Intuition said:
Ya I do agree with you about the pickup artist stuff. I have pretty much put that stuff on the backburner for now. I don't think I've gone out doing cold approaches for like 1.5 months now. I've actually turned down a few wings who were asking me to wing with them. I'm at a point right now where I'm not exactly sure where to go from this point onwards in terms of getting better with women. On one hand, going out regularly and talking to girls has definitely helped my social skills big time and confidence level. Whereas before I would have trouble getting people's attention and would talk very softly, now I have a much greater voice projection and can get people's attention almost all of the time. My social skills have improved tremendously but it still needs a lot of work. On the other hand though, I noticed a lot of these so called "PUA" guys especially the fanboys of rsd do nothing everyday except go out and sarge, but a lot of them seem to have nothing going for them, especially the ones that suck at pickup. I had previously had a chat with one of my wings "little tony" about this. He has been sarging for about 6-7 years now and has done over 10,000 approaches and yet he still never had a gf and only had 2 lays in this amount of time. He has done jack$hit for his self and future in these past 7 years.
He's been out of school for several years now and hasn't been working at all. Only recently has he got himself some minimal wage factory job. He has no friends, no hobbies, nothing. His whole life revolves around pickup 24/7. Also he suffers from some serious deep rooted self esteem issues. I didn't want to end up like that and suggested he works on himself instead of just spending all of his time doing pickup. I told him to go back to school and get a university education or get a job in the meantime and return back to school next year if its too late to apply now. I also told him instead of getting some $hithole factory job working with middle and old age people, he should go work at some job that requires him to be social and talk to people such as working at a retail clothing store. Since he mentioned he has been through depression several times and has self-esteem issues, I suggested he go see a psychiatrist to receive treatment. I lastly also told him to go pick up some hobbies so that he makes friends and develops some interest in things besides pickup. He seemed to take offence to this and argued with me about pretty much everything. He said it didn't matter whether or not he works in factory or retail store and that he actually prefers working in a factory. He also doesn't think he can handle working in a retail store. It's like wtf man. Come on, if you want to grow, you need to do something that makes you uncomfortable. He didn't listen to me about taking up hobbies and still has no friends other then these so called pua guys who he doesn't even hang out with other then sarging. Lastly he totally disregarded my idea about seeking professional help and seemed to have issues regarding confidentiality. I told him that only his family doctor and psychiatrist will know about it and that he shouldn't worry about a minor thing like that, but he still didn't listen. I notice this seems to be a very common type of issue with these "pua" guys especially the rsd fanboys. They have nothing going for them except trying to pick up girls. No social skills, no friends, not in school or working part time in some minimal wage job, broke as $hit, no hobbies, no aspirations, nothing. I don't want to end up like these guys which is why I have taken a more holistic approach to my problems with women.
However, the more I try to learn game, the more I am beginning to realize that my problems with women extends far greater then just having a lack of game. I seem to be really far behind in various other aspects of my life except school and fitness. I have discovered I have some deep rooted self-esteem and self-confidence issues as well. I don't think I would have been able to realize I had these issues if I didn't go through this extremely painful period of my life, which caused all these issues to manifest itself to the surface. In order to not end up like those guys who are pretty much losers, I have really been hammering away at these other areas of my life.
First it has been receiving ongoing therapy treatment for my self-esteem and self-confidence issues. Talking to my therapist has really opened my eyes and made me realize and understand why I am or do the things that I do. I think understanding and knowing this is the first step towards fixing this problem. It will take some time before I am healed, but after each session I feel abit better each time.
Secondly, I have been working really hard on developing my social skills and trying to build up a greatly expanded and solid social circle group. So far, I haven't been able to achieve this goal yet but with each passing week it feels like I'm getting closer. I'm also meeting more and more people each week due to my job, and my ever expanding social social. Due to my experience from these last few months doing cold approaches, interacting in social gatherings is abit easier, however I'm still struggling with this and need to get rid of the thought of caring what others think and just have an attitude of " I don't give a fcuk". I'm struggling to cultivate this due to years of social condition, but I am more self aware now.
Thirdly, I mentioned previously that I was in a financial hole. In these past few years, I never really worked much and didn't feel the need to get a job either because I was living in a bubble protected by my parents, but going through this period and also living on my own has really taught me some hard life lessons that I now realize are invaluable. Making money has given me some freedom and independence. I now don't feel like I'm under my parents clutches because I can afford to do and get what I want without having to worry about what my parents will say. Hell even if they were to complain about it, nothing they can really do because I now make my own money. The money issue I believe will be resolved soon so I'm not too worried about this. In fact, I just received a call from my boss today offering to extend my contract for another 2 weeks because she has been impressed with my work results.
I am also finding I am trying to seek external validation, not just from women but people in general. I don't like how this is going and have been trying hard to change my way of thinking but it still hasn't sunk in yet. I believe when I am truly at peace with my inner self will I truly have confidence and not be reliant on women, which from what others have posted is when women become really attracted to you.
I do however, disagree with you about quitting my job and moving back in with my parents. I need the money and I don't want to rely on them. A huge part of the reason why I am who I am today is because of my parents. I grew up with hypercritical super conservative parents who would criticise every little thing about me. They would constantly beat down my self-esteem. This way of social conditioning has made me become a very pessimistic and critical person who constantly puts himself down that probably lead to the self-esteem issues. My parents are very toxic and don't know how to love their kids properly. Now that I have moved out, their grip on my has loosened up a lot and I finally feel much better inside and have become much less negative compared to before.
My biggest priority should be studying my ass off, and I am slowly starting to get back into things. I do notice however, that this time around when I'm in class or even studying at home, my concentration and focus is so much better compared to last year. Looking back at it now, I was pretty fcuked up in the head because I was always thinking about my oneitis and about finding a place to live downtown. Studying nowadays feels so much more easier now that my head is more clear.
In regards to my oneitis issue, its a pretty long story to type up. Several of the veteran members here I'm sure know quite well what happened that lead to my decision to become a better man. You can read up on my old threads by clicking on my username and clicking on find all threads created by me. All you basically need to know is this girl caused me a tremendous amount of time and suffering and is a very toxic and manipulative women. I suspect she might suffer from BPD as well. I saw a facebook photo she was tagged in a few days ago where she was dressed up as a devil for halloween. I found that quite ironic and funny since before when I was still getting to know her, she tried to act all sweet and innocent, but god knows what a big time undercover ho she turned out to be. She also doesn't really have much female friends too and I'm sure there's a reason why that is.
I probably should have been more specific with my goals. My goal should have said I want to get laid with someone who I find attractive not just anyone. Yes I've had a few opportunities to get laid but they were with girls who I wasn't the least bit attracted to such as fatties, and ugly chicks.
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