Does "No Contact" really work?

[Interceptor]

MNIN,

Dude, what are you gaining from treading and retreading the same old ground, brother?!!

Dude, people here are giving you the secrets of manhood and success at life, man!!!!!!!!

Are you even reading them? Acknowledging them, and these gentlemen's efforts???!!!


It sure doesn't look like it form my perspective.





Dude, stop it. Stop this self flagellation, obsession, and misguided attempt at closure.
Act like a man. be dignified.

Respect yourself.

Get your sh*t together, and get off this goddamn thread and start working on your mission!

What are you doing right now to further your life, brother?

 

[Interceptor]

That's exactly what I am trying to to. I have made it a priority to turn this into a positive experience. I hope to be making a new thread soon about the new girl I am seeing. Give me a couple weeks and I will make it. And she will be much much better than the woman this thread is about.

It better be about learning from it, and improving yourself and your game and relationships with yourself and Women.

We're ready and willing to help you any way we can, but damn, man...talk about obsession. Don't lose your SELF over some female again, MNIN.
I can't stop you. But I sure as Hell ain't going to let you go under like this again, brother.



make sure you don't get out of control with any new woman in your life, brother.

We're rooting for you.


Keep us posted.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I have remembered exactly what went down the moments before she threw me out. I haven't shared this info yet maybe it could shed some light on her mindframe. It still makes no sense to me.

The last thing I remember her saying is "I have nobody I am all alone".. Which is true she has no family and hardly any friends.

So I told her "You have me".. and she said "You're not my boyfriend I don't have a boyfriend!!"

Then I said "I never said I was your boyfriend...."

And she WENT OFF THREW ME OUT and says she Never wants to see me again.

Dude, what messed you up were all of the things that you had done before she even invited you over for New Years. All of that stuff was fresh in her mind but yet she was nice enough to give you yet another chance. Don't forget, she had told you in no uncertain terms what she needed and each time you ignored it for in order to follow your own agenda. So on New Years you didn't take any of that into account and followed your own mission so she dropped a nuke on you.

 

[My Name is Nobody]

Dude, what messed you up were all of the things that you had done before she even invited you over for New Years. All of that stuff was fresh in her mind but yet she was nice enough to give you yet another chance. Don't forget, she had told you in no uncertain terms what she needed and each time you ignored it for in order to follow your own agenda. So on New Years you didn't take any of that into account and followed your own mission so she dropped a nuke on you.

I think you hit the nail on the head. I should have just shown up, kissed her when the ball dropped and left. Instead I decided to stay and get drunk and try to get laid and in the process made a fool of myself. She probably thinks all I care about is sex which is true to an extent but I did care about her too. She also thinks I have a drinking problem because I always drink around her. I do probably drink too much but I always drink when I'm getting laid because it makes me last forever. I wouldn't say I'm a "drunk" as she so eloquently put it.

At least it's officially over and I can move on. If I did what I just stated she would still be stringing me along like a fool while she is likely out banging other guys.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I think you hit the nail on the head. I should have just shown up, kissed her when the ball dropped and left. Instead I decided to stay and get drunk and try to get laid and in the process made a fool of myself. She probably thinks all I care about is sex which is true to an extent but I did care about her too. She also thinks I have a drinking problem because I always drink around her. I do probably drink too much but I always drink when I'm getting laid because it makes me last forever. I wouldn't say I'm a "drunk" as she so eloquently put it.

At least it's officially over and I can move on. If I did what I just stated she would still be stringing me along like a fool while she is likely out banging other guys.

You were in good place to knock the boots again, she gave you that opening. The problem was when you tried to make what you had with her more than what she was ready for. All she wanted was a distraction, some good old fun without strings. You pushed her (multiple times) to the place where she had told you that she didn't want to go.

Something tells me that her ex did the same thing. Does it make sense why she brought him up when you were around? Does it make sense that what you were doing was digging up old issues she had with her ex and men and general.

Remember what I told you to tell her way back that elevated you above the rest and how she appreciated it? Now look at what your actions, the went against the very thing that set you apart from the rest so she says that "all men are alike." You proved her point by your actions .

Instead of rationalizing your actions just learn from the experience. Don't just point out what you did wrong but consciously plan what you will do different in the future so that you won't go down this path next time.

 

[Mr. Me]

Psycho: "I have nobody I am all alone"..

MNIN: "You have me I'm here for you"

Psycho: "No! You are NOT my boyfriend!! I DON'T HAVE A BOYFRIEND!!!"

MNIN: "I never said I was your boyfriend"

PSYCHO: "GET OUT GET OUT I TOLD YOU I WASN'T READY GET OUT"

***SLAMS DOOR IN MY FACE THROWS ME MY JACKET

First of all, it was over way back before NYE when she LJBF'd him. The rest of her mixed signals since then were because she had low interest and a couple of lonely nights. What happened to him on NYE is the equivalent of a ship that's already been struck down and sunk going through its final shudderings and gyrations that subsequently in the course of natural events it experiences as a result of having been sunk.

MNIN can't see through his own desires so to get a handle on the woman's. He has to learn to take his interest level aside and out of the equation so he can see the woman's more clearly and STOP making them the source of his validation.

The above dialogue reads like a soap opera script! You must like drama? That line ""You have me I'm here for you" to her self-pity wailing is pure Chump-Speak. That sentiment, MNIN, is appropriate when you're in a committed, long term, loving relationship with a woman, and she feels a little down one night, needs your shoulder and strength and you're being empathic and supportive. That's when you say something like that: after she's EARNED it.

 

[My Name is Nobody]

I have a feeling it was over after the first night with her when my ex got in her face and wanted to fight her. Also when we smoked weed (I got her to smoke too, her first time she ever saw pot she claims) really upset her. She said that was worse than what my ex did. Well at least she has something to remember me by nobody forgets their first time smoking up ;-)

After those incidents she labeled me a cheating liar just like her ex husband. And after these incidents she never was the same. She used to call me "sweety" "baby" things like that. Never again after this.

However, Francisco is correct in that I could have played my cards correctly after this and still maintained a relationship with her. But I would have to endure hearing about her other men and I obviously couldn't deal with that. I got very upset the night she told me she was seeing someone else. I didn't really let her know I was upset, but in my mind I felt very upset and I knew something had to give. This was very AFC I know I shouldn't have let it get to me the way it did. I don't even know if it was true she could have made it all up to mess with me and it worked.

 

[Mr. Me]

Francisco is correct in that I could have played my cards correctly after this and still maintained a relationship with her. But I would have to endure hearing about her other men

You know, it's not all about being with just any gal simply because you think she's hot and want some, right? A girl that has issues she doesn't handle well or a gal that mistreats you or who's rigid, a taker, a drama queen, a wacko, a flake, whatever, these are types to identify up front and avoid. Lots of them come packaged with pretty faces and nice bodies. Been there, done that, don't see how it enhances one's life to keep these types around. Just to get laid????

So when they're telling you about other guys that they're seeing, instead of feeling upset, turn that into you recognizing that she's either trying to make you jealous (unless she says it like, "you know, there are these other guys I'm seeing but I'd rather just see you") - OR - she doesn't care about you, either of which should have you saying to yourself, "Aha! I got her number. Bye, toots."

That's using knowledge, which is the definition of wisdom, BTW. When you act wisely, that is empowering, and when you are empowered, in control of the situation even when the situation is against you, you will no longer need to react like a ping pong ball bouncing around at every little nuance that happens with a woman.

 

[My Name is Nobody]

She is going OUT of her way to walk by my desk at work and is she laughing really loud and talking loud all the time like she is trying to get to me. She is usually very quiet. She probably thinks I am SO AFC I will continue to chase her after she humiliated me.

I have ignored her and will continue to do so but she NEVER walks in the direction she just did except when I am here. I have confirmed this.

It's like this is all a big game to her.

 

[reset]

Wow, that sounds really familiar. She is trying to get to you. She still wants your attention. You can't give it to her. But at the same time you have to act like it's NO BIG DEAL and treat her like everyone else at the same time, even though you probably hate her now. And she's going to keep coming, and coming.

Mine was with a BPD and what you just described went on for M O N T H S at work, and in her case she tried to make me as jealous as possible by showering other guys who were near me with attention, all loud and obnoxious "Oh I hope reset sees/hears how much FUN I'm having with all these guys giving me attention! WOW!!!".

All I could do was totally ignore her and this chick threw everything at me. I wanted to die.

But, if I hadn't gone through that... well it toughened me up. She finally gave up. Quit her job.

And I STILL went for chicks at work. And I had to go through that AGAIN with another girl because I did something stupid. But the second time around it was much easier to deal with her drama and "train her" to behave, as lame as that sounds.

Stay strong. Don't let her get to you because she is probably obsessed with getting you to go crazy right now. This is the shyt that makes you a man.

 

[My Name is Nobody]

Wow, that sounds really familiar. She is trying to get to you. She still wants your attention. You can't give it to her. But at the same time you have to act like it's NO BIG DEAL and treat her like everyone else at the same time, even though you probably hate her now. And she's going to keep coming, and coming.

Mine was with a BPD and what you just described went on for M O N T H S at work, and in her case she tried to make me as jealous as possible by showering other guys who were near me with attention, all loud and obnoxious "Oh I hope reset sees/hears how much FUN I'm having with all these guys giving me attention! WOW!!!".

All I could do was totally ignore her and this chick threw everything at me. I wanted to die.

But, if I hadn't gone through that... well it toughened me up. She finally gave up. Quit her job.

And I STILL went for chicks at work. And I had to go through that AGAIN with another girl because I did something stupid. But the second time around it was much easier to deal with her drama.

Stay strong. Don't let her get to you because she is probably obsessed with getting you to go crazy right now. This is the shyt that makes you a man.

She's not getting to me. Well maybe a little but it's not going to show. I am interested in other girls now I have no interest in her anymore. The only shot she has with me is if she contacts me and explains what happened the other night. She won't even acknowledge why she threw me out that is insanity.

Yes she still wants me to chase apparently. Never going to happen.
I don't need any more drama in my life.

 

[reset]

Good. I wasn't as strong as you are now. Just keep ignoring her and you should be fine.

BTW I would say after something like this, she shouldn't have another shot with you.

It's too late to have a mature relationship, and if you're just going to screw then you'll just keep going through this cycle.

 

[My Name is Nobody]

Good. I wasn't as strong as you are now. Just keep ignoring her and you should be fine.

BTW I would say after something like this, she shouldn't have another shot with you.

It's too late to have a mature relationship, and if you're just going to screw then you'll just keep going through this cycle.

I agree. We'll see what happens is all I can say. I'll keep this thread updated if anything occurs.

The sad part is most guys would probably still chase her after what she did to me. She probably expects me to text her or email her any second now.

 

[reset]

that she does.

 

[My Name is Nobody]

She is waiting for me to go "I'M SORRY I'M SORRY COME BACK BABY PLEEEEASE"

Yeah right keep dreaming woman. I may have done that at one point in my life but thankfully not any longer.

 

[reset]

Yup. That's what she wants. Obviously you're not going to fall for it.

If you can try to not take it personally (lol--that's easy). You pushed all her drama buttons.

 

[Mr. Me]

I have no interest in her anymore. The only shot she has with me is if she...

How could she have any shot at all with you if you don't have any interest in her?

You keep giving yourself away.

I am interested in other girls now I have no interest in her anymore.

It shouldn't matter if there are other women or not. What happens if those fizzle out, would that mean your interest reverts back to Ms. Drama? You disconnect the wires inside you of your own accord, not because other women do it for you.

It's like this is all a big game to her.

Yeah... ping pong. She likes trying to push your buttons. What a gal. No wonder her husband dumped her sorry ass.

 

[My Name is Nobody]

Yeah... ping pong. She likes trying to push your buttons. What a gal. No wonder her husband dumped her sorry ass.

LOL that just made me bust out laughing.

 

[reset]

Yeah it's really hard to not take this crap personally. You have the right attitude "forget her!" but it still hurts so don't be hard on yourself if it's getting to you. The key is to just act like it doesn't bother you and eventually you really won't want her anymore. (another easy to say hard to do thing).

And Mr. Me is right. These types of things shatter our image of how perfect the girl was and losing that fantasy can hurt, but at the same time... look at the type of girl you don't have to be with.

 

[reset]

Unless this type of drama does it for you. That's a problem. I know I had that problem.