Boot Camp week 1 (Response thread)

[Nicholas Hill]

DJ Boot Camp - Week 1

(Developing and Conveying Confidence)

This is the response thread for the first week of the Don Juan Boot Camp. The only content that should exist here would ideally be from those who have read the relevant chapter in the DJ eBook and have done the exercises.

When reporting, remember to log:

• What you did, correctly and incorrectly.
• What you thought and felt
• How you think you're doing at this point

 

[MrSmooth]

After reading through Walden's diary I am well inspired and have started my own b/c yesterday!

Been reading heaps of stuff in the bible etc and gotta admit I 100% agree with the philosphy here. I guess my story is a typical newbie, busted up with my girl of 3 years (my only serious gal) a few months back, and until a couple days ago used to go out to bars etc thinking stupid sh!t like 'if I just go out and have a good time stuff will just happen and the girls will come' ... what BS huh? I'm ready to MAKE things happen

OK so enough waffling from me ... hope there are some other dudes out there going to do b/c as well. Lookin foward to the DJ eBook coming out - can't seem to find the b/c homepage with all the exercises anymore?

***

Yesterday went out shopping in town for some eyecontacting and hi's. Spent a good 1.5 hrs cruising around and generally had no problem holding eyes with people. Had a few convos here and there but I am only gonna count one hi cos I don't think people working in shops count! Still very hesitant getting the hi's out but will get my 50 this week :| Had a convo with an okay chick at the CD store, in hindsight dropped the ball with the convo (was telling me about clubs in Sydney, shoulda asked more about that but my AFC ass went back to looking at the CD in my hand ...)

Went out last night with a bud and am gonna count 2 hi's and another hour of E-C. As soon as we got there tho, a girl I was chatting to last week bailed us up (she was a little wasted) being very friendly and putting all sorts of kino on me. Ended up chatting to her and her roomie all night even tho I was not interested (total AFC there lol). Got her number but couldn't be fvcked calling proabably. All in all I was really frustrated, I am only supposed to be doing hi's and EC but was secretly hoping to spot a hottie on her own or with a friend and roll in, but seriously didn't see sh!t all night! Musta been a bad night for this city

***

Ok so that brings it up to today, day 2. 47 hi's to go. I'm off for a walk around the lake to get 10 or so down. Rock n roll!

**

Well I didn't make it to 10 but i got 8 hi's out, all with responses and am feeling good. Got halfway around the lake without saying a word, finally bit the bullet and then the rest were easy! I found that if you wait for eyecontact it is usually to late to get a smile, but if you are already smiling when they look at you results are better 39 hi's to go.

No hotties tho ... c'mon canberra ladies where you at ?

 

[Rahul]

I had 11 'hi's today, 4 on the way to class (walking up the stairs from the parking lot) and 7 leaving school. I don't think I'll do a play by play on all of them this time (because they're mostly the same as yesterdays) but I had one really noticable one where I met eyes with a HB8 and smiled at her (this was the 4th hi), she smiled back and the hi just came out easily and naturally, she said hi back and I really wanted to stop her and try to get her number but I kept on walking (I figured there would be time for that later, walk before you run right?)

 

[Rahul]

Day 3...

27 hi's today, most of them were not very noteworthy.

I said hi to this black dude with dread locks and he said "what's goin' on?" that made me laugh on the inside because that was the first original answer I got the entire day that was different from all of the hi's and low self esteemed gruff hey's.

I was sitting outside of a starbucks waiting for a job interveiw and this HB8 walks by, I make eyecontact with her and smile, she had a neutral look beforehand but when I smiled she smiled too (it was another one of those, I'd like to get in your pants smiles) I just kept on smiling and maintained eye contact as she walked by. Later on when I left I saw her in a different part of the shopping complex walking towards me, she saw me and smiled again, I said hi to her, and she said hey. I really wanted to go for a number close but I passed this one up too because I want to do this program step by step and not take any short cuts. You have to build a foundation before you put up the rest of the house.

 

[Rahul]

I had 30 hi's today, most of them were actually on campus, not on the stairs leading to campus. I considered them more difficult because there are a lot of people around and you feel more self conscious. The most notable one today was actually on the stairs when I said hi to this black dude and had a pretty breif but interesting conversation with him and made a new friend.

One important thing I think is to get out of your comfort zone. Like once you are comfortable saying hi in a certain type of environment then step it up and expand your boundaries.

Also I've found that after the third day you really stop caring what people will say back to you or think of you, because they are a stranger you probably will never see them again in your life so it really doesn't matter what they think. You are hoping that they will respond positively, but when they don't it really doesn't matter.

The first hi was the most painful, then after that all the rest come naturally.

 

[Rahul]

35 hi's today, nothing special. =\

 

[drixsa]

when i did bootcamp i liked to get out of my "usual" area in the beginging

also going with a friend at FIRST was good

he thought i was friggin crazy

 

[ZeeOwl]

Well I'm gonna just do it too. Spent enough time on this board reading, posting and winging it. Time for some heavy-duty action. I'm going to start the boot camp tomorrow morning. I'm going clubbing tonight (Friday), so I may do a bit of EC and Hi's for practice.

Here's my game plan:
Saturday - 2 hours of EC, 1 hour session in each of 2 different malls.
Sunday to Thursday - 10 Hi's each day.

That way I'll be done by Thursday and in sync with the boot camp schedule for week 2.

Originally posted by MrSmooth
Got halfway around the lake without saying a word, finally bit the bullet and then the rest were easy!

The lake you're talking about... Is that the one with the monster fountain in the middle? I visited Canberra in '75. Beautiful city.

Originally posted by Rahul
I really wanted to go for a number close but I passed this one up too because I want to do this program step by step and not take any short cuts. You have to build a foundation before you put up the rest of the house.

Wise man.

 

[ZeeOwl]

Day 0

Went clubbing Friday night as planned. Got some eye contact practice on a few women. It went fairly well, mostly. Didn't keep a exact tally, but I would say about 4-5.

Had an AFC reflex relapse with one. A cute little blonde (8.5), about 25, not that she was exceptionally beautiful, but happened to be exactly my type. Around 5'5", about 110 lbs, wearing a very simple but classy black evening dress with those spaghetti shoulder straps. I accidentally elbowed her between the shoulder blades while dancing. I turned around at the same time as she did, apologized for hitting her, while putting my hand on her shoulder. I should have held it there a half-second longer, with a firmer grip. The way I did it, it was kinda hesitant, as if I was scared to touch her (which was the case). And I didn't really look her in the eyes. Ugh! I gave myself a psycological swift kick in the behind for that. Gotta get the boldness level up.

One that I did really well was another one about the same age who was doing some goofy egyptian-style dance moves at one point. I looked her right in the eyes and gave her a big "that's pretty funny" grin. She answered with a big grin too. So all in all, a fairly good practice run. Hi's were out of the question, because of the volume of the music.

I got side-tracked Saturday and Sunday (for the obsessively curious, see my post in the "Having my cake and eating it too thread"). So I didn't get my EC & Hi's started like I was supposed to. Going to have to play catchup to finish on Thursday.
Therefore, revised game plan:
Monday - 2 hours of EC.
Tuesday to Thursday - 50 Hi's.

 

[Broadband]

I'm close to getting out of an 18 month relationship and am definately rusty on my DJism. I agree with everyone that you have to force yourself smile and say hi, but after a few times it's clockwork.

This was a week ago before I started the camp, but I thought I'd share. I was at a restaurant and they were were packed. There was a girl that I noticed (prob a 7) who was looking at me. I dunno what got into me, but I made eye contact, held it for a few seconds and then smiled. She immediately smiled and then turned away, but for the rest of the evening she was taking notice of me wherever I was. Also as mentioned in one of the required reading I had a sense of adrenenline because I managed to alter someone's emotion from across the room.

 

[Microphone Fiend]

The bootcamp is a must for all newbies and people who think they are good but need to brush up on their skills.

The biggest thing you encounter is when you talk and no-one even acknowledges your presences. After a while you actually take over that "Who gives a damn" persona, but for the first couple of attempts brushed away, it seems kind of demeaning. Just stay with it and you'll be proud of yourself and find confidence and power you never thought you had.

The incorrect thing I did was not set out an end date for me to get by, so consequently, I STILL haven't finished my bootcamp. So when you partake on the exercise, remember to set an attainable goal for yourself to get the 50 Hi's.

One thing that I didn't do was count Hi's in which people didn't respond. It jsut didn't seem like I accomplished my goal of getting noticed. You shouldn't either because it makes you sub-conciously work on making yourself look good prior to the approach (Ie: friendly confident) and you will notice how much of a difference it makes

It is embarrasing and doesn't show much dedication on my behalf and I keep putting it off.

So right now I am getting ready to go back into the field and fly through the rest of the bootcamp drills. I'm going to try and do the weeks I can before schol starts so that is my time set.

 

[Rahul]

Originally posted by Microphone Fiend
The biggest thing you encounter is when you talk and no-one even acknowledges your presences. After a while you actually take over that "Who gives a damn" persona, but for the first couple of attempts brushed away, it seems kind of demeaning. Just stay with it and you'll be proud of yourself and find confidence and power you never thought you had.

You hit it right on the head. It feels like **** the first few times when you say hi and the person acts like you're not even there (love me, hate me, but please don't ignore me?) but after the first few like that you stop caring.

Anyways, only 13 hi's over the last two days and that completes week one for me. It was a really good growing experiance even though it's only been a week, I don't know why but approaching people feels a lot less scary.

 

[Nicholas Hill]

Hey guys, I'm so glad people are using the book. I'd like to pop in every now and then, and for this purpose I will use red text.

Just remember, that this is an early stage. You WILL get setbacks. NEVER let them get to you. You will soon learn that rejection is a big part of the game. Effective people are those who have learned to manage rejection, so that it never bothers them. You will soon be like those guys!

Here's a quick tip regarding the Hi exercise. The reason for frustration is because you're trying to say hi to everyone. Its not difficult, in reality, to say hi to someone, but you're making excuses to say hi to people who you would not normally say hi to.

The best thing to do is to get eye contact, smile, and say hi to those who are in the same situation as you!. For example: I was cycling along, and I had to slow down for cars intersecting my junction. It was the morning. A fellow cycler had just crossed the road before I stopped. I said "morning!" and he responded in tact. Its that simple!

Say hi to people in your church, for example, if you go to church. Get a ballsy attitude. Just turn around, look at the person behind you, and SPEAK. "HI!". I DARE you to find out if anyone WON'T say hi back!

Who else would be in the same situation as you? Maybe you're on a pedal boat and you see a cute chick in another. Perfect opportunity. Stopping at pedestrian crossings. Being on holiday with people from your country (Perfect example! I've just come back from camping for a week, I said hi to everyone!!). In a bar that has a long queue (Say "in an hour, we'll get served!" to any girl that looks at you waiting). Watching a movie? Watching a play? That means you have to sit next to someone! Say hi, then ask if the seat is taken. If its a play, you can enter into a fully fledged conversation.

ORGANISE ACTIVITIES WHERE YOU WOULD END UP IN A SITUATION WHERE PEOPLE HAVE THINGS IN COMMON WITH YOU. This is better than to simply go to the mall for hours and try to chat up chicks. In the UK, not many people expect guys to come up to them while shopping.

Another thing I have learned, is that you should never sit on the fence, otherwise you will, once again, get frustrated. Either don't say hi at all, or GO FOR IT. SAY IT LOUD.

The best way to do this is to "visualise" how you will win, like good boxers. That's the key to winning, is to visualise how it goes. DO NOT come up with scenario after scenario, just streamline your thoughts into one outcome.

1) See chick
2) Make sure she can see me
3) Say a ballsy hello / morning / evening / g'day etc
4) Watch the reaction, add one to your total

Keep up the good work guys, I'm looking forward to working with you on week two.

Nick

 

[zach]

Ok here we go.

I'm taking a hint from tigers post and going to attempt to keep a daily journal. I actually started week one on thursday and did a lot in that time frame. I went to 2 clubs on friday and a friends wedding reception where I could have hooked up but afc'd out. I can't give an acurate number of all the hi's and eye contact but there was a lot. I will try to stay attuned to this thread and keep up with this group so will start week 2 on thursday.

But before I post on todays achievements I'm going to let everyone know where I stand. I am two weeks from getting divorced from my wife whom I haven't seen in 4 or 5 months. Divorce is first weekin September. She left, I wanted to work on the marriage. I have dealt with the emotional stress and focused it and my anger into my workouts and cardio. I am getting close to the best shape of my life and at 245 pounds only have a little bit of fat around my lower abs and this strange and annoying strip from my armpit to my peck. I was a power lifter during my marriage and actually hit the weight of 315 last december.

I feel I'm average looking. I hate my complexion (I got freckles at 30) but I tan at the beds and it covers it up well enough. Though I am a big guy, I am not overly aggressive. I release most my aggression in my workouts. I have a middle class paying job and am a shift lead with a computer systems support group.

Do I fear rejection? I think I have a level 7 (on a scale of 1 to 10) fear factor of it. I still have a bit of bad taste in my mouth from my wifes rejection. Problem is I am confident in my appearance and my looks, just not my approach in one on one situations. In groups I am fine.

 

[zach]

Sunday, Day 4

Well today wasn't much of a first day because of little oppurtunities.

Started off going tanning in am, I stopped by bp on the way to pick up the paper and coffee. Girl behind the counter was a 5 at best but smiled at her and asked her how it was going. *1* She smiled back but looked like she was hating her job at the moment.

I get to the beds and as I walk in, a girl I always see there is there. She smiles at me and says Hi Zach. I'm already smiling but had my sunglasses on. I took them off and squinted as my eyes adjusted to the lights. She laughed and told me what bed I got. I guess I shouldn't count this one as she's not a complete stranger but I realized I didn't know her name so when I was leaving I told her she never told me her name. She said it was heather and I smiled and said See ya later Heather. *2*

I stopped for more coffee on the way home (Hey I'm running off two nights of partying...give me a break). I'm thinking, ok that wasn't so bad. As I pull in, a blonde gets out of a corvette parked right next to me. She follows me in and I swear she had to be a 9. I got my coffee and walked up to the counter next to her. I looked at her and felt a big lump in my throat. I still said hi and she gave me a half smile.*3* I'm frantically thinking say something else and was about to tell her nice car but she had payed and walked out before I pulled the safety lock off my stupid mouth. I settled for smiling at the girl behind the counter and said "yep, back again". She didn't react much and I'm thinking I just might stay home the rest of the day.

I get to the gym around 10am. I'm thinking theres a chance I will see some hottie there. One thing I have learned is I don't want to be someone who picks up girls at the gym. I have always hated that. I go there for one reason only and I demand focus but I don't think smiling and saying hi would hurt. Theres a girl way to young behind the counter. Nothing special but looked at her and smiled, hi, and told her she looked bored. She smiled and said something I don't recall.

Only other girl I saw was about a 7. This was later when I was on the bike after my anaerobic workout. I noticed her on the stairmaster. She saw me when she started going from machine to machine and then gets on an abducter machine right in front of me. If you don't know what an abducter machine is, it puts you in a seated position with pads that come up vertically between your knees. You open the machine up so your legs are spread wide and you squeeze your knees together.

She got on it and started a set and looked right up at me. I was thinking OMG WTF is she trying to do to me. I couldn't help but smile. I mean a big smile and I think she was shocked. She did her last few sets. I was still on the bike and she started running the track. When I got off the bike I didn't know where she went and figured she left. She actually did come by while I was stretching later. I looked up at her and said Hi *4* and she smiled and said Hi back but kept walking by. I felt embarrassed anyway from earlier so was sorta relieved.

Other than that I didn't see any other women. I spent most of the afternoon over at my moms washing my jeep and some clothes (wife took the washer and dryer). I went to the track but there was no one there but me and the skeeters. I plan on going to the mall and some stores tomorrow to try for more.

Current Count *4*

 

[ZeeOwl]

Day 1.

Went to three malls today to do the EC exersize. I had a fair amount of free time, so I ended up doing between 3 1/2 to 4 hours of it. I found the first hour required a lot of effort to do, so I thought that I could use the extra practice too.

The first interesting thing I noticed is that the vast majority of people (at least 90%), actively avoided any type of EC with me. When they saw me coming, and noticed that I was looking in their direction, they nervously looked everywhere except at me. The ones that hadn't notice me look at them, in general quickly looked away as soon as they did notice. Now I'm not an exceptionally great looking guy, but I'm not ugly either (6.7 - 7.4 hotornot) or scary! lol There were a lot more (counting girls only) "nervous/shy" lookaways than "not interested" lookaways too. Got a few friendly looks and more noticeable smile exchanges with some cuties too, which was nice. So that was an educational experience in itself. I guess I have probably been doing the same thing all my life. One unexpected thing that happened that put a big grin on my face for a while, was when I was doing my thing walking towards one of those survey ladies that often are in malls... When I got to her, she stopped me and asked if I'd like to answer a few questions. Said her survey was for men, and wanted to know how old I am, because it was only for the 29 and under age group. lol Well, I know I look younger than my age, but less than 30?! lol Told her I was way over 29, but thanked her for the flattering question.

The other strange phenomenon that I noticed, is as I started making an effort to look people in the eye, I actually felt more confident. It was immediately noticeable, like a shot of adrenaline. At first I felt kindof silly, because I felt like I was trying to stare people down, like some sort of contest. That actually ended up helping, because I don't think I had much of a smile going the first half-hour. The silliness factor made it fun. Every extra person was like "Ha! Got another one." lol

In all that time, after crossing paths with at least 100 people, only 3 actually held the EC with me in a determinded way which made me feel uncomfortable. The first time, I backed down. There were a few that I hesitated on, mostly during the first hour. But it did get easier. At one point, I felt at ease enough with it to start thinking about my posture too. And the last hour, I actually had to start concentrating on doing it right again, because I was starting to feel bored with the exersize. Not sure if that's good or bad...

Another thing I realized, is that of the men I managed to do this with, the ones who tried "staring me down" seemed to have nothing to do with size. Some were smaller than me, and some bigger. I'm average; tall but slim. So that tends to confirm that Alpha Male is about attitude, not size.

All in all an interesting and educational experience. Tomorrow will be my first Hi Day. I'll avoid the mall, and probably any buildings in general, as this context would make me feel too awkward to Hi strangers. The outdoors seems less weird. Probably head for a park or something similar...

 

[Walden]

Good stuff Zee , alll these guys bootcamping at the moment are a real boost you guys are definitely reminding me to raise my game.

 

[ZeeOwl]

Day 3.

Thanks Walden.

Hey, what happened to Day 2? I got side-tracked again. Booty-call, damn libido Well, how could I refuse an offer like that? When a woman asks if she can come over for supper, and spend the night... hehe I know, the flesh is weak. Anyways, that left me only 2 days to complete exersize 2 by Thursday.

So re-revised game-plan was 20 Hi's today, and 30 tomorrow. I decided to go biking for this one. Thought it would make saying Hi to strangers seem less awkward, and psycho Lots of parks and bike trails around downtown. So I hopped on my bike and started pedalling... Ended up biking about 70 km (I live 20 km from downtown). By far the furthest I've biked in my entire life. Man my thighs and crotch hurt! Ouch! lol Even though I think the bike helped me feel better while doing this, I think it was kindof a crutch, so I'll do it walking tomorrow.

It was a kindof weird and surprizing experience. In the sense that it was both easier and harder than I expected. Easier in the sense that I expected this to be harder than just doing EC. But it was actually the opposite, adding the Hi made it seem less awkward. And harder in the sense that doing the EC, smile, Hi sequence takes longer, and therefore was harder to pull off before the target bailed out. Also, I encountered a lot less people than I expected, so that didn't help. Probably because of the time, did this between 17h00 and 18h30; supper time. I wanted to go earlier, but there was a thunderstorm. Only ran across 1 cute girl jogging. Another thing that surprized me is that at least 60% of the people said Hi back. I was expecting much less... So I guess that confirms my suspicion that I'm not a scary guy. And one even said Hi to me first. Didn't count that one of course. Maybe he was doing the bootcamp too.

OK, so final score: out of a targeted 20 Hi's today, I got 16 done. So that means I've really got to push things tomorrow, if I want to get 34.

 

[zach]

Week 1 day errr 4 (Monday)

I think if we count tommorrow(thursday) as the last day of week one, then I just finished day 6. My internet has been fried and I had the work 12 hour shifts the last two days so I haven't been able to post my progress. Now. I'm currently at 41 hi's. I know I will easily meet my 50 by tommorrow because of taco night at the local pub is always packed with hb's (gotta love them tacos! )

Most of the situations I've had the past three days have been non interesting. I have noticed a few things. On Monday I went to two malls and did my 2 hours of EC mixing in some His with HB's when I could. Everything was packed with moms with their kids and it was really annoying. To many packs of people to really do much effectively.

During the first hour I noticed something odd. If I make EC initially and then quickly pull it away and try to go back its no good. The moment is lost. I learned that I have to hold EC from start till the other person looks away. I was having problems with this at first cause I kept worrying about what the other person felt. I began to make a game of trying to make the other person feel uncomfortable first until they had to look away. I don't intend to keep this approach but it allowd me to get over my discomfort of making EC. A few times I realized I wasn't smiling and was pretty sure that freaked out some people. Luckily I didn't do this to any HB's.

At the second mall there were many more HB's and I said a lot of Hi's Around 12 I think. I again found something odd out. I had went home and changed from my t shirt to a muscle shirt. I think this showed a little too much muscle though. I am a former powerlifter who has cut weight big time and my arms and legs usually have the thick veins showing through slightly when not pumped. I caught a lot of women looking at my arms at first but when I approached they would nervously keep from making eye contact. At first this really bothered me because I thought they were getting disgusted or found me unattractive. I finally walked by one of those mirrored pillars in the mall and saw my reflection and realized I looked too big. I looked good, maybe too much of my muscle showing. Maybe too intimidating.

I could have went home but decided not to. Once again I made a game of it and found something out to my advantage. The first big boost to my ego was when there were 4 girls walking toward me. I couldn't tell how old they were but deffinately out of highschool. Most likely early college. Any way the two in the center were deep in convo but the one closest to me was looking at me from about 25 yds away. As we approached she looked down but I looked over at her and with enough room before we passed for a reply, said 'How's it going'. She looked up shocked, the other girls looked up at me and right before we passed the one I spoke to beamed a huge smile and said 'awesome'. They passed and I could here one of the other girls saying something like 'yeah baby' behind me. I was a ways away but i looked back and saw them all, still walking away from me but they were looking back at me. I realize people weren't unattracted to me but just intimidating. They needed me to let them know it was ok to be friendly.

That was it. After that point I learned to say hi to just about anyone. I wasn't trying to over do it but just having a fun time. I saw a few other HB's in the course of the day and one who was older and probably an 8 didn't look away as I approached. I said Hi and she just smiled but looked down at my arm right after that. I got a few more hi's after that but decided that I was not going to bear my arms anymore. Either they are too distracting or they are too intimidating.

Later that day I went to best buy to pick up a boxed set of Akira Kurosawa films (Collection of Samurai films). A young indian HB was nearby as I walked in and looked at the new CD's and I looked over at her and gave her a smile and said Hi. She smiled and said Hi back and was smiling at me for a moment till she seemed to remember what she was doing and walked away. I was to AFC to approach her but I got a huge vibe from her. She even wandered around looking at things in places I was looking. What really shocked me was she walked right down the isle I was looking in for the dvd's I wanted and she stopped right near me pretending (at least thats what I was telling myself) to look at a dvd behind me. I got nervous (yeah i'm such a big AFC in situations like this). I didn't go anywhere, and I kept trying to think of what to say but my mind was blank. I really wasn't there to do any BC stuff so didn't have my attitude in sync.

Still some good stuff.

 

[zach]

Week 1 Day 5 (Tuesday)

I worked this day and didn't go anywhere. I work in a big corporate office building so saw a good number of people who were friendly and would say hi back with out much hesitation. I counted I'm not sure exactly how many but most had seen me before but were shocked I said hi to them. One female executive even stopped me after I said hi and asked me about what kind of cardio I did. She was a lot older than me but actually wasn't bad looking and was thought of as being a bit of a bytch so I was really shocked. We talked for a while and she actually knew my name. I don't know from where, my badge was in my pocket I knew hers and when we said goodbye I said her first name back and she smiled like she appreciated I didn't call her by her last name. Weird.

We had a crisis later that day so was busy working with our server support group most of the day. I believe I had counted 14 hi's before lunch that day but lost count after that. I came home exhausted and just went to bed.