Been balling my eyes out the last few hours..

[st_99]

At least not with the level of experience that HE has. .

yes, without this, you'll most likely make the wrong decisions every time. Of course even with expeience, some of us still take a long time before we start doing the right thing..

 

[pdx1138]

LMFAO! And NOT at the OP, at the guys in here insulting him!

Look.. Did you all really expect the OP to cut all ties and run?

Would YOU have broken it off if you were in HIS POSITION?

DID you break it off immediately when you WERE in his position?

I agree completely. All of these things he did and the chik that did this to him was my story a year ago. It's almost chilling how similar the stories are.

 

[Slickster]

At least not with the level of experience that HE has.

Yes and that is exactly purpose of this forum.

To GAIN experience from your fellow DJ's!!!

We are all here to give each other advice, support and to squash all the bad behaviour that men have been allowing women to get away with. Also to change ourselves and our own behaviours.

I'm not trying to insult the OP. Just trying to get his attention.

It's been a while since I've seen a guy with his head buried so deeply in the sand.

Peace

 

[floydb25]

LMFAO! And NOT at the OP, at the guys in here insulting him!

Look.. Did you all really expect the OP to cut all ties and run?

Would YOU have broken it off if you were in HIS POSITION?

DID you break it off immediately when you WERE in his position?

I can safely say that NONE of the people who have posted in this topic (including myself) would have done much of anything differently. At least not with the level of experience that HE has. Believe it or not, love does exist, and guys fall easier than women, and it blinds you. It's easy to say "break it off" when you're not in the same position as the person with the problem. And it's especially easy to say that if you've never even been there. I actually commend the OP for making the decision to break it off when he did and for walking out. It's not an easy thing to do.

Mos' Def.... I did the same thing. One of the pseudo-relationships the OP had... So did I. Did the same **** as he did.

Used to provide support and advice for friends who used to do the same thing, as well. No one listens - until its too late. I had everyone in the damn universe tell me these girls were trouble - the girls themselves told and showed me that they were trouble - and STILL I had my head up my ass, and rushed in heart first. It's like we think we can beat the odds; we're the exception; we can change them; they can never do it to us. But, they do - then we ***** about how she's a manipulative **** - when that's all she was in the first place.

The best thing to do is to realize what's going on, so that you can learn from this, and change yourself accordingly. These experiences SUCK, but if they didn't - you would never learn. All of these former nice guys and girls got destroyed emotionally, and that's the only way they learn. They no longer wear their heart on a sleeve, rush in, or become infatuated; they watch for red flags, hold back, and everything they should've been doing all along. They just didn't know it...

Everyone is naive at one point. Just gotta make sure you don't repeat the same mistakes over and over.

 

[floydb25]

AAA: It works both ways... Neither party is innocent. This girl was a *****, but its his fault for sticking around. Once you realize that, it becomes easier to not give emotional support to anybody. Just tell it like it is.

 

[perseverance]

LMFAO! And NOT at the OP, at the guys in here insulting him!

Look.. Did you all really expect the OP to cut all ties and run?

Would YOU have broken it off if you were in HIS POSITION?

DID you break it off immediately when you WERE in his position?

I can safely say that NONE of the people who have posted in this topic (including myself) would have done much of anything differently. At least not with the level of experience that HE has. Believe it or not, love does exist, and guys fall easier than women, and it blinds you. It's easy to say "break it off" when you're not in the same position as the person with the problem. And it's especially easy to say that if you've never even been there. I actually commend the OP for making the decision to break it off when he did and for walking out. It's not an easy thing to do.

Very true, it's not an easy thing to do, I think it's one of the hardest things you can do. He should rightly be commended for having the strength to move on.

He came to this site for advice and he has taken the advice on board and came to a sensible decision, quite why anyone would insult him is beyond him, but I suppose it if makes those people feel better...

 

[perseverance]

AAA: It works both ways... Neither party is innocent. This girl was a *****, but its his fault for sticking around. Once you realize that, it becomes easier to not give emotional support to anybody. Just tell it like it is.

You don't want to become an unemotional person either which is what a lot of men will become as they harden through the trials and tribulations of the dating game.

The OP is guilty of being a human and falling in love with the wrong person and despite this he was able to walk away which is the hardest things you can do in that situation. I commend him, I really do because I have been in his position and I too found the power to walk away and whilst it was the hardest decision I ever had to make, it was the right decision and even with this in mind I still miss her and I still think about her, probably once or twice a day.

 

[AAAgent]

You don't want to become an unemotional person either which is what a lot of men will become as they harden through the trials and tribulations of the dating game.

The OP is guilty of being a human and falling in love with the wrong person and despite this he was able to walk away which is the hardest things you can do in that situation. I commend him, I really do because I have been in his position and I too found the power to walk away and whilst it was the hardest decision I ever had to make, it was the right decision and even with this in mind I still miss her and I still think about her, probably once or twice a day.

Just because the op says he walked away doesn't mean he actually was the one to walk away. He was the one begging to have her back basically. The title of this thread says it all. The girl also had a branch waiting to swing over to, so i don't know how you can see this as a win, unless you mean him making it out alive not emotionally torn apart then he did a good job at that.

I think you are right about being unemotional, i think a lot of bad experiences have turned men to this.

I don't see this girl to be as bad as you make her out to be. She didn't cheat on him (that he knows of), OP let himself to walked on and let her dictate the relationship frame. By him pouring out all his feelings, incorrectly setting the frame, crying, i'm pretty sure any woman would eventually want out of a relationship. She's over 10 years older and she's going to understand the game a lot better. I don't blame her for wanting to leave as the OP is inexperienced and has come here for advice but turned all the advice away. If the girl was cheating, throwing fits/cursing, degrading him, etc. i could understand but all the girl has done was just react to how girls will react to AFC's.

 

[Jhcl4000]

Just because the op says he walked away doesn't mean he actually was the one to walk away. He was the one begging to have her back basically. The title of this thread says it all. The girl also had a branch waiting to swing over to, so i don't know how you can see this as a win, unless you mean him making it out alive not emotionally torn apart then he did a good job at that.

I think you are right about being unemotional, i think a lot of bad experiences have turned men to this.

I don't see this girl to be as bad as you make her out to be. She didn't cheat on him (that he knows of), OP let himself to walked on and let her dictate the relationship frame. By him pouring out all his feelings, incorrectly setting the frame, crying, i'm pretty sure any woman would eventually want out of a relationship. She's over 10 years older and she's going to understand the game a lot better. I don't blame her for wanting to leave as the OP is inexperienced and has come here for advice but turned all the advice away. If the girl was cheating, throwing fits/cursing, degrading him, etc. i could understand but all the girl has done was just react to how girls will react to AFC's.

Honestly, I'm ready to just say "f*ck you" to the people throwing straight insults around.

1.) She rejected commitment, I walked away. That's what happened. Period.

2.) I never.. NEVER "begged" to have her back.

3.) We were never in an actual relationship.

4.) The only time I acted emotional around her were during the "break-ups." And that was after 5 months.

5.) She didn't want out. If she did, she would have straight up ended it. What she wanted was to have her cake and eat it too. I was not cool with this, so I did what was best for me and broke it off. If I wanted to keep seeing her (which I don't) I probably could. And if I hadn't already deleted all of our texts from just this week, I would post them for you. SHE was the one acting needy/clingy with all her "baby, I miss you," "baby, where are you? I'm lonely," ect, ect...

 

[perseverance]

Take no heed from these negative comments buddy, you did good (in the end). It took guts to walk away with your head held high, hopefully you have learned your lesson and hopefully you will be better prepared to handle a similar situation should it arise in the future.

The best way of silencing your critics is to live well and make something of yourself. It's no secret that with more experience and more knowledge you would have handled the situation a lot better and would have walked away a lot sooner, but at least you have some indication that you are strong enough not to capitulate and try everything to salvage something which resembles the sinking of the Titanic.

 

[AAAgent]

Responses in bold.

Honestly, I'm ready to just say "f*ck you" to the people throwing straight insults around.

1.) She rejected commitment, I walked away. That's what happened. Period. I meant she broke it off with you, you right you walked away but that was after you tried to get her back. That's good but the damage was done so hopefully you'll learn.

2.) I never.. NEVER "begged" to have her back. You cried man...and cried in front of and with her over her saying she doesn't love you. If that's not as bad as begging or worse not sure what is.


3.) We were never in an actual relationship. Good that you acknowledge that.

4.) The only time I acted emotional around her were during the "break-ups." And that was after 5 months. Once is all it takes. Break-ups hurt especially if you care a lot about the other person. Cry if you have to but keep that sh1t to yourself. Did u have to cry with her man?!

5.) She didn't want out. If she did, she would have straight up ended it. What she wanted was to have her cake and eat it too. I was not cool with this, so I did what was best for me and broke it off. If I wanted to keep seeing her (which I don't) I probably could. And if I hadn't already deleted all of our texts from just this week, I would post them for you. SHE was the one acting needy/clingy with all her "baby, I miss you," "baby, where are you? I'm lonely," ect, ect...
Women will string you along for as long as they can to stroke their ego so just because she didn't cut off contact with you shouldn't make you feel like you won a battle.

the stuff i said was probably pretty nasty but honestly it was that stuff that my friend said to me that made me accept reality. It was probably the truth and it gets you mad. It will make you rethink the type of man you are if you actually go back to someone like that.

You ignored all our advice for two weeks and tried to get back with her only to face the same games if not worse. Women will use s3x to string you along real hard.

There's positive reinforcement which is what the poster above me is giving you and i'm giving you negative re-inforcement. Both are meant to push you towards the same goal.

 

[rhcp83]

Once again I ask the question, is penetration THAT good to put up with this sort of nonsense? From the way the OP describes this woman, anyone thinking with their right head could tell she was trouble from day one. The convos they have and everything...the crying on both sides etc., I mean wtf.

I was in love once with a girl I was dating and we did "everything else" and fell hard for her, but she was higher quality in personality than this skank. Treated me right, etc., wasn't crazy, was modest etc. . I just simply blew it on my own by being a needy b1tch and turned her off for good.

So while I can empathize with being hurt and dealing with that pain,

1.)I don't get what's up with the crying sessions.

2.)I don't see why any rational guy would be involved with this woman unless he had severely low self esteem and didn't think he could find anyone with a better personality...or was just blinded that much by penetration and her looks.

I care about physical attraction as much as the next guy...but there were warning signs about this woman it seems right from the start. It just seems the OP was happy that he was getting some with a girl he thought was cute.

 

[AlexDP]

Ugh. The amount of toxic relationships around us sickens me. Look. From now on you start your relationships with a few boundaries. Here's what you do:

a) You write down a few boundaries. For example: I will not have my girlfriend cheat on me or treat me with disrespect.

b) You write down the penalties. For example: when my girlfriend acts bratty, I leave the room and don't give her attention. For cheating this could (IMO should) be dropping her.

This way you always get what you want. Sure, you might end up losing a couple of chicks before you get the right one. But your mind is safe.

 

[floydb25]

Alex: its all over the place. That's why I no longer sympathize with so-called nice guys or girls. They piss and moan because an ******* is beating their ass, a skank is playing them, or a ***** is manipulating them. Yeah, what did you really expect? I see this happening all the time. Then, they turn around and blame the world for their own stupidity, and become bad to get back at others.

It always starts and ends with you, and the choices you make.

 

[Jariel]

Alex: its all over the place. That's why I no longer sympathize with so-called nice guys or girls. They piss and moan because an ******* is beating their ass, a skank is playing them, or a ***** is manipulating them. Yeah, what did you really expect? I see this happening all the time. Then, they turn around and blame the world for their own stupidity, and become bad to get back at others.

It always starts and ends with you, and the choices you make.

Nicely put mate! It winds me up when people don't take responsibility for their own actions and failures. The biggest steps I've ever made in transforming myself and overcoming my flaws and issues have been because I accepted them and realised I needed to improve. But those people who blame the world for their problems never go anywhere and will never learn. They just repeat the same cycle and grow more and more bitter.

Yeah, I've encountered some real b1tches and have been used, manipulated and made a fool of, but I always had the choice of walking away and I chose not to. Had the OP's girl deceived him, cheated on him behind his back while telling him he was the only one, then it would've been her fault, but she at least had the honesty to reject him up front and tell him the situation. I respect that.

 

[floydb25]

I think some people are simply martyrs; they like playing the victim, and looking for sympathy. At the end of the day, they choose to be miserable, and complain about their horrible lives - instead of doing something to actually remedy the situation. They ALWAYS have a choice, and always make the wrong ones - only to complain about it.

These people are useless; all talk and no action. They also come with the strongest sense of entitlement; like they are owed by the world for their own problems and mistakes.

Common examples:

1.) The nice guy who complains that girl x is chasing after guy z - when he's so much better than he is. Yeah, so stop chasing after her, dumbass. But, he'd rather complain that she keeps going back to guy z - when the nice guy is doing the same thing with HER. He keeps going back to her, too. She is likely treating him like crap, using him, and so forth - just as she is going through with guy z. Then, the nice guy concludes that all girls are *****es who like *******s and use nice guys - when HE was the one chasing after this kind of person. He is no better than her, and she is no better than guy z. Everyone is complaining about the same thing, and doing nothing to better their situation. It's a hypocrisy wheel that keeps going round and round.

Certainly, girl x has a better option available in the nice guy, but so does the nice guy. There's nice girls chasing after him, but he'd rather go for the ***** chasing after an ******* - then complaining about it, and generalizing the entire gender. Wah wah, nice guys finish last. Woe is him. Get outta here with that mess....

2.) Being single and lonely without approaching anyone, ever. What do you expect, genius? These are the same people who complain because they're overweight - as they're laying on the couch stuffing their faces with junk food. All they do is complain about how fat/lonely/depressed they are. So do something about it! I could ***** smack a lot of people, sometimes...

 

[Slickster]

Honestly, I'm ready to just say "f*ck you" to the people throwing straight insults around.

1.) She rejected commitment, I walked away. That's what happened. Period.

Listen Jhcl, I'm not here to insult you. I'm trying to help.

You are lying to yourself.

Eg#1 You need a car. You see your dream car parked on the street and the owner is standing there. You ask him if you could buy the car from him. He says "no" but he does offer to rent it to you. You carry on looking for another.

Eg#2 You ask your girl for an exclusive relationship and she says no she'd like to stay single. You carry on looking for another.

Eg#3 You ask your girl if she wants to spend NYE with you. She says no she'd rather spend it with another guy.


What do all three of these examples have in common?

YOU GOT REJECTED!!!

Do you really think in your ex-girlfriend's mind she believes that you rejected her? You may have ended the FWB relationship but she made the decision not to commit to you.

You fell in love with a girl who never felt the same way towards you. You cried in front of her about it. You bawled. Then you went back for more and she rejected you again.

If lying about it to yourself makes you feel better then all the power to you.

If this is the way you operate with women then expect more of the same results in the future.

I will leave you alone.

Peace

 

[Jhcl4000]

Just got this message from her on Facebook..

"Hey. I know I should be leaving you alone and I'm going to try, but there are a couple of things I wanted to say.

One, saw the pic you posted ... you are so smokin' hot. I hope you never get a big ego about it, because a guy who looks as good as you and is humble about it is the sexiest thing a woman can find. Girlfriends and I have discussed this general subject at length many times. You got it goin on, babe. I hope you had fun.

Two, I wanted to tell you that while I had a decent time with my friends last night, I felt a little sad and lonely. I kept thinking about the fact that you really wanted to be with me to ring in the new year and I wasn't with you. I know it doesn't change any of the other stuff, but that particular decision was stupid on my part, and I'm sorry. It would have been nice to be kissed by you at midnight.

Okay, just wanted to get that off my chest. I truly do not want to mess with your head, and I hope this doesn't. I'd like to say that maybe after some time goes by we could try to be friends, but to be completely honest I can't quite imagine us being around each other and restraining ourselves from tearing each other's clothes off, so I dunno. I guess we'll have to figure that out.

I'm sending you positive vibes & deeply hope that 2012 is YOUR year. I have the utmost faith that you have the ability to make great things happen in your life, and that you will. Love, *name*."

Not going to lie, after getting back from partying with my friends last night and seeing this just a little while ago, it kinda f*cked me up.. I got one hell of a rush and I feel like sh!t right now. There are so many things I want to say, but I know I shouldn't.. I feel like ripping the skin off my face right now. Can't explain it..

F*ck..................................

 

[floydb25]

She's messing with your head, wants what she cant have, doesn't want what she does have, needs a feeling of uncertainty and walking on eggshells. She's crazy. We told you this already. If you go back, she's going to not want you again. She's immature and retarded, and trying to keep the hope alive - for HER. She doesn't want you to lose interest in her - as she feigns interest in you. You are her back-up plan; she wants to keep you under her wing, and maintain the control. Watch what happens when you try dating someone else.

I'm done with this thread for good.

 

[st_99]

Not going to lie, after getting back from partying with my friends last night and seeing this just a little while ago, it kinda f*cked me up.. I got one hell of a rush and I feel like sh!t right now.

and some day when you 'get better' at dealing with women (some refer to it as the matrix), you may get a message like this from a future flame, come home.. read it and laugh your a$$ off.