Can I save my LTR
- Thread starter DannykDJ
- Start date
DannykDJ said:
BIG MISTAKE
WHY DON'T YOU?DannykDJ said:
IT'S OVER
Sorry to hear lad but it seems to me like in your the same boat as I was about a week ago, You and your girl have been together for awhile. Hell Longer than most of the U.S. Population!!!! :crackup:
Anywhoo, you have to first congrad yourself for making it last that long!!!
Like I've Done I suggest you do the following:
CUT ALL CONTACT
Delete Everything!!! Pictures on your computer/phone,
If you have myspace or facebook delete her ass from your friends
Erase her number and erase it from your memory
If she calls DO NOT I REPEAT DO NOT ANSWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AVOID ANYTHING THAT REMINDS YOU OF HER
Wherever or whatever you two always did together avoid that **** like the plague!!!! For me, I had to avoid TV on Sundays, because me and my ex always watched Tv and a movie together. And I had to avoid eating out, but hey it's healthier and save money. I'm not giving up frozen cokes though!!!
Too dam addicting!!!!!
DO NOT PUT YOURSELF INTO SELF PITY
DO NOT MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE I MADE
Sitting alone in my room analysing for countless hours about what went wrong. She obviously doesn't give about your feelings enough or she wouldn't have done this to you!! You should move on with our life ASAP!!! THERE ARE TRILLIONS OF BEAUTIFUL WOMEN OUT THERE!!! ARE YOU REALLY GONNA LET ME AND THE OTHER DJ'S HAVE THEM?
Again have some ****ing self respect,
You dont need her
SHE NEEDS YOU!!!!
I REPEAT SHE NEEDS YOU!!!
MOVE ON AND YOU WILL DEFINATELY BECOME STRONGER AS A MAN!!!!
Avoid her and move on
Trust me, she'll come crawlying back a ****ing parasite...
Harsh I know but it's that sad truth
Good Luck Mate
KontrollerX
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LMFAO ProDJ!!!
Outstanding soldier!!!
VU and I need a 3rd man on board anyway as I think thats how it was done over Hiroshima! :crackup:
Outstanding soldier!!!
VU and I need a 3rd man on board anyway as I think thats how it was done over Hiroshima! :crackup:
dannyegg4575
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If a chick can tell you how much she loved you before she pulled that move on you, it's smoking mirrors my friend. It's cruel but it's reality. You're still feeling like you love her because she did all that stuff for you and the good feelings she implanted in your head before she left. I don't know if women do it on purpose or if they just don't know how to say good bye properly... But what it does is mask the true intentions of her in wanting to leave.DannykDJ said:
Women don't change their minds after one minor fight. Loving women don't want to fight with you. They either test you to see how you would react and see if they have you by the palm of their hands. Loving women want to save the relationship they're in.
It's not that it's an overnight thing dude. Think about it. When you were with her, would it be an overnight for you to suddenly not love her anymore? NO! She planned this awhile back already. All it takes is a little button pushing on her part to start an argument and the right reasons. THERE ARE NO REASONS. She just wants to leave. Do you get it?
Truth of the matter is, you have to start moving on. It doesn't matter to you anymore what's going on with her life. You have to flip that off switch in your head. Let her go. And if she does decide to come back in the future, then, YOU get to decide what to do. All this time that you have right now is actually freedom. You're like a long time caged bird that wants to go back to cage because you're afraid of starving in the outside world once your master set you free. If you go back, you're fed whatever the master feeds you. Do you get it? vs going out and be fed whatever you want.
You can't go back dude. The trust is gone. At least for the time being. If you go back too early, you're going to reexperience everything again once she leaves. Here was one of my previous post on going back. do take time to read it and digest and see if you agree.
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=140248
cordoncordon
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Update?
My update is very shameful..
Monday was our 1 year anniversary. We didn't go to dinner but I stopped by to see her cause she asked. When I got there she was very distant. After I left I realized there is nothing I can do to save this relationship. I had a panic attack in my room (shaking, crying vomiting) I called her and completely lost it. I was crying and even threw up on the phone. Pitiful I know but I couldn't help it
Had I took my own advice and cut contact with her the day she asked for space theres a chance she would be with me now, but I love her so much I thought I needed to fight for her since I caused this by insulting her. Everyone on told me to let it go, but It's just not that easy to break such a deep bond you felt for someone.
I have called her crying several times telling her I won't be a jerk to her anymore but it just drove her away more and now she doesn't even call me. It's very shameful but I have never felt real love for another person outside of my family and I freaked and it cost me.
I do appreciate her honesty though. She told me we are both too young to be this serious. She said she wants to experience more things in life including dating other people. She told me we both need to mature more and have more relationships so that one day if we both want to try again we will be ready. She said I need to grow my balls back when I started crying because the Daniel she fell in love with was so confident and badass, not clingy and emotional. She said I need to stop being so serious with my relationships since we are so young because it sucks all the fun out and has killed so much of the attraction she has for me. I don't like it but I know she is right.
Right now we haven't spoken since tuesday and i'm spending all my time sleeping and studying just to take my mind off her. I failed so hard as a DJ over the past month. I had so many chances to get her back but I ignored the voice of reason because of how I strongly I felt.
I put so much of my happiness into this woman because I honestly saw a future with her, and now I have no one but a handful of friends who are pissed because I haven't talked to them in about 2 months
I truly sympathize with anyone who has ever been in honest and true real love and have had their heart broken. It seemed so easy to just not talk to her when I typed it out but in reality it was impossible to do. I'm not nearly as strong and hardened as I thought I was
Monday was our 1 year anniversary. We didn't go to dinner but I stopped by to see her cause she asked. When I got there she was very distant. After I left I realized there is nothing I can do to save this relationship. I had a panic attack in my room (shaking, crying vomiting) I called her and completely lost it. I was crying and even threw up on the phone. Pitiful I know but I couldn't help it
Had I took my own advice and cut contact with her the day she asked for space theres a chance she would be with me now, but I love her so much I thought I needed to fight for her since I caused this by insulting her. Everyone on told me to let it go, but It's just not that easy to break such a deep bond you felt for someone.
I have called her crying several times telling her I won't be a jerk to her anymore but it just drove her away more and now she doesn't even call me. It's very shameful but I have never felt real love for another person outside of my family and I freaked and it cost me.
I do appreciate her honesty though. She told me we are both too young to be this serious. She said she wants to experience more things in life including dating other people. She told me we both need to mature more and have more relationships so that one day if we both want to try again we will be ready. She said I need to grow my balls back when I started crying because the Daniel she fell in love with was so confident and badass, not clingy and emotional. She said I need to stop being so serious with my relationships since we are so young because it sucks all the fun out and has killed so much of the attraction she has for me. I don't like it but I know she is right.
Right now we haven't spoken since tuesday and i'm spending all my time sleeping and studying just to take my mind off her. I failed so hard as a DJ over the past month. I had so many chances to get her back but I ignored the voice of reason because of how I strongly I felt.
I put so much of my happiness into this woman because I honestly saw a future with her, and now I have no one but a handful of friends who are pissed because I haven't talked to them in about 2 months
I truly sympathize with anyone who has ever been in honest and true real love and have had their heart broken. It seemed so easy to just not talk to her when I typed it out but in reality it was impossible to do. I'm not nearly as strong and hardened as I thought I was
DonGorgon
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Its been over and she gave you the opportunity to dump her first and save you dignity...
KontrollerX
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"Had I took my own advice and cut contact with her the day she asked for space theres a chance she would be with me now, but I love her so much I thought I needed to fight for her since I caused this by insulting her. Everyone on told me to let it go, but It's just not that easy to break such a deep bond you felt for someone.
I have called her crying several times telling her I won't be a jerk to her anymore but it just drove her away more and now she doesn't even call me. It's very shameful but I have never felt real love for another person outside of my family and I freaked and it cost me."
Yeah don't worry Danny its understandable and nothing to be ashamed of to cave in like this.
Its unfortunately natural when you've never experienced something like this before to do the wrong thing even when you get the right advice from people who have been through this before and will tell you what won't work and you do what won't work anyway because you deeply believe that what won't work actually will work and nothing can convince you other wise until you see what won't work actually won't work for yourself.
Rollo had a great post about why this is a while ago and I'd link it if I could find it again but basically the gist of it is that sometimes only experience and the pain of that experience can break through our walls and create an opportunity for change to occur in how we think about certain situations and what we will do if they are to occur again.
Which means should this situation ever occur with you again with another girl you will finally realize and believe on a deep level that the right thing to do isn't what you did with this girl after all and you'll instead do what you've learned from this site because you will both believe it to be true and feel it to be true finally and have experience to back up those beliefs and feelings.
"I do appreciate her honesty though. She told me we are both too young to be this serious. She said she wants to experience more things in life including dating other people. She told me we both need to mature more and have more relationships so that one day if we both want to try again we will be ready. She said I need to grow my balls back when I started crying because the Daniel she fell in love with was so confident and badass, not clingy and emotional. She said I need to stop being so serious with my relationships since we are so young because it sucks all the fun out and has killed so much of the attraction she has for me. I don't like it but I know she is right."
Yeah its great honesty but it won't do you any good with her.
Take in the advice, make all of the proper changes to be the man she was attracted to before and get other women once you are ready.
And never ever go back to her again even if she is willing because though what she said here was honest it was also demeaning and disgustingly despicably cruel from a person who was supposed to of loved you.
It is honest and for that she can be commended but it belies an extreme lack of respect and disdain for you as a person and your relationship together.
Never demean or devalue yourself which taking her back should such an opportunity arise do to you.
She had her chance, she made her decision, and now she must live with the consequences.
I have called her crying several times telling her I won't be a jerk to her anymore but it just drove her away more and now she doesn't even call me. It's very shameful but I have never felt real love for another person outside of my family and I freaked and it cost me."
Yeah don't worry Danny its understandable and nothing to be ashamed of to cave in like this.
Its unfortunately natural when you've never experienced something like this before to do the wrong thing even when you get the right advice from people who have been through this before and will tell you what won't work and you do what won't work anyway because you deeply believe that what won't work actually will work and nothing can convince you other wise until you see what won't work actually won't work for yourself.
Rollo had a great post about why this is a while ago and I'd link it if I could find it again but basically the gist of it is that sometimes only experience and the pain of that experience can break through our walls and create an opportunity for change to occur in how we think about certain situations and what we will do if they are to occur again.
Which means should this situation ever occur with you again with another girl you will finally realize and believe on a deep level that the right thing to do isn't what you did with this girl after all and you'll instead do what you've learned from this site because you will both believe it to be true and feel it to be true finally and have experience to back up those beliefs and feelings.
"I do appreciate her honesty though. She told me we are both too young to be this serious. She said she wants to experience more things in life including dating other people. She told me we both need to mature more and have more relationships so that one day if we both want to try again we will be ready. She said I need to grow my balls back when I started crying because the Daniel she fell in love with was so confident and badass, not clingy and emotional. She said I need to stop being so serious with my relationships since we are so young because it sucks all the fun out and has killed so much of the attraction she has for me. I don't like it but I know she is right."
Yeah its great honesty but it won't do you any good with her.
Take in the advice, make all of the proper changes to be the man she was attracted to before and get other women once you are ready.
And never ever go back to her again even if she is willing because though what she said here was honest it was also demeaning and disgustingly despicably cruel from a person who was supposed to of loved you.
It is honest and for that she can be commended but it belies an extreme lack of respect and disdain for you as a person and your relationship together.
Never demean or devalue yourself which taking her back should such an opportunity arise do to you.
She had her chance, she made her decision, and now she must live with the consequences.
DonGorgon
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KontrollerX said:
Never fall for a woman deeper than she has fallen for you and always adjust you feelings for her according to how deep her are for you.. and dump her fast without question when her feeling drop to low,
One year of an exclusive relationship means nothing. I'm not sure how old you are, but at any age, one year of being together means absolutely nothing when compared to years of lifetime. You've said it yourself, "I'll look back on this and laugh about it." Why haven't you started to look back yet?
You need to sit down and really think hard about why you are so attached to this girl. You need to be honest with yourself. Why do you love her so much? Was it because it was a first serious relationship? Was it because she gave you so much attention and affirmation that now you feel completely lost without it? Was it because you felt that she "completed" you as a person by bringing happiness, love, affection, and joy in your life? Was it because of her caring nature and the way she always looked after and cared for you?
Think hard and fast about those questions. Write them down here if you want. But the most important thing to do is to be HONEST when you write these answers down. Nobody is going to judge you for the answers you write down.
It's easy to sit there and say, "lesson learned, time to move on, won't happen again." But first you have to understand what the lesson is that you have learned. You don't mention it so I'm going to wait until you tell us what the lesson is that you have learned.
Acknowledging you have made mistakes is the first step. But the most important step, and people tend to skip this plenty of times, is to know what the mistakes were. You have to dig deep down and figure out where the problem lies. Most of the times, problems lie in your attitude and mindset.
The good news is that you're at the right place. Tell us what your attitude and mindset is and was. Read around some great threads, especially ones by Interceptor.
You need to sit down and really think hard about why you are so attached to this girl. You need to be honest with yourself. Why do you love her so much? Was it because it was a first serious relationship? Was it because she gave you so much attention and affirmation that now you feel completely lost without it? Was it because you felt that she "completed" you as a person by bringing happiness, love, affection, and joy in your life? Was it because of her caring nature and the way she always looked after and cared for you?
Think hard and fast about those questions. Write them down here if you want. But the most important thing to do is to be HONEST when you write these answers down. Nobody is going to judge you for the answers you write down.
It's easy to sit there and say, "lesson learned, time to move on, won't happen again." But first you have to understand what the lesson is that you have learned. You don't mention it so I'm going to wait until you tell us what the lesson is that you have learned.
Acknowledging you have made mistakes is the first step. But the most important step, and people tend to skip this plenty of times, is to know what the mistakes were. You have to dig deep down and figure out where the problem lies. Most of the times, problems lie in your attitude and mindset.
The good news is that you're at the right place. Tell us what your attitude and mindset is and was. Read around some great threads, especially ones by Interceptor.
Thats the thing though. Before I insulted her she was head over heels in love with me, called me all the time wanting to see me, constantly telling me how much she loved me and missed me, canceling other plans to see me, going out of her way to do nice things for me. Then I messed up and it sent her interest level to almost zero while mine stayed the same.
DonGorgon
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Her love was like a flame that burned out.. it happens then they love another , and another, and another.. Dont obsess over it just be ready next time... She noticed that you fell for her falling for you then the fun was over... Always dump a woman at the peak of her emotions, or she will dump you as soon as she starts coming down from that peak.DannykDJ said:
The reason I loved her and was so attached is not how because of my ego( well maybe about half). I loved her because she is the first girl I've dated to have vastly more good qualities than bad ones. She took my feelings into consideration with everything she did, and she never played games or caused drama. She encouraged us to have a close relationship together while maintaining our individuality. I have never had a girl do that before. And no this was not my first ltr but it is the first time I have ever felt like this for someoneThe Bat said:
DonGorgon
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i.e. keep our eyes open for other better options...DannykDJ said:
DonGorgon
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DannykDJ said:
When a women really loves you .. the last thing on her mind is her "individuality" .. that is all modern liberal independent unlovable woman stuff...
MacAvoy
Banned
What you have to do is stop thinking about her this way. This is what is causing all of your heartaches, you only have these positive thoughts & memories when you think of her and thats what you miss. However you have to make your brain face reality & teach it that she really caused you a lot of pain. Your mind is fascinated with its perception of her, you need to change the perception.DannykDJ said:
edit: now you have to ask yourself, instead of can I save my LTR, the question is can you save yourself? Can you pick yourself up and live a successful life?