Confidence attracts more than good looks

[bigneil]

When is the last time you met a good looking guy without confidence?

See 90% of unemployed Millennials.

 

[Von]

An ugly guy with confiance will have a stronger impact than a good looking one.

Why? No one expect an "ugly/disavantaged by life" to have balls to approach what people considers "above" his level. Call it "élément of surprise" a vital key in the art of war, to achieve victory.

Confidence is knowning and controlling yourself, inner dominance. Someone like that will be able to communicate, if his communication skills match his perceived confidence.

He will always win compared to the "genetically superior guy with no confidence"

Life give us tools, it advantage more others, some have no luck. But, who will be a tool master? The guy with every thing but hides his tools in the garage or the one using them on various forms/surface.

The winner is always the one who can use his tools.

So sharpen them

 

[logicallefty]

Based on my personal experience confidence means something. Back when I was in a little better shape but less confident I didn't get near the respect from both men and women that I do now. That being now that I have a 40 something-year-olds beer gut but also a 1000x more confidence than when I didn't. The confidence I gained is a direct result of life experience. Its the result of going to hard situations and prevailing as well as working towards hard goals and achieving them.

 

[Tenacity]

Guys, for the life of me, do you understand the definition of confidence?

Confidence is self-assurance in something and this isn't built up through "telling yourself" you are confident, it's only built up through direct/repetitive experiences with something. I'm confident around women today because I spend a significant amount of time talking, dating, and being around women. That's why I'm comfortable. Period.

Has absolutely nothing to do with working out or having money. I'm confident in the gym for the same reason, it's a result of my continued/repetitive experiences working out and thus, I can be more relaxed throughout the experience.

The ONLY WAY to become confident with women, is to continue to spend a significant amount of time around them. Just like the ONLY WAY to become confident and comfortable doing public speaking, is to do public speaking often. Just like the only way to become confident and comfortable fighting in a ring, is to fight in a ring often.

Confidence is built through direct/repetitive experience. Period.

 

[TheFixer14]

You must have confidence in yourself. And if you don't this is one thing that you must fake until you do.

 

[El Payaso]

Confidence only applies to one particular skill. Would Tom Brady be confident ski jumping? Would a DJ here be confident rewiring the FAA's Air Traffic Control system?

Confidence is simply evidence of past success when attempting that particular challenge. Therefore, since it must be predated by success, confidence is an emergent property and can be factored out. Thus, we should focus on achieving success in our chosen field.

Good breakdown.

 

[Roober]

The guy who is confident is probably confident because of past success. Otherwise, where would he get his confidence from? Delusions of grandeur?

And if he had past success, it means he had value. And value is pretty much looks, money, and status.

So it still goes back to looks, resources, and status.

The good looking guy would also have confidence. Because he has value. And somewhere a long the way, he would have enough women writing him love notes to boost his confidence.

You would have to be delusional to somehow have confidence without prior success, and live in a vacuum to be good looking and somehow have no prior success to boost your confidence.

Not saying anomalies don't occur. But in the real world, past success from having status (looks, money) often breeds confidence, and looks often leads to confidence.

Agreed! most attractive men will have an air of confidence because like women, they have people telling them they are attractive and past success.

 

[Urbanyst]

See 90% of unemployed Millennials.

Good looks still trump confidence for one very important reason: Confidence can be gained through experience (as most of you have said) but good looks you either have or don't.

A good looking guy can become confident. A confident guy can't become good looking.

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

Agreed. I don't think women even understand what confidence is. They seem to see it more as a general trait. Which, again, makes me think that what they are attracted to is actually something other than confidence. Like dominance, bold action, a positive attitude, something along those lines.

Confidence [con- fide- nce] is simply self-belief, someone with belief. The opposite of belief would be doubt and anxiety. It is the difference between positive and negative energy which women pick up on.

You do not need the outward display of wealth or good looks for this. It is an inner psychological/ spiritual quality. Someone whose confidence is a derivative of outward forms is not truly confident. They lack a certain freedom and autonomy, and their assumed confidence may crumble in the face of adverse circumstances. Think of all those paper millionaires that jumped from buildings in the crash of the depression.

 

[SuckItUp]

I have met a few guys that bewildered me as to why they couldn't do well with the ladies and each time the answer was that they lacked confidence.

They'd get girls to come over but after a few minutes of talking the girls were looking elsewhere.

They just seemed so uncomfortable in their own skin.

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

I have met a few guys that bewildered me as to why they couldn't do well with the ladies and each time the answer was that they lacked confidence.

They'd get girls to come over but after a few minutes of talking the girls were looking elsewhere.

They just seemed so uncomfortable in their own skin.

It is difficult to charm a woman if you are not yourself charmed by life.

 

[Mike32ct]

I agree with Tenacity. Experience with women is very important.

I knew a guy with a great job and an absolutely RIPPED body. He was very confident at work and the gym, but he had crippling anxiety around women. After some experience "gaming," he got some confidence and became unstoppable.

 

[zekko]

The confidence I gained is a direct result of life experience. Its the result of going to hard situations and prevailing as well as working towards hard goals and achieving them.

Is it the confidence that is leading to greater success though, or is it the experience? Most likely, your greater experience is leading you to handle situations differently. I'm still not so sure confidence itself is an attraction factor. Confidence allows you to do the right thing (you don't have the "crippling anxiety" which is certainly unattractive), but I'm not convinced that it is the confidence that is attracting the women. You don't need confidence to do the right thing, I know when I was younger I faked it. It's splitting hairs, I know.

Looks are very simple for a man to achieve. Go to the gym, and work on size. It really is that simple.

Barring any strange deformities, any man can achieve looks. I've seen men within my circle do it. And I've seen the results.

This seems to be a belief around here. I don't know, maybe. It seems to me though, that some men have a certain look, a certain type of face, that they are just never going to be considered good looking, no matter how much body fat they lose or how much weight they lift. Most guys can find a way to get by, sure, but to go from homely to good looking? I'm not so sure.

 

[AlphaNate]

I'm literally here for @Tenacity posts.

 

[El Payaso]

Guys, for the life of me, do you understand the definition of confidence?

Confidence is self-assurance in something and this isn't built up through "telling yourself" you are confident, it's only built up through direct/repetitive experiences with something. I'm confident around women today because I spend a significant amount of time talking, dating, and being around women. That's why I'm comfortable. Period.

Has absolutely nothing to do with working out or having money. I'm confident in the gym for the same reason, it's a result of my continued/repetitive experiences working out and thus, I can be more relaxed throughout the experience.

The ONLY WAY to become confident with women, is to continue to spend a significant amount of time around them. Just like the ONLY WAY to become confident and comfortable doing public speaking, is to do public speaking often. Just like the only way to become confident and comfortable fighting in a ring, is to fight in a ring often.

Confidence is built through direct/repetitive experience. Period.

So which would you say attracts more? Confidence or good looks? Why? I'm genuinely curious.

 

[wifehunter]

Fools put confidence in things that fade.

Charms are deceptive, and beauty is vain.

 

[zekko]

So which would you say attracts more? Confidence or good looks? Why? I'm genuinely curious.

I'm not Tenacity, but I think it's looks. Most of the examples we've been given of good looking guys who were unable to attract women have been guys who lacked courage. They didn't have the nerve to approach, or they lacked social skills. You can have either without necessarily being confident.

 

[Urbanyst]

Looks are very simple for a man to achieve. Go to the gym, and work on size. It really is that simple.

Barring any strange deformities, any man can achieve looks. I've seen men within my circle do it. And I've seen the results.

As long as they are at least 5'8" in height. Otherwise, they'll need to make up for it with some kind of status, money or fame.

 

[Tenacity]

So which would you say attracts more? Confidence or good looks? Why? I'm genuinely curious.

Well, I believe a man's appeal to women will be based on his total measurement of ATTRACTIVENESS. This is why I continue to preach that guys focus on getting their looks, personality, AND finances together because they all play a part in his overall ATTRACTIVENESS. You want to be a 6 out of 10 overall, which could be the following:

* One guy could be a 2 in Finances, 9 in Personality, and 6 in Looks. This is a collective average of 5.6 or rounded to a "6", which means women WILL find this guy attractive with his Personality carrying most of the weight. A lot of the deadbeats, thugs, losers, and bums fall into this category.

* Another guy could be a 8 in Finances, 3 in Personality, and 6 in Looks. This is a collective average of 5.6 or rounded to a "6", which means women WILL find this guy attractive with his Finances and Decent Level Looks carrying most of the weight. A lot of introverted/blue pill decent looking "well-paid guys" fall into this category, where personality wise they svck, but their decent looks and finances carry them across the finish line with women.

* Another guy could be a 7 in Finances, 7 in Personality, and a 7 in Looks. This is a collective average of 7 out of 10 and this is the level every guy should be striving for! This would be your well-paid guy, with a solid career, good personality/social skills, who also takes care of himself in the gym/maintains good looks. This is Sosuave's version of the Don Juan.

Notice, all three men in this example GET WOMEN. But which guy would you rather be? The Thug, the Blue Pill guy, or the Don Juan? You guys know I hate to use labels like that, but I'm trying to paint a picture.......

 

[El Payaso]

Well, I believe a man's appeal to women will be based on his total measurement of ATTRACTIVENESS. This is why I continue to preach that guys focus on getting their looks, personality, AND finances together because they all play a part in his overall ATTRACTIVENESS. You want to be a 6 out of 10 overall, which could be the following:

* One guy could be a 2 in Finances, 9 in Personality, and 6 in Looks. This is a collective average of 5.6 or rounded to a "6", which means women WILL find this guy attractive with his Personality carrying most of the weight. A lot of the deadbeats, thugs, losers, and bums fall into this category.

* Another guy could be a 8 in Finances, 3 in Personality, and 6 in Looks. This is a collective average of 5.6 or rounded to a "6", which means women WILL find this guy attractive with his Finances and Decent Level Looks carrying most of the weight. A lot of introverted/blue pill decent looking "well-paid guys" fall into this category, where personality wise they svck, but their decent looks and finances carry them across the finish line with women.

* Another guy could be a 7 in Finances, 7 in Personality, and a 7 in Looks. This is a collective average of 7 out of 10 and this is the level every guy should be striving for! This would be your well-paid guy, with a solid career, good personality/social skills, who also takes care of himself in the gym/maintains good looks. This is Sosuave's version of the Don Juan.

Notice, all three men in this example GET WOMEN. But which guy would you rather be? The Thug, the Blue Pill guy, or the Don Juan? You guys know I hate to use labels like that, but I'm trying to paint a picture.......

Interesting analysis. I like it.