Bootcamp started May1st, Week #1 - Developing / Conveying Confidence

OceanWindRider

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Migel said:
8 weeks is not long enough to build skills with women but it is enough to learn how to break out of the comfort zone, how to conquer and demolish consistently all comfort zones that will arise in your life.
Awesome thought!

Ok, guys - do not overanalyze things. It only hurts. Stop thinking whether you should say Hi to people who do eye contacts with you or with people who do not look at you.
Just go out, open your mouth and say Hi!

WIth the Eye contact - I already responded. Guys please read my responses. There are too many of you and I can't respond to each person asking the same questions.
Just this time, I'll tell again.

Holding EC more than the other person is very important!
If you can combine with Hi exercise - combine it.
Where I live - people do not look at the eyes. So I can't really combine it.
If doing EC is the way of life for you - great, you can skip it.
And no, you cannot skip Hi assignment.
It's too easy to cheat yourself that you can easily do it!!!
Do it first - then later, when your assignment is complete, only then you can brag that it was peace of cake for you!!

Here's my sticking point:
Actually saying Hi's is really difficult for me. My fear is so overwhelming :(
Anyway, I tried today on the really busy street. And all I could think about was that if I say Hi right now, about 5 or 6 other people will hear it and will start judging me..... THis thinking leads to the fear growing.

No amount of rationalization can overcome your fear!!!!

We overcome fear with forcing ourself through it - that's what we need this bootcamp for!!!

There is also NLP way, but I am not sure how I can apply it to the Hi assignment in particular...
 

OceanWindRider

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MyWay, it's hard to say exactly, but I think you are just trying to find an easy way out. Meaning - being an excuser ;)
Of course, it's easier to have 5 convo with women in a week rather than saying 50 Hi's - but it's up to you.
 

DJnoobie420

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Hey, dude does saying "hi" at your job count? cause i work at a home depot...probably not eh? cause thats like cheating...its your job to say "hi" >.<
 

OceanWindRider

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DJnoobie420 said:
Hey, dude does saying "hi" at your job count? cause i work at a home depot...probably not eh? cause thats like cheating...its your job to say "hi" >.<
You got it! It does not count!

And again, I already said it. Guys, please pay attention! :cuss:
 

Bourne

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4 more today to finish off.

10/50

I do have to say that for such a simple exercise it does wonders for your confidence levels. I didn't realize how important this could really be for your inner game.

Things I kept in mind:
Not caring if they said hi back
When I saw a girl walking I would make sure I was in her general direction and as soon as I got to a talking distance with her, I would say "Hi" and kept on walking.
 

evil

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12 hi's so far.

its amazing.. it puts me in a happier mood just doing this!!

also started 2 conversations in the lift... it seems quite natural once you've said hi & you're stuck in a confined space!
 

Genji

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I couldn't start the exercises until this afternoon because I was ultra-slammed at work and had to work massive overtime. So I need to catch up fast!

So far, I've been doing tons of eye contact. I haven't really kept track. But at this rate, I'll be way over the minimum by the end of week 1.

Only 2 hi's so far. One was a girl I saw on my way home from work. The other was a chick in a painting class I'm taking (today was the first day of the class, so I'm counting her as a stranger). Only 48 more hi's to go!

Keep up the good work everyone!
 

Julian

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I started last week and have said countless hi's to people on the street. My sticking point, as it is with you ocean, is saying it in a crowded area (like downtown of my city) because if you do it a bunch of people will turn and look and make an awkward situation for everyone.

In my hood its easy to do because u only come across 1-2 people at a time...but when u hit the downtown area (10 minute walk) the population increases so its hard to get out a hi to a single person because ur passing 10 people with every step.
 

OceanWindRider

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Genji, I am glad you have been able to start
But at this rate, I'll be way over the minimum by the end of week 1.
you MUST finish both exercises by the end of the week, whether at this rate or at an accelerated rate ;)
Also, if it's hard to find girls - say Hi to everyone. As long as it's 50 by Sunday night - I don't care who you talk to.

Julian - keep working on it. You have still 4 more days to work on your sticking points! :)
 

TheFlyingMan

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This is harder then I thought. I went to the mall today walking around. Made eye contact, and most people sort of just get a bit scared and look away. Had a few smile at me. Some glare right back, and holy sh!t I looked away involuntarily! ARGH!

Still that's around 8 ECs today. I'll be going out for dinner after work, and hopefully find some more.

HAving troubles with Hi's to people in the mall, especially because of this Eye Contact thing. If they look nervous that I'm trying to make EC, how would they react if they didn't see me and I just said hi? I'm 6'4" and quite well built so they might be a bit scared.
 

OceanWindRider

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TheFlyingMan - that's what I was talking about. It is harder than it seems!
Anyway, just smile, and say Hi in a very friendly voice, nice, not so loud and slow!
also start saying Hi earlier so they don't get scared by your mighty presence.
As for ECs, after 50 Hi's you can start working on more ECs, for example make them 50. But only after Hi's!
 

Kerm

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For me EC's are automatic now. They weren't when i first found this stuff around a year ago, but by conscious effort you can make it a habit.

I definitely have at least 10 ECs because whenever I walk around in public places i look EVERYONE in the eyes. Why shouldn't you? If you have nothing better to do with your time you might as well observe people and interact with them even if you are only establishing EC. If anything it will help you to become more comfortable with/around people and make you much more confident.

As for Hi's, those definitely are a little bit out of my comfort zone but i am going to do it. I've only done 6 so far but i will definitely get the rest of them done before next monday.

Hi's: 6/50
 

Thomas94305

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OK guys.. catching up on my posting. Hi 5 to OceanWindRider for moving this forward!

I'm combining my EC's with my hi's. I am doing well at the hi's, so I'll be going for some stretch goals here...

A little about me and my situation... I've returned to graduate school. A lot of days, I either wander around campus, or spend time in a local coffee shop studying. I can add other places I frequent as this boot camp moves along.. just giving some context... Anyhow, am 10-15 years older than many of the students. That's made me feel a bit out of place here. It's not clear to me that I want to date with that age gap. But, I want to use the boot camp to challenge being a little uncomfortable here... To my advantage, I don't look my age. I've kept my weight down, and hit the gym regularly... Today, noticed a cute (not hot, tho) coed staring at my chest while I was walking along. I was too caught up absorbing that to do anything. My hair has thinned some, and I wonder if I use that as an excuse. Anyhow.. that's enough of my "stuff" to give context.

Yesterday, got 18 hi's in. My norm is to go for EC. About 2/3 the time, I get it. About half the hi's get a return. I've found saying "hi" works better than my other line, "how's it going?" Guess hi is more direct, and how's it going is too long in a quick walk by. Some of the more memorable hi's.. Got a brief conversation with a cute but shy asian gal. There was a brief conversation with an older gentleman at the campus coffee house about the wireless connection, I initiated the hi. There was this one cute gal, white.. I walked past, went for EC, but did not get it, said hi. She dropped out of her little world... stopped ..and after I was by her, she made a point to turn around and say hi. I went on with the biggest grin on my face, that someone would actually do that. She made me feel that good. Nice to think WE can make someone else feel that good too with a simple hello...

Today, I got about 17 hi's in. Went for EC on all, got it on about 12 or so. About half said something back. Some more memorable hi's.. said hi's to 4 HB8+'s. One gave me a smile, then looked down shyly. An HB8+ who's shy.. interesting.. I gave another a weak hi, not sure she heard it. Got nothing back. A third one, I said hi very audibly.. was walking on past. She didn't even flinch. I just thought she was rude, and said something bad about herself. Here a whole other person acknowledges her with a friendly direct hello, isn't out to harm her in any way, and she can't even recognize him. She looked pretty 2 dimensional at that point, no depth. The fourth.. said it as both of us were coming out of restrooms. She didn't say anything back, but it was a rushed situation, so I didn't make anything out of that. Glad I just did the hi as a reflex reaction to seeing her... I also said hi to 3 groups of people.. this is important to me, since opening groups is a good skill. Said hi to 6 or so guys. That's important to me, since I don't want to be intimidated by guys either, guys make great friends, and they can help establish social proof.

My stretch goals for now will be:
-hi's to the more attractive women
-hi's to men appearing dominant
-hi's to groups
-hi's to people across a room (not next to me). I'd love to open people who just catch my eye across a room.. Can't remember ever doing this.
-Keeping confident posture and maintaining EC after the hi.
-Trying compliments.

Comment on any alternative stretch goals. I'm being mindful of what we need to do down the road, which is get numbers from several women, and do it in a way that minimizes flaking.

35/50 hi's done
 

don juan jr

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Sorry i'm late

but i'm in

Report for today :

EC: 10+
Hi's: 3

i'm way behind ugggh

btw i'm 17
 

OceanWindRider

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Good job guys!!
Don_juan_jr - welcome. You still have plenty of time to catch up :)
Thomas - great stretch goals!
I am sure many people can borrow your goals if they find just saying Hi too easy...
 

Ever onward

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Ocean Wind Rider

I know what you mean about being afraid that others will hear you say hi. I have that same problem. Just be ballsy and do it. Remember, the more balls it takes to do something, the more your confidence will grow.

Update

I went to Target last night and got 3 more hi's. But today my motivation is slipping. I'm feeling totally down in the dumps about things (unrelated to Bootcamp). Hopefully, I can bounce back in time to finish week 1 by the deadlinie.

HB Hi Count: 11
 

OceanWindRider

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Ever onward said:
Ocean Wind Rider
Just be ballsy and do it. Remember, the more balls it takes to do something, the more your confidence will grow.
Yep, that's the whole idea of the bootcamp :))

By the way, Ever Onward, you DON"T have to be motivated!
You just have to take 2 hours after work or school, go out TODAY and say 'Hi' to let's say 20 people!
No motivation required! Isn't this idea cool? :)
 

far from average

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OceanWindRider said:
The only reason of failure is inner game problems!
So, if you're 60 lbs overweight, the only thing stopping girls from being attracted to you is an inner game problem?
 

OceanWindRider

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far from average said:
So, if you're 60 lbs overweight, the only thing stopping girls from being attracted to you is an inner game problem?
You know, I wanted to make a short answer: resounding YES!
But I decided to elaborate..

What really stops you from getting girls is that you using you being overweight as an EXCUSE!!!
Do you know about Sean - a 3'-4' guy in the invalid chair that speaks in multiple programs by David D. and others, who gets laid like crazy?
Check his picture and his site for inspiration!

If you're not OK with your appearance, girls won't be OK with it either!
'I would get girls, BUT I am overweight, hence I am doomed'....

Get off your 'BUT'!
Stop being an excuser!


1. Start exercising. Go into any weight-loss program! Ask advice on the web site if you don't know which one.

2. Get your ass into the bootcamp, start it TODAY! and finish the assignment by Sunday night!
 

Migel

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Wow I was thinking about the same thing OceanWindRider, we think alike ;).

Here's my report on today:
I was feeling very low on confidence today. I spent several hours trying about everything to complete the task. Every mindset, every positive affirmation, every position and place. I was really thinking about quitting. It was really really really hard. But did that stop me? Hell NO! Here's my count:
Hi's:
35/50

I did 30 Hi's today, it's unbelievable for me! If you are having troubles with this task here is what I did, and this is from a guy that felt hopeless just a few hours ago:
First I started pretending that I'm saying Hi. Yes, I know it's stupid but I just looked people in the eyes and moved my lips. It was a rehearsal as you may call it.
I didn't really feel right, I felt that people are judging me. So what I did was I sat down and just connected to the moment and started realizing that all people are like me, everybody is really friendly and loving but they have these shields around them that prevent them from showing it. This is a big thing: I ACCEPTED that people won't respond to me. I ACCEPTED that when I will say hello they will ignore me or whatever. And you know what? That is also the reality, if you are doing this on the streets or in the mall people will ignore you or look at you scared. But that does not stop you because of the second thing I discovered today:
In my head, I am the FRIENDLY DRUNK GUY. I took this from Style, I heard him say this about his mindset when approaching. When you make an auto-suggestion that you are a little bit drunk (like happy drunk, after 1 or 2 beers) and you don't really care about how people REACT to you then it is completely easy to say hello to people and it is very very funny.
So if you are having trouble with Hi's, try my method!
 
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