Can I save my LTR

[DonGorgon]

What you have to do is stop thinking about her this way. This is what is causing all of your heartaches, you only have these positive thoughts & memories when you think of her and thats what you miss. However you have to make your brain face reality & teach it that she really caused you a lot of pain. Your mind is fascinated with its perception of her, you need to change the perception.

So sad how we have to mess with natural human emotion to play this game isnt it..

 

[DannykDJ]

What you have to do is stop thinking about her this way. This is what is causing all of your heartaches, you only have these positive thoughts & memories when you think of her and thats what you miss. However you have to make your brain face reality & teach it that she really caused you a lot of pain. Your mind is fascinated with its perception of her, you need to change the perception.

edit: now you have to ask yourself, instead of can I save my LTR, the question is can you save yourself? Can you pick yourself up and live a successful life?

Of course I can save myself. Everything in my life is going great except her. I am almost through with school with honors and on my way to my dream job, and I have almost hit my bodybuilding goal of 220 lbs lean. I am very depressed right now but I have everything together. I am by no means second guessing my life or having suicidal thoughts. My relationship was very valuable to me and losing it cut really deep, but it by no means defined who I am as a person

 

[DannykDJ]

So sad how we have to mess with natural human emotion to play this game isnt it..

You know I was just thinking about that last night. It amazes me humans have to play games to fall in love. Common sense would say that when a person would get on their knees and sheds tears because of how much they love you and tell you they would do anything to keep you, you would want a person like that in your life.

Instead we (men and women) look as that as needy, clingy, and desperate instead of committed and devoted to someone and it pushes the other person away. ( I am not talking about what afc's do, but what actual people in love in relationships do)

 

[MacAvoy]

Of course I can save myself. Everything in my life is going great except her. I am almost through with school with honors and on my way to my dream job, and I have almost hit my bodybuilding goal of 220 lbs lean. I am very depressed right now but I have everything together. I am by no means second guessing my life or having suicidal thoughts. My relationship was very valuable to me and losing it cut really deep, but it by no means defined who I am as a person

Thank you. I wasn't suggesting that you were second guessing life or suicidal. I wanted you to type out all th good things that you have going for it. By doing so, it helps reinforce the positive aspects.

The good thing is your on the right track. Don't worry about the breakdowns, they are normal, they are a part of the greaving process. However the greaving process is integral, if you don't get over her, you can end up like me, where I couldn't get the thought out of my head that Jane was the only one for me for 4 years (even though I was sleeping & dating other women) in my head I truly believed she was the one, because thats what I trained my brain to think. Instead of greaving, I simply jumped to the next warm piece and allowed my memory to stay.

Don't make the same mistake I did. It probably costed me some great women because I was not able to commit to them becuase my heart was still somewhere else.

 

[DonGorgon]

Of course I can save myself. Everything in my life is going great except her. I am almost through with school with honors and on my way to my dream job, and I have almost hit my bodybuilding goal of 220 lbs lean. I am very depressed right now but I have everything together. I am by no means second guessing my life or having suicidal thoughts. My relationship was very valuable to me and losing it cut really deep, but it by no means defined who I am as a person

Sounds like you gona be ok and even stronger when this is all done...

 

[DonGorgon]

You know I was just thinking about that last night. It amazes me humans have to play games to fall in love. Common sense would say that when a person would get on their knees and sheds tears because of how much they love you and tell you they would do anything to keep you, you would want a person like that in your life.

Instead we (men and women) look as that as needy, clingy, and desperate instead of committed and devoted to someone and it pushes the other person away. ( I am not talking about what afc's do, but what actual people in love in relationships do)

Its caused by the inner conflicts caused but the difference between our carnal urges and the requirements that society places upon us which are unnatural, but are very necessary to maintain a "civilized population of productive humans".....

 

[DannykDJ]

I did see myself having a future with her and I don't think I will be getting over her for awhile, but last "serious" relationship took almost a year before I forgot everything about her so this one is gonna be rough because This was a hundred times more intense.

Not to brag but I have never been turned down when asking a girl out. Like all things in life she can be replaced, the really painful part in replacing her with someone better. I can understand why some people have such a hard time moving on because finding someone better takes alot of time, money, pain, and nexting.

I just got so tired of constantly breaking up with girls after 1 month because they didn't meet the standard. Then out of the blue I meet one that rises way above those standards. I feel like the universe played a cruel joke on me by giving me such a good match at such a young age. I know all my relationships are doomed right now simply because of how young I am (21).

 

[DonGorgon]

I know all my relationships are doomed right now simply because of how young I am (21).

They are doomed any way cause capitalism has rendered all social concepts meaningless and valueless...

People of all ages are having a hard time maintaining LTRs.. in 2008 its al about "me me me and my money, ill have sex when i want and with whom i want"

 

[MacAvoy]

What you say is largely true Don, however his is even more doomed because of what he correctly says, people at 21 aren't experienced enough to make life long decisions or have healthy relationships for the most part.

 

[DonGorgon]

What you say is largely true Don, however his is even more doomed because of what he correctly says, people at 21 aren't experienced enough to make life long decisions or have healthy relationships for the most part.

True and they have the least need and desire to do so.. cause they are young and hot and in demand and have to many options......

 

[DannykDJ]

Don, While you are right about that on a certain level , thats a horrible mentality to have. I believe that there are exceptions to every rule.

I am sure there is a suitcase full of millions buried in the garbage dump somewhere. The question is are you willing to dive into a pile of garbage to look for it.

 

[DonGorgon]

Don, While you are right about that on a certain level , thats a horrible mentality to have. I believe that there are exceptions to every rule.

I am sure there is a suitcase full of millions buried in the garbage dump somewhere. The question is are you willing to dive into a pile of garbage to look for it.

And there are rules to every exception.......


And then you have to ask yourself - "Is digging in a garbage dump looking for a suitcase full of millions the most efficient way to become a millionaire?"

 

[MacAvoy]

And then you have to ask yourself - "Is digging in a garbage dump looking for a suitcase full of millions the most efficient way to become a millionaire?"

Some days I just love your advice Don. Other days I think it belongs in the dumpster but todays one of the days that I think its bang on.

reps given today

 

[DonGorgon]

It would be scary if you agreed with me all the time ..LOL... but thanks for the reps...

 

[DannykDJ]

And there are rules to every exception.......


And then you have to ask yourself - "Is digging in a garbage dump looking for a suitcase full of millions the most efficient way to become a millionaire?"

Ok that kinda owned me , and I have no real counter for that because it's true. My point was that sometimes you have to put up with crap before you find a winner. Not just women but everything else in life.

 

[DonGorgon]

Ok that kinda owned me , and I have no real counter for that because it's true. My point was that sometimes you have to put up with crap before you find a winner. Not just women but everything else in life.

I hear you but your winner should not be giving you this much crap.. She just does not seem to be on your level right now and sometimes the timing is just not right..

I have a 19year old F'buddie we really like each other but are in two different places in life so we can t be together.. it sucks but oh well..

 

[Dole]

I would like to thank everyone for contributing to this thread.
I learned a lot, great advice in here.

What I concluded from this thread about LTR is the following:
(I am doing the following for my own learning)
1) Your emotion's and feelings always to be one step below hers
2) If her IL quickly drops you have to accept it and do the same
3) Not to change your ways once she falls for you
4) When the relationship is on verge of breaking up, not to think about all the great qualities that she has but in fact think about all the negative thing's such as what she's putting you through, what she has done to you and so forth.
5) Not to beg her to stay with you, nor to crawl back to her, and not to emotionally show to much how much she means to you such as crying. ( My parents are divorced now after 18 years of being together and this is exactly what my father has done and all it did was distant my mother from him. Even though she still cares about him because he is the father of her kids she said her heart is not with him anymore )
6) If you do go on a break or you break up,
I)don't contact her instead she is to contact you
II)answer or reply to her once in a while
III)not to talk about your relationship, and if she does say why talk about the past?
IV) Let her know all the fun your having and that you have moved on to bigger better things,
V)Talk about other girls that are just 'friends'
In the end this should bring her back if you still want her...

 

[DannykDJ]

I would like to thank everyone for contributing to this thread.
I learned a lot, great advice in here.

What I concluded from this thread about LTR is the following:
(I am doing the following for my own learning)
1) Your emotion's and feelings always to be one step below hers
2) If her IL quickly drops you have to accept it and do the same
3) Not to change your ways once she falls for you
4) When the relationship is on verge of breaking up, not to think about all the great qualities that she has but in fact think about all the negative thing's such as what she's putting you through, what she has done to you and so forth.
5) Not to beg her to stay with you, nor to crawl back to her, and not to emotionally show to much how much she means to you such as crying. ( My parents are divorced now after 18 years of being together and this is exactly what my father has done and all it did was distant my mother from him. Even though she still cares about him because he is the father of her kids she said her heart is not with him anymore )
6) If you do go on a break or you break up,
I)don't contact her instead she is to contact you
II)answer or reply to her once in a while
III)not to talk about your relationship, and if she does say why talk about the past?
IV) Let her know all the fun your having and that you have moved on to bigger better things,
V)Talk about other girls that are just 'friends'
In the end this should bring her back if you still want her...

Those are good guidelines to follow but I believe they are very situational. I still say you should take a step back and asses the relationship before you just end it. It's very easy to find problems if you're looking for them. If someone strictly follows these rules they will quickly find themselves throwing away relationships left and right. Being with someone for extended periods of time gets boring and interest drops slightly. Boring is not necessarily bad, just boring, and boredom can be fixed. Only things that can't be compromised on or can't be fixed should be the basis of ending it. The only ones set in stone that you should always follow are number 5 and 6 everything else at least deserves an effort imo.

 

[drak_ool]

It amazes me humans have to play games to fall in love.

that is a very interesting point you make. But have you dug deeper? have you thought "what does 'love' really mean?

i have to say my own thoughts on the issue are not completely developed but my starting point comes from Ross Jeffries (and this is the only thing i will ever quote him on): "falling in love is something you do to yourself"

the more i thought about it, the more it made sense. He says that you fall in love when you are not in the presence of the "loved" one and you keep telling yourself how great she is, and how much you like her. It s like a reinforcement thing: you keep telling yourself that, then you hang out with her and you feel really good, so when you re not with her you start over.

so really love is not something that just comes out of the blue. nor is it something you have no control over.

just keep that in time next time you find a great girl and "fall in love" with her

 

[DonGorgon]

that is a very interesting point you make. But have you dug deeper? have you thought "what does 'love' really mean?

Nothing really .. just another word people throw around..