Another update on the "need advice" topic from below!

[PTC]

Dude...you are 41. You have a little girl. And a woman that was cheating on you and care nothing about you.

And you still talking and acting hurt? WTF is wrong with you?

I am willing to match Rollo's $10 and agree with him. I have NO doubt about that.

You will notice that my only reply was "Pathetic". The reason was because I KNEW you were the same person that created that other thread. Your writing style and story gave you up.

Hey...you want her back. And that's fine. After all...if you get her back it will show TWO things:

1- You are an AFC

and

2- A terrible father

I'm not taking her back dude, but you cant sit there and tell me that if your with somebody for almost two years and your engaged to them you would have zero emotions right after your separated??? Yeah she sh!t on me and I finally walked away. So what if it took me longer than it would've you, i'm not you. Thats why I came here(twice) to seek advice. The fact is,.. I did it!! I could have just not done anything at all and ended up like alot of poor souls that don't have the balls to come on here and ask for help.

I never said I wanted her back. But this is a public forum and you have just as much right to express your opinion as anybody else, which you already did with your "Pathetic and disgraceful" comment.

And my little girl was the main reason I walked away from this trash. I saw how she cussed and acted around her own kids. I may be an AFC but I am not a terible father!! I wasn't even going to reply to your comment since you basically repeated yourself from your previous statement but you hit a nerve about the terible father comment!!! Are you even a father? I am a good father and my little girl is the most important person in my life! Which is far from alot of other parents I've seen and the way they treat their kids!

From now on, if you don't have anything remotely helpful to say, just keep your comments to yourself

 

[Latinoman]

I'm not taking her back dude, but you cant sit there and tell me that if your with somebody for almost two years and your engaged to them you would have zero emotions right after your separated??? Yeah she sh!t on me and I finally walked away. So what if it took me longer than it would've you, i'm not you. Thats why I came here(twice) to seek advice. The fact is,.. I did it!! I could have just not done anything at all and ended up like alot of poor souls that don't have the balls to come on here and ask for help.

I was married for over a decade. After I left...I "dated" (had sex) with several and then got into another LTR as long as yours...it ended and now I am seeing somebody new.

What it is so hard about that?

Wait...it is hard for a man that has NO options.

 

[Latinoman]

From now on, if you don't have anything remotely helpful to say, just keep your comments to yourself

For a person that created a SECOND profile to bullshhit the people that put an effort giving advice...you certainly have balls.

I will tell you one thing...if I was a moderator, I would have banned your arse for doing that.

 

[Metro3pilot]

This chick broke me down as low as I could go

Poor PTC got screwed over by a woman, that's never happened to anyone before ...it's all her fault PTC, damn world is so very cruel, life's just not fair, the worlds against you PTC !

feel better now ?

PTC, whats up with the victim mentality ?

she might have had BPD, she might have been from hell, but wait a minute !

YOU let her treat you this way, so her problem is irrelivent ...the way you handle this is ....

figure out why you allow this or there's plenty more of chicks like this in your future ! !

:rockon:

 

[Metro3pilot]

and putting your house up for sale ... I feel sorry for you man, you got many more issues than 1000 posts on this board will ever cure

Peace out and good luck

:rockon:

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Can anyone join this blanket party?

 

[PTC]

I was married for over a decade. After I left...I "dated" (had sex) with several and then got into another LTR as long as yours...it ended and now I am seeing somebody new.

What it is so hard about that?

Wait...it is hard for a man that has NO options.

So basically your life is just as sh!tty as mine, but at least I got a beautiful little girl out of my marriage so i cant say it was a complete waist. Oh,...and my option IS that beautiful little girl thats more important to me than any of this.

And so what if I have two profiles. The main reason I created a second profile is because the b!tch got on my computer one night and checked out all my favorites. Yeah, I should've told all of you I was Rob but I didnt know what she had seen. She also got into my myspace and checked my cell phone constantly.

So there,...I have two profiles. I dont use the other one anymore. I also have 4 different e-mail accounts as well. Big deal

I'm not on here to compare lives with somebody else dude so calm down. I take everybody's advice on here seriously, except yours. So go read and criticize somebody else's thread

 

[PTC]

Wait...it is hard for a man that has NO options.

Oh,....and you have been on here 1 year and you have 2500 post???? Holy cow!!

Sounds like your the man that has NO options.

 

[Latinoman]

Oh,....and you have been on here 1 year and you have 2500 post???? Holy cow!!

Sounds like your the man that has NO options.

Trust me...don't waste your time debating with me. You are the loser and the AFC. Not me.

 

[Latinoman]

So basically your life is just as sh!tty as mine, but at least I got a beautiful little girl out of my marriage so i cant say it was a complete waist. Oh,...and my option IS that beautiful little girl thats more important to me than any of this.

And so what if I have two profiles. The main reason I created a second profile is because the b!tch got on my computer one night and checked out all my favorites. Yeah, I should've told all of you I was Rob but I didnt know what she had seen. She also got into my myspace and checked my cell phone constantly.

So there,...I have two profiles. I dont use the other one anymore. I also have 4 different e-mail accounts as well. Big deal

I'm not on here to compare lives with somebody else dude so calm down. I take everybody's advice on here seriously, except yours. So go read and criticize somebody else's thread

****tie life? Hahaha. I left and I did not make a huge deal out of it. I made a decision and did not look back.

And no offense (as a father of two), but exposing your little girl to your slutty "fiance" clearly shows a serious character flaw from your part.

 

[joekerr31]

I

And my little girl was the main reason I walked away from this trash.

thats part of your problem.

if only you cared about yourself as much as you cared about your little girl!!!

see, myself, i care about myself as much as anyone else i love. and i dont put myself through hell. i council myself the way i would council someone i love, and i take my own advice and i act on it!

start asking yourself, what would you tell your daughter when shes 25 if she's with a guy who is treating her the way this woman is treating you?

what your advice woudl be, take it yourself.

 

[joekerr31]

So basically your life is just as sh!tty as mine, but at least I got a beautiful little girl out of my marriage so i cant say it was a complete waist. Oh,...and my option IS that beautiful little girl thats more important to me than any of this.

PTC, stop.

you need to really focus on not letting people push your buttons. if Latino is able to push your buttons then what chance do you have against the demon wh*res that roam the earth with scissors looking to cut off men's balls?

when people are attacking you and you don't agree with them and think they are being petty, DO NOT sink to their level. just ignore them or brush them off.

what you just did with Latino was "oh you're going to throw sh*t in my face, we'll here's some sh*t back."

as long as you let people get under your skin then you WILL get f*cked over by women, because they COUNT on this.

 

[jophil28]

PTC (and some of us here ) have been addicted to the brain chemical rush that a certain kind of woman creates within us. It is addiction and NOT love.
Why isn't it love ? " Because love is a committed relationship between two people who deeply VALUE each other and would never cause the other harm.

Addiction is a disorder -some say a disease. It is a medical condition with damaging physical and emotional components. It is pathological. And it needs treatment in some way.

Getting over an addictive relationship initially needs this - NO CONTACT. The same principle applies to quitting smokimg or quitting drugs- ABSTINENCE-

Old AA saying - Alcohol is cunning, baffling and powerful (and I would add -patient ) So is the pull towards your ex G/f !!!

PTC you need to do this "one day at a time" . It takes as long as it takes for the anger and emotions to subside BUT you got to do it even though you may still have a strong longing for that woman.
She is poison. If she is no good for you then certainly she is worse for your daughter.

Bible says -" Satan transforms himself into an angel of light " Does that remind you of anyone PTC ?

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Alright gentlemen, lets keep it civil.

I could've had PTC/ROB banned for a dual account, but it was necessary to illustrate a point in leaving it up. This thread has been very educational, not the least of which is due to showing the lengths to which an AFC will go to seek affirmation in his own rationales. He even PMed me under his second alias to get advice he's already read me post to him under the first, why? Because he's hooked and he's trapped in his own innability to move. He gets points for cutting this woman off - assuming he's being honest this time - but we only feed his dependency on this chemical drama-rush he's trapped by in calling him out on it.

We'd like to rage against this b!tch and women like her because we're on the opposite side of it after (probably) experiencing it ourselves, or at the very least we can get riled up and frustrated with him and her because we've got a bird's eye view objective perspective. Essentially we're just feeding the same rush for ourselves from the other side. It's like watching a horror movie and we know where the killer is in respect to the victim. We yell, "No! No! Go the other way, he's right behind the door! Can't you see it?! Why are you going in there?!" but true to form the hapless victim goes through the door and the killer slashes their throat. When we give credence to this woman we only feed the need for a rush.

I know i need to quit readding her emails but I'm just curious to see how far she goes.

She did send me another after that one that read:

"I know u 2 have been talkin. Dont blow smoke up my a ss! But thats fine. It doesnt matter anymore. Have a nice life."

I just laughed at that one.

PTC, do you know what a dog does when it throws up? It stands there and shakes a bit before it vomits up a big pile of barf. The dog'll stare at it a bit as it sits there in a big steaming pile, then he moves on to do whatever. About an hour later after it's vomit has cooled off and he's forgot about it the dog will pick up it's scent and go back to it. He then promptly, and hungrily, gobbles up his own puke and trots away happy and satisfied, as if he'd been lucky to find a new meal just lying around.

Everytime you read one of her emails you are this same dog going back to your same pile of vomit and gobbling it up like it was something fresh. Do you understand this?

Your breaking up with her (assuming you did, I have to be suspect now, sorry) is NOT a competition. It's not an "I won, you lost" propositon. It's not about who was the better person or who got away with what. You lose every time you occupy yourself with even the slightest thought about her. You know why? Because it's one more minute of your life wasted on even burning the calories necessary to think about a dead end. Every second you spend passing your eyes over an email she sends is like a tiny little knife murdering you in little increments. You will NEVER get over this woman until you learn to be indifferent. Simple as that.

 

[PTC]

Bible says -" Satan transforms himself into an angel of light " Does that remind you of anyone PTC ?

Yes!!

 

[PTC]

Rollo you are correct. I know what I need to do but I know its not going to happen overnight. I have been through this before as you know, cause I came here once before as Roblb and told my sob story about a girl that dumped me cause i didn't wanna marry her in 3 months.
It took a while for me to get over that but when I did I looked back and realized how stupid I was and how I lost time in my life grieving over her. And I finally realized how important it was to look out for the most important person,..ME. I was the happiest I had been in a long time, even before my marriage. I had plates spinning and was loving it. Even my friends joked about naming the days of the week after my different plates! My self esteem went sky hi and I knew I had built that shield up around me that I would never let down again.
Thats what kills me more than anything about this whole ordeal is probably my pride. That I let this toxic b!tch take my shield down and turn me back into an AFC. It's amazing no matter what you do and how smart and observant you are that you can let somebody like this into your life.

Oh and I wasn't going to say this but I live in a small town so it's hard not to know what the other person is saying or doing and you run into people you do or dont wanna see. One of the bad things about living in a small town by the way....everybody is always up in your sh!t. But this morning my realtor came in for me to sign some more papers and he told me she was back with her ex husband! One day!!! One day from , please dont do this , i love you to back with the ex husband! Which makes this so much more easier because I see now she truly is trash and a liar. My realtor even joked about how crazy she was and he's friends with her!! And also I decided to leave my house on the market for only the length of the contract. If it sells and I make money on it fine but I'm not going to lose money on it just over some b!tch,...I'll just stay there.

So no,...I'm not going to be that dog that gobbles back up his own puke. I'm not! I've already got a lunch date with a girl tomorrow that I met before phsyco. I've got plans with my friends the rest of this week and this week end, so things are looking good!

 

[PTC]

Oh and I found this interesting:

Life is all about making choices. Do we want to eat white bread or wheat? Do we want to have a fulfilling career or just make the most money possible? Do we want to develop the kind of communication style that will make for successful relationships, or do we want to give in to the personality traits we've developed over the years and just say "This is who I am, I can't change" because it's the easy way out? It's all about making choices. Ask yourself what you want out of your relationships and you will make the right choice. And if the other person really, truly cares, then they will too. If that's not the case, then just admit that you were dealt a bad hand and it's time you free yourself of this relationship and try your hand at a new one. Fortunately, life always gives us another chance and if you had a losing hand last turn, maybe you'll get a better one the next time you try.

 

[Sinistar]

I've finally been able to catch up on the forum and just read this entire thread. Rollo - excellent job backtracking!!! And hats off to PTC because he slipped it by all of us.

Here's my take.

Rob/PTC has taken a big step in the right direction. He's ended things. Maybe it wasn't pretty or optimal but he's taken that step somehow, someway.

Typically in a situation like this, under the addiction's craving, it is just as others said - a veiled attempt in the true 'hopes' she'll miss him enough to change, apologize and restore the 'idealized' relationship he had going in his head.

I have a theory. About 10% of guys are DJ/PUA. A big chunk (70%) are typical matricant AFC's. With the last 20% being mega-AFC. And I believe about about 5% - 10% of women out there are Cluster B's or have other serious mommie/daddie issues growning up that result in inverted value systems. There lives are half truths, anonymity, wicked anger ready to vent, no female friends, strings of failed relationships, unbelievable manipulation, etc, etc, etc -> dysfunction.

So when one of these Mega-AFC's meets one of these women watch out. It's like the preacher's innocent repressed daughter dared into taking her first hit of crack. Ouch, she had no idea....

And there is nothing rare about this. Women in this category will have so many *friendships* with men, relationships and intimate encounters that our odds of meeting one are actually quite good (or bad depending on how you want to look at it).

That is you right now Rob

That's why cutting all contact is essential to your well being. It is not to punish her. It is not to sway her back. It is for you to get healthy again. It is for you to best the best father to your daugher, the best guy at your job, you get the idea. It's all about you!

Cutting all contact does not mean reading emails without responding. That's like the preacher's daughter (who's supposedly quit) staring at the crack as her friends pass it around. Inevitably you will succumb. That chemical rush (your addiction-like draw to her) will eventually win in it's presence.

However, there is something else. Cutting all contact of the 2nd order.

Cutting all contact of the 1st order is actually easier. Simply Block her phone number or set her number to silent ring so you won't know she's called until after the fact. Use your email's blocking feature to have her messages deleted before they even arrive to you. These two steps should take no more than 10 minutes so go do it now and then come back..........good you're back Then refuse her letters. And if her contact persists tell her once and only once to stop.

Cutting all contact of the 2nd order is more difficult. This is you entering into conversations about her to anyone else (including in your mind with yourself). Basically, she is gone. But talking to others (ie friends, family, this forumn!) is contact by proxy. In some way it still feeds a craving. It's as if continued thinking and talking about her keeps the relationship alive enough for you to somehow not give up.

So think about that. Perhaps its time to start posting threads about new women, DJism, etc - anything that does not relate to this woman. And each and every time your mind wanders to her - Interrupt the pattern! Do whatever it takes to not think of her. When I went thru the sh!t you are going through I learned that breaking this 'contact by proxy' after cutting all direct contact was my biggest healing step. Some people resort to simple tricks here (eg. put a rubber band around your wrist and snap it HARD each time you think of her, etc). Rollo offers a great interrupt - meeting and dating other women (ie plates). Nothing gets your mind off a broken, dysfunctional women better than a healthy, hot, decent woman

ps. Rob, you may not believe this but one day (probably sooner than you think) you're mind will not wander to her anymore. You will have experienced a sh!tty thing and have a lot better idea of what a 'better' woman is. Your standards will be higher. You'll know you've found a good woman when you've dated a bunch and you find the rare one that doesn't need fixing, stands beside you, follows your lead and has a healthy value system.

pps. The pain you're going through is your unpluggin'

 

[PTC]

I've finally been able to catch up on the forum and just read this entire thread. Rollo - excellent job backtracking!!! And hats off to PTC because he slipped it by all of us.

Here's my take.

Rob/PTC has taken a big step in the right direction. He's ended things. Maybe it wasn't pretty or optimal but he's taken that step somehow, someway.

Typically in a situation like this, under the addiction's craving, it is just as others said - a veiled attempt in the true 'hopes' she'll miss him enough to change, apologize and restore the 'idealized' relationship he had going in his head.

I have a theory. About 10% of guys are DJ/PUA. A big chunk (70%) are typical matricant AFC's. With the last 20% being mega-AFC. And I believe about about 5% - 10% of women out there are Cluster B's or have other serious mommie/daddie issues growning up that result in inverted value systems. There lives are half truths, anonymity, wicked anger ready to vent, no female friends, strings of failed relationships, unbelievable manipulation, etc, etc, etc -> dysfunction.

So when one of these Mega-AFC's meets one of these women watch out. It's like the preacher's innocent repressed daughter dared into taking her first hit of crack. Ouch, she had no idea....

And there is nothing rare about this. Women in this category will have so many *friendships* with men, relationships and intimate encounters that our odds of meeting one are actually quite good (or bad depending on how you want to look at it).

That is you right now Rob

That's why cutting all contact is essential to your well being. It is not to punish her. It is not to sway her back. It is for you to get healthy again. It is for you to best the best father to your daugher, the best guy at your job, you get the idea. It's all about you!

Cutting all contact does not mean reading emails without responding. That's like the preacher's daughter (who's supposedly quit) staring at the crack as her friends pass it around. Inevitably you will succumb. That chemical rush (your addiction-like draw to her) will eventually win in it's presence.

However, there is something else. Cutting all contact of the 2nd order.

Cutting all contact of the 1st order is actually easier. Simply Block her phone number or set her number to silent ring so you won't know she's called until after the fact. Use your email's blocking feature to have her messages deleted before they even arrive to you. These two steps should take no more than 10 minutes so go do it now and then come back..........good you're back Then refuse her letters. And if her contact persists tell her once and only once to stop.

Cutting all contact of the 2nd order is more difficult. This is you entering into conversations about her to anyone else (including in your mind with yourself). Basically, she is gone. But talking to others (ie friends, family, this forumn!) is contact by proxy. In some way it still feeds a craving. It's as if continued thinking and talking about her keeps the relationship alive enough for you to somehow not give up.

So think about that. Perhaps its time to start posting threads about new women, DJism, etc - anything that does not relate to this woman. And each and every time your mind wanders to her - Interrupt the pattern! Do whatever it takes to not think of her. When I went thru the sh!t you are going through I learned that breaking this 'contact by proxy' after cutting all direct contact was my biggest healing step. Some people resort to simple tricks here (eg. put a rubber band around your wrist and snap it HARD each time you think of her, etc). Rollo offers a great interrupt - meeting and dating other women (ie plates). Nothing gets your mind off a broken, dysfunctional women better than a healthy, hot, decent woman

ps. Rob, you may not believe this but one day (probably sooner than you think) you're mind will not wander to her anymore. You will have experienced a sh!tty thing and have a lot better idea of what a 'better' woman is. Your standards will be higher. You'll know you've found a good woman when you've dated a bunch and you find the rare one that doesn't need fixing, stands beside you, follows your lead and has a healthy value system.

pps. The pain you're going through is your unpluggin'

Thanks Sinistar,....excellent advice.

I was able to take the ring back this morning, thanks god! Only because I knew the owner of the jewelry store and he told me he should be able to get all my money back. I've contacted my insurance guy and told him I want her off my policy before the next term and gave him her phone nymber and he said he would deal with it. All thats left is getting her and her daughter off my gym membership which I will do when I go workout tonight.

I AM trying. This to me now has just been a lessoned learned.

One other thing that I thought of today was the first time I went and got her to cut my hair we started talking about my current girlfriend and I jokingly said that she was a b!tch. She then replied, "we're all b!tches" and I said "really, even you?" and she said "oh yeah!" So word of advice as stated previously in this thread, when they say they're a b!tch get the fvck out of there!!!

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...I AM trying. ...

"DO or do not, there is no 'try'..."

- Master Yoda