Gym & grocery store approaches

[FlexpertHamilton]

This is more of a general topic for general experiences and discussions about these two environments. I do think they require a different mindset and approach from bars and clubs because women expect to get hit on there, so I think you can use this to your advantage. I know this topic has been discussed a lot, but things change and there's always fresh and newer perspectives on this with our rapidly changing culture and sexual marketplace.

My thoughts:

The gym is a little tricky, since your reputation is at stake a little bit if it's a place you frequent, so you have to do it in a way that's not so "all or nothing" but play the slow game. I think it's most effective to literally just say "hi" and start talking about exercising... you don't need an excuse, you are a man and you like attractive women, and for this reason showing "intention" is just as pointless as any other scenario and it can only backfire here if you come on too strong. That said I do still question if hot women truly understand that the only reason men find them "interesting" is because they're hot, or if they're mostly delusional enough to not understand these men just want to smash - so there's surely a way you need to differentiate yourself from the simps who pretend they don't have a ****. All that is to say, I think there's a bit of a gray area here, but it's pointless to analyze it beyond this.

As far as grocery stores...you can be more direct here and possibly even hit on them but it's probably better to just talk about groceries...since, ya know, you're in a grocery store. In my case, I know so much about food ingredients that I can rant about that alone and I do think women appreciate a learned man that can demonstrate some competence in a way that's not arrogant. But I do think a more direct approach, for instance commenting on their appearance, isn't necessarily a bad idea but it needs to be calibrated more.

Any thoughts on this? How do you handle approaches in either of these environments?

 

[SW15]

Yes, there is a difference between doing approaches in non-bar venues vs. bar/nightlife venues. Using the same approach style for both isn't ideal.

There are even differences between gym approaching and grocery store approaching.

The gym is a little tricky, since your reputation is at stake a little bit if it's a place you frequent, so you have to do it in a way that's not so "all or nothing" but play the slow game.

The general gym floor is not the best place for approaching

Most women on a gym floor are wearing earbuds and won't be receptive to most approaches. It's very difficult to receive IOIs/approach invitations from women in the gym with headphones/earbuds. Only the absolute top tier men have a chance to break through headphones/earbuds and possibly receive an indicator of interest (IOI). IOIs make approaching much easier. It's possible to approach without an IOI preceding it, but it reduces the odds of success.

Group exercise fitness classes solve the earbud problem and offer men fantastic ratios. However, women do not have a reputation for being sociable after fitness classes. Based on this, you may or may not want to do fitness classes.

One of the big risks in gym approaching is future interaction should an approach, early stage date, or even an extended relationship would fail. If you are both members of the same gym and tend to go at similar times, there's a high probability of a future interaction and it's not going to be pleasant.

There are a few workarounds for this.

Some might might get a secondary gym membership, use ClassPass, or buy short term class packages at standalone studio brands such as Title Boxing or SoulCycle. After doing that secondary facility purchase, they focus hitting on women at those secondary places where they aren't regulars. ClassPass and short term secondary facility class packages can enable you to take fitness classes at multiple places, which is very good for a seducer who wants to get in and out and limit potential messes. These solutions can help avoid uncomfortable situations at a primary gym caused by approaches or relationships gone bad.

A lot of times, after a bad romantic interaction, one person will change gyms within a few months. This tends to happen more with a bad short term dating situation or longer term relationship if a person is developing romance at their primary gym.

grocery stores...you can be more direct here and possibly even hit on them but it's probably better to just talk about groceries...since, ya know, you're ina grocery store. But I do think a more direct approach, for instance commenting on their appearance, isn't necessarily a bad idea but it needs to be calibrated more.

I have been known to approach in grocery stores. It is likely my favorite traditional daygame venue for approaching and the venue where I have arranged the most first dates of any non-bar venue.

The foundation of my grocery store approaches is based on Roosh's "Day Bang", which I read in the early 2010s. His grocery store model of approaching made a lot of sense for me. Roosh promoted a more indirect model to start, creating an extended conversation and ends with a social invitation (aka a date).

On an individual approach in a grocery store, it is possible to be more aggressive because it is unlikely that you'll ever see that woman again after that exact moment. This is more true in bigger metropolitan areas.

Every grocery store attracts somewhat different consumers. It's a good idea for men to think about the women that they are into and think about where those women are most likely to shop for groceries. As a result, certain men to be more successful at approaching in some stores as compared to others for a variety of reasons.

Store locations in neighborhoods with mostly single family houses and a lot of married people are going to be worse options for grocery store approaching. Store locations near apartments and in neighborhoods with mostly unmarried people are where you want to do your grocery store approaching. In a larger metropolitan area, sometimes small distances can make a difference in picking which grocery store you'll want to go to if you want to try and do approaches while out shopping.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Any thoughts on this? How do you handle approaches in either of these environments?

Grocery stores are easy... I walk up to the most beautiful girl in the produce aisle, then point out:
"You needn't spend your hard-earned cash on melons honey, not when The Deities have already blessed you with two ripe specimens, both of which are attached to your equally majestic body. And since we both know you're conscientious about maintaining your figure, it only makes sense for you to bring me back to your place, so that I can feast on them in your stead"

Not even joking here, kids... I did this very thing, about 90 minutes ago, with great success

 

[BaronOfHair]

Ok bro

Drop by Whole Foods, Sprouts, or any other high end grocer and try it for yourself, Flex. It'll be far more gainful than spending paragraphs mourning the imagined "loss" of some broad https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/i-didnt-think-women-could-hurt-me-anymore.282998/ you barely knew

 

[pipeman84]

I look at it from a risk/reward POV. Doing cold approach, particularly when an age gap of +10yrs or even +20yrs is involved, the very real risk is that you'll be known as 'that guy' quite soon and won't be able to set foot in that gym or grocery store. The illusive reward is that maybe you'll have sex with a lunatic on 3 meds who will then ghost you. As far as I'm concerned, it's a no brainer that it's not worth it.

What I suggest is playing the long game, in either place. If you see her regularly, she gives some IOIs, you get to interact with her, she doesn't present signs of being crazy and you like her energy, then you can invite her on a date which she'll most likely accept. That's because you did your homework and you've established that 1. she's not taken and 2. she's not an attention seeking bimbo who likes to lead guys on.

 

[New_Journey]

This is more of a general topic for general experiences and discussions about these two environments. I do think they require a different mindset and approach from bars and clubs because women expect to get hit on there, so I think you can use this to your advantage. I know this topic has been discussed a lot, but things change and there's always fresh and newer perspectives on this with our rapidly changing culture and sexual marketplace.

My thoughts:

The gym is a little tricky, since your reputation is at stake a little bit if it's a place you frequent, so you have to do it in a way that's not so "all or nothing" but play the slow game. I think it's most effective to literally just say "hi" and start talking about exercising... you don't need an excuse, you are a man and you like attractive women, and for this reason showing "intention" is just as pointless as any other scenario and it can only backfire here if you come on too strong. That said I do still question if hot women truly understand that the only reason men find them "interesting" is because they're hot, or if they're mostly delusional enough to not understand these men just want to smash - so there's surely a way you need to differentiate yourself from the simps who pretend they don't have a ****. All that is to say, I think there's a bit of a gray area here, but it's pointless to analyze it beyond this.

As far as grocery stores...you can be more direct here and possibly even hit on them but it's probably better to just talk about groceries...since, ya know, you're in a grocery store. In my case, I know so much about food ingredients that I can rant about that alone and I do think women appreciate a learned man that can demonstrate some competence in a way that's not arrogant. But I do think a more direct approach, for instance commenting on their appearance, isn't necessarily a bad idea but it needs to be calibrated more.

Any thoughts on this? How do you handle approaches in either of these environments?

I recommend you to stop posting and start reflecting on yourself. You wrote a post 2 days ago about a woman taking too long to text you, you obviously are not in any place to get plates, with that type of mindset.

Why don't you take some time off this forum and dating altogether, so you can start to understand your shortcomings and become a better man? Just food for thoughts.

I'm starting to think, the people who post the most, are the biggest incels. Its like the saying goes "The empty barrel makes the most noise"

 

[New_Journey]

I literally just took a year off from dating or meeting women and have made big changes and improvements in my life.

I love how literally asking for people to discuss their strategy for talking to women (literally the entire point of this forum) is somehow once again misconstrued and twisted to fit some bizarre narrative you've built up.

I'm just going by what you're posting man. If you took time off and you're still that angry at a woman who didn't text you to your expected time fram, then you didn't do anything to your mindset. Self improvement is masturbation, you need to have goals and achieve them, not just slap some "self improvement" and that's it.

This is just my opinion brother, your best thinking got you were you are.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Any thoughts on this? How do you handle approaches in either of these environments?

I go to a dojo, not a gym. The dojo is small and most people who train there have been training for over a decade. We don't hit on female members.

I also go swimming laps in the public pool about 3-4 times a weekl, but during the day, when there's mostly students, handicapped people and pensioners. There are quite a few younger women (students) swimming laps at those hours, mostly because it's quiet, so they don't get hit on as much. For some reason, swimming laps is not really popular with young men. There are several pools I frequent in rotation. I go there to swim, but pretty much every visit I end up have a conversation with a young woman. I don't try to pick them up (I don't need more women), but even without approaching them, I started seeing two of those women socially outside the pools. Not because I want to fvck them, but because they are insightful company.

In the grocery store, if I want to draw a young woman's attention, I tell her I forgot my reading glasses and ask her if she can check the ingredients of a product for sugar/salt content. Most of the time that is easily spun into a conversation. Of course this group thinks that is different from picking up women and they are totally right. I'm not a seducer like y'all, but I have enough experience to turn an innocuous conversation into more if I want to.

I think people tend to consider me a 'womaniser' because most women enjoy my company, but I'm not a PUA, so YMMV.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Honestly, some posters here seem to be genuinely incapable of reading or understanding nuance

Or we're recognizing things that you've been blind to thus far. Engaging in a conversation, only to then violently reject all responses which don't support your pre-existing beliefs, makes less sense than allowing your 13 year old daughter to spend the weekend in Tijuana unaccompanied, and being surprised to learn that she was made into a woman by a donkey during her visit there

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Are you people allergic to reading or something?

One side of becoming more mature through emotional self control is that you don't allow people to goad you into conversations you don't want to have.
And that is one of the benefits of this forum: you don't have to converse with anyone you don't want to converse with. If people misread or misinterpret your posts, you can block them or put them on a mental list to not take them seriously, as I do with the incels here.

What is your typing speed?

My typing speed was 93wpm on a mechanical typewriter on my speed test in 1990. So I'm a skilled typist, but I'm not a secretary copying steno or handwritten notes/letters, I create novel drafts and poetry on my typewriters, and typing speed is not important.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Also did you seriously just call me an incel? that's absolutely incredible man. In the past 2.5 years I've had sex with 15 women and had multiple relationships, how about you?

Why are you qualifying yourself to him?

Violent? Incredible. Apparently i'm not allowed to argue, I must accept what everyone says at face value and I'm not allowed to think for myself. Got it.

Why do you single out one emotionally charged word in his whole sarcastic post to get upset about?

Flex, I know you're not dumb. You understand that people want attention and validation, but that doesn't mean you should give that to them. Especially when they're begging for you to argue with them. Don't give them the pleasure. Let them work for it.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

One side of becoming more mature through emotional self control is that you don't allow people to goad you into conversations you don't want to have.
And that is one of the benefits of this forum: you don't have to converse with anyone you don't want to converse with. If people misread or misinterpret your posts, you can block them or put them on a mental list to not take them seriously, as I do with the incels here.

I can't help myself sometimes. I just love to argue because I think you can even learn from your enemies. But it takes a lot out of you, so it's ultimately not worth it. But yes my friend has pointed this out, the ability to disengage from people who only exist to bring others down. It's a weakness of mine, it's almost like I'm drawn to toxic people because for some reason I think I can out reason them. But I know that's a fool's errand. I need to re read some Marcus Aurelius and Seneca...

My typing speed was 93wpm on a mechanical typewriter on my speed test in 1990. So I'm a skilled typist, but I'm not a secretary copying steno or handwritten notes/letters, I create novel drafts and poetry on my typewriters, and typing speed is not important.

I hate handwriting so all of my goals, journals, plans, tasks, etc is typed so it does come in handy to have a fast WPM, as does typing on internet forums or chatting with friends. I ask because sometimes people say things which give me the impression they think typing out a paragraph is a massive investment when in reality it does not take long at all.

Why are you qualifying yourself to him?

I asked myself the same thing.

Why do you single out one emotionally charged word in his whole sarcastic post to get upset about?
Flex, I know you're not dumb. You understand that people want attention and validation, but that doesn't mean you should give that to them. Especially when they're begging for you to argue with them. Don't give them the pleasure. Let them work for it.

There's something about internet discourse that gets to me. This sort of thing literally never happens to me person, though I don't think it really can. I tend to avoid PVP video games and social media for that reason, among others.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

I can't help myself sometimes. I just love to argue because I think you can even learn from your enemies. But it takes a lot out of you, so it's ultimately not worth it.

I love discussions and I'm always curious, but I still know that I don't really know who is on the other end. Some members I have private conversations with, but I don't form emotional connections over the internet if I haven't met the person in person.

I ask because sometimes people say things which give me the impression they think typing out a paragraph is a massive investment when in reality it does not take long at all.

I'm a writer by trade, so formulating my thoughts and typing them out is not that much effort, yet people think that because I have so many posts that I spent hours and hours on this forum, not realising that this is mostly entertainment for me and I can easily write twice as much without it really affecting my output.

There's something about internet discourse that gets to me. This sort of thing literally never happens to me person, though I don't think it really can.

Probably because it's the 'written word'. If someone speaks the same remarks you see 'in print' before you, they are far less impactful (unless they're really good orators). So, just because it's letters on a screen (devoid of the rest of the communication) the words themselves make a bigger impact.

Read antagonistic remarks out loud to yourself in the voice of Kermit the Frog and they become a lot less impactful.

 

[BaronOfHair]

There's something about internet discourse that gets to me

A cure for that

 

[New_Journey]

@AmsterdamAssassin , I salute you man, if you are the guy who you are here in real life and not LARPing, you are one of the best members in this forum.

 

[Agamemnon43]

The only reason you should talk to an unknown woman in the gym is that when you bump into her in a bar/grocery store, you can say with a smile "Hey, *girl from the gym*, what's up? Haven't seen you in the gym yesterday." Instead of having to do a stupid "cold approach" or something, and your chances skyrocket. Now you're not a complete stranger to her.
That's the whole point of socializing. You're just normal. Forget about approaches, just talk if you have something to say, and opportunities will present themselves.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

@AmsterdamAssassin , I salute you man, if you are the guy who you are here in real life and not LARPing, you are one of the best members in this forum.

Funny, someone recently complained that I'm not a 'genuine' member and you see me as one of the 'best'. I am in real life who I am on this forum, I don't need to hide nor prove myself. I'm not selling anything or giving PUA advice. In fact, I'm wondering why nobody here seems to notice that many here seem paralysed by information overload and unable to take action under the weight of too much unnecessary knowledge. But it's informative to my research.

 

[Ricky]

No single approach will work best for a given woman. We have to consider some women are more introverted or extroverted. Also some women when in a bad mood or not feeling well aren't even going to give Gods gift to women a chance on a given day.

I think this is why we should always be social.. not just women, but with other men. There is an epidemic of loneliness out there, one of the recent (or maybe current) surgeon generals of the United States talks about it (Vivek i believe is his name)

I am not a huge fan of the direct approach. I have a co-worker who at lunch time would tell women at the grocery store we went to that they are beautiful and it doesn't really garner great results. He needs to learn to be more subtle and in fact has gotten into some issues at work over perceived harassments.

Lets keep in mind that in any interaction if we want to be persuasive we want to move their emotions (normally to be more happy and positive, but as PUA's in the mid 2000's showed up there is a time and place for negging women). Honestly almost all women could use a little more positive energy nowadays, not in the sense of a guy being needy and wanting something.. just in a guy that is full of life and energy. Think Tony Robbins style energy

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

The only reason you should talk to an unknown woman in the gym is that when you bump into her in a bar/grocery store, you can say with a smile "Hey, *girl from the gym*, what's up? Haven't seen you in the gym yesterday." Instead of having to do a stupid "cold approach" or something, and your chances skyrocket. Now you're not a complete stranger to her.
That's the whole point of socializing. You're just normal. Forget about approaches, just talk if you have something to say, and opportunities will present themselves.

Yeah thats why I said you should literally say "hi" or comment about groceries/exercise. I'm all about doing completely normal, non-scripted, non-planned, spontaneous interactions and I don't actually refer to them as "cold approaches" in my head in any context and haven't for years. I have abandoned the "PUA" style mindset ages ago. In fact I think in general talking to women completely normally, at any stage of the relationship, is very beneficial instead of trying to "game" them. The only "game" that matters is inner game, since everything you do will follow from that naturally to result in what you're trying to achieve.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Yeah thats why I said you should literally say "hi" or comment about groceries/exercise

As did I https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/gym-grocery-store-approaches.283027/#post-3134429 Yet, you were dismissive towards my thoughts