@jnMissouri its like this. The friend and business associate and decades ago old flame of mine is neither an orbiter nor a back up plan. There is still a respect and affection between us. But the respect is what rules. He himself is twice divorced, until recently was in a highly social proofed position running a prestigious venue in Las Vegas and he routinely dates women half his age, and has done for years. He doesn’t respect said women, he plays them, plates them and etc. He enjoys that lifestyle but it has its disadvantages. It isn’t meaningful and he tosses them when the girls start thinking they can work him through sex. His first wife was a Penthouse centerfold. He knows the game cold.
So this isn’t some beta orbiter.
We both believe loyalty is owed to the relationship partner and behave in a supportive way. On occasion we have counseled one another about relationship matters. Not in a self serving way but because we have a respect and transparency between us such that we can offer insights that nobody else can. That has value. And those conversations are infrequent.
There is a maturity at play here. Deep respect. It is atypical which is my point. He’s not an orbiter and neither am I. We are friends. Real friends. When we were both married to other people we occasionally would double date and that was always nice. I like seeing my friend happy. My ex respects and likes him, always has and never felt threatened by the friendship. Not once in 20 years. Even now my ex husband has offered to assist him in his new venture in the service industry. There is complete transparency, complete respect, and no secrets. There also is no questionable behavior going on (no going away together, no clandestine conversations, no expecting the relationship partner to put up with anything that might be seen as disrespectful to the relationship. Nothing.). That is very different than what you are describing, which is why I am pointing it out.
It comes down to character. Of both parties. Someone who has character will do the right thing, the respectful thing. Someone who doesn’t, won’t.
Opportunities are everywhere. Colleagues, social contacts, people you meet & will never see again. Don’t be so naive as to think male “friends” are the issue (although I agree a woman who harbors a cotierie of male friends is suspect.). Hot women have opportunity literally everywhere. Character is what determines what someone does, because the test of character always comes when there is no way for the other person to find out.
You do not do the right thing regarding your live-in girlfriend when she won’t be the wiser. Therefore in my estimation you lack character. Don’t expect different behavior from the women you play. Water always seeks its own level. If a big character disparity exists, the relationship will eventually fail. It’s simply a matter of time & recognition.
Cheers
