Been balling my eyes out the last few hours..

[st_99]

I had never acted needy or clingy or overly emotional before yesterday.

When the adversity gets ratcheted up or when the sh*t hits the fan, thats when a lot of so called DJ's game falls to pieces. I can't lie, my game crumbled pretty easy in the past. But thats what you need to strive for, when sh*t goes down, thats when you need to shine.

 

[perseverance]

It's okay to have feelings for a woman, it's okay to cry when your heart is broken and your feelings are stamped on. You need to get this girl out of your system and if it means crying for weeks on end, feeling dejected for a few months afterwards, abstaining from dating for six months then so be it, as long as you move on from here, that's the main thing. This woman doesn't deserve your feelings, they are wasted on someone as vulgar as her. Someday you'll realise that you dodged a bullet and you will thank your lucky stars that you went to SoSuave.

The best thing for you to do is no longer have any contact with this girl, bin her, let her grow old and lonely, let her reach forty and become desperate. She shouldn't be your concern anymore. Your concern should be with you, your own well being and your desire to move on and find someone new, someone better in everyway.

I know it seems bad now man, but the truth is that time is a great healer and with time you'll learn from this chapter of your life and one day, in the not too distant future this girl will be just that a girl in your past. Keep trucking mate, you'll get there.

 

[PokerStar]

Yeah, I got emotional.. Yesterday was the only time in the five months we were dating that I had ever shown her that. I had never acted needy or clingy or overly emotional before yesterday. I always gave her space, and whenever she'd mention other guys in any way, I wouldn't show any jealousy. And I'm really not trying to be argumentative when I say this, because I agree with most everything you all are posting, but technically, she didn't break-up with me. She brought up this "talk," not because she wanted to stop seeing me, but because she wanted to slow things down a bit and expected me to say "okay, we'll slow things down." Obviously, that didn't happen, but even after everything came out she told me she wished she hadn't brought it all up, because she didn't want anything to change.

technically, shmechnically.

Remember its not what they say, but how their actions do.

women forever will always do this stuff. and probably when you least expect it or when you are at your most vulnerable.

 

[Jariel]

Yeah, I got emotional.. Yesterday was the only time in the five months we were dating that I had ever shown her that. I had never acted needy or clingy or overly emotional before yesterday. I always gave her space, and whenever she'd mention other guys in any way, I wouldn't show any jealousy. And I'm really not trying to be argumentative when I say this, because I agree with most everything you all are posting, but technically, she didn't break-up with me. She brought up this "talk," not because she wanted to stop seeing me, but because she wanted to slow things down a bit and expected me to say "okay, we'll slow things down." Obviously, that didn't happen, but even after everything came out she told me she wished she hadn't brought it all up, because she didn't want anything to change.

That's good, because it gives you chance to regain some control here. However, this should be treated as a warning sign. At this point it sounds like she's losing interest and taking you for granted. If you continue being there for her, continue doing what you're doing, her interest is going to slip further away.

If she didn't break up with you, then no contact is going to be too extreme. But you need to start acting very cool and indifferent towards her. She wants to slow things down, but you need to slow things down more than she expects in order to take control back and raise her interest. It will feel uncomfortable and you'll feel mean, but trust me, if you don't act now you will regret it before too long when she ditches you or cheats on you.

 

[PokerStar]

slow things down = i want out.

 

[floydb25]

slow things down = i want out.

...but she wants to keep him around in case nothing better comes along. That's why she still wants to be his friend, and have sex with him. He's filling a void. Once she finds someone else, and things work out between them - he'll be history. But, she'll still try to keep him around in case they break up later, or to use him for other purposes - while sabotaging his other relationships.

Been there, done that. Was fed the same lines. Believed the same nonsense. Dated the same girls.

 

[perseverance]

...but she wants to keep him around in case nothing better comes along. That's why she still wants to be his friend, and have sex with him. He's filling a void. Once she finds someone else, and things work out between them - he'll be history. But, she'll still try to keep him around in case they break up later, or to use him for other purposes - while sabotaging his other relationships.

Been there, done that. Was fed the same lines. Believed the same nonsense. Dated the same girls.

This is where he needs to walk away from this toxic situation. The question is "will he?"

 

[Rubirosa]

Daddy issues? she'll be back

I was hoping you literally meant "balling your eyes out" like you've been playing Bball until you're so tired you can't keep your eyes open. But I knew better, "bawling".

And yeah, your first will hurt quite a bit.

Up until about the 1970's "Balling" was slang for having sex. Check out the 1st Rocky movie when Paulie asks Rocky..."Have you been balling my sister ?" The correct spelling for this thread should be "bawling".....

 

[floydb25]

This is where he needs to walk away from this toxic situation. The question is "will he?"

Nah... Not with the first love. He'll probably stick around, look for that one tell-tale sign that she's interested, make things bigger than they are, give her the control...

Or, he could be smart, think with his head, realize what's going on, and get out before it gets even worse. Not many of us do that in the younger, inexperienced, naive years. Maybe he'll be different.

 

[pdx1138]

Jhcl4000, I've been there buddy. Same exact story.

I had a FWB situation with my first love as well. Though she was my first love in high school and was not interested in me....we hooked up 20 years later.

The sparks in me for her got hot again.

I finally stopped seeing her (one of the hardest things ive ever had to do), got over her and am dating a much better and more attractive girl now.

You need to cut her loose. You can be friends with her (I'm still friends with my ex fwb) but you can't be screwing her any more. It will only make things worse for you. Trust me.

Now do what needs to be done and meet someone else once the wounds have healed. You'll be better off.

Get back into some hobbies you are passionate about, hang out with your friends....it will pass.

If your on facebook and she's on your news feed, hide her posts. I got sick to my stomach when she had pics of herself with her new boyfriend and
that was months after I stopped seeing her. I still have her's hidden even though I'm with another woman now. don't need the mental image.

 

[Desdinova]

Breakups always hurt like a bytch. The first couple are always the worst. After a while, you learn how to deal with it all. Every break up will fvck you up in some way, shape, or form. This one's gonna be tough because she just unexpectedly threw a brick at your head.

The main thing to do is keep busy. When you've got your mind focused on other things, you can't think about how much you miss the bytch. I broke up with the last girl I dated a day before I had an extremely busy out-of-town work trip. I was fvcked up, felt bad, and missing her (even though I did the dumping). The work trip kept my mind and body busy as hell. At the end of the day, I was too tired to be missing her. After the week was over, I couldn't believe how little I thought about her.

After you've gone through a few breakups, you'll know how they go. You get the fvcked up period, the loneliness, and you SHOULD get the urge to move on instead of moping around wasting your energy on missing someone who doesn't want to be with you.

It takes time to get the routine down. If you learn how to deal with the heartbreak instead of avoiding it, you'll continue to have fulfilling relationships with women.

 

[Jhcl4000]

So, I went and looked at some of our texts from a couple weeks ago to see if I was displaying any needy/clingy/AFC behavior, and what do I find? HER acting AFC. This is why I was so f*cking shocked, because of text conversations like this (as well as a LOT of other things..):

15 days ago..

8:24 PM - Her: What are you doing?
8:36 PM - Me: Old phone died, so I had to go buy a new one. Just got home.
8:42 PM - Her: Verizon? Did you kick some ass on my behalf?
8:47 PM - Her: Haven't gotten a reply if you sent one... Do you want to come over and play video games?

We ended up hanging out.

14 days ago.. (next day)

5:30 PM - Her: Did you get my text this AM?
6:33 PM - Her: ?
6:39 PM - Me: Been napping the last hour. But no, I didn't get your text this morning, babe..
6:40 PM - Her: Wtf?!?!
6:40 PM - Her: You always got MY texts before...
6:41 PM - Her: This was it:
6:41 PM - Her: FWD: I ended up not going to my appointment this AM due to cramps and I kinda wish you had just stayed in my bed last night. You could be rubbing my belly right now. I could use it
6:44 PM - Me: I totally would have stopped by after class if I had gotten that. F*cking Verizon.
6:53 PM - Her: You can still come tonight if you want. Although we are probably seeing each other too much

After reading these texts I almost feel like I was being led on..

 

[rhcp83]

Dude she's just some crazy older woman. You made the mistake of getting attached to some nut. Learn from it and move on. You don't even love her, you love sex with her.

 

[backbreaker]

dude is going through 2 week old texts and she's the one that's being AFC rotfl.

 

[Korrupt]

So, I went and looked at some of our texts from a couple weeks ago to see if I was displaying any needy/clingy/AFC behavior, and what do I find? HER acting AFC. This is why I was so f*cking shocked, because of text conversations like this (as well as a LOT of other things..):

15 days ago..

8:24 PM - Her: What are you doing?
8:36 PM - Me: Old phone died, so I had to go buy a new one. Just got home.
8:42 PM - Her: Verizon? Did you kick some ass on my behalf?
8:47 PM - Her: Haven't gotten a reply if you sent one... Do you want to come over and play video games?

We ended up hanging out.

14 days ago.. (next day)

5:30 PM - Her: Did you get my text this AM?
6:33 PM - Her: ?
6:39 PM - Me: Been napping the last hour. But no, I didn't get your text this morning, babe..
6:40 PM - Her: Wtf?!?!
6:40 PM - Her: You always got MY texts before...
6:41 PM - Her: This was it:
6:41 PM - Her: FWD: I ended up not going to my appointment this AM due to cramps and I kinda wish you had just stayed in my bed last night. You could be rubbing my belly right now. I could use it
6:44 PM - Me: I totally would have stopped by after class if I had gotten that. F*cking Verizon.
6:53 PM - Her: You can still come tonight if you want. Although we are probably seeing each other too much

After reading these texts I almost feel like I was being led on..

At this point I know, with 110% surety, that you are going to try and see this girl again, and that nothing will change your mind. So please, PLEASE, at least promise yourself that you will date other girls ASAP and take some of your eggs out of this basket that is this older woman. If you're going to continue seeing her, you MUST not have the level of emotional attachment for her that you do now.

 

[Slickster]

Wow Jhcl4000,

You are too far gone.

The best thing for you is to experience this full-on. Everyone has to have a big heartbreak at least once in their life. It allows us to grow.

Remember that your misery is a choice.

 

[floydb25]

Ha ha... She's a crazy *****. I so knew it. It's gonna get a lot worse. Enjoy the ride, sir.

 

[Diaforetikos]

We're still talking about this? Can we shut this down?

It's up to him on what he wants to do. But feeding this thread isnt doing a thing for him. He has all the advice he needs. He had all the encouragement and sympathy he could ever need. Now let's leave him to his own decisions.

 

[Jariel]

So, I went and looked at some of our texts from a couple weeks ago to see if I was displaying any needy/clingy/AFC behavior, and what do I find? HER acting AFC. This is why I was so f*cking shocked, because of text conversations like this (as well as a LOT of other things..):

This is a trap I've fallen into many many times and paid a painful price.

I've been with girls who act needy, sometimes almost obsessively keen, putting me on a pedestal, talking about how they feel butterflies in their stomach when we kiss, how gorgeous I am and how glad they are we met etc etc.

My mistake is that I let my guard down and become complacent. I figure, this chick is really into me right, I can just tell her how I feel and return her affection. Next thing I know, I'm hearing "you're a really nice guy, but I need my space" or other gentle rejection.

It makes no logical sense, but women are not logical. They act on how they feel. As long as they are chasing you, they feel very positive about you, but as soon as you allow them to take you for granted, then all that takes a turn for the worst.

It's just basic reverse psychology. People value more what they cannot have or that which they stand to lose. If you make this girl feel like she's lost you, I guarantee she will want you more than ever. If you continue being there for her on any level, you're going to learn this lesson the hard way.

I know your instincts are telling you the opposite, but all the advice you are being given here comes from our own painful experiences. We've been there and we've all learned the hard way.

 

[Fela Kuti]

let him. experience is the best teacher