@BeExcellent i think you are strongly against divorce if children are involved. whats your oppinion?
Depends what your definition of better is.It is. I talked to a buddy of mine and he said i will hardly find anything better at our age. And that iam maybe just depressed and searching for a reason. I dont know tbh.
Put yourself in proximity of other attractive women with your wife around. Strike up conversations with them. See if that doesn't get her attention.38M, wife is 33, 2 young kids.
Went to a dinner, couples talking with each other, someone mentioned his wife is his soulmate. Others agreed.
I dont feel like that about my wife (i dont really love her romantically and question i ever did. but i appreciate her alot and respect her). We are a good team, good parents, never fight, no tocixicty, i make good money, shes home and does most of the house hold, shes a kind soul,
she doesnt like sex but is fairly attracitve, if i get sex occasionally its like masturbating with a nice body, we rarely have anything to talk about other than kids or our indiviual hobbies. But its not an abusive relationship. Just not a soulmate one either. I tried for three years now to spice things up, take her out more, take stress from her. Get myself in shape and dress better. Even got a hair implant lol. Nothing really changed in her behaviour. Maybe briefly then she goes back to ignoring me.
Kinda not sure where to go from here. Guess for the kids i have to stick it out and find my "connection" with friends etc and focus on hobbies and improving myself. I guess iam also too old to find decent love easily again + the effect it will have on children. Anyone has been in that position? Too good to leave to bad to stay basically?
Another thing that kept me thinking was the sudden death of a close friend. Now iam low key midlife crising my life. Kinda like getting fomo for the years i have left.
Sometimes i think maybe i get something on the side just to cover the sex part but its probably not worth it and too risky.
Please give me your take on this,
Thanks!
edit: we married after condom broke and she got pregnant. It didnt feel wrong back then though. Like the relationship was much better and easier (kids are stressful).
Well, marriage was not looked at as a union of two people who give each other fuzzy wuzzies everyday for much of history.I'm inferring that you both married on account of a pregnancy. This has been the source of heartache for men and women alike since the beginning of our species
Figure out what you want. If you want a new piece of ass, then go with that. If you want to actually fix your marriage, then you've got a lot of work and reading to do. You don't need to be fvcking soulmates to enjoy each others company.Kinda not sure where to go from here. Guess for the kids i have to stick it out and find my "connection" with friends etc and focus on hobbies and improving myself. I guess iam also too old to find decent love easily again + the effect it will have on children. Anyone has been in that position? Too good to leave to bad to stay basically?
I’ve seen this is you go-to recommendation for most couples going through conflict that might be worked out, even with children in the picture. Why is that?. File for divorce.
Right. You also don’t need to be so damn excited and entertaining to one another either.You don't need to be fvcking soulmates to enjoy each others company
If OP is married to the wrong person and feels dead inside is it really the wrong advice?I’ve seen this is you go-to recommendation for most couples going through conflict that might be worked out, even with children in the picture. Why is that?
OP said they never did though - fu*k like rabbits. He said there was never much sexual attraction, they married cause she got pregnant.Remember when you guys would bang like rabbits? Reflect on how life was then as a starting point.
File for divorce.
When I recommend it, it is applicable. In more cases than not, it is applicable. In this case, it is clearly applicable. This case has two ill fitting people (like my parents were) trying to make it work when it makes no sense.I’ve seen this is you go-to recommendation for most couples going through conflict that might be worked out, even with children in the picture. Why is that?
I agree with your assessment that children are perceptive. I certainly was when I was a child and observed my parents' pathetic marriage.children are quite perceptive. They learn what a quality relationship is by observing mom and dad. If it is a passionless, going through the motions marriage it is not a healthy imprint. Toxicity also is a bad thing for kids to see, apathy (if that is what you have here) potentially worse.
What do you mean "at our age"? I thought you are 38 ... you should be at the absolute pinnecal of your attractiveness. How old are you actually? 83?I talked to a buddy of mine and he said i will hardly find anything better at our age.
Lack of sex is still grounds for divorce in some states believe or not. I’m sure it’s just technicality now but kind of funnyA woman who is unwilling to satisfy her husband is a real failure in life. That's, like, a woman's most important obligation in marriage. In the old days, failure to perform marital duties was grounds for annulment of marriage (and sending the wife to the nunnery). A woman like that is just as unethical as a deadbeat father who abandons his children.
I stand by my initial analysis of the situation. I wrote what I wrote when I didn't have a lot of time to go through this post in detail. In short, I got it right 3 weeks ago.This is a dreary existence. File for divorce.
The unfortunate thing about this relationship is that it likely was headed in the wrong direction when there was an unplanned pregnancy due to a birth control failure.someone mentioned his wife is his soulmate.
I dont feel like that about my wife (i dont really love her romantically and question i ever did. but i appreciate her alot and respect her). We are a good team, good parents, never fight, no tocixicty, i make good money, shes home and does most of the house hold, shes a kind soul,
she doesnt like sex but is fairly attracitve, if i get sex occasionally its like masturbating with a nice body, we rarely have anything to talk about other than kids or our indiviual hobbies.
None of this is surprising. She doesn't have genuine desire for you. She likely didn't ever. Even before the birth control failure, she was probably trying to talk herself into a relationship with some beta because she was likely 25-29 then and you seemed "good on paper" in some ways that would appeal to the "beta bux" side of her hypergamy. This is common behavior of women in the "Epiphany Phase" that Rollo Tomassi has defined, which typically happens to women somewhere around ages 27-32.I tried for three years now to spice things up, take her out more, take stress from her. Get myself in shape and dress better. Even got a hair implant lol. Nothing really changed in her behaviour. Maybe briefly then she goes back to ignoring me.
You have a dreary existence with a woman who lacks desire for you. You need to move on, do some self-improvement, and find a woman who has genuine desire for you.Kinda not sure where to go from here. Guess for the kids i have to stick it out and find my "connection" with friends etc and focus on hobbies and improving myself. I guess iam also too old to find decent love easily again + the effect it will have on children. Anyone has been in that position? Too good to leave to bad to stay basically?
You are having a midlife crisis because you are 38 and trapped in a dreary existence. Men who are 35-45 who feel fulfilled with their personal lives don't feel this way. Part of having a fulfilling personal life is having a romantic partner who sees her man as more than a walking paycheck.Now iam low key midlife crising my life. Kinda like getting fomo for the years i have left.
I agree completely with this recommendation.I strongly recommend you read the book "The Rational Male" to start getting a grasp of the situation you are actually in.
You are saying this based on Rollo's SMV chart, which puts peak male attractiveness around age 35-40. This is one thing I've never agreed with Rollo on. Peak time for males is rarely 35-40. The typical 35-40 year old male struggles to attract women who are substantially younger and in their peak (ages 18-25 for females). The typical 35-40 year old male is a pussie beggar for mediocre women who are close to his own age.I thought you are 38 ... you should be at the absolute pinnecal of your attractiveness. How old are you actually? 83?
He does see this as a blue pill guy with a gynocentric worldview. The problem is that the gynocentric social order came into the United States during the 1960s-early 1970s and has become the standard worldview during the last 50-65 years.The way you perceive your entire situation is through the lens of feminized, gynocentric, blue-piller glasses.
I agree with you on the purpose of marriage now and in past eras.The entire purpose of marriage is and always has been the fusion of resources to rear children. That's it. Your wive is not supposed to be your friend. Wives are also never sexually attracted to a loyal husbands for obvious reasons. It's not that your wife doesn't like sex, she just doesn't like sex with YOU!
No, I am not. I am basing this on my own anecdotal experience.You are saying this based on Rollo's SMV chart, which puts peak male attractiveness around age 35-40.
I agree that his wife never had a genuine desire for him but the problem is that even if she would've ever had that genuine desire, it always goes away sooner or later.(...) find a woman who has genuine desire for you.