Bootcamp started May1st, Week #1 - Developing / Conveying Confidence

[thefonz]

I thought we were suppose spread these out over a period of 7 days? Oh well, I'm still having fun doing this.

I think it all depends on whether you feel a sense of accomplishment with saying hi to a store employee or something. Im not counting store employees but I did count 1 where I walked into Abercrombie and said hi to a HB8 working in the front who was daydreaming and ignoring everyone around her I said hi and she got nervous and smiled back with a hi *wink*, she actually went out of her way to say goodbye to me as I left.

Also, the better I get at this I find less people are blowing me off, alot of people blew me off in the begining. The only problem I'm having is with HB's..they all think I'm trying to hit on them and won't look at me, lol.

36/50 so far

 

[Kerm]

So last night I got 2 kiss closes. It was at this party at my college. The girls were only like 6.5-7's and at this thing there weren't many attractive girls but whatever i had fun. My original intention was just to flirt with the girls and not give them anything but i guess the alcohol got the best of me, oh well . The best part was that girl1 was watching as i was making out with girl2, and girl3 comes up to me and makes a comment about how i was with both girl1 and 2 (not in a bad way). Girl3 was probably the cutest at an 8, so I will pursue that more readily than girl 1 or 2.

That being said, i only have 17 Hi's. Its easy for me to talk to girls when the meeting process is being facilitated, but I don't normally just say hi to people. That is why i like this bootcamp. Even though I do have success with girls, this will only make me improbe because it is taking me out of my comfort zone. Keep it up guys, you can only improve.

ECs - Plenty.
His - 17
KissCloses - 2

 

[Thomas94305]

Self-talk on more difficult approaches??

Guys,

Wanted to discuss what self talk you use when you find it difficult to say hi, or whatever. I expect to get a LOT more into this when we get to asking for phone numbers, etc later. We all have different levels of comfort right now. But, whatever yours is, I'd wanna hear what you use to get you through the more difficult approaches. Learning to relax and be comfortable in these situations is key to pulling them off.

For difficult approaches, I've used:
-Just focus on "surviving" it. Don't worry about making it go well. When I'm done, I'll reflect how I'm OK. That can even involve taking deep breaths, assuring myself I'm still breathing, counting my fingers to affirm I still have 10, wiggle my toes, assuring they are still there. As extreme as that is, fear wants to blow things out of proportion, and sometimes tell us the end is near. Breathing, counting my fingers and toes, etc tells me the end certainly did not happen.
-I'm focusing on building my skill, closing a deal with this person is not my immediate concern.
-Razorjack's (see bristollair.com) assume attraction, rapport with the other person. Here, assume the person would like a hello. A lot of times, when they don't give a hi back, they are smiling, looking down, etc.. those are cues they are just shy, not that they don't want to be bothered. Even the HB 8-10's love the attention, why do they spend so much time on clothes, makeup, etc?
-I'll reflect on if I'm being treated appropriately by other people. Even if s/he don't say hi back, the person has not violated my rights. Fear/weak inner game wants to tell us we've been injured somehow, and I'm countering that.
-We're countering fear and shame... I've spoken about fear.. as for shame, there's nothing wrong with being sociable.
-Grab your f'ing balls
-Certain emotional states are incompatible. You can't feel fear when you feel angry. Now, anger doesn't facilitate socializing well. But, frustration is a milder form of anger. I'll remind myself how I've been frustrated with how my social life has been. It helps. Excitement and fear seem to be incompatible too... I'll remind myself I'm doing something most guys never will do. The uniqueness of that, and the excitement of discovering that world pulls me through.

Tell me your inner stuff for making these things easier...

Tom

 

[flippinfreak]

but then by those rules flippinfreak is not done, since he got most of his at work

My work involves driving to the bank, the post office, the store, the airport, garages, warehouses... etc... I've Got ten people working with me. One is a woman, all the rest are guys(man they got some HB girlfriends). Yeah, so When I say work and offices, it doesn't have to be YOUR job.

It can be any business. Coffee shops, book stores, shopping malls. Any customer that is working, or an HB that you are interested in.

The terms of the bootcamp are to approach women who you would consider to be of high quality. TO break from your standard level of eye contact. Hold eye contact and have them break first...

At the post office today I was standing in line and I tapped an HB8 on the shoulder... "staring contest"... I lost, but she broke first

At the coffee shop today I sat down with an HB and it was the Coffee shop girl on her break... I got free cup, because she lost the game.

When I went to deliver some mail at the warehouse I hailed down an HB who was driving away and got her phone number.

At the Airport, I pulled out my cell phone and started asking random people if somebody had lost theirs... I got a few that came up to me and tried to claim it, but of course they couldn't prove it was theirs... I think I'm going to put some pink stickers onto it for next time

-thefonz- AYYYY I started mine on Monday and finished on Friday, it will be easier to sarge on Friday with people out and about on the streets. I just hope it isn't snowing too bad.

-thomas94305- What is with the sn name? I've completely obliterated my anxiety of approaching. I've done over 10 Bootcamps so far, so I can honestly tell you that it is game destroyers that you are telling yourself when you approach. For me, I only need an excuse to get a girl interested to approach. For example, *looks at shoes* *walks up to HB* *tap tap on shoulder* "Do my shoes look funny to you?"

-Kerm- Throughout the Bootcamp, you can close any time you want to. The first week is Eye contact and hi first. To get the new recruits up to speed.

-OcenaWindRider- Check the first 40 posts, somebody there finished the Bootcamp first... I finished my first over 9 months ago.

Cheers Mates

 

[Mission]

So, I started late (yesterday) and I had no problems completing the eye contact experiment today, headin into the weekend now and I am going to finish up the "hi"s. Week one is very simple stuff.

--Mission

 

[OceanWindRider]

Thomas, as far as I know there are only a couple of things that can overcome the fear: Just go for it and some NLP techniques.
Self-talk is NOT one of them! Pretty much all self-talk is bad for our purposes. You can reflect AFTER the approach but not before.
So here is one technique - stop self-talk!
If you need a reason to say Hi - try: "I am being a friendly and social guys and I just want to spread my happiness to all people" or something like that.

mission, if it's too simple - use the more advanced versions (check the posts above for tougher assignments). It should be challenging for you - to bring you OUT of your comfort zone.

 

[King Tuz]

I'll probably edit this at the end of the night.

But just in case I forget my count.

EC - Hell, I don't even know...It's not like it's intimidating or anything. I'm not even worried about getting this on in. Let's say something around 25. The weird thing is that I actually tried to give EVERYONE I walked past EC. In fact I always try to do that.

The thing about EC is that I know I can and will do it. It just takes more time if you are around shy and insecure people. There are alot of people who are afraid to give eye contact. I'm not worried about getting the EC done. I'm just a little frustrated that people are so shy AND that for this challenge, we are depending on someone else for our success. We are depending on other people to give EC.

Hi - We'll say 10. I know it is more, I just can remember the exact number. Plus, having a challenge isn't so bad.

When does week 1 end?

 

[Migel]

It's the summer of George babe!
I did 15 Hi's today and therefore my count is:
50/50 !!!
I'm taking a break since I'm wasted and am waiting for week 2.

Thomas94305: I will write a little about my self-talk since I really analyze myself a lot. Here is my take on the "Hi" assignment, if it will help somebody then great!

Generally thinking and self-talk is bad when doing this. But how not to think and just do it? Well you have to convince yourself (your brain and your body) that you really WANT to do this. There are 3 things that helped me complete this task:

1. Mindset (or frame of mind)
2. Focus on the task
3. Acceptance of the real outcome


1) My mindset is "friendly drunk guy". I wrote about this one page earlier. This helps eliminate all the fear of being percieved as a psycho or any kind of judgment. This adds humour to your approach which is very powerful.

2) Usually you will tell yourself: why do I want to speak to this person, there is no point (this happens when the people you pass are really nasty looking ). At this time you must focus on the task. I imagine a counter in my head and just go for it. Immediately after saying hello I increase the counter .

3) Let's face it. Where I live NOBODY says Hi to strangers on the street. So when I say it, people are either: shocked, try to ignore it or don't actually believe what they heard. Once you ACCEPT that this is the reality things get MUCH easier because you get rid of your worst enemy, the thing that stops all men especially shy ones, that is NEEDINESS.
We all live in a fantasy world. A world where we are the greatest Don Juans in the world. We all KNOW that when you look at this cute HB she just melts and you are the most powerful person on earth. That is our fantasy. And here comes the greatest fear of all. We are afraid that if we simply say Hi to this girl she won't respond to you how you want it and THAT WILL DESTROY YOUR WHOLE WORLD. We are afraid that our fantasy world is not real. Well guess what? It's not real. You must ACCEPT that when you say Hi to anyone they usually won't respond as you expect it. This is why nice guys live a miserable life because they expect women to fall in love with them because they are so nice to them. They need their approval. This is also why positive thinking fails. You try to think positively because you need something. But there is a difference between WANTING something and NEEDING. You WANT the HB to smile at you and you WANT to f*** her, but you can't expect it. When you don't expect it magical things happen. Your brain knows the reality, and when you need the outcome to be good, it produces fear when you want to say Hi or when you want to approach. When you need the approval of the other person and you know the reality is rejection you will be afraid. So, to just do it, you must not need it, expect what is realistic and then when you finally meet a normal person like you that likes to say 'Hi' to strangers be surprised by it .
Of course it is not easy to get rid of neediness. I hope this bootcamp will solve the problem atleast partially. The only way I see to get rid of it is making it a habit to approach women and learning what is the ratio between rejection and success. I think we all should read on week 1 Pook's post "Habit is all". It's the correct mindset for this bootcamp.

 

[rob_xD]

wow, at first I wasn't thinkin too highly, of the "hi's"... but damn, its actually a hell of a way to build confidence, and just get a hold of a "i don't give a damn attitude"... went to the mall today... and just kept saying hi, i'm not gettin hi's back though... they're just glancing at me from the corner of their eyes.

 

[Bourne]

wow, at first I wasn't thinkin too highly, of the "hi's"... but damn, its actually a hell of a way to build confidence, and just get a hold of a "i don't give a damn attitude"... went to the mall today... and just kept saying hi, i'm not gettin hi's back though... they're just glancing at me from the corner of their eyes.

Bingo.

Some respond if they see me before I say hi. But it seems like people are taken off guard because they can't believe a stranger just said hi.

14/50.

I'm going to go to the mall an hour before they close. I need to bump my number up.

 

[yrock181]

yrock - complete the more advanced assignments - up the thread.
rob_xD if screaming from the car is in your comfort zone - that does not count!

are you talking about the shezzler's bootcamp or what?

 

[Mission]

OceanWindRider Thanks for the input man, I have been working on the eye contact for a while though, it is the "Hi"s that are going to get to me, my weakness is in cold approaches, which is why I am here

--Mission

 

[Genji]

wow, at first I wasn't thinkin too highly, of the "hi's"... but damn, its actually a hell of a way to build confidence, and just get a hold of a "i don't give a damn attitude"... went to the mall today... and just kept saying hi, i'm not gettin hi's back though... they're just glancing at me from the corner of their eyes.

Wow! It seems like a lot of people are getting ignored! I'm actually kind of surprised. I'm up to 21 hi's and I've only been given the cold sholder once. And I live in Seattle too (supposedly the least friendly city in the US)!

Well, keep up the good work everyone. I'm about to get off work and start celebrating Cinco de Mayo (and get several more hi's at a few bars and clubs).

Hi Count : 21/50

 

[JayCamx23]

i got prolly around 25 at work today. prolly 5 or 6 would have been automatic considering sometimes i have to say hi. but i was on fire. i was going out of my way just to walk around and say hi to people. im gonna play it low and say i have 35 now. (more like 40-45) just so tomorro ill have motivation when im at the club. hopefully i can find a way there.

 

[evil]

32/50 hi so far.
this is hard work!
got one day left,
but at least I'm free all day.

 

[Bourne]

22/50

I love this exercise. I have to say I underestimated this, for humble as I am I truly underestimated the power of simple Hi's exercises.

 

[MyWay]

MyWay, it's hard to say exactly, but I think you are just trying to find an easy way out. Meaning - being an excuser
Of course, it's easier to have 5 convo with women in a week rather than saying 50 Hi's - but it's up to you.

Hell no! 5 convo's with women are much harder than 50 hi's...Since I did bootcamp last year (only up to week 3), I'm doing the hi thing on a regular basis... Going for 50 in a day is even easy (if I put some time in it). That's already within my comfort zone, speaking to women isn't. So, I was in no way finding an excuse. But as I told you, Shezz's topic seems a bit dead, so I join this one. I skip week one, that has no value to me. I'll join ya all in week 2.

edit: I'll go for Hi's to only HB's. And I'll go for 50 hi's in 30 minutes...uh, if that's possible...that's over 1 hi a minute hehe.

 

[fitos]

Count 25/50

Ok, last night went out, did the EC, then 5 Hi's. Then started drinking, lost courage or whatever. After a few hours, decided to go home, a bit drunk, started saying Hi to people on the way back, did more 6.

Today woke up, and decided to start from zero. Went to the park, 25 His on the afternoon, actually more but I only counted the "best".

Result: I'm more comunicative today .

 

[OceanWindRider]

Guys, please try to understand. There are 40 people going through the bootcamp. And I am the only one.
So:
1. Help each other!
2. READ THE F*CKING THREAD!!! It's only 6 pages long. I can't reply to 4 people asking the same question. If you don't have time to read the whole thread - at least read what I wrote on the first page!
I will try to mark important notices in red

Also, please mark your final results ONLY WHEN YOU COMPLETELY COMPLETE THE assignment for this week as:
FINAL RESULTS
Example:
-------------- New post by John Doe --------------

week #1 FINAL RESULTS:
20 ECs, 50 Hi's

----------- End of new post or other stuff down here ---------------
I am running short on my time, so this should make my job easier

 

[OceanWindRider]

Migel, great post!
Everyone please read Migel's his recent post and also read pook's Habit is all here:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=28651&highlight=habit