that you don't allow people to goad you into conversations you don't want to have.
And that is one of the benefits of this forum: you don't have to converse with anyone you don't want to converse with. If people misread or misinterpret your posts, you can block them or put them on a mental list to not take them seriously, as I do with the incels here.

I can't help myself sometimes. I just love to argue because I think you can even learn from your enemies. But it takes a lot out of you, so it's ultimately not worth it. But yes my friend has pointed this out, the ability to disengage from people who only exist to bring others down. It's a weakness of mine, it's almost like I'm drawn to toxic people because for some reason I think I can out reason them. But I know that's a fool's errand. I need to re read some Marcus Aurelius and Seneca...

My typing speed was 93wpm on a mechanical typewriter on my speed test in 1990. So I'm a skilled typist, but I'm not a secretary copying steno or handwritten notes/letters, I create novel drafts and poetry on my typewriters, and typing speed is not important.

I hate handwriting so all of my goals, journals, plans, tasks, etc is typed so it does come in handy to have a fast WPM, as does typing on internet forums or chatting with friends. I ask because sometimes people say things which give me the impression they think typing out a paragraph is a massive investment when in reality it does not take long at all.

Why are you qualifying yourself to him?

I asked myself the same thing.

Why do you single out one emotionally charged word in his whole sarcastic post to get upset about?
Flex, I know you're not dumb. You understand that people want attention and validation, but that doesn't mean you should give that to them. Especially when they're begging for you to argue with them. Don't give them the pleasure. Let them work for it.

There's something about internet discourse that gets to me. This sort of thing literally never happens to me person, though I don't think it really can. I tend to avoid PVP video games and social media for that reason, among others.

 

[BaronOfHair]

There's something about internet discourse that gets to me

A cure for that

 

[New_Journey]

@AmsterdamAssassin , I salute you man, if you are the guy who you are here in real life and not LARPing, you are one of the best members in this forum.

 

[Agamemnon43]

The only reason you should talk to an unknown woman in the gym is that when you bump into her in a bar/grocery store, you can say with a smile "Hey, *girl from the gym*, what's up? Haven't seen you in the gym yesterday." Instead of having to do a stupid "cold approach" or something, and your chances skyrocket. Now you're not a complete stranger to her.
That's the whole point of socializing. You're just normal. Forget about approaches, just talk if you have something to say, and opportunities will present themselves.

 

[Ricky]

No single approach will work best for a given woman. We have to consider some women are more introverted or extroverted. Also some women when in a bad mood or not feeling well aren't even going to give Gods gift to women a chance on a given day.

I think this is why we should always be social.. not just women, but with other men. There is an epidemic of loneliness out there, one of the recent (or maybe current) surgeon generals of the United States talks about it (Vivek i believe is his name)

I am not a huge fan of the direct approach. I have a co-worker who at lunch time would tell women at the grocery store we went to that they are beautiful and it doesn't really garner great results. He needs to learn to be more subtle and in fact has gotten into some issues at work over perceived harassments.

Lets keep in mind that in any interaction if we want to be persuasive we want to move their emotions (normally to be more happy and positive, but as PUA's in the mid 2000's showed up there is a time and place for negging women). Honestly almost all women could use a little more positive energy nowadays, not in the sense of a guy being needy and wanting something.. just in a guy that is full of life and energy. Think Tony Robbins style energy

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

The only reason you should talk to an unknown woman in the gym is that when you bump into her in a bar/grocery store, you can say with a smile "Hey, *girl from the gym*, what's up? Haven't seen you in the gym yesterday." Instead of having to do a stupid "cold approach" or something, and your chances skyrocket. Now you're not a complete stranger to her.
That's the whole point of socializing. You're just normal. Forget about approaches, just talk if you have something to say, and opportunities will present themselves.

Yeah thats why I said you should literally say "hi" or comment about groceries/exercise. I'm all about doing completely normal, non-scripted, non-planned, spontaneous interactions and I don't actually refer to them as "cold approaches" in my head in any context and haven't for years. I have abandoned the "PUA" style mindset ages ago. In fact I think in general talking to women completely normally, at any stage of the relationship, is very beneficial instead of trying to "game" them. The only "game" that matters is inner game, since everything you do will follow from that naturally to result in what you're trying to achieve.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Yeah thats why I said you should literally say "hi" or comment about groceries/exercise

As did I https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/gym-grocery-store-approaches.283027/#post-3134429 Yet, you were dismissive towards my thoughts

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

Any thoughts on this? How do you handle approaches in either of these environments?

Great question..

Gyms: I am probably the biggest advocate of cold approach on this forum...and I believe in cold approaching in ANY venue, place, or establishment and under almost ANY circumstance.

But even with that said, I used to shy away from gym approaches because..

1. Almost every woman at the gym is wearing earbuds.

2. Should the woman reject you, there is usually an awkwardness the next time you see her there, which I'd rather not have.

Nowadays, I don't care about either one, I approach regardless.

Bouncing titties on treadmills and hard nipples through sports bras is too overwhelming for me not to shoot my shot.
....

Grocery stores: Are in my opinion, the single most BEST places for daygame.

90% of my cold approaches take place inside grocery stores, or in the parking lots of grocery stores.

Sometimes, I frequent grocery stores just to cold approach.

....

Both the gym and grocery stores are great places to cold approach.

 

[SW15]

Grocery stores: Are in my opinion, the single most BEST places for daygame.

I agree with this. I have arranged the most dates at the grocery store as compared to other typical daygaming venues. It is likely my favorite traditional daygame venue for approaching.

I find it more enjoyable than doing approaches at the mall.

I find it more enjoyable than doing approaches outdoors. Although outdoor approaching is free, it has some serious downsides. Earbuds are the main downside. A lot of women aren't as receptive to outdoor approaching anymore.

In 2012, Roosh called street approaching the most difficult approach venue.

https://web.archive.org/web/20160331043049/http://www.rooshv.com/how-to-pick-up-girls-on-the-street

Park and walking/hiking path approaching are similar to street game. There isn't much pure street game in my city (or a lot of USA cities) but park and path game is more common. Park and path game has a lot of the similar downsides of street game.

Grocery store game is good for a lot of reasons. Few women use earbuds in the grocery store, though I noticed in the late 2010s it picked up for a bit. Women are more receptive to being approached there. I've tended to start more conversations through indirect methods in grocery stores, such as an environmental observation where I think you've gone more direct.

Sometimes, I frequent grocery stores just to cold approach.

During the 2010s, I used to linger in grocery stores a little bit longer when doing approaches. I did longer approach sessions in the grocery store then. The most viable way to do grocery store approaching is to linger in the store for a bit when grocery shopping to look for approach targets. In the midst of a normal timeline for grocery shopping (maybe 20 minutes in store), it is less likely that you'll find good targets. If a grocery store session is 1 hour +, then you can find more targets.

Gyms: I am probably the biggest advocate of cold approach on this forum...and I believe in cold approaching in ANY venue, place, or establishment and under almost ANY circumstance.

But even with that said, I used to shy away from gym approaches because..

1. Almost every woman at the gym is wearing earbuds.

2. Should the woman reject you, there is usually an awkwardness the next time you see her there, which I'd rather not have.

I dislike the general gym floor for approaching, though there are some attractive women in many gyms. Some gyms are better than others for attracting hotties.

The fitness class method is an alternative with pros and cons I've highlighted.

I like to avoid awkwardness as well. There's always the Classpass or secondary facility option I've mentioned to change up where you go and avoid awkwardness.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

Gyms: I am probably the biggest advocate of cold approach on this forum...and I believe in cold approaching in ANY venue, place, or establishment and under almost ANY circumstance.

But even with that said, I used to shy away from gym approaches because..

1. Almost every woman at the gym is wearing earbuds.

2. Should the woman reject you, there is usually an awkwardness the next time you see her there, which I'd rather not have.

Nowadays, I don't care about either one, I approach regardless.

Bouncing titties on treadmills and hard nipples through sports bras is too overwhelming for me not to shoot my shot.

In my experience, women in the gym will give you IOIs and you 100% can and should capitalize on those. It's not always a common occurance, but it's happened to me enough times to know I'm not imagining it. One of the more common things they'll do is "creep" around me, getting in space and line of sight repeatedly when they have no reason to. For instance I was doing squats once in the evening before the gym closed, in a quiet corner of the gym, and some random women came over and started doing curls in the squat rack close to me even though there free weight section was basically empty. Then she "rested" on the bar until the gym closed. I bvtched out like a faggot, but, I'm 99% sure she was hoping I'd talk to her. Women do things like that quite often, giving you those subtle (or not so subtle) IOIs that they want you to talk to them...the same sort of IOIs in any other situation that may be obvious such as looking at you with those puppy dog eyes. One thing they may do is ask for help with a weight, though I'm sure this could easily be misconstrued by a thirsty man so maybe they wouldn't do that. Regardless, I think women who give IOIs are 100% fair game to talk to, but still should be done carefully with the intent to "befriend them" and be gym buddies or something due to the nature of those environments, and not immediately start flirting or asking them out (though I suppose if their IL seems very high, go for it).

In regards to your comment about those closed off women - what a hilarious creature they are: they wear hats and noise cancelling earbuds and constantly look down to avert male gazes, but they're only in the gym during peak hours, wear makeup, "sports bras", and skintight leggings scientifically designed to make their butts as large as possible while hiding their gut. They don't want attention while simultaneously wanting attention, you can't make this shvt up...I cannot imagine the cognitive dissonance. As far as those type of women are concerned...you gotta be a real charming mofo Chad to pull that off without looking like an autistic retard.

 

[SW15]

women who wear hats.

Women who wear hats are generally disinterested in meeting new women. This is true in gyms, grocery stores, and outdoors.

For the women who wear hats and noise cancelling earbuds, yeah...you gotta be a real charming mofo to pull that off without looking like an autistic retard.

That's the worst combination for a gym approach target.

In my experience though, women in the gym who will give you IOIs and you 100% can and should capitalize on those. It's not always super common but it's happened enough times to know I'm not imagining it.

Most women are wearing earbuds now on the general gym floor and not giving IOIs. It's more likely to happen if you are a top tier Chad type.

One of the more common things they'll do is "creep" around me, getting in your space and line of sight repeatedly when they have no reason to. For instance I was doing squats once in the evening before the gym closed, in a quiet corner of the gym, and some random women came over and started doing curls in the squat rack close to me even though there free weight section was basically empty. Then she "rested" on the bar until the gym closed. I bvtched out like a faggot, but, I'm 99% sure she was hoping I'd talk to her. Women do things like that quite often, giving you those subtle (or not so subtle) IOIs that they want you to talk to them.

That can happen. I've rarely seen that in my main gym in recent years, but I know it can happen. My main gym is mostly unmarried people too. I think a lot of people in my gym are in boyfriend-girlfriend relationships.

I think those women are 100% fair game to talk to, but still should be done carefully with the intent to "befriend them" and be gym buddies or something due to the nature of those environments, and not immediately start flirting or asking them out (though I suppose if their IL seems very high, go for it).

I disagree. I would have no interest in "gym buddies". If I'm approaching a woman, I'm doing it with romantic/sexual intent.

This is why I prefer the Classpass method or short term class package at a standalone studio method. I can go to a class, avoid earbuds, chat up a woman after class, and invite her to get together. If the conversation goes well, I have a date. If I get a direct rejection, I won't be back at that place for a bit and won't see her. It mixes up where I go to do approaches.

I will do approaches in my primary gym and at classes at my primary gym but I prefer the methods above. Some of this depends on how much a man likes his primary gym and his willingness to change gyms if things do get awkward. Things can get awkward over one of the following instances.

• An approach that doesn't result in a date and a hard, direct no rejection. 'Soft' rejections (a conversation that goes nowhere without a social invitation) usually won't cause awkwardness
• A situation where there's 1-2 dates, no sex, and no extended relationships. It's going to be awkward to see her at the gym after that.
• A casual sex relationship that burns out. This will lead one or both people to change gyms.
• A longer term committed relationship that fails. This will lead one or both people to change gyms.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

I disagree. I would have no interest in "gym buddies". If I'm approaching a woman, I'm doing it with romantic/sexual intent.

This is why I prefer the Classpass method or short term class package at a standalone studio method. I can go to a class, avoid earbuds, chat up a woman after class, and invite her to get together. If the conversation goes well, I have a date. If I get a direct rejection, I won't be back at that place for a bit and won't see her. It mixes up where I go to do approaches.

I think fitness classes are a bit different than being out in the gym floor, since classes are more private, intimate, and less of a sausagefest. While I don't think hiding your intention is good, I really do think that the gym is not the place to start escalating quickly with sexual undertones, though I'm not saying you shouldn't. I've never heard of a man meeting a women in the gym who goes and fvcks her in the bathroom that same day.

Women who wear hats are generally disinterested in meeting new women. This is true in gyms, grocery stores, and outdoors.

Did you mean meet new men or women? In either case, like anywhere else, they do this either to make other women jealous, or to get attention from men, because there's no other reason for them to wear makeup and dress like that at the gym. Either they still want attention and don't want men to shoot their shot, or they're holding out for the top tier gigaChad/gigaTyrone to talk to them and basically closing themselves off to any man who doesn't have the balls to talk to them.

Most women are wearing earbuds now on the general gym floor and not giving IOIs. It's more likely to happen if you are a top tier Chad type

Everyone in the gym wears earbuds now that doesn't mean anything. IOIs are more subtle in the gym and it's possible the men are just clueless about them but yes I'm not implying every man should expect them, but I don't think you need to be a giga chad to receive IOIs either. Women "creeping" around you repeatedly is absolutely not something they would do on accident. Even if they're doing it "for attention" you just need to ask yourself if they'd still be seeking attention from a homeless man or a fat and short middle aged Hispanic man. Almost every behavior of women can be explained by asking "would they do this to a bum?" or "would they do this to Drake?"