Great date but she won't return phone call

white sox bill

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Hey guys,

A week ago last Saturday I had a FANTASIC date, in fact one of the best one in a long time. We went to several places, ended up dancing until late. There was plenty of touching, which BTW SHE initiated, and yes we both drank but not to excess. After a long kiss in front of her house, I told her I'd call her. She said she would hold me to that.

Well now after 3 calls last week and 3 messages I left, still no response. I last called Friday PM. I'm done calling. For some reason she's blowing me off. Trust me, she had a great time and was all over me.

Did an ex get wind of our date and come back into picture?
Is she just playing hard to get?
Is she that busy?
Or is she scared? She knows my past from many yrs ago and doesn't want to become another conquest

Suggestions would be welcome!:)
 

Tboner

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>Did an ex get wind of our date and come back into picture?
Is she just playing hard to get?
Is she that busy?
Or is she scared? She knows my past from many yrs ago and doesn't want to become another conquest

Don't waste any effort thinking about her thoughts. Her thoughts don't matter, only her actions. NEXT her until she comes back for you, if she ever does.

If she does call you (shows interest), bust her on her rude behavior and tell her you're too busy (raises your value)and you'll call her some other time. If she wants you, she'll appologize and you should make her go out on your schedule and her pay for everything.
 

Francisco d'Anconia

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Whether or not she had a good time is beside the point. She'll contact you if she wants to see you again.
 

TooColdUlrick

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could be any number of things, from her being now disinterested to being even MORE interested and playing the hard to get game, to her thinking she needs to lose 10lbs before she fukks you. the only thing you can do is play your game, not hers. and certainly don't analyze it---you'll go mad.

don't call her or contact her again though. you did your 'job' in that regard.
 

Cesare Cardinali

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I'm surprised no one else actually asked you the most important question: What did you actually say in these messages?

The fact that you had a great date is good; but women are emotinal creatures so a great date today means nothing tomorrow. And as such, the seduction continues via the phone and I'm willing to bet you came on a little too strong by calling that often and leaving messages.

Remember: "softly softly catchy monkey".

Cesare Cardinali
 

Francisco d'Anconia

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Originally posted by Cesare Cardinali
I'm surprised no one else actually asked you the most important question: What did you actually say in these messages?
It doesn't matter what he said, if she wanted to see him, she'd let him know. Also, how well the date went has no bearing what so ever on whether she wants to see him again. She either does or doesn't and by all of her actions (rather lack of) she's not interested.
 

OhPlease

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dude

It only takes for a girl to be buzzed in order for them to be Ok with the thought of touching and kissing...That's how we are, we need to have a taste of it before we eat it all, and obviously you weren't quite her flavor. Stop calling her! If she hasn't replied she's not interested. No she's not busy and no her ex didn't come back around. Oh yeah, one piece of advice if she calls you three weeks from now when her plans fall through and some a-hole broke her heart do me a favor DO NOT PICK UP.
 

Cesare Cardinali

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Francisco wrote:
It doesn't matter what he said, if she wanted to see him, she'd let him know.
Dude, this is some pretty f*cked up logic.

Are you saying that he could have called her three times in a row saying a bunch of dorky "I love you's" into her machine or acting like that guy on Swingers, and it "wouldn't matter"??

How do you figure that? You don't think the messages could have scared her away depending on what he said? How can it have no relevance? It is the missing piece of the puzzle that would explain how the chick went from hyper interested to non responsive.

Obviously this situation would be tough to turn around but if the guy wants to improve then it's usefull to know what he's saying to these chicks' answering machines, what is his technique, etc. How else can we offer advice to help him reduce the flaking ratio?

And the next part of your logic just blows my mind:

Also, how well the date went has no bearing what so ever on whether she wants to see him again. She either does or doesn't
How do you figure that one? It has no bearing? That means that the date could have been horrible, with him taking her to a funeral and introducing her as the love of his life on the first date, and that would have no bearing? I'm exagerating, but seriously, how do you figure that? Are you saying that no matter what he does, she just magically would either want to see him again or not regardless? If you think that, what are you doing on a seduction forum given that no matter what you say to a girl or do on a date, it'll have no bearing?

What kind of date he plans, what kind of *feelings* she has as a result of the date matters a great deal. What he says in the answering machine, how often he calls after the date, what time frame (3 times seems like a lot, maybe she's out of town or something) all that stuff matters.

We can all agree that she's not interested anymore. The guy was asking why? Interpreting non interest in a chick is very easy, any dork can do that, understanding *why* a chick lost interest and what you can do about it next time takes skill and work.

Don't take the easy way out Francisco with this b*llsh*t attitude that she's either interested or not and there's nothing you can do about it.


Cesare Cardinali
 

scordate

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some important info is missing as pointed out above;

how soon did you make the first call ?

what did you say in your messages ?

how long between the 3 calls ?

and finally;
can you be sure that she got the messages ?
( yeah right - in theory but machines can fvck up and roommates can forget to deliver message; remember Notting Hill ? )

however, 3 calls and no reply from her would indicate that you should forget her

if / when you meet her again, act cool, mention ( NOT COMPLAIN or BUST or any negativity ) that you called her but thats its ok - nice kiss though, but fine by you, small wink and then move on geografically - DO NOT stay, try to extend conversation, or any KINO

/ scordate
 

white sox bill

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Since everyone seems to think I blew if on her voice mail (NOT answering machine) I highly doubt it. After Sat night date, I called her early Mon morning (this being a joke because I know she's not a early riser but I know she's been readying herself in evenings for a long bike ride across the state of Iowa soon) Where it may have backfired was that I assumed her cell phone was off, meaning she couldn't hear it ring. It rang 6 or 8 times before voice mail kicked in--maybe I woke her up?

I simply said in a VERY sarcastic voice"Hey I thought I'd catch you before you left on your ealy AM ride--laugh laugh--but obviosly your already on the road--LOL--I'll try you back later tonight"

Later Monday PM--called "Hey its me, its 8:00 Monday, call me when you get a chance"

Friday afternoon called--said same thing bascially.

Did the early Monday call as a joke do me in?

I don't think any of it sounded needy or AFC
 

Chrispy

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Maybe she went on a short trip? Maybe she's too busy?
It IS possible, and my point is that you shouldn't worry too much about it. In the meantime, you should be looking for other girls to go out with, as you're starting to get clingy.

I think 3 VM's is excessive - anything more than 1 might be excessive. Personally I HATE waiting for someone to get back to me, and my only cure is having more options to kill that desparation.
 

drZaius09

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MESSAGES ARE SCARY NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY. THEY CREEP GIRLS OUT. STOP LEAVING MESSAGES IMMEDIATELY.

With that said, this girl is NOT INTERESTED in you and it doesn't matter why. She's not even being dubious about it, she's actually being surprisingly straight-forward. Who cares if you thought she had a good time on your date... this kind of sh1t happens all the time. Now... get over it and go find another girl. Be prepared to be put through the ringer again and again until you find someone decent who actually likes you.

I can't stress enough that it DOESN'T MATTER why she is rejecting you, but nevertheless the phone calls and messages were a big mistake. After TWO unreturned calls you must pull the plug. You shouldn't be leaving messages at all, nevermind THREE of them. Bottom line-- you called too much and the messages made you look like a total jacka$$. But you have only truly lost here if you've learned nothing from the experience.
 

drZaius09

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Originally posted by Francisco d'Anconia
Also, how well the date went has no bearing what so ever on whether she wants to see him again.
I think what he's trying to say here is that if there is no ATTRACTION, then the particulars of the date will indeed have no bearing on her desire to see him again. Attraction cannot be created no matter how many DJ "tricks 'n tips" or exciting "action dates" you can pull out of your a$$. It mystifies me that you guys are STILL, after all these years, trying desperately to find your way around (or just plain avoid) this one simple fact.
 

carryout kid

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i had almost the exact thing happen to me last month.

here's the deal, she's not attracted to you.

you have to accept that you can do everything right, you can have a great date, great convo, feel a connection, initiate all that kino junk, get a great kiss at the end, and then be ignored.

if you think you can work it out in your man brain forget about it. trust me, i tried. it was the first date since my breakup where i was really attracted to a girl. so i put too much importance on it. and when the girl wouldn't return my calls it was like a mini-breakup, which is messed up, but that's how it felt. well, actually, she was too nice to just ignore me, she'd just come up with excuses until i accepted it about a week later.

ck
 

white sox bill

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Originally posted by drZaius09
MESSAGES ARE SCARY NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY. THEY CREEP GIRLS OUT. STOP LEAVING MESSAGES IMMEDIATELY.

With that said, this girl is NOT INTERESTED in you and it doesn't matter why. She's not even being dubious about it, she's actually being surprisingly straight-forward. Who cares if you thought she had a good time on your date... this kind of sh1t happens all the time. Now... get over it and go find another girl. Be prepared to be put through the ringer again and again until you find someone decent who actually likes you.

I can't stress enough that it DOESN'T MATTER why she is rejecting you, but nevertheless the phone calls and messages were a big mistake. After TWO unreturned calls you must pull the plug. You shouldn't be leaving messages at all, nevermind THREE of them. Bottom line-- you called too much and the messages made you look like a total jacka$$. But you have only truly lost here if you've learned nothing from the experience.
Well Dr IMO NOT leaving a message says "I'm a stalker" written all over it. With caller ID on almost all phones now, leave a message or be deemed "too timid to leave message." Three messges in a weeks time hardly seems excessive, considering I've heard of 2 messages/day being left. If leaving a message to tease her jokingly about not being a morning person and the other 2 who I am and the time equates me being a jackass, then 99% of my voice mails I get on my cell are jackasses. But thanks for your input Bro.

The messages I left aren't the issue here. Gals that don't want a second date or are low interst don't stick thier tongues down your throat and grab my chest on the goodnight kiss.

I think she is afraid I will use her--she's been hurt quite a few times. Heres what I think I fu@ked up:

During dinner, we were talking about my wild girl chasing college days. I was telling her all the macking things I used do, like "No pride night" and flying the Japense flag (hanging spotted bedsheets out of dorm window next AM) and so on. She laughed and said that she got married too young and missed out on that stuff etc.

It didn't bother her then, but next day it might have to the point where she figured "He's up to his old macking days" got scared and blew me off. Thats my take....
 

drZaius09

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Yeah, she "got scared"... that happens all the time :rolleyes:

You just keep telling yourself whatever you must to protect your ego. If you can't except the fact that some girls just won't be attracted to you no matter what you do, then you'll be spinning more than your share of sob stories on these boards for years to come.

Listen to carryout kid, he's had the best response so far.
 

white sox bill

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Originally posted by drZaius09
Yeah, she "got scared"... that happens all the time :rolleyes:

You just keep telling yourself whatever you must to protect your ego. If you can't except the fact that some girls just won't be attracted to you no matter what you do, then you'll be spinning more than your share of sob stories on these boards for years to come.

Listen to carryout kid, he's had the best response so far.
Thanks for taking time to post Bro. The point is that woman having been mystifying us men since the beggining of time. If only Adam could have posted us about how Eve treated him:D

My saving grace is that I have little invested, Better to find out NOW than after several dates and more $$ and emotional input.

I'm getting over it as we speak--er type. Seems that we can all second guess her in this situation and most of time turns out we all were wrong!!
 

Aztec

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I'm echoing Ulrich's statement: you did your job.


Your experience isn't unusual to us. Overanalyzing the situation may lead to mental overload.


Ain't dating a b1tch especially if you really dig the chick!
:D
 

Cesare Cardinali

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It amazes me all these guys (Dr. Zaius and Francicso) who keep posting on these boards to simply say "if she's not attracted then there's nothing you can do about it".

Why are you guys even trying to learn this stuff if you hold this view? If there's nothing you can do about it then you might as well give up and hope and pray that by the grace of god some chick will be attracted to you, one day.

Now if you hold the view that there is something you can do about it, then there's promise. And quite frankly, I'm not talking about turning chicks that are repulsed by you into chicks that are interested. Clearly, this chick *was* attracted to him. She was attracted enough to give her number, accept a date, show up at the date, make out with him, etc.

If she told him to f*ck off when he asked for her number, I would have been the first to say "move on, there's nothing you can do" (although I would have also asked to know how he asked for the number).

Meanwhile, you guys are saying that she's not attracted and dismissing it even though the evidence shows that she was attracted. This signals to me that there was an overall problem in his game that caused her to bolt. Either that, or some circumstance that he can't control (ex boyfriend back in the picture, out of town, whatever).

Given that we can't control the latter and it serves no purpose for us as students of this art, then we're better of examining what he could have done wrong.

My take on where he f*cked up is as follows; every interaction needs to have a purpose and be viewed as a seduction. The date seemed to go well and her attraction looked like it was there. However, he f*cked up by:

1. Calling early Monday morning without anything concrete to say and acting like a f*cking dweeb. I'd be pissed off if some chick annoyingly did that to me just to make fun of my failed resolve to wake up early.

2. Here's the big one, he calls AGAIN on Monday with "hey it's me call me back" bullsh*t which is even worse because it presupposes that she should call him back when he's not really saying anything in the message that would indicated that a call back is required. Also, the "it's me" presupposes that you're taking your position in her life way too seriously where she should know who you are by your voice as if no other guys call her.

And the worse part is that it's so f*cking needy! Why should she call back in the evening when the message at an innapropriate time in the morning doesn't even require a call back?

By the time Friday rolls around it's already dead in the water and calling again is just pathetic.

What he should have done or should do for next time is call to set up another date. And the message should convey that. i.e. "Hey it's Bill, I had fun last Saturday hanging out with you; and I'm planning to go white water rafting next week and the team needs another person, so I thought you'd be perfect. Would you be game? Catch you later, oh yeah, hope the bike riding is going well".

That would come off as genuine, sincere, and non needy and anoying. This girl could already have been a little freaked out by getting so hot and heavy on the first date with a guy, and his message would clearly agravate the situation while what he should be aiming for is 'light and fun".

Ultimately, if he learns from this for next time, then it's good that this happened.


Cesare Cardinali
 

Francisco d'Anconia

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Originally posted by Cesare Cardinali
It amazes me all these guys (Dr. Zaius and Francicso) who keep posting on these boards to simply say "if she's not attracted then there's nothing you can do about it".
I am amazing, aren't I?!! :D

Why are you guys even trying to learn this stuff if you hold this view? If there's nothing you can do about it then you might as well give up and hope and pray that by the grace of god some chick will be attracted to you, one day.

Because not only do we know how to qualify women, we understand them and their games. You won't ever see me post anything about hating women or they are b1tches because one had did me wrong. Understanding how to qualify might not find you the perfect woman, but it'll keep the problematic ones out of your hair.

Now if you hold the view that there is something you can do about it, then there's promise. And quite frankly, I'm not talking about turning chicks that are repulsed by you into chicks that are interested. Clearly, this chick *was* attracted to him. She was attracted enough to give her number, accept a date, show up at the date, make out with him, etc.

I've never repulsed a woman, you'll have to tell me how you do it.

If she told him to f*ck off when he asked for her number, I would have been the first to say "move on, there's nothing you can do" (although I would have also asked to know how he asked for the number).

If you haven't realized it, most women don't enjoy turning down a guy. That's why some guys complain about getting fake numbers from women or never getting their call returned.

Meanwhile, you guys are saying that she's not attracted and dismissing it even though the evidence shows that she was attracted.

Oh yeah, she's not returning his calls because she would really like to see him again... :rolleyes:

This signals to me that there was an overall problem in his game that caused her to bolt. Either that, or some circumstance that he can't control (ex boyfriend back in the picture, out of town, whatever).

Ummm, wouldn't that mean that she isn't interested in him???:confused:

Given that we can't control the latter and it serves no purpose for us as students of this art, then we're better of examining what he could have done wrong.

You've proven that point.

My take on where he f*cked up is as follows; every interaction needs to have a purpose and be viewed as a seduction. The date seemed to go well and her attraction looked like it was there. However, he f*cked up by:

1. Calling early Monday morning without anything concrete to say and acting like a f*cking dweeb. I'd be pissed off if some chick annoyingly did that to me just to make fun of my failed resolve to wake up early.

2. Here's the big one, he calls AGAIN on Monday with "hey it's me call me back" bullsh*t which is even worse because it presupposes that she should call him back when he's not really saying anything in the message that would indicated that a call back is required. Also, the "it's me" presupposes that you're taking your position in her life way too seriously where she should know who you are by your voice as if no other guys call her.

And the worse part is that it's so f*cking needy! Why should she call back in the evening when the message at an innapropriate time in the morning doesn't even require a call back?

By the time Friday rolls around it's already dead in the water and calling again is just pathetic.

What he should have done or should do for next time is call to set up another date. And the message should convey that. i.e. "Hey it's Bill, I had fun last Saturday hanging out with you; and I'm planning to go white water rafting next week and the team needs another person, so I thought you'd be perfect. Would you be game? Catch you later, oh yeah, hope the bike riding is going well".

That would come off as genuine, sincere, and non needy and anoying. This girl could already have been a little freaked out by getting so hot and heavy on the first date with a guy, and his message would clearly agravate the situation while what he should be aiming for is 'light and fun".

Ultimately, if he learns from this for next time, then it's good that this happened.

Perhaps....
 
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