BPD ex.... 3 months out - need some advice

[SoSuave666]

A lot of the problem with women in general is that society has deemed it OK for them to be in control, be hot and cold, play games, be hypergamous overtly, and generally have no consequences for their actions. It sounds a lot like a BPD chick. The difference is that a BPD chick cannot be disciplined. Unlike a child, they will test the waters until you either a.) give in or b.) give up. In either scenario, a or b, they will be fvcking crazy. For instance, if your girl wants to meet up with her ex for drinks (this topic can be found on other threads). You voice your concern over it, tell her it's not ok, and she "agrees" to not see him. You'll proceed to have great sex, she'll be all over you telling you she loves you, and then the next day, what will she do? She'll go see her ex, and she'll make sure you find out about it. When you bring up the conversation you had about not seeing him, she'll shame you by calling you controlling and pretend that the conversation was in jest.

Most of you will say you won't put up with this behavior, and I'm sure you're probably right. You'll walk away. She will then text you uncontrollably for hours on end declaring her love for you, and what hurts even more is that she'll begin to tell YOU that YOU never cared for HER. She'll threaten suicide, she'll tell you she is going to fvck her ex, she'll even sit outside your house waiting for you to get home from work so you can see her sobbing in her "emotionally weakened state." You'll be nice and invite her in to cheer her up, but you would never go back now. She'll come in, suck your c0ck and have you right back in her web.

She will make herself into a total fool in front of hundreds of people just to get attention. Any attention will suffice as it's not the type that excites her, but the amount of attention she can grab. You'll know when you meet one of these women because they refuse to take a back seat to your wishes. They will compromise for a 24 hour period, then turn right back around and do exactly what a normal girl wouldn't after being disciplined.

And Zarky, Findog is right bro. Early on these girls give no signs of being a BPD. It's how they reel you in. She'll make you wait a little bit for secks, but not too long as to lose you. She'll sleep on your arm and make you breakfast in the morning. All the normal things a chick does, until one day, she brings up her insecurities. Normal girls are insecure, but this broad is insecure to another level. Suddenly everyone in her life has abandoned her, you're the only guy who can make things right, and to top it all off she gets regularly beaten by her father. The game they play is sick, really.

I hope no one here has to go through another BPD in their life. Just be aware that these days, most women can come off as having traits of BPD, but really aren't. You'll know these women because they can compromise and be disciplined. If there is no compromise, if there is no respect for your wishes, you're more than likely dealing with a BPD...not just an entitled woman.

 

[jaygreenb]

I always considered myself a guy with high principals and boundries, I have never really struggled with women and in fact it has always come easily to me since I was 18, I'm 32 now. The first time I ever even looked at PUA stuff was when I was trying to get this BPD girl, things she did didn't add up so I figured I was doing something wrong and needed to up my game. Well..... I got her....haha... holy sh---t. It is absolutely crazy how your boundries and self esteem are slowly eroded away until you don't even recognize yourself in the mirror anymore, it's almost as if they turn you into them.

 

[Findog]

It is absolutely crazy how your boundries and self esteem are slowly eroded away until you don't even recognize yourself in the mirror anymore, it's almost as if they turn you into them.

There's a saying about BPD girls: "In the beginning she mirrored me and things were wonderful. In the end I mirrored her and it was awful."

 

[PeakIV]

There's a saying about BPD girls: "In the beginning she mirrored me and things were wonderful. In the end I mirrored her and it was awful."

That's the scary part, you just won't recognise yourself and how low you have sunk until you are out. How your boundries have been eroded away.

I think I left her at left 3 times all be pulled back with promises of change.

AAHHH lets see - no change what a surprise...it gets worse...

The last time I left I realised was the easy part. The hard part is staying away and trying to get over the mindf*ck of it all. NC all the way.

Someone wrote this which sums it up....

"Since I'm a glutton for punishment, the weekend before last I went out for a visit to my ex-BPD, because "things would be different", LOL.

She had managed to appear normal for a while, and I got suckered in. Need I tell you that the day went terribly? First 2 hours were fine, then a conflict arose. She reverted to the 12 year old and all was lost. I drove her home, shook my head and thought, "Dave, what were you thinking?" The answer, of course, is that I wasn't thinking."

 

[jaygreenb]

Just saw my ex today for the first time driving with another guy, a little gut wrenching at first but suprisingly feel alright now. Poor sucker doesn't know what he is in for.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

Just saw my ex today for the first time driving with another guy, a little gut wrenching at first but suprisingly feel alright now. Poor sucker doesn't know what he is in for.

Just think to yourself, "I feel sorry for that guy and that evil cvnt can go to hell".

Man this thread was eye-opening, quality SS posting -- this makes me much more self aware and I'm thinking of this crazy bish red-head at work...maybe she's BPD? I know that term gets thrown around all over...but psycho you know what I mean? Some of these women will be ALL ABOUT YOU but really they're sponging your soul like a vacuum.

Gentleman -- there must be something to be said about self-esteem here. I don't think if I truly respected myself I'd have let myself get fvcked around with this much. We see some hot pu$$y and get hooked and just like The Sirens used to lead Greek Sailors to their death by their seduction, so too do they.

Evils *****es!!!!!!!!!

Stay strong man ! Stay strong ! Just think how lucky you are to be TOTALLY FREE From here, NO KIDS, NO $ to owe -- You're free man! You don't want to go back to San Quentin! It might sound nice in memories, but buddy remember the hell you were in !

 

[jaygreenb]

Thanks bud, I don't care what happens or how much I think about her, I am not going back ever. Just have to keep plugging away until this c__t is out of my system.

 

[origin138]

Any tips on getting this ***** out of my head? Im really getting disgusted with myself on this

I hear you man. My tips would be time, no contact, plates and self improvement. Furthermore, developing strong boundaries, a keen awareness of red flags unhealthy women exhibit, and the balls to walk away from them when your brain tells you something isn't right would be essential. From what I'm reading here, it sounds like you're on the right track.

It's unfortunate you keep seeing her around. You should try to cut out as many of these encounters as possible. If you need to switch gyms or to stop talking to her brother/family, so be it. Every time you see her it opens up the ****can again.

Going forward, recognize that BPD women tend to be far more exciting than healthy women which makes them intoxicating for many men. With this in mind, you have to tap into your manhood and ignore these women with resolve, and hone in on other more "normal" women to fvck around with. I currently work with a slvt who has strong borderline traits. I avoid her like she's an STD because for me, she exudes red flags, but for other men she's "exciting", "fun to be around", "sexy", etc etc. She has 15 betas at her beck and call every day doing her bidding. It's sad to watch how these guys run around at her disposal and give her all this power.

Looking back it's easy to for me to sit here and say all this stuff, but going through it, an encounter with a genuine BPD can take a hold of you in ways never imagined. This is a great opportunity for you to grow and develop alpha qualities. This experience will only add any current success you're having in the field. Once you've been jilted by one of these women you'll grow a skin that didn't exist before when it comes to dealing with women. Once you've tangled with a BPD, you'll be hard pressed to ever let another woman break your frame again.

Hope this helps.

 

[origin138]

Gentleman -- there must be something to be said about self-esteem here.

You nailed it with this statement. Men with strong self-esteem don't get roped in very far, if at all, by these women. These women specifically look for signs of weakness and a genuine lack of care about her behavior.

2 men fit her paradigm: The man with low self esteem, and the sociopath. The man with the low self esteem gets the sh!t end of the stick (because he falls in love with her and doesn't draw boundaries) while the sociopath gets a piece with no strings attached (because he has no feelings). His genuine lack of care makes her panties fiercely wet and also lets her live like a wh*re with relational impunity. It would seem she's got it all, but as a close therapist friend of mine once told me, being a BPD is torturous existence.

 

[origin138]

I disagree that PD women are attracted to PD men. Maybe some are, but I know 5 women with PD traits and two are full blown PD's. Three of them go after nice guys only(of course cheat with anything that walks...no logic there). One goes with guys that are uglier than her to maintain frame/security. Two of them told me specifically that they avoid "bad boys" because they dont want to get "hit" or "cheated on". One of them actually is obsessed with a cheating drug addict, but that is par for the course for damaged women not a PD trait.

In my study of PD's I think the idea that these people attract each other is myth. But the idea that PD's prey on the weak is not, in fact they know they do it.

I hear what you're saying, but what I'm not understanding is how each of the men you've mentioned don't fall into 1 of the 2 "types" of men I mentioned earlier.

I think attraction is largely an unconscious process, but like you said, for the BPD it's very different. They actively seek out men they perceive they can have their way with. At the same time I believe they're also highly drawn to men who are stable and strong but also have some underlying self esteem (nice guy beta) issues where they will in fact let the BPD cheat and will constantly forgive her even if it costs him his health and sanity.

A man with ideal self esteem doesn't put up with that sh!t. At the end of the day, BPDs want strong, stable, "nice" men to use as anchors for their insanity. Ironically, the sociopath also fills this role well because he honestly doesn't give a sh!t what she does. She flips out, he tunes her out. She's happy/manic, he tunes her out. The BPD craves closeness and fears it just as much making the sociopath a great option because of his apathy. Also, I should mention that the sociopath would also be the non-violent type just like you mentioned.

Just my 2 cents.

 

[jaygreenb]

Fellas, you would be proud of me. I have been dating/screwing this girl for the past six weeks and somethings seemed really familar to my ex. Anyway there were signs of BPD but she never did anything bad directly to me. I started to dig a little and she was actually diagnosed years ago. Hot girl, great sex and I still dropped her. I'm in no position to really emotionally get involved with anyone so I always kept her at arms length, probably saved me. Your boy is growing up haha

 

[Skalioppe]

Yeah, shame though isn't it? Nature's a funny cvnt, almost compensates for their mental sh1t by making BPDs / Bipolars the best fvck possible. ALWAYS.

 

[TonyBaloney]

Yeah, shame though isn't it? Nature's a funny cvnt, almost compensates for their mental sh1t by making BPDs / Bipolars the best fvck possible. ALWAYS.

I would say that in a strange kinda way, it is advantageous to these women from an evolutionary perspective to be self serving like they are; they get bred by different men and have a brood of kids with their genes, a betas genes, a betas help bringing up his and the alphaS kids.......

 

[jaygreenb]

I'm not a religious guy at all, but if there is a devil they are the perfect vehicle to bring down humanity

 

[Buddha_Mind]

Can someone tell me more about what BPD really is?

This gets thrown around everywhere...I've been reading about this...man, I don't know what to believe in terms of these things sometimes.

Couldn't someone simply be BPD because their life is fvcked up? AKA, no stable home, no hopeful futures, etc -- these online sources say 'the exact cause of BPD is unknown' -- sounds more like behavior from someone with some very intense life issues.

Sometimes we label things like 'depression' on someone as a sickness, but really its the conditions of their environment (low socioeconomic level, poverty or surrounding crime) that CAUSES their depression. We say, 'ooh your sick, have some pills" rather than look at the root cause.

Isn't some of this valid for BPD as well? What are the REAL catalysts? It must be destuctive childhoods...intense traumas...BPD could be a side-effect of some very bad life-situations. More likely rare in someone whose life is more stable (income, good family, etc, etc).

 

[Scars]

I never really got over my BPD ex until I got involved with another one. Hah.

Edit: And Buddha, yes most BPD's generally come from unstable backgrounds. It's unfortunate, but it's a waste trying to save or heal them, they're pretty much fvcked up for life. But it also depends on the background. A girl could live in poverty most her life, but turn out successful and stronger through the experience. But if a girl you first meet starts talking openly about her being molested, raped, or abused etc.. you should start running because you've probably crossed paths with a BPD. They really have a way of making you feel sorry for them, they also suck your identify from you and mirror your personality. They generally go after narcissists, which most of us here are (whether they want to admit it or not), so you essentially fall in love with yourself through the eyes of a demon woman. They can be very destructive, and most of the break ups you'll read about end catastrophically. They might claim you raped them and call the cops on you, you might get arrested for domestic violence, in my case her father tried to fist fight me, she might key your car, smash your windows, make up lies to people in your social circle that you abused her or have an STD etc.., they generally just drive you crazy and they suck the life out of you.

-Scars

 

[TonyBaloney]

BPD could be a side-effect of some very bad life-situations. More likely rare in someone whose life is more stable (income, good family, etc, etc).

Buddha, Scars illustration about it having nothing to do with socio economic back ground is spot on....

My NPD ex came from an extremelypriveledged background. Father was a Lord and a very, very clever man - this was part of the problem.....

All NPDs have a dysfunctional childhood in some regard, whether poor or rich, if a child is neglected emotionally, or damaged emotionally, this can develop into a personality disorder.

I will freely admit here that I was and to a small degree still am, smitten with my ex. (the most crazy sex EVER) I was used and abused in the most terrible way by her, and came to understand over time that she had these problems. I tried everything to get the relationship on track, complete white knighted her, but these things are absolutely ingrained. Try changing a morose man into a comedian, or somebody who likes art to hating it....its not possible, unless there is a complete will....trouble is that their condition doesnt allow them to see their is a problem....its everyone elses fault....

 

[happygilmore]

what is was for me...was that after the breakup i knew right away that she might be HPD only because my father is a psychiatrist, if i had not known right away i may have hurt much more and made many mistakes in my recovery. What she did has made me somewhat PTSD. She became somewhat of a case study and what it really was for me is that i just needed confirmation that she was in fact HPD....everything was there i just needed to see it end with the new guy to confirm, which was stupid on my part because it may have prolonged things... but once it did, a load came off my shoulders...it really was the work of a disorder. When the "honeymoon phase" was over with her new doormat boy, i became antsy, then boom, 2 more months went by (deval/reval) and one saturday night i get a text from her. She started slow (trying to reel me in), then the last text when she wrote that she had broken up with him, i didn't respond. It was too pathetic. Everything i had read, DSM, mulitple cases, and this site....helped me to realize everything about it...making it easier. I'm sure she will try again as it has been a few weeks now. The PTSD (which i think is just part of the ego-bruise and not about her) is still there, but has gone down dramatically. A few more months and I will attain full indifference. They truly are disordered. Don't make the mistake of trying to confirm it like I did, it only prolongs things, just let it go.

 

[GotED?]

Yep - listen to PairPlus about physical attraction (or addiction, rather!). BPD women are BPD because they own the power of being extremely SEXUAL or PHYSICALLY ATTRACTIVE. Most likely, she is the hottest HB you have ever had in your life so far - that is WHY it is so fooken hard to get over the BPD! BPD knows she settled for you because you would PEDESTAL HER. This is her only weapon and a NUKE BOMB it is for you.

It is for you to learn this, and to LOVE yourself out of this situation that you will regain your masculine self and understand you CAN and WILL DO BETTER with another even more physically attractive HB woman in the future. Most that fail to keep NC is because MEN ARE AFRAID THEY WILL NOT DO BETTER and they had let the hottest one go. That is the fallacy of men with fragile self-esteem and ego.

I have to THANK my BPD ex-wife of 3 months - she has opened my eyes - from the day she hit me on my face and made me bleed for the first time in my life, that started my path as a DJ and realized what a great man I am. But it didn't happen overnight, I had to learn and learn and understand what really happened and my BPD ex taught me to see the real faces of women. I thank her now for the priceless lesson of life.

With Respect,

Exodus

 

[TonyBaloney]

I'd really like to know from other BPD survivors, what scars and aftereffects are leftover from that time?

Mine seems to be physical weakness. I seem to have lost alot of strenghth compared to what i used to have. I was so mentally beat down, that I just cant rouse myself to the fight like i used too.

Does anyone relate to what Im saying???