Crusade of the Knight: A Journal.

[novaknight]

Entry 45: Autism Improvement Month

I think its about time to actually start improving in general, not just with girls.

Long story short, I have some sort of autism, which makes it harder to communicate with people sometimes. Not the really severe type, but enough to cause quite a bit of difficulties.

I did make a lotta progress with the social thing, but it's hard to stay consistent. Sometimes I'll appear to be a funny as hell over the top guy, but sometimes I just seem so alien and weird to people, extremely awkward, or sometimes plain retarded (I'm somewhat intelligent, but have very little common sense). Also, understanding other people and how they feel is still real tough (though I'm starting to become a lot better at feigning empathy).

I'm going to start my 30 Day Autism Improvement Month run tomorrow.

Basically, I'll jjust try to become better at being social, making people feel comfortable around me, and see how it goes from there.

Finally I've been able to identify why I've been having so much trouble.

Its NOT my looks.
Its NOT my race.
Its NOT because I don't have all the latest "uber awesome Mystery method neg collection book"

It's because my lack of social skills is holding me back.

When I have basic human interaction down, I can start tackling on more complex stuff. But I gotta start with the basics.

This could be the solution to why I haven't scored major yet. Let's go.

 

[NorwegianDJ]

You can always learn how people work. Read how to win friends and influence people, awaken the giant within, and watch the blueprint.

 

[novaknight]

Entry 46: Autism Improvement, Day 1

Started reading up on body language.

Also learning how to put myself into other people's perspectives.

An issue I have is that sometimes I have really odd, alienish habits. This comes off at the very least eccentric, and when thinking about how others see me, I'm starting to realize some people think I'm literally a lunatic.

Fortunately for me, the oddities don't go on all the time, and my target hasn't caught on the quirks yet.

I've become somewhat popular in my own little circle though. Unfortunately, theres no HBs within. Gotta try to imitate that success elsewhere. Maybe I can use one of them as a wingman.

 

[novaknight]

Entry 46: Autism Improvement, Day 2

I'm learning how to ride along on sarcastic jokes better. I have a tendency to take everything at face value. Starting to try to understand sarcasm better. It's hard though, never been a big fan of it.

Today I just clowned around a bit. Had some good times with my lunchroom tablemates.

 

[novaknight]

Entry 47: Autism Improvement, Day 3

Today, I was so happy. My challenge for today was to make conversation with a stranger, and push my comfort zone. It doesnt have to be a girl, just anyone. After all, if you cant talk to guys, you cant talk to girls either.

It was a guy on the bus, actually. No homo at all.

I actually had a pretty good time!

This kid has been talking **** about me. He's a younger immature kid. Wanted to punch him so badly, but I held myself back. He's basically calling me a pedo or whatevs, which I'm definately not. Screw him.

Plan on approaching HB Shorty tomorrow, if everything falls into place.

Also got a paper due tomorrow. Teachers this year are lame. But I have a feeling I'm going to do decent this year if I work hard. And I'm going to.

Time to fly.

 

[novaknight]

Autism Improvement Day 4
Blaargh. I just never get the window of opportunity to make moves.

Gaah....there must be something I can do....

Although the highlight of the day was getting a 93 in a quiz that half of the class failed. Teacher even made a comment about it.

PSATs tomorrow. Prolly won't get anything from it, but its nice practice for the real SATS.

 

[NorwegianDJ]

PSATs tomorrow. Prolly won't get anything from it, but its nice practice for the real SATS.

I had the PSAT on wednesday. It has to be way easier than the SAT. Math was a joke and engliish was rather easy, if I got it right that is.

 

[novaknight]

I had the PSAT on wednesday. It has to be way easier than the SAT. Math was a joke and engliish was rather easy, if I got it right that is.

I thought it was easy-ish. I completely zoned out on Math. English was fairly straightfoward. Math; most of it was elementary stuff, even though I zoned out somehow I just finished. I thought the Writing section was a laughing stock, I finished 15 minutes early and went to sleep (it was the last one).

I think I got like 196 last year or something. Not bad, but definitely not good enough for a scholarship.

 

[novaknight]

Autism Improvement, Day 5

Sucked at driving today, doing my behind the wheel training.

Homecoming's soon. I don't have a date. Probably one get one.

Y'know what this means?

GRIND ALL TEH HAWT B1TCHEZZ!!!

Can't wait. I wanna score a makeout, but I have no idea how to do so. I'll improvise as I go along.

I remember how epic I was on the cruise. Since homecomings a lot like a club setting, I think this can work to my advantage.

Socialization was pretty good today, was able to practice it a lot today.

 

[novaknight]

Autism Improvement, Day 6

I feel like utter trash today.

Bombed a calculus test. The problems were so weird. The teacher apologized to the class for not making it (he's new so he doesnt know the curriculum well, though he definately knows how to do the stuff). Hope he is merciful with grading.

This guy almost basically forced me out the closet really. And I ain't even bi no more. Real pissed off, I wanted to kick him in the face. It was school though, I'm not going to ruin the chances of getting into a good college by getting in trouble.

Even after asserting I'm not homo no more, he still kept making fun of me. Piece of scum. I take great offense in that, cause I worked hard to cleanse myself. I worked damn hard to make myself straight once more!

"Oh, you're still gay inside! Blah blah blah"

Shut the **** up you loser.

A few good things happened today though. I benched 115*6 in gym class with very little difficulty. Real pissed we ran outta time and couldnt find my true max, but I'm definately gettin stronger and stronger. Found a new partner to work out with as well.

Oh, and homecoming is Saturday. Gonna prove to the world just how mother ****ing straight I am.

 

[Johnny Danger]

Happy grinding!

 

[novaknight]

Thanks you sir.

Welcome to Sosuave by the way.

 

[novaknight]

Autism Improvement, Day 7
Wow, today was so awesome.

Driving felt incredible.

The douches? **** em, I couldn't care less about what they say.

If they hurt my rep and convince everyone I'm gay? Oh well. I'll be getting the hell outta my school in less than two years.

Ten years from now, this won't mean anything no more. Working hard on my future. I want to do something that's not average. Sitting in front of a monitor in a desk job just ain't for me.

 

[novaknight]

Autism Improvement, Day 7

Dealing with those idiots messes with my frame.

I feel like I'm losing progress. Those kids making fun of me in front of people do nothing but harm. Kinda messes with your self esteem a lot.

Damn Christianity, and 'loving your enemies'. Damn it all to hell, I have nothing but hatred for these b1tch a55 hoes.

I hate how they make it so hard for me to score. I hate how much **** they talk about me, and how much pen1s they suck. **** em all.

 

[NorwegianDJ]

What are you gonna do about it?

 

[novaknight]

Gonna start standing up for myself especially when they talk smack with HB shorty watching.

Today, when one of those kids, this fat loser, gave me sh!t, I threw it right back him.

 

[novaknight]

Autism Improvement, Day 8, FIELD REPORT.
God damn, Homecoming was an almost total flop.
Every time I try to grind someone, I get pushed away, or the girl leaves.

It seems that girls these days are just pretty much a bunch of fking c0ckteases. Either that, or I'm not attractive at all. Probably a bit of both.

My biggest mistake was not getting a date. A serious tactical blunder on my part. I came in thinking "screw getting a date, I'm gonna get with a buncha random s1uts. I didn't expect so many people to have dates....

My outfit for the night was actually pretty good (no homo). Guess this just means I'm real lacking in the looks department, and theres not much I can do about it 'cept get a better body.

I grinded one girl for 10Secs, until her friends pulled her away. Damned 6-sets.

Every other girl was a failure, completely.

This is real discouraging though. Girls won't even freaking GRIND with me. Somethings real wrong. Am I really that hideous? I hardly view myself as good looking, but am I really THAT repulsive?

Few good things happened though. I got props for trying, by the kids who made fun of me. This guy was like "hm...he tries to grind girls...I guess he must be gay no more. Actually, he thinks I grinded with a girl. Glad my feud with those kids are over now.

I'm going to start working out more seriously next week now I found a buddy. Also gonna consider starting to save up for plastic surgery when i'm older.

 

[NorwegianDJ]

I actually looked at your pictures and disagree. You look like an asian pimp. You wouldnt expect you to have any problems.

In your post above you're just showing signs of developing disempowering global and personal beliefs. Get started with Awaken the Giant Within already

 

[galmorphus]

Now im curious, wheres you pics?

 

[novaknight]

I'll PM you, thing that irks me the most is my nose.

But what's the problem then? If I go up to girls and grind...and I get ****ing ditched/****blocked/shoved away....what other possible explanation could there be?