CapedCrusader08 said:
Look,no more negative topics ok. My problem is obviously no game,or very little at all,and it feels like something I have not developed enough over the years,and problems from that. I mean,there has been very little to no success over the years,and the older I seem to get,the harder it seems to get back up on the horse.
As for going out,well,That's rare. Other than work,or just getting out of the house for a little while,I don't get out much and don't have a regular social routine. Been a problem for a while.
"That said, I used to have this image in my head (probably from watching TV) that the only guys who got laid were the cool, tall, muscular jock guys with 6-packs and fast cars. But when I went to college and actually started hanging out with people and socializing, I was shocked by the guys I saw hooking up with very hot chicks. These guys are not in shape at all, they are just skinny college kids. How was this possible? It's because they are confident, social, funny, and fun to be around.
I am naturally bitter,angry,and pessimistic,but don't go around showing it. I mean hate people and there shallowness and superficiality. I could never fit in or identify with the herd mentality,and always hated those who did in whatever way they did. And it goes with everything from people,to clothes,to music,to movies,etc.
"It has nothing to do with your genetic make up. It's all about personality. If you go into a situation with confidence radiating out of you with the brilliance of a thousand suns you are going to find that you will do much better than if you came in all mopy." How do I do that?
Also,this pornography thing,it's become such a habit over the years,I worry how much it has affected me in other ways,such as social development.
You are living in the past. You have identified the problems, good,now let them go. Awareness is all that is necessary. You can also live in the fantasty world and keep asking "but how do i let go" "but these are important problems" "but theyre so much a part of me" and no one will stop you. Just like you choose to live in that fairy tale in your mind, you can just choose to become aware of your problems, sit with them there for a minute in awareness of them without commentary, and you will drop them.
O**** chris, I dunno how to do this, you will excuse. But I've told you1 000000x times, and somehow you think a bunch of people on a forum on the internet have better things to tell you than a multi-million worldwide selling author who has had his books published in multiple languages. Shows how much you really wanna follow advice.
CapedCrusader08 said:
It seems like 99% of the time (at least in college), girls only have sex/get into relationships with guys who are somehow in their social group or someone they met through a friend. If you don't bring something to the table socially, it's going to be very difficult to get laid no matter how good looking you are because you're just not going to have the necessary social connections. It's a numbers game and the more people you know/socialize with, the higher your chances of eventually running into a girl who is attracted to you and knows someone you know who can vouch for you.
Personally, this is the problem I'm having now - I just don't know enough people. It seems like most people in college hang out with the same core group of people they've been hanging out with since at least freshman year, and usually even since high school. If you're not a member of a group, it's going to be a hell of a lot harder. People are very cliquey, and the groups are very exclusive. When I go to bars/clubs, everyone there just hangs out with the people they showed up with and rarely talks to anyone else (which makes me wonder what the point of going to bars/clubs is, but that's another subject)." Still have said similar problem(s).
The 1st paragraph here is a lie because of what you say in the 2nd paragraph. You're assuming, which is limiting, and moreover, you're assuming a bad thing, which is stupid! If you're going to work your mind as a tool in this way, at least do it to your benefit!
The last thing is that you need to take in what is said to you. We humans, and those of us specifically on self help forums, are helpful and compassionate in nature, that is why we come to you. Not because of anything you can thinkin in your mind, that is the reason. Some of us could genuinely care if you succeeded, most of us with that ability of compassion lost it a long time ago. That being said, it is not something that needs to be won back, because it is not something that existed in your perception from the start. The views of others are nothing if you don't have yours sorted out, and at the same time everything. You are a bitter disappointment, don't fool yourself. More importantly, don't lie to yourself. You have been given the same advice 1000x times and you are a fool for tricking yourself into maybe reading the topic once then going to sleep and saying **** i wont do what they say but maybe if i keep thinking about my problems will go away somehow because i've figured them out.
But all that is in the past. That burns the question, are you a bitter disapppointment now? The now is all that is changeable. Do you take action now, or are you a bitter disappointment? Read this topic all again is step 1. Then take action is step 2.
What action? Well I have said it 5400 times but you have not respected me worth a damn any of those times enough to follow what i say, or you have not respected yourself. Either way, don't turn that into a problem. You don't need more problems. The first action step is reading Eckhart Tolle. Listen, there are two kinds of self help. The first is on the level of all your problems you've adequately listed here. You can go to book after book and product after product, as I have used over 2500 hours doing. They teach you neat tricks and whatnot, but the base of the problem is still there. That is what most of the responses on self help sites are. Deal with the problems, cause thats all the people know.
Our minds are problem-solving and problem-creating machines. Regardless of what you think, or how long your "hiatus from problems" lasts, there is only one cure for the mind-made situation of mental problems. It is by going beyond them completely, so nothing in your life is ever out of your control again. This does not entail you gaining control of everything, but rather accepting everything, and understanding what little in the world it is you control. That is only a small part of it, and what "it" is cant be described in words, only pointed to. Maybe that is why you have ignored my wisdom to Eckhart Tolle, you may not be ready to go beyond your problems. But there will come a day. So keep suffering, or not. Really we here helping you do not care if you get better, or anyone who comes posts really, unless theyve got some sort of especially sad case, where that feeling of deep compassion as a reaction goes away eventually anyway. Your life is only yours to live, and you will eventually decide when enough is enough. Enough believing your problems are the biggest thing in the world, enough lying to yourself, and enough suffering.
My only goal here is to get you to listen to this man. My only hope is that they've succeeded. Eckhart Tolle.
