BPD ex.... 3 months out - need some advice

[SecondHalf]

I'd really like to know from other BPD survivors, what scars and aftereffects are leftover from that time?

Mine seems to be physical weakness. I seem to have lost alot of strenghth compared to what i used to have. I was so mentally beat down, that I just cant rouse myself to the fight like i used too.

Does anyone relate to what Im saying???

Not really BPD ex, but after the breakup of my histrionic / narcissist wife, I had huge trust issues. Three years later I'm still shaking off some of the residual baggage.

As for the weakness, I suppose sort of, but that would be because most of the life force seemed to have been sucked from me and I just had no energy. Anger will help that! Won't take too long.

SH

 

[Findog]

I'd really like to know from other BPD survivors, what scars and aftereffects are leftover from that time?

Mine seems to be physical weakness. I seem to have lost alot of strenghth compared to what i used to have. I was so mentally beat down, that I just cant rouse myself to the fight like i used too.

Does anyone relate to what Im saying???

If there is a silver lining to my experience, it's that I have become a much better judge of character, and my Red Flag Radar is pretty tightly honed. I have nexted attractive girls that for one reason or another gave off a vibe of "Danger! May be Trouble Ahead" whereas in the past I hung around hoping to get some sex. Sex is not worth losing your sanity or the erosion of your boundaries. I think the Red Pill is not just about the behaviors and attitudes that you need to change in order to attract and keep a woman, but also developing a better picker so that you don't put yourself in emotionally dangerous situations to begin with.

Stay away from women with the following characteristics:

- single mom
- princess entitlement complex
- divorcee
- missing or weak father figure from childhood
- low self-esteem
- excessive hypochondriac
- pretty much all guy friends and almost no female friends
- excessively complains and whines and b*tches about other people
- a history of disastrous relationships yet now says she's seen the light and knows how relationships work
- partied and slept around a lot but now wants to "settle down"
- excessive piercings and tattoos
- paints all exes black. Has nothing good to say about exes, trashes all of them, and can't bring herself to acknowledge that some of them were good guys but that it just didn't work out because of a lack of compatibility and wanting different things out of life
- excessively slutty (willing to f*ck on a first date, in which case I'll take it, but good for pump and dump only)
- immaturity (a 31 year old with the lifestyle habits of a 21 year old)
- you're in your thirties and she's older than you
- excessive facebook usage (she has several hundred friends, posts status updates several times a day, etc...this is symptomatic of being an attention wh*re that needs constant validation)

The aftereffects (I'm almost two years out) are mainly just having kind of a jaded view of relationships and women. I am constantly on alert for being scammed or for the other shoe to drop. Part of what makes BPDs hard to get over is that they are extremely hot usually (mine was the hottest girl I'd ever been with, easily an 8. I can pull 7's and the occasional 8, but she was the prettiest), and the good times with them, not just the sex, the highs with them are better than what you have ever had with any other girl. There's a feeling like you've been to the mountaintop and you'll never get back, and that's kind of depressing.

 

[TonyBaloney]

If there is a silver lining to my experience, it's that I have become a much better judge of character, and my Red Flag Radar is pretty tightly honed. I have nexted attractive girls that for one reason or another gave off a vibe of "Danger! May be Trouble Ahead" whereas in the past I hung around hoping to get some sex. Sex is not worth losing your sanity or the erosion of your boundaries. I think the Red Pill is not just about the behaviors and attitudes that you need to change in order to attract and keep a woman, but also developing a better picker so that you don't put yourself in emotionally dangerous situations to begin with.

Stay away from women with the following characteristics:

- single mom
- princess entitlement complex
- divorcee
- missing or weak father figure from childhood
- low self-esteem
- excessive hypochondriac
- pretty much all guy friends and almost no female friends
- excessively complains and whines and b*tches about other people
- a history of disastrous relationships yet now says she's seen the light and knows how relationships work
- partied and slept around a lot but now wants to "settle down"
- excessive piercings and tattoos
- paints all exes black. Has nothing good to say about exes, trashes all of them, and can't bring herself to acknowledge that some of them were good guys but that it just didn't work out because of a lack of compatibility and wanting different things out of life
- excessively slutty (willing to f*ck on a first date, in which case I'll take it, but good for pump and dump only)
- immaturity (a 31 year old with the lifestyle habits of a 21 year old)
- you're in your thirties and she's older than you
- excessive facebook usage (she has several hundred friends, posts status updates several times a day, etc...this is symptomatic of being an attention wh*re that needs constant validation)

The aftereffects (I'm almost two years out) are mainly just having kind of a jaded view of relationships and women. I am constantly on alert for being scammed or for the other shoe to drop. Part of what makes BPDs hard to get over is that they are extremely hot usually (mine was the hottest girl I'd ever been with, easily an 8. I can pull 7's and the occasional 8, but she was the prettiest), and the good times with them, not just the sex, the highs with them are better than what you have ever had with any other girl. There's a feeling like you've been to the mountaintop and you'll never get back, and that's kind of depressing.

Thanks to you Findog, and to Secondhalf for these pearls of wisdom.

I really do feel like I took a much more than most fall when this all happened to me. We all have the incredible stories about these girls, and they are a hard act to follow. However, ive been through this process several times with this girl, and although the betrayal was the final act of malice in a sick three and half years with this woman (p.s - do any of you feel completely CHEATED OF TIME if you were with her long haul?) i feel like ive come out of the other end, bruised, but with my soul intact (felt like a shell when i was with her, she constantly devalued me)

I know that there are good women out there - suppose that my scarcity mentality is because im near 40........ if only i could lay my hands on a 28 year old and rub that cvnts face in it!!!

 

[Pirlo21]

I've been (and am still) here.

I don't know for sure if she has BPD, she definitely fits a lot of the characteristics of it.

I was her knight in shining armor when I came into the picture, she had nothing good to say about any of the previous guys she was with... nothing. She rarely hung out with her own friends, eveyrthing was with me. I was her savior when I first came into the picture and she said numerous times "I was the best thing that ever happened to her."

It made me melt. Her level of emotion and intensity for the first 6 months was unreal, the sex was great and she was so passionately into it. She was attached really fast. Looking back now, after reading it, it completely did feel like it was to good to be true.

After 8 months it started going South a bit. Any type of argument or issue in the relationship was always my fault. She could never be wrong. Everything she did was right.

Fast forward to the one year four mark month in our relationship and she dropped me. I was devastated. She was writing stuff on her facebook wall like "loving life" etc. All of a sudden, instead of being a savior, she made it seem like I was the worst thing that happened to her, somehow preventing her from doing what she wants in life.

After going NC she came back and the exact same process repeated. At first it was amazing and I was her saviour again. Then few months down the line repeat.

Went NC, she came back again, and stupidly I went back into it. By this point I was half the man I was when I first started, my confidence was shattered compared to when I first met her and it showed in aspects of our relationship. Few months more down the line rinse and repeat, she dropped me for a new and exciting guy, and acted as if I meant nothing to her. Confidence destroyed at this point.

Like I said, I have no medical analysis if she even has BPD, but I believe she must at least have some form of it. Her family situation is also a disaster, Dad cheated on her mom when she was 5, dad was never around. Parents divorced a couple years go, she doesn't even speak to her dad now.


I'm still not over her, beacause simply, the good times were just so damn good but I have built back up my confidence a ton, my life is getting to a point where its at the best its been and know I can do better. She's seeing a new guy and I've noticed shes dropped all her friends again to only hang out with this guy and his friends... curious to see if it follows the same cycle I did.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

I've been (and am still) here.

I don't know for sure if she has BPD, she definitely fits a lot of the characteristics of it.

I was her knight in shining armor when I came into the picture, she had nothing good to say about any of the previous guys she was with... nothing. She rarely hung out with her own friends, eveyrthing was with me. I was her savior when I first came into the picture and she said numerous times "I was the best thing that ever happened to her."

It made me melt. Her level of emotion and intensity for the first 6 months was unreal, the sex was great and she was so passionately into it. She was attached really fast. Looking back now, after reading it, it completely did feel like it was to good to be true.

After 8 months it started going South a bit. Any type of argument or issue in the relationship was always my fault. She could never be wrong. Everything she did was right.

Fast forward to the one year four mark month in our relationship and she dropped me. I was devastated. She was writing stuff on her facebook wall like "loving life" etc. All of a sudden, instead of being a savior, she made it seem like I was the worst thing that happened to her, somehow preventing her from doing what she wants in life.

After going NC she came back and the exact same process repeated. At first it was amazing and I was her saviour again. Then few months down the line repeat.

Went NC, she came back again, and stupidly I went back into it. By this point I was half the man I was when I first started, my confidence was shattered compared to when I first met her and it showed in aspects of our relationship. Few months more down the line rinse and repeat, she dropped me for a new and exciting guy, and acted as if I meant nothing to her. Confidence destroyed at this point.

Like I said, I have no medical analysis if she even has BPD, but I believe she must at least have some form of it. Her family situation is also a disaster, Dad cheated on her mom when she was 5, dad was never around. Parents divorced a couple years go, she doesn't even speak to her dad now.


I'm still not over her, beacause simply, the good times were just so damn good but I have built back up my confidence a ton, my life is getting to a point where its at the best its been and know I can do better. She's seeing a new guy and I've noticed shes dropped all her friends again to only hang out with this guy and his friends... curious to see if it follows the same cycle I did.

This sounds fvcked brother. I'm sorry your mind got messed up by this chick--force her the fvck out of your head. It is truly hard when a woman makes you feel like her King and then turns on you. Worst thing ever. I have learned on-and-off again usually ends in Off. Something to avoid in the future...

 

[Pirlo21]

This sounds fvcked brother. I'm sorry your mind got messed up by this chick--force her the fvck out of your head. It is truly hard when a woman makes you feel like her King and then turns on you. Worst thing ever. I have learned on-and-off again usually ends in Off. Something to avoid in the future...

I know I have already steared clear of a few girls who got attached incredibly quickly.

I dont know if it means anything or not but all the guys my ex has dated in between and the guy right now have been total opposites of me. They all play the bad boy type, seem to have issues and are completely covered in tattoos. Where as I come from a totally stable family and am far more clean and athletic looking.

 

[Scars]

Dealing with a BPD woman can actually lead to extreme trauma, and it's not uncommon for the victim to be left with PTSD depending on the severity of the relationship. Go back and read some of KontrollerX's post. He never really fully got better until he started visiting a psychiatrist. These woman are truly crazy, and will drive your insanity down to theirs.

I'm completely over mine, because I know how toxic she is. But there are still memories that pop up, one in particular that still haunts me. I don't know if it's a lie or not, and I will probably never find out. The thing is, it has nothing to do with me. It was an accusation about somebody very close to me. The scary thing is, it's almost believable, but at the same time, she is a huge liar. This is an example of how they fvck with your head.

-Scars

 

[TonyBaloney]

Is there anyway at all to win with these women????

At all?????

Any success stories would give us all hope!!!!!!

 

[Scars]

Is there anyway at all to win with these women????

At all?????

Any success stories would give us all hope!!!!!!

Be a sociopath.

-Scars

 

[5string]

Is there anyway at all to win with these women????

At all?????

Any success stories would give us all hope!!!!!!

The answer is yes. Most guys on here will disagree, but I have first hand experience. Anyone can pm me to discuss.

 

[SecondHalf]

The answer is yes. Most guys on here will disagree, but I have first hand experience. Anyone can pm me to discuss.

Don't hold back 5string.

Do share? Your opinion is valued and respected by all I think!

SH

 

[Pirlo21]

The answer is yes. Most guys on here will disagree, but I have first hand experience. Anyone can pm me to discuss.

Share the story bud, I think it is possible but not when the girl is still unsettled at a young age.

 

[5string]

Don't hold back 5string.

Do share? Your opinion is valued and respected by all I think!

SH

Let me just come clean. I'm married to a BPD. The first two years were unbearable to the point where I drew up the divorce papers. It hit rock bottom at that point. I then gave it one last shot. Laid down some strict boundaries, made her go to my doc, got her on meds and she's been the best possible wife ever since. BPD was the reason I found this site. I am still here because I like all of the guys and enjoy their stories and heartaches. I'm one of the older fellas, but I have been around the block and all over the world. You could call me seasoned I guess.

My BPD case is rare. I got it handled and could not be happier at this point in my life. Mrs.5string is the best. She knows what she is dealing with and knows what I will not tolerate and what the consequences will be.

If there is anything you learn on this site, it's the ability to walk the fvck away. Your women need to know this. It gives you a degree of power and control.

Anyone may contact me to discuss. My cat is out of the bag.

 

[PeakIV]

stay away from these evil biatches... just had a few calls and a text message in the last week " I'm missing you....."

this is after 8 months of no contact.

Its all lies she has obviously got a problem in her current relationship and wants validation. I will ignore....

Remember it's never about you it's always about them and always will be, she doesn't give a sh*t about you. never has and never will.

They will drag you down into their crazy fuc*ed up world if you let them,

you can't save them so don't even try.

SS saved my ass.. I wouldn't have known any of this if it wasn't for KontrollerX , biblebelt, scars and Jophill (rip)

you gotta open your eyes..

 

[PeakIV]

to 5string....

I went back armed with all the cluster B knowledge . but as they say Delial is not just a river in egypt and boy did she deny anything was wrong .

I tried to set boundries etc. but unless you have tried to reason with someone that is so dysregulated you have no idea.

They don't have a problem you have . deny deny deny...

The very few that accept there is something wrong , you may have a chance but it won't be easy.

years of hard work and setting boundries etc...

even then , is it really worth it?

You have a constant battle in this world just to survive, work, money etc...

Do you really want that at home as well?

 

[5string]

Peak

Thanks. I know where you are coming from and you certainly are not wrong. A BPD can suck the soul from your dead, emotional corpse. Mine has not had an "episode" in over two years. I got it under control with three things:

1) Meds
2) Set boundaries with the knowledge that she knows I mean what I said (walking away).
3) Her realizing her diagnosis, and it's potential to fvck up the best things she has in life.

Thus, she got her sh!t together and has been the best wife ever.

I have never heard of a BPD success story except for mine. We'll see. One thing is for sure.....my radar will be on 24/7. That's a given.

 

[PeakIV]

Kudos to you 5string, apart from you and a few over at psychforums who realise they have a problem and are willing to work on it I have never come accross a successful case and even the ones that realise, it can still be hell on earth to be in a relationship with one of these creatures, they just can't help themselves when they lose it.

it's the one thing you can't fight against no matter how much you are willing to stay the course.

If they deny anything is wrong at all - you walk - period.

You have no other option apart from a slow lingering spiral into insanity and death.

oh yes stay long enough with the really disordered ones they will kill you physically and or emotionally make no mistake about it.

This is not a joke and to all you out there this must be taken seriously. it's fuc*ing scary and you only realise the magazine you dodged when you come out the otherside in pieces and spend the next year walking around picking them all up again....

 

[5string]

Knowledge about BPD and other disorders is literally power. I consider myself an expert at this point and know what to look for in a woman's behavior. I also not only have the ability to walk away, but my mind and heart are now guarded by six layers of kevlar. I was hurt deeply years ago, but it will never happen again in my lifetime. I cannot allow it for my own well being.

That said, I'm completely content and happy now. I took care of business.

 

[Scars]

The ability to walk away is huge, a BPD's worst fear is abandonment. They don't want to relive out the experience, but they end up doing it anyway by sabotaging themselves and the people around them. The only difference is they feel like they have control over it this time.

-Scars

 

[PeakIV]

5string - I had the knowledge and the power to walk away and what I thought was the kevler but ended up being cardboard. had to use the power to walk - still got hurt - bummer....