This is a dreary existence. File for divorce.
I stand by my initial analysis of the situation. I wrote what I wrote when I didn't have a lot of time to go through this post in detail. In short, I got it right 3 weeks ago.
someone mentioned his wife is his soulmate.
I dont feel like that about my wife (i dont really love her romantically and question i ever did. but i appreciate her alot and respect her). We are a good team, good parents, never fight, no tocixicty, i make good money, shes home and does most of the house hold, shes a kind soul,
she doesnt like sex but is fairly attracitve, if i get sex occasionally its like masturbating with a nice body, we rarely have anything to talk about other than kids or our indiviual hobbies.
The unfortunate thing about this relationship is that it likely was headed in the wrong direction when there was an unplanned pregnancy due to a birth control failure.
If the birth control had worked that night, it is likely that you two would have broken up within 6 months with no marriage and no pregnancy. You would have moved on with your lives rarely ever thinking of each other and never seeing each other. By the night, she probably realized that she was with a mid-tier beta male and wasn't really attracted.
Now, the two of you have likely wasted an additional 5-7 years of your lives trying to make it work for the sake of your children when it never really worked. The first child was a result of a birth control failure and the second child was likely another attempt to resusicate a sagging relationship.
I tried for three years now to spice things up, take her out more, take stress from her. Get myself in shape and dress better. Even got a hair implant lol. Nothing really changed in her behaviour. Maybe briefly then she goes back to ignoring me.
None of this is surprising. She doesn't have genuine desire for you. She likely didn't ever. Even before the birth control failure, she was probably trying to talk herself into a relationship with some beta because she was likely 25-29 then and you seemed "good on paper" in some ways that would appeal to the "beta bux" side of her hypergamy. This is common behavior of women in the "Epiphany Phase" that Rollo Tomassi has defined, which typically happens to women somewhere around ages 27-32.
Kinda not sure where to go from here. Guess for the kids i have to stick it out and find my "connection" with friends etc and focus on hobbies and improving myself. I guess iam also too old to find decent love easily again + the effect it will have on children. Anyone has been in that position? Too good to leave to bad to stay basically?
You have a dreary existence with a woman who lacks desire for you. You need to move on, do some self-improvement, and find a woman who has genuine desire for you.
Now iam low key midlife crising my life. Kinda like getting fomo for the years i have left.
You are having a midlife crisis because you are 38 and trapped in a dreary existence. Men who are 35-45 who feel fulfilled with their personal lives don't feel this way. Part of having a fulfilling personal life is having a romantic partner who sees her man as more than a walking paycheck.
I strongly recommend you read the book "The Rational Male" to start getting a grasp of the situation you are actually in.
I agree completely with this recommendation.
I thought you are 38 ... you should be at the absolute pinnecal of your attractiveness. How old are you actually? 83?
You are saying this based on Rollo's SMV chart, which puts peak male attractiveness around age 35-40. This is one thing I've never agreed with Rollo on. Peak time for males is rarely 35-40. The typical 35-40 year old male struggles to attract women who are substantially younger and in their peak (ages 18-25 for females). The typical 35-40 year old male is a pussie beggar for mediocre women who are close to his own age.
The way you perceive your entire situation is through the lens of feminized, gynocentric, blue-piller glasses.
He does see this as a blue pill guy with a gynocentric worldview. The problem is that the gynocentric social order came into the United States during the 1960s-early 1970s and has become the standard worldview during the last 50-65 years.
The idealized way of seeing relationships (the blue pill) has always been a thing though the blue pill changed upon the creation of a gynocentric social order and Friedan-Steinem Second Wave Feminism that emerged from the 1960s.
The entire purpose of marriage is and always has been the fusion of resources to rear children. That's it. Your wive is not supposed to be your friend. Wives are also never sexually attracted to a loyal husbands for obvious reasons. It's not that your wife doesn't like sex, she just doesn't like sex with YOU!
I agree with you on the purpose of marriage now and in past eras.
There may have been an era where wives were more sexually attracted to husbands when husbands displayed more masculine traits. A mid-tier, run of the mill, 35 year old beta male in 1960 had more of a masculine vibe than a modern day, 30 something Millennial male. A 35 year old in 1960 was a member of the GI Generation and likely fought in World War II. This is someone who was a grandfather to a 1980s born Millennial male.
In the eras up through the GI Generation and maybe the early part of the Silent Generation (late 1920s-1945 births), women were more financially dependent on men. It was around the 1960s-1970s, when late Silent Generation women and early Boomer women started to work and become less dependent upon males. In fiction, "Mad Men" character Peggy Olson (born 1939) was a great fictional representation of this as an earlier era working woman who was a white collar trailblazer of her era. The women born from the late 1930s - mid 1950s who began to work (late Silents and early Boomers) were raised to respect men and did have somewhat of a concept of gender roles. Women born after this lacked this. I'm an early Millennial and the 1980s Millennial women I've dated never viewed men in the same way their mothers and grandmothers did.
@NoSure91 has a 33 year old wife born in 1990-1991, which makes her a later Millennial. She isn't traditional in any way as a later Millennial. She was raised in an era long after women were made independent so she isn't going to view herself in any way as dependent upon a male, like her grandmother probably did. She's more into having a man who gives her "all the feelz".
I guarantee that she likes sex, just not sex with her "Beta Bux", blue pill hubby (
@NoSure91). If she was able to have sex with some 30 something guy who was 6'0"+, 200 lbs + with solid muscle, a good hairline, and an above average sized penis, she would be totally into it. If she were able to have sex with a 21 year old with an above average physique that she met at a beach party on a Girls Trip, she would be totally into that too.
