A warning to those considering marriage...

[marmel75]

I write this as I contemplate my options. I have been married for the past 7 years and have 2 kids. My wife is pretty, a good person, great mother, and very good wife. She cooks, cleans, does my laundry, shopping, etc. Basically anything a guy could ask for in a wife. Sex is good and I pretty much get it whenever I want, sometimes multiple times a day. We almost never fight, and when we do we are fine within a few hours.

So what is my problem?

I really don't know. I mean I should be happy, but increasingly I find myself looking for other options. Part of the problem is that I have girl/women hitting on me quite a bit, especially since I have gotten in shape(I am jacked). When I go out to bars/clubs I get quite a bit of attention, and get hit on at work. I find it increasingly difficult to fight my urges to get it, and actually ended up going a little too far once already. I am starting to miss the thrill of the conquest, and the excitement that comes with it.

I guess I might be bored with what I have right now. I am saying this as a warning to those looking to get married. What you may want today is not always what you want 5 or 10 years from now. Really think things through before getting married. I don't know how this is going to resolve itself. She really has done nothing wrong. She lves me and would never leave me, and would be devastated if I told her what is on my mind. I feel like I am checking out of the relationship at times and she has asked me what is the matter because I seem distant a few times recently. I also know she has tried to look througg my phone a few times because the 30 second lockout screen was up when I got home from the gym. I never busted her out about it, so she doesn't know that I know. I believe she suspects I am cheating on her, and the more she suspecs it and bugs me about going out
every few weeks, the more I want to do it.

I am done rambling here. I need to figure out what I want to do. She doesn't deserve any of this. She is a good person and I feep like an a@@hole for even having these thoughts. Any comments would be welcome. I think I have lost my mind lately...

 

[Improving]

I don't want to sound too much like Dr Phill, but Love is a verb. You may be bored /because/ there's no fighting (and the following makeup sex). It's all easy, and you probably look for some excitement.

So go do something fun with your wife. Date her. Court her. Make an effort to get some excitement back. You should at least try that for a while.

 

[Yo'Mama]

Er.... the answer is that you're a man and it's in our nature to want to f**k multiple women. Monogamy is totally unnatural and it would be worrying if you didn't want to cheat.

I'm not saying you actually should cheat but just that the urge to do so is totally unsurprising. Forgot all the brainwashing and morality bull****, the healthiest thing to do would be to f**k women on the side, occasionally, be very discreet so it doesn't affect your marriage and don't feel guilty about it.

 

[ArcBound]

Rollo actually wrote an article on something really similar:

http://rationalmale.wordpress.com/2012/02/10/the-threat/

"Taken from his great piece:

Women don’t want a man to cheat, but they love a Man who could cheat.

That is the threat and the attraction. Women want a Man that has confidence in his own value; that’s sexy, but the more he self-realizes this the greater the anxiety is that she’ll be found wanting as he better understands his options."

You don't have a problem, the way the feminine imperative is set up is that men's value is knocked down in the sexual marketplace just enough so women can marry a man, but that man wouldn't exercise his other options and go for other women. You are realizing your value is higher than you thought.

"Because of women’s relatively short window of peak sexual viability it is imperative that men be as unaware of their slower, but progressively increasing SMV for as long as possible in order for them to achieve the prime directive of female hypergamy; realize the best genetic options and the best provisioning options she has the capacity to attract in that peak window. If Men become aware of their SMV before a woman can consolidate on her options with monogamous commitment her sexual strategy is defeated."

 

[wjh]

I'm pretty sure that you would benefit from having sex with other women.

Your wife doesn't sound like a bad person, but your balls need unloading into new girls, it's a strong and real desire that you're just not going to ever get rid of.

And if you want kids to grow up in a stable environment, you'll do them the benefit of keeping that sh1t on the DL.

That's my problem. I want a wife, and kids, and a warm home, but I also want other women on the side, and I've been in enough long-term and serious relationships to know this won't change.

That's why travel for work is great.

 

[konmai]

That's my problem. I want a wife, and kids, and a warm home, but I also want other women on the side, and I've been in enough long-term and serious relationships to know this won't change.

That's why travel for work is great.

That's cool if your future wife is cool with that. But if you're going to get married knowing she doesn't approve and go around cheating, that's messed up.

 

[C-quenced]

Don't mean to I think you may have psychological issues that require you to seek validation from multiple women.

There is no psychological issue at play here. It's called being a guy.

 

[C-quenced]

As others have already mentioned. The way you're seeing things now just isn't going change. Just accept yourself for who you are, make sure you always wear a condom and keep your business on the DL.

 

[Yo'Mama]

Dude, one caveat to the sound advice on the thread - don't cheat if you think you won't be able to handle it and will end up doing something very stupid like telling your wife. If you won't feel guilty and can keep things discreet then go for it.

It's ridiculous to think that we're still going to want to bang our wives when they're 50 and after two or three children. So eventually cheating is pretty much inevitable for all but the most disciplined/brainwashed/not horny guys.

 

[window]

yeah it is up to you to keep things interesting with your wife...take her on a surprise holiday or something. Take her out to dinner once a month etc. You need to inject romance into a marriage. Think about positive ways to benefit your whole family instead of thoughts which are only orientated to yourself...I know over the long run which way will bring you the most satisfaction.

 

[Yo'Mama]

yeah it is up to you to keep things interesting with your wife...take her on a surprise holiday or something. Take her out to dinner once a month etc. You need to inject romance into a marriage. Think about positive ways to benefit your whole family instead of thoughts which are only orientated to yourself...I know over the long run which way will bring you the most satisfaction.

With all due respect I disagree. The whole 'bring romance into the marriage', 'keep things spicy in the bedroom' seems to me to be a chick way of thinking. Maybe it works for some guys, but for me, personally, the only way to spice things up in the bedroom is to start f*cking new girls. It's the way we're built man.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

MARMEL, how many women did you have sex with prior to meeting your wife? How old are you and how old is your wife?

 

[Lexington]

Not really advice, but Chris Rock said that a man is only as loyal as his options....

 

[5string]

Everything is great at home, you have an awesome wife, the sex is great and you want to risk it all by following your d!ck into other women? You put a ring on her finger and made a promise. You have 2 kids! WTF are you thinking? If you want to sleep with other women, get a divorce and do it. Don't disrespect your wife. Either get out of the marriage and do it, or don't. It's really that simple.

I'm married. Can't say I don't look at other women and wish I could hit it. I do. But, at the end of the day, I know where a really great woman is. She's in our home. I can get my sex anytime I want and she loves it.

With all due respect brother, you need to unfvck yourself and make a decision before you ruin your life, your wife's and the lives of your children.

Good luck.

 

[zekko]

Sounds like the classic seven year itch.

MARMEL, how many women did you have sex with prior to meeting your wife? How old are you and how old is your wife?

I agree with what Rollo is implying here. This is why it is so important to sow your wild oats while you can and explore all your options. And bear in mind that in most cases, for a man, your options increase as you get older.

I've been with my girl for eight years, I'm still attracted to other women. But ultimately I value the relationship with my girlfriend more than I value getting a nut with someone new. I've had my days of running around.

A lot of sex is about curiousity IMO. What does she look like naked, what does she feel like, how freaky does she get, etc. It's best to get this stuff out of your system so you know what you're missing out on before you take on monogamy.

However, I'm not in favor of cheating on her, like others are saying.

 

[Fly By Night]

I don't know if I'm just too brainwashed to understand this but we are talking about cheating, right? Are you saying you would be cool if your wife slept around with other men?

 

[Mike32ct]

My married friends tell me they have all these women after them.

Married buddy: "I could get laid by five broads right now if I was single."

Mike: "I don't doubt that. But you are married. How many were chasing you when you actually were single?"

<cricket, cricket>

Married buddy: "Uhh not many, maybe one at most."


All that aside, I don't believe in cheating once married. Plus with so many guys with wives that make them miserable, be happy you have one that is good to you.

 

[C-quenced]

I don't know if I'm just too brainwashed to understand this but we are talking about cheating, right? Are you saying you would be cool if your wife slept around with other men?

Care to explain with sound reasoning how the two even begin to compare?

 

[zekko]

Care to explain with sound reasoning how the two even begin to compare?

Are you trying to say that just because guys have more testosterone they should be excused for cheating? The percentage of women who cheat is pretty close to the percentage of guys who do. Something is driving that. I'd say women's desire for attention and validation is probably just as strong as a guy's desire for sex. Otherwise there wouldn't be so many women cheating. They get a big emotional bang out of it.

Guys who cheat, and think it's okay to cheat, are the equivalent of the females who cheat, and think it's okay to cheat. It's the same quality of person.

 

[C-quenced]

Are you trying to say that just because guys have more testosterone they should be excused for cheating?

In a society with sex being shoved in your face 24/7, entitled hypergamous females and a false promise of easier access to sex why not? The act of sex cannot take place without a woman's consent and men as you already know are "usually" always ready. In fact there ARE men who are constantly excused for cheating. They're called alpha males and yes they DO exist.

What I was mainly trying to emphasize is the undeniable fact that motivations for cheating (this is where the genders differ) are entirely different. Men cheat specifically for the sake of pleasure and nothing more. Women's motivations on the other hand..... I'm sure books could be written on this subject matter alone. They just don't function the way we do.

It's completely senseless and irrational to compare the two as if they were exactly the same. They are NOT.

The percentage of women who cheat is pretty close to the percentage of guys who do. Something is driving that. I'd say women's desire for attention and validation is probably just as strong as a guy's desire for sex. Otherwise there wouldn't be so many women cheating. They get a big emotional bang out of it.

It's a culture in which people only think of whats good for themselves and not anyone else. I personally don't think men have any business in tying themselves down with commitments.

Guys who cheat, and think it's okay to cheat, are the equivalent of the females who cheat, and think it's okay to cheat. It's the same quality of person.

No it isn't. Not even close. Don't let your morals (or lack of) cloud your views on reality. You can't compare your typical bar/club slvt to the average man who decides he needs an extra ***** or two on the side as this is really a poor judgement of his character. Think of JFK, Bill Clinton or Albert Einstein for example. While they certainly aren't your average males by any means you can't put them on equal footing to the skanks we encounter on a daily basis. Generally speaking a man that "cheats" isn't any better or worse in "quality" of character then those other men who foolishly believe they're somehow better simply because they reject all advancements from women, other then their own wives or girlfriends.