Getting girls when on the spectrum

[GoodMan32]

Autism and Asperger's are rare for women. It's not much of an obstacle for them in terms of getting laid or getting into relationships. Their relationships may be more chaotic though.

Men with Autism and Asperger's are at a huge disadvantage in the mating environment.

Well-said.

Men way overrepresented on the spectrum. So even the strategy of "Men on the spectrum should find a woman on the spectrum" isn't mathematically possible. There would be way too many guys competing for way too few women.

Furthermore, not every woman on the spectrum wants a guy on the spectrum anyway.

 

[GoodMan32]

Female autism is an interesting issue. Supposedly, the emotional nature of females makes it easier for them to "mask" their autism. I have met one girl with diagnosed autism in her teens. I am kind of skeptic of this one though, as she is also a known Hypochondriac that shops for doctors to label her as something. She would tell me her new "chronic condition" every month after somehow miraculously surviving last month's. Not knowing the doctor that gave her the diagnosis or if the diagnosis even happened, I honestly assume it to be bogus until proven otherwise.

Another girl I met in her early 20s did not ever mention any sort of diagnosis, but her demeanor, interests and overall behavior made me suspect autism, since she seemed to exhibit many personality traits I saw in autistic males (few friends, socially awkward, hyper fixation on odd special-interests etc.) I am by no means a psychologist but I have seen enough consistent trends to make what I feel are safe assumptions.

There's a woman I know that I suspect might be on the spectrum.

She'll go on long tangents to me about a topic I have no desire to engage in. I've even given her a cue before that I don't want to engage. The cue went over her head. Then I've overheard her doing the same thing with another person (going on a long tangent despite the fact the other person gave a stfu cue).

Maybe this is because of how mild my case is, but (as you can see) sometimes even I (a guy on the spectrum) find myself getting frustrated when the outside world doesn't read my cues.

 

[sangheilios]

Autism and Asperger's are rare for women. It's not much of an obstacle for them in terms of getting laid or getting into relationships. Their relationships may be more chaotic though.

Men with Autism and Asperger's are at a huge disadvantage in the mating environment.

I think it really depends upon the severity of it. Those that actually go in to get a diagnosis are at least moderate on that spectrum or possibly even severe. However, there are tons of people that probably would be on the spectrum that are mild/high functioning that otherwise aren't aware, as there never was a need to seek out a professional. It's a strange issue because there are some that are otherwise normal but slightly awkward. Then there are others who are very awkward but would be considered intelligent or maybe even highly so. Then you also have others that are both intellectually and socially handicapped lol.

We've discussed this before, but I'd wager that a very large/majority percentage of men in fields like engineering, physics, mathematics, etc. would be on the spectrum.

For those that are high functioning, I think you'd find that maybe they had a hard time with socialization when they were growing up and were perceived as awkward but still capable of making friends. Dating would be also be a challenge but I think they'd eventually be able to figure out what works and what does NOT work. I think the problem is if you take someone like this and they are in a set of circumstances where their socialization is limited and they don't develop these skills.

For those that are farther on the spectrum, I think it may be incredibly challenging and to a point where it may be impossible to overcome. Also, I've noticed that those in this category tend to have other issues as well.

Now, that I'm getting older I think I am/was on the spectrum but very high functioning and not all that bad to be honest. I have a hard time connecting with women on an emotional level but I'm able to easily have conversations with most men, especially intelligent conversations, debates, etc. I seem to have a very difficult time interacting with both women and dumb and overly emotional people. The reason why I think I may be mildly on the spectrum is because I have a tendency to get hyper focused on certain things in my life and can robotically stick with life routines. I also have a low need for socialization and in certain social settings I feel drained afterwards, though this may be more due to overall introversion.

 

[GoodMan32]

I think it really depends upon the severity of it. Those that actually go in to get a diagnosis are at least moderate on that spectrum or possibly even severe. However, there are tons of people that probably would be on the spectrum that are mild/high functioning that otherwise aren't aware, as there never was a need to seek out a professional.

We've discussed this before, but I'd wager that a very large/majority percentage of men in fields like engineering, physics, mathematics, etc. would be on the spectrum.

For those that are high functioning, I think you'd find that maybe they had a hard time with socialization when they were growing up and were perceived as awkward but still capable of making friends. Dating would be also be a challenge but I think they'd eventually be able to figure out what works and what does NOT work. I think the problem is if you take someone like this and they are in a set of circumstances where their socialization is limited and they don't develop these skills.

For those that are farther on the spectrum, I think it may be incredibly challenging and to a point where it may be impossible to overcome. Also, I've noticed that those in this category tend to have other issues as well.

Now, that I'm getting older I think I am/was on the spectrum but very high functioning and not all that bad to be honest. I have a hard time connecting with women on an emotional level but I'm able to easily have conversations with most men, especially intelligent conversations, debates, etc. I seem to have a very difficult time interacting with both women and dumb and overly emotional people. The reason why I think I may be mildly on the spectrum is because I have a tendency to get hyper focused on certain things in my life and can robotically stick with life routines. I also have a low need for socialization and in certain social settings I feel drained afterwards, though this may be more due to overall introversion.

I myself have a mild high-functioning case. My parents were helicopter parents; that's why they sought to find out from a professional whether I had anything wrong with me. A lot of parents likely never would have taken someone with a case as mild as mine to a professional.

I can relate about the low need for socialization (and feeling drained afterwards). This guy I know always used to invite me bar-hopping in an attempt to get cooch. I always declined his invites. Even if I ended up getting cooch, going bar-hopping until the wee hours of the evening sounds miserable to me.

 

[sangheilios]

I myself have a mild high-functioning case. My parents were helicopter parents; that's why they sought to find out from a professional whether I had anything wrong with me. A lot of parents likely never would have taken someone with a case as mild as mine to a professional.

I can relate about the low need for socialization (and feeling drained afterwards). This guy I know always used to invite me bar-hopping in an attempt to get cooch. I always declined his invites. Even if I ended up getting cooch, going bar-hopping until the wee hours of the evening sounds miserable to me.

Personally, I believe that mild/high functioning individuals are insanely common and otherwise normal individuals that have some little quirks that set them apart from "normal" people. I think the biggest issue today is that these professionals are over labelling people like this as "on the spectrum" when there's really nothing wrong with them. The issue this causes is that it places these individuals in a little box where they might develop some limitations upon themselves. Stuff like "Well, I'm on the spectrum and will have a hard time making friends" instead of just trying to be a normal person lol.

Now, those that are severe though definitely do exist and I believe need help. Again, as I mentioned on my previous post, these individuals almost always have other things going on that are problematic besides being incredibly awkward.

Years ago I had a class in college with a guy that without a doubt was an example of this. He clearly was intellectually normal, maybe even intelligent, and was able to speak and have a conversation. However, I remember he used to have this repetitive tick where he'd knock on the side of his head exactly 5 times lol. It's kind of hard to explain, but he'd be sitting in his chair and would just randomly do this. In one given class it would happen several times, it was rather strange to see. I also remember a classmate telling me a story about how in another class he had with this same guy they were having some issues with attendance. This school would take attendance and if you were absent so many classes, they were required to email you and would eventually drop you. Anyway, for some reason on that particular day the attendance sheet was missing some individuals or something like that and this guy couldn't comprehend that there was just some clerical error that was of no concern and he freaked out over the incident, thus causing an incident in the class lol.

The above would be a great example of someone who is definitely more severe for sure.

 

[GoodMan32]

Personally, I believe that mild/high functioning individuals are insanely common and otherwise normal individuals that have some little quirks that set them apart from "normal" people. I think the biggest issue today is that these professionals are over labelling people like this as "on the spectrum" when there's really nothing wrong with them. The issue this causes is that it places these individuals in a little box where they might develop some limitations upon themselves. Stuff like "Well, I'm on the spectrum and will have a hard time making friends" instead of just trying to be a normal person lol.

Now, those that are severe though definitely do exist and I believe need help. Again, as I mentioned on my previous post, these individuals almost always have other things going on that are problematic besides being incredibly awkward.

Years ago I had a class in college with a guy that without a doubt was an example of this. He clearly was intellectually normal, maybe even intelligent, and was able to speak and have a conversation. However, I remember he used to have this repetitive tick where he'd knock on the side of his head exactly 5 times lol. It's kind of hard to explain, but he'd be sitting in his chair and would just randomly do this. In one given class it would happen several times, it was rather strange to see. I also remember a classmate telling me a story about how in another class he had with this same guy they were having some issues with attendance. This school would take attendance and if you were absent so many classes, they were required to email you and would eventually drop you. Anyway, for some reason on that particular day the attendance sheet was missing some individuals or something like that and this guy couldn't comprehend that there was just some clerical error that was of no concern and he freaked out over the incident, thus causing an incident in the class lol.

The above would be a great example of someone who is definitely more severe for sure.

It wouldn't surprise me one bit if modern professionals over-diagnose.

I found out from a professional approximately 20 years ago. Do you think this problem (of professionals being overly liberal about who they deem to be on the spectrum) existed back then?

I totally agree when you say the spectrum stigma puts us in a box. At a past job, I informed my boss I'm on the spectrum (thinking it would help him better understand my quirks). Backfired on me. He ended up treating me like a dumb child for nearly a year (until I finally got fed up and quit).

What bothered me most was that boss's dehumanization of me. Ever since he officially found out I'm on the spectrum, I could tell he viewed me as my condition first; everything else second. No matter how much progress I made at work, he was always going to see me as "the guy on the spectrum."

A lot of people on the spectrum are above average when it comes to intelligence. I don't get where the stereotype that we're stupid comes from.

 

[sangheilios]

It wouldn't surprise me one bit if modern professionals over-diagnose.

I found out from a professional approximately 20 years ago. Do you think this problem (of professionals being overly liberal about who they deem to be on the spectrum) existed back then?

I totally agree when you say the spectrum stigma puts us in a box. At a past job, I informed my boss I'm on the spectrum (thinking it would help him better understand my quirks). Backfired on me. He ended up treating me like a dumb child for nearly a year (until I finally got fed up and quit).

What bothered me most was that boss's dehumanization of me. Ever since he officially found out I'm on the spectrum, I could tell he viewed me as my condition first; everything else second. No matter how much progress I made at work, he was always going to see me as "the guy on the spectrum."

A lot of people on the spectrum are above average when it comes to intelligence. I don't get where the stereotype that we're stupid comes from.

I have no idea, but I do think that a lot of these professionals are far too readily throwing around labels than they should be. Autism I think is one but I also think things like ADD/ADHD, bipolar and other issues are up there as well. I think a lot of it is just a means to try to push pills or behavioral therapies, which at the end of the day this is a steady a money making machine.

I've noticed that those with Autism seem to overshare this detail about themselves, why that is the case I'm not really sure. I personally had the feeling that it was something you just mentioned here, which is where others may understand you a bit better. That's not really how people think and it will more often than not backfire, as you learned with this particular experience. You are better off keeping your personal issues to yourself and not advertising them to the world unless they need to be.

 

[GoodMan32]

I have no idea, but I do think that a lot of these professionals are far too readily throwing around labels than they should be. Autism I think is one but I also think things like ADD/ADHD, bipolar and other issues are up there as well. I think a lot of it is just a means to try to push pills or behavioral therapies, which at the end of the day this is a steady a money making machine.

I've noticed that those with Autism seem to overshare this detail about themselves, why that is the case I'm not really sure. I personally had the feeling that it was something you just mentioned here, which is where others may understand you a bit better. That's not really how people think and it will more often than not backfire, as you learned with this particular experience. You are better off keeping your personal issues to yourself and not advertising them to the world unless they need to be.

As for the pills, the professional advised my parents to put me on meds. My parents refused. My parents essentially told the professional "He comes from a loving home. He doesn't need meds. All he needs is for his parents to get the proper guidance on how to cope with his limitations."

There's more to the work story. I didn't come out and randomly tell my ex-boss one day "Guess what, I'm on the spectrum."

Here's how it went down: My boss essentially told me he was at the end of his rope with my quirks. He basically said "Do you have any conditions that might explain your behavior? If so, as your boss, I need to know."

He made it sound like I was going to get fired unless I told him about any condition I might have. I really had no choice but to come clean.

I generally don't share this detail (being on the spectrum) with anyone outside the internet. That boss is the only offline person I ever recall telling. I'm pretty sure no relatives outside my immediate family are even aware of my condition.

 

[SW15]

I'd wager that a very large/majority percentage of men in fields like engineering, physics, mathematics, etc. would be on the spectrum.

A good portion of STEM guys can't get laid either.

 

[GoodMan32]

A good portion of STEM guys can't get laid either.

Yeah. On an escort forum, I recall an escort from the Bay Area saying she gets a lot of techies as clients (because they can't get laid on their own)

 

[Cowboy-Cheems]

A good portion of STEM guys can't get laid either.

I have actually been both a business and a STEM major. Guys in the business school are typically more sociable individuals, though the STEM guys do actually have some means of getting female attention. Lots of girls with no real career aspirations, but are enrolled on their parent's dime will try to get the "Mrs. Degree." What I mean by this, is that some girls will try to associate themselves with guys who are majoring in fields that make a lot of money. If they successfully hold on to the aspiring engineer/doctor after he graduates, they can fulfill their dreams of being the spoiled housewife, or just get pregnant, leave, and collect those child support checks.

 

[SW15]

the STEM guys do actually have some means of getting female attention. Lots of girls with no real career aspirations, but are enrolled on their parent's dime will try to get the "Mrs. Degree." What I mean by this, is that some girls will try to associate themselves with guys who are majoring in fields that make a lot of money. If they successfully hold on to the aspiring engineer/doctor after he graduates, they can fulfill their dreams of being the spoiled housewife, or just get pregnant, leave, and collect those child support checks.

I never saw "Mrs. Degree" type females at the schools I attended. I thought the "Mrs. Degree" type female went away by 1980 at the latest.

I have actually been both a business and a STEM major. Guys in the business school are typically more sociable individuals

Business and social sciences/liberal arts type majors are more sociable and have better social skills in general than STEM majors.

On an escort forum, I recall an escort from the Bay Area saying she gets a lot of techies as clients (because they can't get laid on their own)

That makes sense. These are guys with income and zero skills with women.

Incel status is actually more of a poverty problem. Guys who can't get laid conventionally who have money pay directly for sex and are not celibate.

 

[corrector]

Incel status is actually more of a poverty problem. Guys who can't get laid conventionally who have money pay directly for sex and are not celibate.

Your posts keep going downhill. Paying for it does not count. If you have to pay then you are still an incel.

 

[GoodMan32]

I never saw "Mrs. Degree" type females at the schools I attended. I thought the "Mrs. Degree" type female went away by 1980 at the latest.



Business and social sciences/liberal arts type majors are more sociable and have better social skills in general than STEM majors.



That makes sense. These are guys with income and zero skills with women.

Incel status is actually more of a poverty problem. Guys who can't get laid conventionally who have money pay directly for sex and are not celibate.

It just so happens I know a techie guy who has a girlfriend (And before he had his girlfriend, I had witnessed him flirt with girls. He's surprisingly good for a techie).

That being said, he's probably an outlier.

 

[GoodMan32]

Your posts keep going downhill. Paying for it does not count. If you have to pay then you are still an incel.

Yeah, there's one school of thought that says: If a guy can only get laid by buying sex, he's an escortcel.

 

[SW15]

If a guy can only get laid by buying sex, he's an escortcel.

There are guys out there who only getting laid by directly paying for it. To use a term with 'cel in it to describe them is not accurate because these guys are not celibate. There would need to be a different term for it.

 

[BadBoy89]

Idk why people think getting women is this mystical thing..

Brainwashing from the age 5 from movies, tv, music, ads, shows, commercials, environment, family upbringing, family unit, genetics, politicians, musicians, athletes, and celebrities, to mention a few.

Generally, unless they are naturals / genetically blessed, you can’t blame them, They constantly bombarded with images of sexy sexy women, to value them, to worship them. They dont know any better,

Now, we are talking about hot girls between 18-29, when their stock value is high. For some reason, when a women turns 30, the same guys who dont know what do to get a woman, know exactly what to do. Why? It’s not in her DNA to be attracted to them, they know there is little to no competition for them, and the woman‘s value has plummeted.

 

[BergischerLöwe]

There is some overlap between our high school experience. Here's a part of the story I left out: Come junior year, I think there might have finally been a girl with a mutual interest in me. I did some light flirting with her. I never escalated, however.

Here's why I refrained from escalating: With how humiliated I had been by girls from 7th grade through sophomore year, I couldn't take even one more rejection. So since I wasn't 100% sure whether this girl was into me, I kept our relationship at light flirting.

Side note, you mentioned the girl from your story ended up dating a square. Incidentally, one of my escorts called me a square back when I was 25 (because I was a 25 year old guy in a big city who hardly ever got out)

Yeah there's overlap there, that same fear of rejection kept me from doing anything even though I had never really been rejected because I never tried anyway. Perhaps even if I had ended up talking to the girl I mentioned earlier on a regular basis the same thing you described might have happened and it wouldn't have gone any further anyway. I'll never know tho

 

[corrector]

Yeah, there's one school of thought that says: If a guy can only get laid by buying sex, he's an escortcel.

If you go on incel boards or incel definitions then that is the term THEY use.

However, maybe some of them are like you and have civvies along the mix. You dont know if they are escortcels or MGTOWS who prefer to use escorts. There may be more MGTOWS then just use them because they dont have the looks to pull easy enough.

 

[corrector]

There are guys out there who only getting laid by directly paying for it. To use a term with 'cel in it to describe them is not accurate because these guys are not celibate. There would need to be a different term for it.

On an old incel board, it is clear that when you pay someone for sex then they are not willing (ie out of genuine interest) to have sex. The definition is sex with a willing partner. If you pay for it, blackmail, rape, etc... then its no longer willing. There is also the possibility of trafficing, the girl being molested at a young age, etc.... Most.of these women are not normal women that woke up one morning and decided to do that. Since its just impossible to know the history of every escort you deal with, even on that level, its a challenge to really establish willingness.