I've never believed in the "Go bang 10 other women" theory. For one, it's not like guys can just go and find 10 women who will want to have sex, especially if their spirits are broken and they're lacking charm and energy. Secondly, I've banged other women while I've been in a state of oneitis and it makes it worse because all I can think about is how the woman I'm banging is not the one I want to be with and just makes my oneitis seem more special.rhcp83 said:
Been balling my eyes out the last few hours..
- Thread starter Jhcl4000
- Start date
Wow, bro. Completely agree. How the f*ck am I supposed to go out and find other women to bang when I couldn't even stop myself from crying while lifting in the gym tonight? (luckily it was near empty) And the last time I got hurt/was hurting, I f*cked like 4 or 5 girls in less than a week and it made me feel even sh*ttier. I cried while driving home after f*cking them!Jariel said:
You don't have to bang them all. You just need to get out there dating and meeting new women again. You need to distract yourself from thinking about your oneitis. You need to see there are other (better) women available.Jariel said:
It is much better than sitting around moping.
Every guy who has been hurt by a breakup eventually pulls out of it thinking "why did I waste so much time feeling sh!tty?"
The next thing that happens is you start dating again and the first cool girl you meet makes you forget all about your ex.
I say fvck the self-pity and start working towards feeling better immediately.
backbreaker
Master Don Juan
I'm not going to sit here and pretend that I didn't once think about swirving into the akrnasas river when my GF at age 18 for 9 months, not only had sex with someone else, basically got gangbanged, or pretend that i didn't miss school for 2-3 days beucase all i could do is cry when iound out a girl i worshiped basically was fvcking someone else, or the time the girl that brought me here called me just so i can hear her get plowed, for no other reason than she could.
so i'm not going to sit here and act tough like i've never been there before because I have, and I feel your pain brother. It sucks.
So, I'm going to give you some pratcial advice.
1. realize what you did wrong. I learned as I came here, that even the gangbang girl, there was some things i could have done differently to prevent that from happening. I mean it sucks that it happened, but learn from it and make sure it doesn't happen again. girls at that age, are the most ruthless on earth. they are at the epitome of their sexiness, and lack in wisdom not to totally burn bridges.
2. do not ever talk to her again under any circumstanes. delete, block, move if you have to (not really). she is a drug. it's going to take you a certain amount of time to get over her. hearing her voice will do nothing but reset the clock
3. you have to get to the core of hte problem here. The reason it hurts so bad is becuase she IS your life. she is basically all you have going for you and she's gone. so you need to gtsome other **** going for you. look at what she's saying. you have become too attached. you will learn with age. you are smothering this girl with emotions. do not take this information jand say "okay if i do this nad that i can get her back". it's over brah. but remember for next time.
4. get out and talk to other women. it helps fasten the greieve process. as long as she's the only girl you are thinking about she's the only girl you are going to think about. the faster you can start half ass thinking about other girls the quicker you can move on.
yeah, you will end up comparing them to your EX, but you will also be getting out the house, and doing fun things, and while you are doing that, you will be thinking about her. there will come a point in time where you will stop thinking about your ex as much as you are thinking about the girl you are with.
when I found out about the "gangbang girl" i worked at best buy. there was this rather cute girl,. that followed me aroud like a nat for months, and when she found out i broke up with my GF, she made it her mission to do **** with me. she would pick me up from my house and we would go places all the time. damn near every night i wasn't playing basketall "(i played high school ball) or at work we were at the movies, at a friends house. I literary went from contemplating ending it all to over her in less than 3 weeks. a month later i wasn't even taking her phone calls anymore. I was done with her once I started getting out and having fun. this girl was pretty fun to hang around and i eventually started dating her.
lol, she cheated on me too but that's not the point.
best of luck.
so i'm not going to sit here and act tough like i've never been there before because I have, and I feel your pain brother. It sucks.
So, I'm going to give you some pratcial advice.
1. realize what you did wrong. I learned as I came here, that even the gangbang girl, there was some things i could have done differently to prevent that from happening. I mean it sucks that it happened, but learn from it and make sure it doesn't happen again. girls at that age, are the most ruthless on earth. they are at the epitome of their sexiness, and lack in wisdom not to totally burn bridges.
2. do not ever talk to her again under any circumstanes. delete, block, move if you have to (not really). she is a drug. it's going to take you a certain amount of time to get over her. hearing her voice will do nothing but reset the clock
3. you have to get to the core of hte problem here. The reason it hurts so bad is becuase she IS your life. she is basically all you have going for you and she's gone. so you need to gtsome other **** going for you. look at what she's saying. you have become too attached. you will learn with age. you are smothering this girl with emotions. do not take this information jand say "okay if i do this nad that i can get her back". it's over brah. but remember for next time.
4. get out and talk to other women. it helps fasten the greieve process. as long as she's the only girl you are thinking about she's the only girl you are going to think about. the faster you can start half ass thinking about other girls the quicker you can move on.
yeah, you will end up comparing them to your EX, but you will also be getting out the house, and doing fun things, and while you are doing that, you will be thinking about her. there will come a point in time where you will stop thinking about your ex as much as you are thinking about the girl you are with.
when I found out about the "gangbang girl" i worked at best buy. there was this rather cute girl,. that followed me aroud like a nat for months, and when she found out i broke up with my GF, she made it her mission to do **** with me. she would pick me up from my house and we would go places all the time. damn near every night i wasn't playing basketall "(i played high school ball) or at work we were at the movies, at a friends house. I literary went from contemplating ending it all to over her in less than 3 weeks. a month later i wasn't even taking her phone calls anymore. I was done with her once I started getting out and having fun. this girl was pretty fun to hang around and i eventually started dating her.
lol, she cheated on me too but that's not the point.
best of luck.
That's pretty fked up and got me laughing, shows you what women are capable of. Anyways OP, we've all been through break up/oneitis and knows how you're feeling right now. Listen to the advice other guys gave, start doing things. Hit the gym, go out meet other people, have fun. Time heals everything but it heals faster if you're active and around other women instead of sitting around mopping.backbreaker said:
Slickster and Backbreaker's advice are sound, read Jariel's other post on how to deal with breakups too.
Korrupt
Banned
Funny thing if you think about it.. The OP told her he loved her (extreme pull), then told her they might never be able to see each other again (extreme push). Wonder how this affects a girl?
Anyways, the situation does look pretty bleak for you, my man. You have three options though, since she said she wanted to keep seeing you and that her original intention was only to slow things down between you two.. (as long as that was the truth)
1.) Never contact or see her again. (hard to do right now, but you'll recover the quickest)
2.) Continue to see her just for what it is (sex, fun, ect, but no serious commitment) and leave your emotions out of it. (probably impossible for you at this point in time)
3.) Continue to see her hoping that she'll fall in love with you, but also constantly live with the fear of her finding another guy, and if she does you are hurt even more. (would not recommend)
Anyways, the situation does look pretty bleak for you, my man. You have three options though, since she said she wanted to keep seeing you and that her original intention was only to slow things down between you two.. (as long as that was the truth)
1.) Never contact or see her again. (hard to do right now, but you'll recover the quickest)
2.) Continue to see her just for what it is (sex, fun, ect, but no serious commitment) and leave your emotions out of it. (probably impossible for you at this point in time)
3.) Continue to see her hoping that she'll fall in love with you, but also constantly live with the fear of her finding another guy, and if she does you are hurt even more. (would not recommend)
Wow. I can't imagine what missteps the OP took to allow a woman to wind up saying this.
If a woman ever feels like she could "break your heart," you are doing something (probably lots of things) very, very wrong.
The audacity of that statement is unbelievable.
The conversation really should have gone something like this......
Her: I don't know how to say this...
Me: Then don't.
Her: I'm afraid that I'm going to break your heart..
Me: Bahaahahahah!! You? Break my heart? hahaha You? YOU? Break MY heart?? YOU?? ahaahahahhaaha
This is all bullsh*t. She wants to bone other dudes, you're apparently doing the hand-holding or some other BS with her. Bone her, and bone other chicks.
Look, at 21 you're way young for this sort of thing. When I was 21 my girlfriend and I split and I felt like SHIIIIIT for months. I remember lying in bed barely being able to breathe. Fortunately this only happens once in your life if you're smart.
PS: It's spelled "bawling."
Never try to read a woman's mind. It is a scary place. Ignore her confusing signals and mixed messages. Assume she is interested in you and act accordingly.
Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.
I very much agree with this. The sheer arrogance coming from a statement like this should be enough not to ever want to see this woman again.Zarky said:
A more practical point as well: she's 32. That's pretty damn old. By the time you're 30, she's 41. This age gap is huge. And especially because at age 21, you're not fully grown mentally.
We have a medical emergency...severe case of oneitis reported!
Start treatment with a regimen of No Contact supplemented with a constant dose of other women.
Also:
Start treatment with a regimen of No Contact supplemented with a constant dose of other women.
Also:
WTF? OP is being such an AFC and an emo that it's not even funny... get help. Now.Jhcl4000 said:
Diaforetikos
Senior Don Juan
Why does majority of the advice mention finding other women? Even if he could find another girl, it won't matter to him because it's not the girl he wants.
So in saying that, I will say a few things that I felt haven't got enough attention in order for the advice to mean something.
First off, you need to learn that if you live the rest of your life without getting affectionate or sensual with a woman, you will be OK. Meaning, you don't need women in your life. Period. You don't. That means you don't need sex either. Once you realize this, and internalize it, dealing with women will become so much easier.
Second, take the time to learn what it takes to become a real man. What your doing, all this crying and crap, isn't cool. If you got a company to run, some students to instruct, or a job to fulfill, you don't have time to be crying and whining. Your a man. PEOPLE RELY ON REAL MEN FOR THINGS. No one will rely on your if your distracted by women and crying. Be a man first, a lover and whatever else second. The DJ Bible will help with that. REREAD IT.
Lastly, I know what your going through. But I was lucky. I had already spent the prior months constantly absorbing the DJ Bible. It was ingrained in my brain. After my big break up, I brushed it off and decided to live. I've actually stopped gaming women. I got to much other bull to be worrying about. Sex and crap can wait, but my life can't.
For starters, no contact whatsoever. Read the DJ Bible. Its gonna take time to heal. A while. It'll be over and you'll live. Right now, read. Just read. Better yourself while you cry.
Good luck.
So in saying that, I will say a few things that I felt haven't got enough attention in order for the advice to mean something.
First off, you need to learn that if you live the rest of your life without getting affectionate or sensual with a woman, you will be OK. Meaning, you don't need women in your life. Period. You don't. That means you don't need sex either. Once you realize this, and internalize it, dealing with women will become so much easier.
Second, take the time to learn what it takes to become a real man. What your doing, all this crying and crap, isn't cool. If you got a company to run, some students to instruct, or a job to fulfill, you don't have time to be crying and whining. Your a man. PEOPLE RELY ON REAL MEN FOR THINGS. No one will rely on your if your distracted by women and crying. Be a man first, a lover and whatever else second. The DJ Bible will help with that. REREAD IT.
Lastly, I know what your going through. But I was lucky. I had already spent the prior months constantly absorbing the DJ Bible. It was ingrained in my brain. After my big break up, I brushed it off and decided to live. I've actually stopped gaming women. I got to much other bull to be worrying about. Sex and crap can wait, but my life can't.
For starters, no contact whatsoever. Read the DJ Bible. Its gonna take time to heal. A while. It'll be over and you'll live. Right now, read. Just read. Better yourself while you cry.
Good luck.
We just did a lot of things together. Like a GF and BF would. I started to call her "my girl" and we were very affectionate.Zarky said:
Think of a GF/BF serious committed relationship. That's how we were, and everything was damn near perfect. Neither of us had said "I love you" (until yesterday) though.
Age... I've also realized that age is the deciding factor in this for her. She cares for me, and DOES want to keep seeing me, having fun with me, and having sex with me, but doesn't see "us" as compatible in the long-run. So even though she DOES want to keep dating me, she also wants to be able to keep her options open just in case a more compatible (compatible in her mind) guy comes along.
And this just popped up on my Facebook "recent stories" feed (from her):
"is about to watch Moonstruck for the second time in less than a month, because it is my best go-to pick-me-up when I'm feeling down."
*Sigh*
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We've all been there, mate. This was a trainwreck waiting to happen. She's basically saying you're too good for her. She has issues beyond your control. Daddy issues and abusive relationships - both seeming to go hand in hand - are HUGE red flags. Sirens going off, do not pass go, warning, danger ahead, stop.
These girls will not stick through with a stable relationship. You can't train them to like one. The worst possible thing you can do is stick around, act all nice, and try to pursuade her into loving you - by spilling your heart out further. She needs drama, chaos, and instability. That's what she's creating with you right now. Things were going so well, and she can't have that. Rollercoaster of emotions, abuse, neglect, walking on eggshells, breaking up and getting back together... This is what she is familiar with, and will seek after. It's also what she will create for you if you stick around.
I dated a handful of girls just like this - with the same issues. They said the same things, as well. They want to keep you around, and USE you for sex, but won't commit. All while playing games, causing drama, and basically being crazy. This is the kind of lives they lead. She'll be dating an ******* next... Just watch.
If you do stick around, and accept her pseudo-friendship - you are almost guaranteed to go on a rollercoaster ride. It's not worth it. Don't give her everything she wants, and allow her to decide everything - while you waltz along with a broken heart, hoping for more. You don't need to get shacked up in this mess.
These girls will not stick through with a stable relationship. You can't train them to like one. The worst possible thing you can do is stick around, act all nice, and try to pursuade her into loving you - by spilling your heart out further. She needs drama, chaos, and instability. That's what she's creating with you right now. Things were going so well, and she can't have that. Rollercoaster of emotions, abuse, neglect, walking on eggshells, breaking up and getting back together... This is what she is familiar with, and will seek after. It's also what she will create for you if you stick around.
I dated a handful of girls just like this - with the same issues. They said the same things, as well. They want to keep you around, and USE you for sex, but won't commit. All while playing games, causing drama, and basically being crazy. This is the kind of lives they lead. She'll be dating an ******* next... Just watch.
If you do stick around, and accept her pseudo-friendship - you are almost guaranteed to go on a rollercoaster ride. It's not worth it. Don't give her everything she wants, and allow her to decide everything - while you waltz along with a broken heart, hoping for more. You don't need to get shacked up in this mess.
backbreaker
Master Don Juan
okay now you are just acting like a little *****. you need to grow up and attempt to move on. take her off your facebook, delete contact, move on.Jhcl4000 said:
I'm seriously worried about your well being at this point. kidding aside. because, i'm telling you, she broke up with you for a reason. she will find another guy. she will move on, and at your current rate you will be left here living vicariously through her updates and ****. it's going to get rough brah.
I mean, i understand this **** hurts, but you honestly see how unattractive you are in your current state? women date a guy, it's supposed to be a complimenting relationship. it's supposed to be fun, exciting, enjoyable. you seem like the guy that gets on the phone and within 5 minutes al;l you want to do is smother her with emotions.
I mean, i can say that, because i was that guy at one point in my life. but then i grew up. you need to grow up.
nismo-4
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Judge nismo knows this.
You'll get over it.
Roll with the punches.
Live and learn.
Experience is the best teacher.
Stop catching feelings.
You need to recover from this.
Go talk to more girls.
Get more options.
Become physically fit (If you aren't)
Become financially fit (If you aren't)
We all get hurt like this at some point.
I'm not perfect.
It happened to me.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself.
You are guilty of oneitis and pain displaying. The fine for this is 1 stressed mind, 1 bruised shaft, 2 blue balls, and a trip to St. Stopcrying, Missouri.
So what? You're hurt. What can you do? You want a girl? Stop feeling sorry, wake the f**k up, get off your ass and handle your business. I've also decided to send you to Reality Springs, Ohio. Why? Because you need to understand that life and love in the game is no fairy tale.
I have yet to hear a oneitis case worse than this one.
Control your feelings. Maintain the frame. Don't give up your power.
Case closed. Grow up, and I'm disappointed in you.
You'll get over it.
Roll with the punches.
Live and learn.
Experience is the best teacher.
Stop catching feelings.
You need to recover from this.
Go talk to more girls.
Get more options.
Become physically fit (If you aren't)
Become financially fit (If you aren't)
We all get hurt like this at some point.
I'm not perfect.
It happened to me.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself.
You are guilty of oneitis and pain displaying. The fine for this is 1 stressed mind, 1 bruised shaft, 2 blue balls, and a trip to St. Stopcrying, Missouri.
So what? You're hurt. What can you do? You want a girl? Stop feeling sorry, wake the f**k up, get off your ass and handle your business. I've also decided to send you to Reality Springs, Ohio. Why? Because you need to understand that life and love in the game is no fairy tale.
I have yet to hear a oneitis case worse than this one.
Control your feelings. Maintain the frame. Don't give up your power.
Case closed. Grow up, and I'm disappointed in you.
nismo-4
Moderator
- Joined
- Jan 31, 2005
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If he were balling, he wouldn't have even wrote this thread!metoo said:
Yeah, I got emotional.. Yesterday was the only time in the five months we were dating that I had ever shown her that. I had never acted needy or clingy or overly emotional before yesterday. I always gave her space, and whenever she'd mention other guys in any way, I wouldn't show any jealousy. And I'm really not trying to be argumentative when I say this, because I agree with most everything you all are posting, but technically, she didn't break-up with me. She brought up this "talk," not because she wanted to stop seeing me, but because she wanted to slow things down a bit and expected me to say "okay, we'll slow things down." Obviously, that didn't happen, but even after everything came out she told me she wished she hadn't brought it all up, because she didn't want anything to change.
