Boundaries and women with guy friends, what's the deal?

[Focal core]

Omg! Forced to by your environment! I’m sorry I can even right now lol. Do you know how many times guys here lament about women taking no accountability for their bad behaviour and here you are, a self proclaimed alpha male, doing the exact same thing that men criticize women for.

I’m sorry but this is exactly why the mainstream thinks the red pill is a f**king joke.

This is the first time I hear Alpha males cheat.. No, a true alphas when in comes to women they're so typically monotypes, can't even spin plates,made no mistake he has lots of orbiters or women chasing him. He just don't waste any of his time with them, they're too busy working for himself, while others searching all the pua, pills, games,.. He's too busy creating himself, games comes naturally when it comes to alpha males, he doesn't have to learn it..

Sorry but this pissed me off.

 

[AJ84]

This is the first time I hear Alpha males cheat.. No, a true alphas when in comes to women they're so typically monotypes, can't even spin plates,made no mistake he has lots of orbiters or women chasing him. He just don't waste any of his time with them, they're too busy working for himself, while others searching all the pua, pills, games,.. He's too busy creating himself, games comes naturally when it comes to alpha males, he doesn't have to learn it..

Sorry but this pissed me off.

The OP was the one who stated that alpha males cheat, not me. I was responding to his post.

I also think the definition of a true alpha male varies widely across the forum.

But I like your definition of one: men who have passions and a purpose outside of women are more appealing than the average f**kboy, and usually more interesting.

 

[Robert28]

The OP was the one who stated that alpha males cheat, not me. I was responding to his post.

I also think the definition of a true alpha male varies widely across the forum.

But I like your definition of one: men who have passions and a purpose outside of women are more appealing than the average f**kboy, and usually more interesting.

Those men are only “interesting” to women until Chad the f**kboy comes along. Chad<passion and purpose. Always.

 

[Focal core]

The OP was the one who stated that alpha males cheat, not me. I was responding to his post.

I also think the definition of a true alpha male varies widely across the forum.

But I like your definition of one: men who have passions and a purpose outside of women are more appealing than the average f**kboy, and usually more interesting.

No I'm venting it to you, I didn't know who posted it, it's just out of guts feelings.. Sorry again.

 

[stovepipe]

Your live in gf won’t leave even though you asked her to? Where is her self respect that is messed up.

To me it sounds like Trauma bounding. Conditioning is almost impossible to cure vs addiction.

 

[Focal core]

Those men are only “interesting” to women until Chad the f**kboy comes along. Chad<passion and purpose. Always.

Oh that what's its mean by Chad's then, it's sounds like self centered person to me, let me guess he's the loudest one in the room right.. Correct me if I'm wrong, Alphas always played in the background, born out a natural leader he never is the loudest one in the room, never wanted to be in the centre of attention, yet get the most attention and popularity they gets from opposites sex, only a subtle eyes can spot them and realize what just happened and its too late.

 

[zekko]

1) Acquire your own female orbiters

I agree with the rest of your post. But the problem with this is men have no real need of female orbiters. Women like to have different guys to do different things for them (take them to dinner, fix the car, put up some paneling).

A guy might like some eye candy to take out on the town somewhere, but if she looks that good a guy will likely want her to be a FWB.

 

[guru1000]

These days I embrace women with male friends. It just gives me a reason to decline their exclusivity requests under the guise of “I'm just too controlling of a guy to be exclusive with a girl who has male friends."

But IF you wanted exclusivity:

1) Wait for her to overtly push to be exclusive;

2) Tell her that exclusivity means no male friends for her and no female friends for you, among other conditions that YOU deem to be respectful under an exclusive relation; and

3) If she says that's too much of a request, not fair, or any rationalization otherwise, tell her you totally agree, and just continue spinning her.

It's rather simple.

 

[Medina]

I agree with the rest of your post. But the problem with this is men have no real need of female orbiters. Women like to have different guys to do different things for them (take them to dinner, fix the car, put up some paneling).

A guy might like some eye candy to take out on the town somewhere, but if she looks that good a guy will likely want her to be a FWB.

They raise your SMV. Women like guys that other women are interested in

 

[zekko]

They raise your SMV. Women like guys that other women are interested in

I still think if the girl is attractive, odds are you will want to bang her.

 

[Barrister]

If they're young, they are more likely to have "guy friends," dudes from their high school and college circles.

As they age it should be less and less of a thing. If not, it's kinda of weird and not worth tolerating.

I agree with this. When in high school/college I think guys and girls definitely have friends of the opposite sex pretty regularly and that is normal. However, when you get to be late twenties and above I think there is definitely an issue present under the surface with the woman. I say woman only because I don't know ANY men with "gal" friends past their late twenties, but I still know many women with male friends and yes the males are generally orbiters who just want to jump in bed with the woman. And the woman is fully aware of this but just needs the attention anyway. I would say it is a narcissistic quality - not something you want to deal with.

I would steer clear of it because it is a respect issue. If she doesn't respect your boundaries there is literally ZERO reason to be around her.

 

[BeExcellent]

I concur with @guru1000 to a great degree here.

I do however think there are exceptions and that should be nuanced.

Two points to make.

One. For me, I have two male friends who I am not going to jettison for a relationship. I also must communicate with my ex husband who is the father of my children and whom I have a financial relationship with.

It is about intent and it is about boundaries. Neither my ex husband (finally he is over me *Yay) nor my male friend I’ve known 34 years are interested in me sexually. My friend is literally like a brother. Now. My other long standing male friend, who I have a business relationship with and who I’ve known for 28 years (we were lovers in our early 20s) might want to pursue something beyond friendship if the opportunity presented itself and the timing was right. And it wouldn’t be casual in nature if we went that route. That’s very different than fishing around for a bang. Because neither of us wishes to pursue something (intent is not there), then solid boundaries exist to protect our respective significant others. Additionally I agree that significant others are to be included when interacting in person, but even on the phone. I’ve no problem putting him on speaker before my man to talk business and I’ve no issue with my man reading our communication chain, which is 95% business with a tiny bit of personal commentary thrown in.

He wanted me to check out a build out he is doing in another state, for example. I declined even though I had business nearby while he was there. I declined out of respect for my relationship and I told him (my friend) this. I did not mention the offer to visit to my man at all. Because I know the right thing and had already done the respectful thing there is/was no need to inject undue drama into my relationship.

Two. Doing the right thing is MY responsibility. A man does not need to manage me. I manage myself according to my character and I expect my man to do the same.

I date alpha men and my father was a strong one. I did marry a poser however and eventually left him due to eroded respect. Alpha men are internally validated and act with purpose. The fact that they attract women is a by product of how they exist in the world; of their BEING. Women and attention is not a prime aim...not for true alphas. True alphas select a woman who is a worthy partner and operate in a benevolent dictator way within relationship. And they do so when they chose as it suits their life aim. Then they lead. Period.

Not many men who really meet that description running around and the few who are have high standards.

Players and most PUA types are not true alphas.

True alphas expect respect from their woman and from those around them and will distance themselves naturally from people who do not recognize their demeanor & position.

It’s a self sorting process that’s actually as elegant as it is simple.

 

[John9999]

You did the right thing brother, saved yourself from inevitable heartache...One of my most recent exes is back on facebook and already has tons of guys from all over the country on there...

Oh, and by the way, she knew they wanted to have sex with her, they were her validation, back up options, toys to play with. She played dumb. Women know this stuff, or when a guy has sexual energy even as a friend. YOU DID THE RIGHT THING. KNOW THAT...

Oh i know. But to this day this girl still doesn’t know it’s wrong. She has had like 4 boyfriends in the last 6 years. It never lasts.

 

[jnMissouri]

Oh i know. But to this day this girl still doesn’t know it’s wrong. She has had like 4 boyfriends in the last 6 years. It never lasts.

Yeah, it's a scam. These women will end up old, ugly and broke with baggage only a carrier can handle. The economics of sex change over time, their looks fade and your game/money grows. The power shifts. Work on being successful so you can run into them in your Lambo with your 20 year old gf when you're 50. "Oh, hey, you're bagging groceries now, living in a studio apartment? This is my gf Kathia, we are going out to dinner then going back to my lake house. Glad to see you're doing well, lol"

 

[AttackFormation]

Omg! Forced to by your environment! I’m sorry I can even right now lol. Do you know how many times guys here lament about women taking no accountability for their bad behaviour and here you are, a self proclaimed alpha male, doing the exact same thing that men criticize women for.

I’m sorry but this is exactly why the mainstream thinks the red pill is a f**king joke.

This is another one of those cases where i cant decide if soneone is a troll, or so stupid/repulsive that they can pass for one. Already didnt want to read the guy's threads because ny troll sensor was picking up from the thread titles and quantity, and now here we go. Guys who cheat while complaining about womens' behavior make me stop wanting to come to this forum as it's just a joke. Whats the point in taking advice from, advicing, or getting the perspectives of lowlifes or morons? But there are still quality posters. One more for the ignore list.... Soon ill barely see any threads/posts, lol

 

[lamath]

This is another one of those cases where i cant decide if soneone is a troll, or so stupid/repulsive that they can pass for one. Already didnt want to read the guy's threads because ny troll sensor was picking up from the thread titles and quantity, and now here we go. Guys who cheat while complaining about womens' behavior make me stop wanting to come to this forum as it's just a joke. Whats the point in taking advice from, advicing, or getting the perspectives of lowlifes or morons? But there are still quality posters. One more for the ignore list.... Soon ill barely see any threads/posts, lol

Same here troll sensor is ringing, not sure why they would waste that much time trolling.

Seems like at least 1/4 of thread are started by troll or really retarded ppl

 

[jnMissouri]

Anyone who is doing better than you is a troll on this forum and attacked, lol. I posted a legitimate topic about a legitimate issue I've gone through a lot and especially recently, and as you can see, so have others. If you don't like my threads don't post in them, simple as that. You're the trolls, rather than adding to the topic, you launch personal attacks...based on nothing other than jealousy. Posting about a topic many men deal with is apparently trolling...lol. What a bunch of haters and jealous people...

 

[jnMissouri]

I concur with @guru1000 to a great degree here.

I do however think there are exceptions and that should be nuanced.

Two points to make.

One. For me, I have two male friends who I am not going to jettison for a relationship. I also must communicate with my ex husband who is the father of my children and whom I have a financial relationship with.

It is about intent and it is about boundaries. Neither my ex husband (finally he is over me *Yay) nor my male friend I’ve known 34 years are interested in me sexually. My friend is literally like a brother. Now. My other long standing male friend, who I have a business relationship with and who I’ve known for 28 years (we were lovers in our early 20s) might want to pursue something beyond friendship if the opportunity presented itself and the timing was right. And it wouldn’t be casual in nature if we went that route. That’s very different than fishing around for a bang. Because neither of us wishes to pursue something (intent is not there), then solid boundaries exist to protect our respective significant others. Additionally I agree that significant others are to be included when interacting in person, but even on the phone. I’ve no problem putting him on speaker before my man to talk business and I’ve no issue with my man reading our communication chain, which is 95% business with a tiny bit of personal commentary thrown in.

He wanted me to check out a build out he is doing in another state, for example. I declined even though I had business nearby while he was there. I declined out of respect for my relationship and I told him (my friend) this. I did not mention the offer to visit to my man at all. Because I know the right thing and had already done the respectful thing there is/was no need to inject undue drama into my relationship.

Two. Doing the right thing is MY responsibility. A man does not need to manage me. I manage myself according to my character and I expect my man to do the same.

I date alpha men and my father was a strong one. I did marry a poser however and eventually left him due to eroded respect. Alpha men are internally validated and act with purpose. The fact that they attract women is a by product of how they exist in the world; of their BEING. Women and attention is not a prime aim...not for true alphas. True alphas select a woman who is a worthy partner and operate in a benevolent dictator way within relationship. And they do so when they chose as it suits their life aim. Then they lead. Period.

Not many men who really meet that description running around and the few who are have high standards.

Players and most PUA types are not true alphas.

True alphas expect respect from their woman and from those around them and will distance themselves naturally from people who do not recognize their demeanor & position.

It’s a self sorting process that’s actually as elegant as it is simple.

And as you saw I said there would be exceptions with women who had kids with an ex, but still boundaries. Though as you also saw, most of the men, the vast majority on here would not be OK with your male friend that you were intimate with and that you clearly stated would be an option in the future. He is a back up option just like we are saying...this. is. what. women. do.

I'd really like to see a woman that would be OK with me to go on a trip to see a female friend and stay with her at her place (separate rooms). The vast majority would NOT be OK with that....yet we are expected to allow similar. One recent ex (who was aware I had a gf that lived with me) had male friends that were CLEAR problems in our relationship. The difference between me being with someone and me not wanting her to hang out with her male friends is that SHE KNEW I LIVED WITH ANOTHER WOMAN AND WAS OK WITH IT, SHE SAID SHE DIDN'T CARE (THOUGH I THINK SHE REALLY DID, SHE SHOWED HER JEALOUSY PERIODICALLY) BUT I WAS NOT OK WITH HER MALE FRIENDS. SHE ACCEPTED THE BOUNDARIES BUT COULDN'T KEEP THEM. SHE CHOSE TO ALLOW ME TO HAVE ANOTHER WOMAN BUT NOT HAVE MALE FRIENDS....

 

[AJ84]

And as you saw I said there would be exceptions with women who had kids with an ex, but still boundaries. Though as you also saw, most of the men, the vast majority on here would not be OK with your male friend that you were intimate with and that you clearly stated would be an option in the future. He is a back up option just like we are saying...this. is. what. women. do.

I'd really like to see a woman that would be OK with me to go on a trip to see a female friend and stay with her at her place (separate rooms). The vast majority would NOT be OK with that....yet we are expected to allow similar. One recent ex (who was aware I had a gf that lived with me) had male friends that were CLEAR problems in our relationship. The difference between me being with someone and me not wanting her to hang out with her male friends is that SHE KNEW I LIVED WITH ANOTHER WOMAN AND WAS OK WITH IT, SHE SAID SHE DIDN'T CARE (THOUGH I THINK SHE REALLY DID, SHE SHOWED HER JEALOUSY PERIODICALLY) BUT I WAS NOT OK WITH HER MALE FRIENDS. SHE ACCEPTED THE BOUNDARIES BUT COULDN'T KEEP THEM. SHE CHOSE TO ALLOW ME TO HAVE ANOTHER WOMAN BUT NOT HAVE MALE FRIENDS....

Dude, when you have a mistress who has accepted being your mistress, she owes you NOTHING. And that’s one of the reasons why some women are fine with being mistresses, they don’t have to operate under your frame and you have no ground to oppose that, none what so ever. She can f**k who she wants, hang with who she wants and basically not have to consider you at all if she chooses not to, because there is zero incentive for her to do otherwise and she has nothing to lose.

If you are going to continue to have these side pieces it’s best you accept the reality of what you can or can’t expect from them. You’re running relationship game on side piece game and it’s giving you a headache.

I don’t advocate cheating, but if your going to do it then accept it for what it is and don’t expect much.

 

[BeExcellent]

@jnMissouri its like this. The friend and business associate and decades ago old flame of mine is neither an orbiter nor a back up plan. There is still a respect and affection between us. But the respect is what rules. He himself is twice divorced, until recently was in a highly social proofed position running a prestigious venue in Las Vegas and he routinely dates women half his age, and has done for years. He doesn’t respect said women, he plays them, plates them and etc. He enjoys that lifestyle but it has its disadvantages. It isn’t meaningful and he tosses them when the girls start thinking they can work him through sex. His first wife was a Penthouse centerfold. He knows the game cold.

So this isn’t some beta orbiter.

We both believe loyalty is owed to the relationship partner and behave in a supportive way. On occasion we have counseled one another about relationship matters. Not in a self serving way but because we have a respect and transparency between us such that we can offer insights that nobody else can. That has value. And those conversations are infrequent.

There is a maturity at play here. Deep respect. It is atypical which is my point. He’s not an orbiter and neither am I. We are friends. Real friends. When we were both married to other people we occasionally would double date and that was always nice. I like seeing my friend happy. My ex respects and likes him, always has and never felt threatened by the friendship. Not once in 20 years. Even now my ex husband has offered to assist him in his new venture in the service industry. There is complete transparency, complete respect, and no secrets. There also is no questionable behavior going on (no going away together, no clandestine conversations, no expecting the relationship partner to put up with anything that might be seen as disrespectful to the relationship. Nothing.). That is very different than what you are describing, which is why I am pointing it out.

It comes down to character. Of both parties. Someone who has character will do the right thing, the respectful thing. Someone who doesn’t, won’t.

Opportunities are everywhere. Colleagues, social contacts, people you meet & will never see again. Don’t be so naive as to think male “friends” are the issue (although I agree a woman who harbors a cotierie of male friends is suspect.). Hot women have opportunity literally everywhere. Character is what determines what someone does, because the test of character always comes when there is no way for the other person to find out.

You do not do the right thing regarding your live-in girlfriend when she won’t be the wiser. Therefore in my estimation you lack character. Don’t expect different behavior from the women you play. Water always seeks its own level. If a big character disparity exists, the relationship will eventually fail. It’s simply a matter of time & recognition.

Cheers