field report - date went well. or did it? what next?

[iveyleeger]

I will endorse what al77 said. No further contact if you don't hear from her.

I remember a couple years ago calling women from internet ads. We'd do email, then IM, all good, then I'd call, and I'd get, "Oh, my roommate just walked in, can I call you back later?" or some such within 5 minutes. Probably I sounded nervous or creepy or just not cool. This is why I don't waste time on the internet ads. So much effort, for nothing. Better to talk first in person, and if she doesn't like your voice or looks or whatever you won't waste anymore time.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by ogre
...You're right, fransisco. I'm gonna stick to my plan, rain or shine. even if it means having to pick her up in a beat-up chevy. I can't control the weather. I can't expect the goddam stars to be aligned. A DJ is a DJ rain or shine. Hey, half these clowns in NY don't even have a car and they still score. ...

I think that will work best in the end Ogre, it may not be immediate but in the long run it will have the most impact. Like you said, there are guys in your town scoring with less of the external tools. Think about it....

With all the ideas and suggestions posted most of them focused on external things; where to go, what to do, how to respond to her, whatever. None of these things have anything to do with you being a man, being a DJ. These things at a base level is as external as a cheesy pick up line. They don't truly define who you are and if they did; well......

I still say work on your inner game, change your self perception, build the "Rock or Ogre." Once you have that, none of this other BS will even matter.

Just my 2 cents.

 

[ogre]

ok....

around 5:30 I borrowed my friend's phone, as an experiment. called her, got the pager. hung up. 5 min later, she calls his phone. we rejected the call. at 6, I called from my phone. got the pager, I hung up. no response back from shorty.

'nuf said. this one just went down the shytter.

 

[iveyleeger]

It would've been hilarious if you picked up the call and said in your best sexy low voice, "Hey, baby."

 

[ogre]

analysis:

when I had the date lined up for friday I was on the top of her list. When I changed it, due to my own lack of confidence, the confident image that I constructed in her mind collapsed, revealing my inner wuss.

 

[iveyleeger]

"It is a capital mistake to theorize before one has data. Insensibly one begins to twist facts to suit theories, instead of theories to suit facts."
-- Sherlock Holmes, speaking in Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's "Scandal in Bohemia"

I doubt she detected your "inner wuss" simply from changing the date. and you don't know where you were on her list, do you? she was likely just filling an open slot.

anyway, the lesson here is, never fix it if it ain't broke. you get a date you want, you keep it, come hell or high water. let the girls be the flakes

 

[ogre]

how's this for an email...

hey [her real name]

I think Friday would've been better. switching to saturday was a dumb idea. it was just a suggestion. I wasn't trying to shuffle you around. I actually wanted to change it back to Friday (since the weather was so nice) but since you didn't pick up your phone there was no way to discuss it. I think it's best to make or plans or change them over the phone, not email or voice-mail. This way we can both get a feel for what works best for us.

I'll consider your request for a raincheck on the motorcycle ride. Sundays I take a personal day and I'm usually off riding somewhere. I'd like to meet you and all that, maybe take you for a ride, but the voice-mail thing is just not working out.

 

[iveyleeger]

No.

Conclusion: do not waste your time emailing her with wordy emails: she reads a lot of emails from other dudes anyway.
I would not send her anything... because... what is the reasons? You think after she reads your emails she will fall in love with you and her interest level jumps? No way.

Forget about this flaky chick.. for a week. Send her a very short line after that. 99% though she wont reply. Meanwhile go online and starting talking to some other women. send more emails and concentrate on their qualities in terms of c&f.

 

[al77]

Originally posted by ogre
how's this for an email...

Do not waste your time and energy...she did not detect anything about you, but she has a line of other dates to attend.
Basically her interest in you were very mild. Thats why we seek that flakiness....

Anyway, the best idea is not to send her anything that LONG!
Why do you have to explain everything to her? who is she to you? You don't even know her... if you go into details, thats it - you are a wuss for her, since you show... DESPERATION!
Too much of explanation from you immediately triggers "aha, he values me a lot.. even without knowing me, so he is very desperate". end of story for her. You show the smallest sign of desperation, and you will never hear from her.
And you confirmed yourself that by calling her from a different number.

Anyway, what is your NEXt girl is saying?

By the way, have you considered speed dating?

 

[al77]

Originally posted by iveyleeger

I remember a couple years ago calling women from internet ads.

You are much ahead of me. I wonder when you switched from online to real life pickup....was it very frustrating? since online all women potentially wants to get a bf. In real life... maybe 10-50%
of women you approach are single, with and wants to date.
It must have been really frustrating doing like 100 approaches and figure out only 10 are single... plus not all 10 will like you...
so how was it?

 

[ogre]

I just feel so totally deflated since I put a lot of effort into it.

revised letter:

subject line "shorty drops the ball"

hey

I'll consider your request for a raincheck on the motorcycle ride. I'd like to meet you and all that, but the voice-mail has got to go. Sorry....

think it'll fly?

 

[al77]

Originally posted by ogre
I just feel so totally deflated since I put a lot of effort into it.


I'll consider your request for a raincheck on the motorcycle ride. I'd like to meet you and all that, but the voice-mail has got to go. Sorry....

think it'll fly?

Deflated? c'mon. I think you learnt somehting important and any kind of learning is not very easy. Sometimes it comes with a good dose of pain. I am in the same boat by the way: lots of women just didn't reply when we were supposed to get together.... why? They got somebody else... or were not really interested. or both. What can I do? Move on.....
I didn't know that before... and was shacking with those pinful thought "Oh, what did I say wrng to her??? Ohhh... what did I do... Why... Why...".
The thing is it doesnt matter WHY. the answer would not help much: either she find me unattractive, or stupid, or anything else.
Does not matter, since I cannot use this in any way. So I just move on.

Your letter look like "Hey Miss... I am tired. Please meet me".
Thats not what you want. don't say sorry... sorry for what? That she didn't call you back? you appologize.. for her..??!
again, you don't need to put much thought into this letter...but do not sound like "Excuse me.. sorry.. I still would like to meet you..". She already knows that. Probably be more ****y, and if you can - more funny too. At least you can be more ****y easily.
I didn't see even a hint of being ****y yet.
The length of the letter is ok: two sentences is enough.
Move on to a next girl...

By the way, are you considering talking to somebody of your age? Age is the first thing people consider when "dating" online....
in real life it is much different.
If you pick sombody out of your age range, you automatically decrease you chances to get that girl, since you'll have to compete with dudes in her age range.

 

[iveyleeger]

NO

don't send *any* email, ogre. actions speak loudest. she gave you nothing, you give her nothing back.

so, can you just be a man and do *nothing* now? go out to the party with your friends and forget about her. there are a million more

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by ogre
ok....

around 5:30 I borrowed my friend's phone, as an experiment. called her, got the pager. hung up. 5 min later, she calls his phone. we rejected the call. at 6, I called from my phone. got the pager, I hung up. no response back from shorty.

'nuf said. this one just went down the shytter.

That was a bit lame Ogre. Unless she was a twit, she figured out it was you playing games and took the high road and decided not to play along.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I dug up this post that I wrote for the thread Female here asking for advice from guys. Even though the topic is different, I believe there is a message within it which relates to some of the things posted in this thread.

***DISCLAIMER - If you are a guy that is easily offended and feel that any perceived negative comments about men in general is a direct attack upon you, please discontinue reading this post...

I may be off base in my assumption, but it seems that much of the "advice" that is given in this forum is not necessarily for the benefit of the person requesting information. More times than not, the advice is based upon reactionary feelings of the people replying based upon unresolved issues that are similar to the resistor's.

Many times we respond without understanding the situation, especially when it's a woman asking for help. It may be because of a sense of male solidarity, comradely or whatever you want to call it, but as long as we have an 'US vs. THEM' attitude, we limit our own effectiveness.

The purpose of this board is guys to gain insight on how to understand women by gaining a better understanding of ourselves and our capabilities. Yes, a woman looking for advice is not the purpose of Sosuave however, their problems with men actually point out the areas where we as men can adjust to gain control of ourselves and possibly become more attractive to women.

Shooting down anything that seems negative serves no purpose other than protecting our egos. If we feel that we still need to protect our egos, have we actually learned anything about ourselves?

Just something to consider....

The preceding post is the perspective of the poster and not necessarily that of the moderators nor the owners of this forum. The poster takes sole responsibility for the probability of pissing off people who are set in their own personal beliefs...

LET THE FLAMING COMMENCE!!!

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Oh, and this thread may be benifical to everyone.

Don Juan...Just Guidelines?(long)

 

[ogre]

I got myself all worked up for nothing....

I did something really lame but it got me back on track. I paged her today from my fax machine and she called back about 20 min later.

So we chatted a bit about this and that - the first real convo I had with her. But I was feeling very awkward (after all the anxiety I put myself through) and I babbled a lot. I was definitely nervous. But I did manage to patch up some misunderstandings. what came out of this was that:

neither of us really felt like going out last night - so no hard feelings. (I ended up staying home and finishing some work and going out to a local bar later)

she didn't want to make a big deal out of a blind date - just a simple meet and greet - I agreed that is a good idea

she doesn't stick to plans - we discussed a date for tuesday but it is only tentative - I'm not holding my breath.

basically she does the choosing, she wants to hold all the cards, and wants her men to come to her at her convenience.

So....if she calls, she calls. if not, not. At least now that I know what's up I'm not having any anxiety. I did tell her that I would email a link for a music download. other than that I have no reason to contact her.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Feedback anyone?

 

[al77]

Re: I got myself all worked up for nothing....

1. neither of us really felt like going out last night
2. just a simple meet and greet - I agreed that is a good idea
3. she does the choosing, she wants to hold all the cards, and wants her men to come to her at her convenience.
[/B]

1. Doesnt matter why you didn't want to go, but why didnt she?
It's likely her IL is low.

2. I advocated this simplicity: firet meeting is not really a date, it is an opportunity to get to know her in order to see if you want to acutally ask her out on a date: with a bike ride, concerts etc.

3. If you succumb to her holding all the cards, she will either dump you really soon as a man who "doesn't have any control" - this is a "fine example" of the chick logic. Anyway 3 combined with 1 shows that her IL is not high enough...Still you have a chance that she'll really like you in person, though as you realize by now this chance is fairly slim.

 

[TooColdUlrick]

damn dude, forget about this chick!

in fact, forget about chicks in general, in terms of bagging one. just go out and have fun and get your socializing game together.

i think you're putting the cart before the horse, in that you really need to work on your mind set first.

you seemed to be getting in the right mind set in the early part of this thread, then it seemed like you were (are) getting way too anxious, uptight, etc, about this one particular chick. you made a bunch of mistakes too...changing plans, the phone calls, etc.

here's something that i did quite a long time ago (like 15 years!). purge the word "date" out of your mind set. i don't go out on "dates". i just go out and have fun. but be careful not to get yourself into the friend zone in doing this.

i think this will work for you.