Another update on the "need advice" topic from below!

[cordoncordon]

Make sure you don't. It will drive her crazy though lol. Not that you should care.

 

[decades]

She sent me another e-mail last night that said "Amazing! U did meet up with XXXX. Ur the liar"

Labor day weekend I went to dallas for 3 days and she knew i was going. And then she told me how convenient it was that i was going there because I have a female friend that lives over there. The other day when I took her to the airport she asked me if I had met up with XXXX and I told her no but that i did try and call her. The funny thing about my friend is that she is just a friend which she knows about and i've told her so. Some girls can't understand a guy having a girl/friend. Of course she sends me that last night saying i met up with her. I guess she's scraping the bottom of the bucket to try and make herself feel better.

Oh and I did not reply to her!

Strike one: you read her email. Strike two: you didn't block her. You are toast. If you read these emails it's a certainty that you will be drawn in again. It is only a matter of time, a short period of time, before you engage her. This is precisely what I meant by you being the Passive participant here. The reality is that you still crave her contact and have an investment in the drama you two create. You aren't done with her. It's clear that you are just as dysfunctional as she is, and are equally responsible for perpetuating this mess, this slow motion train wreck. I see dishonesty all around. With all due respect, the value of this board for you is that it has been a place to vent, blow off steam, rest between episodes, and a way for you to relive the back and forth drama you have ongoing as a matter of course with this woman. I don't think you're remotely ready to embrace the advice being offered here. Sorry to be so blunt.

 

[MacAvoy]

strike one: you read her email. Strike two: you didn't block her. You are toast. If you read these emails it's a certainty that you will be drawn in again.

This is the best advice. Don't even read the emails, who cares, by reading them, your looking for either validation that you made the correct choice, however you'll get over her even faster if you totally block her from entering your mental/emotional mindset.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

He'll cave, unless he initiates some new options and soon. It's the chemical rush from the drama that's addictive; that endorphine-adrenaline fight or flight rush that needs to kick in to get that same thrill. He's reading the email and being voyueristic to restimulate it.

ROB, you need to take evry card, every note, every IM or email you ever saved, every ƒucking stuffed animal she ever gave you, every photo, every love song compilation CD, anything and everything that has her taint on it and THROW IT THE FUKK AWAY! Put it in a cardboard box and chuck it in the dumpster behind the nearest liquor store. Change your phone number (again) and get a new email address. So long as you're titilated by her frustration, so long as you're amused with the reaction you're getting from her - you haven't gotten over her.

The opposite of love isn't hate. The opposite of love is indifference. You need to make yourself indifferent to her.

 

[squirrels]

He'll cave, unless he initiates some new options and soon. It's the chemical rush from the drama that's addictive; that endorphine-adrenaline fight or flight rush that needs to kick in to get that same thrill. He's reading the email and being voyueristic to restimulate it.

ROB, you need to take evry card, every note, every IM or email you ever saved, every ƒucking stuffed animal she ever gave you, every photo, every love song compilation CD, anything and everything that has her taint on it and THROW IT THE FUKK AWAY! Put it in a cardboard box and chuck it in the dumpster behind the nearest liquor store. Change your phone number (again) and get a new email address. So long as you're titilated by her frustration, so long as you're amused with the reaction you're getting from her - you haven't gotten over her.

The opposite of love isn't hate. The opposite of love is indifference. You need to make yourself indifferent to her.

Hear hear. Thread over. Lock.

 

[PTC]

He'll cave, unless he initiates some new options and soon. It's the chemical rush from the drama that's addictive; that endorphine-adrenaline fight or flight rush that needs to kick in to get that same thrill. He's reading the email and being voyueristic to restimulate it.

ROB, you need to take evry card, every note, every IM or email you ever saved, every ƒucking stuffed animal she ever gave you, every photo, every love song compilation CD, anything and everything that has her taint on it and THROW IT THE FUKK AWAY! Put it in a cardboard box and chuck it in the dumpster behind the nearest liquor store. Change your phone number (again) and get a new email address. So long as you're titilated by her frustration, so long as you're amused with the reaction you're getting from her - you haven't gotten over her.

The opposite of love isn't hate. The opposite of love is indifference. You need to make yourself indifferent to her.

I did that last night. I took everything that hd anything to do with her and threw it away! I even put my house on the market yesterday.

And I'm not going to cave! Just because I read her emails doesn't mean I am going to cave in. I know the best thing is no contact and I wanna get on with my life,...and today is the first day of the rest of it. I am weak in some ways but I have my breaking points like everyone else. But I also have my pride and my self esteem(Rollo) that i need to regain. This chick broke me down as low as I could go so now its just "baby steps" back to the top!!

Last night I actually felt a blanket of relief and it felt good

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

He'll cave, unless he initiates some new options and soon. It's the chemical rush from the drama that's addictive; that endorphine-adrenaline fight or flight rush that needs to kick in to get that same thrill. He's reading the email and being voyueristic to restimulate it..

:yes: I couldn't agree more.

 

[KontrollerX]

Her email confirms that you got to her PTC and are now the winner of this sorry mess.

However what persistent exaction said about you getting caught up in re-living the drama is true.

Just delete the email address now or something. You've won and you need to disconnect or she will only draw you back in and because of the way you've treated her she'll take massive vengeance meaning once the two of you are back together she'll act sweeter and better than ever for a little while just long enough to make you believe in her then she will cheat on and betray you in the most brutal gut wrenching way you can possibly imagine when things with you and her are at their peak and when you least expect it.

 

[PTC]

Strike one: you read her email. Strike two: you didn't block her. You are toast. If you read these emails it's a certainty that you will be drawn in again. It is only a matter of time, a short period of time, before you engage her. This is precisely what I meant by you being the Passive participant here. The reality is that you still crave her contact and have an investment in the drama you two create. You aren't done with her. It's clear that you are just as dysfunctional as she is, and are equally responsible for perpetuating this mess, this slow motion train wreck. I see dishonesty all around. With all due respect, the value of this board for you is that it has been a place to vent, blow off steam, rest between episodes, and a way for you to relive the back and forth drama you have ongoing as a matter of course with this woman. I don't think you're remotely ready to embrace the advice being offered here. Sorry to be so blunt.

We'll see....

 

[joekerr31]

She sent me another e-mail last night that said "Amazing! U did meet up with XXXX. Ur the liar"

Oh and I did not reply to her!

she's calling you a liar because she is desperately trying to drag you down to her level.

you took the high road. she doesnt like it. so she is going to now accuse you of ever dirty little thing she can think.

even if they make no sense, she doesn't care. her ENTIRE purpose from this point moving forward is to get you to STOP thinking rationally and START thinking emotionally.

the ONLY thing she does NOT want is for you remain calm and unemotional.

if she can get you rilled up enough then she can work you with her standard tactics. basically, get you rilled up big time, then apologize and tell you how much she loves you - basically get to play captain save a ho.

remember, she rules emotion, you rule reason, if you start playing by her rules (reason) you will lose.

fyi, im glad you didnt respond, that was the REASONABLE course of action

 

[joekerr31]

i should add as well - the reason she is accusing you of cheating is becuase generally speaking thats an accusation that peopel feel the need to respond to.

and all she wants to do is reopen the lines of communication.

so by accusing you of something like that - being a cheater, being a liar - she is turning herself in to the victim while simultaneously attacking you in such a way as you feel you ahve to respond.

the absolute best thing to do is NOT react to her words. you are threw with her and what she thinks no longer matters to you.

 

[joekerr31]

PTC, with regard to the opinion others have that you will contact her.

the KEY to avoiding that is that you have to truly see her as a toxic person. you have to truly understand that just about anything she says from this point forward is a TACTIC.

at this stage you WILL NOT get the truth from about anything. not her feelings, not why she did what she did, NOTHING. everything from this point forward is going to be about manipulating you - dragging you back in so that she can later crush you emotionally.

you really should stop reading the emails and what not, because she's just going to keep saying different things until she finds one of your buttons and you respond.

you are on your own now bud. she is NOT a resource of support for anything. period.

 

[PTC]

So true joekerr31,...so true.

I know i need to quit readding her emails but I'm just curious to see how far she goes.

She did send me another after that one that read:

"I know u 2 have been talkin. Dont blow smoke up my a ss! But thats fine. It doesnt matter anymore. Have a nice life."

I just laughed at that one.

I know there will be days that I will still hurt over this. You spend almost 2 years with someone almost everyday,.. your going to feel something. I am human,...i'm just glad this board and you guys are here, even though it took a while for everything you said to soak in!! :crazy:

Thanks again and I will continue to give updates!

 

[jophil28]

I just hope she leaves me alone

Hmmm ! I have been in your position ( most of us have ) and deep down there is a part of you that is hoping that your " making a stand" will act like a nuclear blast inside her and that she will be transformed into the woman who "really " loves you. This is magical thinking. She is mentally ill and cannot love anyone. She only "loves" her own whims and wants . Notice that I did not say that she can only love 'herself'. SHe is truly incapable of that.
She has the emotional development of a selfish child who has no scruples ..

Get ready for the "hoovering " campaign. This typically takes the form of some snivelling sentimental crap by her which is designed to tug at your heart strings and draw you back in. IF you re-connect with her after that she will dump YOUR a$$ a week later to regain her illusion of lost power...
The only way forward is NO CONTACT - any willingness by you to "talk about it " will be seen by her as a victory for her. If she has one victory she will try for another until she is back in control. THis stuff is foreign to the male mind, but these "women" do this as a life strategy

She does not love you , she used you, she exploited you and she emotionally abused you. It is what she does, LIke a crocodile bites its victim !

These women are the worst examples of a how crap women behave.

 

[hithard]

Strike one: you read her email. Strike two: you didn't block her. You are toast. If you read these emails it's a certainty that you will be drawn in again. It is only a matter of time, a short period of time, before you engage her. This is precisely what I meant by you being the Passive participant here. The reality is that you still crave her contact and have an investment in the drama you two create. You aren't done with her. It's clear that you are just as dysfunctional as she is, and are equally responsible for perpetuating this mess, this slow motion train wreck. I see dishonesty all around. With all due respect, the value of this board for you is that it has been a place to vent, blow off steam, rest between episodes, and a way for you to relive the back and forth drama you have ongoing as a matter of course with this woman. I don't think you're remotely ready to embrace the advice being offered here. Sorry to be so blunt.

Some fantastic advice in this thread. After reading the above I had to cringe. I’ve been guilty of this in the past.

 

[Latinoman]

Actually I already feel better,...but i know,....there will be some downer days but When those come I'll just keep those thoughts about how she sh!t on me in the back of my mind.

Dude...you are 41. You have a little girl. And a woman that was cheating on you and care nothing about you.

And you still talking and acting hurt? WTF is wrong with you?

I am willing to match Rollo's $10 and agree with him. I have NO doubt about that.

You will notice that my only reply was "Pathetic". The reason was because I KNEW you were the same person that created that other thread. Your writing style and story gave you up.

Hey...you want her back. And that's fine. After all...if you get her back it will show TWO things:

1- You are an AFC

and

2- A terrible father

 

[Latinoman]

She sent me another e-mail last night that said "Amazing! U did meet up with XXXX. Ur the liar"

Labor day weekend I went to dallas for 3 days and she knew i was going. And then she told me how convenient it was that i was going there because I have a female friend that lives over there. The other day when I took her to the airport she asked me if I had met up with XXXX and I told her no but that i did try and call her. The funny thing about my friend is that she is just a friend which she knows about and i've told her so. Some girls can't understand a guy having a girl/friend. Of course she sends me that last night saying i met up with her. I guess she's scraping the bottom of the bucket to try and make herself feel better.

Oh and I did not reply to her!

Dude...who gives a FVCK! You are not with her ANYMORE.

 

[Latinoman]

I did that last night. I took everything that hd anything to do with her and threw it away! I even put my house on the market yesterday.

And I'm not going to cave! Just because I read her emails doesn't mean I am going to cave in. I know the best thing is no contact and I wanna get on with my life,...and today is the first day of the rest of it. I am weak in some ways but I have my breaking points like everyone else. But I also have my pride and my self esteem(Rollo) that i need to regain. This chick broke me down as low as I could go so now its just "baby steps" back to the top!!

Last night I actually felt a blanket of relief and it felt good

PATHETIC! You are going to put the house in the market because you cannot get away from an ex-fiance? You are going to change your little daughter's world...because you cannot be man enough to move on and live life?

What's going to be next? Next time you meet another woman and thing does not work? Would putting the house on the market again (and changing once again your little girl's world) be the solution?

For Christ sake!

 

[Latinoman]

Guys...don't give more advice to him. He WANTS her to make contact with him. If he truly did NOT want that...he would have blocked her long time ago.

Just think about it...

 

[jophil28]

I know i need to quit readding her emails but I'm just curious to see how far she goes.

-------------

I know there will be days that I will still hurt over this. You spend almost 2 years with someone almost everyday,.. your going to feel something. I am human,...i'm just glad this board and you guys are here, even though it took a while for everything you said to soak in!! :crazy:

Thanks again and I will continue to give updates!

Do not open her emails - when you see her address in your INBox, hit DELETE.