Dating girl for 4 months - no sex yet

[logic1]

Bigmill qoute

" When I ask her wtf is up she's says that she's not sure about me -- that Im hard to read. She brings up stories that Ive discussed with her about some past girlfriends and how I broke up with them in different ways. Prob shouldn't have disclosed so much but hey I admit that I am a recovering AFC."

He already asked her or communicated about his problem with the sex and look at her answer.

This is where he made his mistake. He would be banging her already if he would have kept his mouth shut about this.

She is looking for LTR type relationship. She has a high attraction level towards Bigmil but thinks he is going to bang her then disappear like he did with his other girlfreinds.

 

[wayword]

I had a g/f who was doing most everything except fellatio or coitus. What did I do? I found more plates, and one of those plates called me while my g/f was at my place. She then realized we had some problems, and eventually the question was, "is it the sex?" I said, "yes", and the next day we had coitus for the first time.

EXACTLY. It's all supply vs demand, people!

Whoever controls the SUPPLY, gets to make all the DEMANDS.

So, the only way to really get your demands met...is if YOU control the supply (be high-value & spin more plates).

These days any woman shouldn't be able to withhold sex for too long because there should be several other women down the street willing to dole it out upfront. Puzzy monopoly BUSTED. :box:

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

BLUSHER, LOL,..Heheh,..yeah I hadn't thought of that. That's funny

 

[MightyMate]

I would never date girl for more than 1,5 month wihtout sex.

 

[NewMan]

I see this place is going down the drain and fast.

What is wrong with you guys? seriously.


No matter the reason - the bottom line is out man here is not getting the pvssy. Whether it's a power play - whether she thinks her pvssy is diamond crusted (or crusty) - or whether she has some mental issues over it, she's denying our man. SHE IS TURNING HIM DOWN. SHE IS IN CONTROL.

He needs to get control - outherwise this will continue no matter what.

This guy has spent 4 months dating this chick - and all he get's is 'SOON' - we will fvck soon.

Sorry dude - you've been way to patient with this chick.

She's going to make some AFC very unhappy one day, but make sure that's not you.

My suggestion - if you still want to persue her - is to put her on ice immediately.

Ignore her - and date other women - and don't be afraid to tell her just that..... if she asks you about it, tell her that you'll happy stay friends with her (ie. no paying for her) - but that things are not moving in the direction that YOU want them - (i.e. No fvcking.)

Clearly - she is controlling the relationship. Clearly - these issues are not going away and she's stalling for time.

Take back the power and control - and mean what you say. Live life on your terms.

 

[bigmil]

thanks for the advice. I did have a talk with her. She told me some interesting things:

1. A boyfriend in college was abusive and their relationship ended badly.
2. She had a falling out with her parents at the age of 20 and didn't speak to them for 4 years!
3. She believes that 95% of people are total crap (her words)
4. She says that she researches everything very thoroughly and then acts on her decision.
5. She acknowledges that people have perceived her as distant or cold at times.


Another issue Im having with this girl is that she is not very proactive about calling and/or e-mailing. She does e-mail and call, but not consistently. In fact Ive often questioned her interest level.

I would have put her on the back burner awhile ago due to the lack of texting, calling, etc. but I think her personality is unique in that she is extremely guarded. Also, I want to keep her because she is very attractive.

Right now my plan, largely based on the advice Ive received here is the following:

1. Continue to see her and show her that I care and am genuine.
2. Spin more plates.

I'm going to her place tonight and I'm going to bring some flowers, tell her that I care about her, then leave abruptly due to plans.

I am emotionally invested which is bad so I definelty need to get some more plates spinning.

 

[wayword]

Blusher - Lol, BJ Queen?

2. She had a falling out with her parents at the age of 20 and didn't speak to them for 4 years!
5. She acknowledges that people have perceived her as distant or cold at times.

As you can see, it's not YOU, it's HER.

You think she's distant now? What do you think her parents thought when she withheld contact for 4 YEARS??? :crackup: And anyone that can give the silent treatment to their parents for 4 YEARS, is fully capable of shutting out a bf for a few measly months...

Anyways, you can see her pattern clearly here and what you're in for.

Only thing you can do is spin more plates so that she'll realize that if she don't fix her own problems, she'll lose you to someone who has... You have to make this HER problem (losing you), not YOURS (not getting tang).

 

[NewMan]

1. A boyfriend in college was abusive and their relationship ended badly.
2. She had a falling out with her parents at the age of 20 and didn't speak to them for 4 years!
3. She believes that 95% of people are total crap (her words)
4. She says that she researches everything very thoroughly and then acts on her decision.
5. She acknowledges that people have perceived her as distant or cold at times.

This is so much Bullsh#t it's unbelievable.

How many people have had to deal with BS in their lives?

The bottom line is, this chick creates her own drama. She is a self fullfilling prophercy.

Move on - or you will live to regret it.


Finally:

Also, I want to keep her because she is very attractive

So what?

Your wrapped up in the physical - when her emotional and mental is total crap.

There are lot's of hot women out there - don't fixate on the physical.

 

[Latinoman]

When they tell you how many lovers they had, you should always take this information with a grain of salt. For all we now, she may have sucked a hundred guys in the last couple of years but doesn't count that in as 'real sex' since there was no vaginal intercourse.

HAHAHA!

Yep...women technical terms! So true!

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

NEXT!

The amount of effort necessary to untangle a headcase like her would be time better spent meeting and sarging a new prospect. Don't play savior, spin more plates.

 

[Latinoman]

I'm going to her place tonight and I'm going to bring some flowers, tell her that I care about her, then leave abruptly due to plans.

I am emotionally invested which is bad so I definelty need to get some more plates spinning.

I ONLY bring flowers to women that are giving me puzzy.

Let's use some numbers to illustrate something. These numbers are just examples, you can use any number you see fit.

Women tend to be about 75% emotional and 25% "rational".

Men tend to be about 75% rational and 25% emotional.

Because of that disparity...when you have a great partnership...you end up with a balance. 75% emotional (from woman) + 25% emotional (from man) = 100% emotion. Same goes with rationality.

Now, if she is 60 or 75% emotional. That means that cuddleling, romanticism, is the kind of stuff she will strive for. Don't get me wrong, sex is VERY important. But I'm touching on the other stuff that women want.

So...if you are REWARDING her emotions by bringing her flowers...and she is getting rewarded WITHOUT giving you puzzy...how do you think she is going to act? Remember...if she give you puzzy, she will get rewarded with great sex. But if she plays around with you by promising you something "soon" and then make you wait 4 months! Then she is diminishing your emotions/feelings. Are you rewarding her for that?

I'm not saying that in this case it might not work. However, if it doesn't work...then what you are going to do?

 

[wayword]

^ I agree, relations boil down to the very simple equation of REWARDING OR PUNISHING ACTIONS WITH ACTIONS. All the yakkity-yak talk is BS.

Her not putting out is "bad" action.
You giving her flowers is "good" action.
Therefore, you are only REWARDING her "bad" behavior, here.

BAD MOVE.

It's really that simple, fellas. Think of what she's doing and what you're doing. They should be CONSISTENT. If she does good, you do good back. If she does bad, you do bad back. ONLY this way can you train her to act the way you want.

 

[Latinoman]

thanks for the advice. I did have a talk with her. She told me some interesting things:

1. A boyfriend in college was abusive and their relationship ended badly.
2. She had a falling out with her parents at the age of 20 and didn't speak to them for 4 years!
3. She believes that 95% of people are total crap (her words)
4. She says that she researches everything very thoroughly and then acts on her decision.
5. She acknowledges that people have perceived her as distant or cold at times.

Listen...that's her problem and not yours.

I thought that her issue was more of trust toward YOU. Of something you DID or SAID. Maybe she thought you had some kind of disease or something among those lines.

But obviously is about some self-inflicted drama (boyfriend in college abused her and she still manage to get EMOTIONALLY involved with others, including you? )

And falling out with her parents EIGHT YEARS AGO!!!??? What that has to do with intercourse?

What ALL that stuff has to do with having intercourse? After all...she is t*tty phucking you and she is jerking you off and sucking you dry! Which is a clear indication that she has some experience under her sleeves! Unless you truly believe she gather all that experience 8 years ago and went into a sexless life for 8 years!

 

[logic1]

DONT TAKE HER FLOWERS

Question

What does your friend say about this women?? Since his wife introduced you to her??

Something stinks about this situation.

I still would not "next" her. Work on her when you have nothing else to do.

You "next" a women because she dont have intercourse with you within a certain period of time???

I guess I need someone to explain a DJ. I thought it was a man of integrity, respect, honesty, in other words a real man. I didn't know it had anything to do with having sex in a certain time frame.

Let me guess he is being disrepected by her because they are not having sex yet.

 

[bigmil]

those things she disclosed to me weren't her excuses or reasons for not having sex -- they were merley some topics that we discussed in the course of talking. I think that BECAUSE of all the things that she's experienced she is VERY distrusting of people. I believe that Latinoman your initial assessment was correct -- she is trying to "figure me out" -- its a trust type thing for her because she's been hurt badly in her relationships with others in general.

But who knows? She sure isn't an open book. Any advice on what I should say to her when I go over there tonight?

 

[cordoncordon]

Dont bring her flowers for goodness sake.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

[cordoncordon]

I rescind my earlier statements.

She's a head case. All those things she mentioned have nothing to do with you and whether you two have sex or not.

Don't bring her flowers, dude talk about AFC!!

Don't even go over there tonight. Say something came up. Make her start coming after you. I know this isnt what you want to hear, but it is your only hope here.

 

[bigmil]

OK -- let me say this again -- I need to clarify.

The reasons she gave for not having sex yet:

1. She says I'm 'hard to figure out"
2. She says she isn't "sure" yet


THINGS I HAVE FOUND OUT ABOUT HER IN THE PAST FEW MONTHS OR IN RECENT CONVERSATIONS THAT HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH WHY IM NOT HITTING IT:

1. A boyfriend in college was abusive and their relationship ended badly.
2. She had a falling out with her parents at the age of 20 and didn't speak to them for 4 years!
3. She believes that 95% of people are total crap (her words)
4. She says that she researches everything very thoroughly and then acts on her decision.
5. She acknowledges that people have perceived her as distant or cold at times.

 

[logic1]

Bigmil

I will tell you what I think, most of the people on this board wont agree but based on my real life experiences I will give you an opinion. I will stick to what I said from the start. She is afraid she is going to get burned. I have seen women like this and they are far from head cases. They are smart and cautious

First off dont make this plate the the most important.

You need to have fun, enjoy her company, go with the flow and most importanly dont stress out over not having sex with her, especially around her. Dont let her sense that it bothers you. Find other women to have sex with for now. Hell have some fun with it. You can have an intense orgasm without intercourse, especially with a HB8 if thats the case.

You need to gain her trust without lying or deceiving her. Be yourself no BS
She will sense this.

She wants to make sure once she opens up you wont leave or use it against her. She is not withholding sex to gain control over you. She is trying to protect herself. She is looking out for numeral uno just like everyone on this board does.

How many times a week do you see her?

 

[bigmil]

on average we get together 2-3 times a week. When we get together we usually spend the night together.