Rollo: I am kind of in a weird situation when it comes to women. In high school I was kind of fat(most people called me husky or chunky) and never had a girlfriend, although I was very athletic. I got to college, got in excellent shape by the end of freshman year, and then got on the spring semester soccer team as a walk-on the next 3 years. I became friends with a lot of the players, was roommates with one of them, and basically went to all the parties and clubs with them. I never had to develop and real skills to get hot women, they would come to the parties and seek you out. Sorority girls and other hotties were invited, no ugly chicks allowed.
After graduating college, I became a House DJ for 8 years and worked in a lot of the big clubs. Again, no skills were needed, and I had my choice of what girl I wanted to bang on any given night, as they would come up and throw themselves at me. I used to tell girls if I took them home and they weren't DTF I was banning them from the club for wasting my time. Never had to make good on that promise, although once a girl tried to test me on it and I told her that's cool, she could get the f*ck out and I pulled out my cell phone to call the club manager and let him know she was banned while walking to open the door. I turned back around and she was standing about a foot away from me butt naked and grabbed the phone out of my hand and started kissing me.
I mean this was all cool and stuff, but I developed zero skills as far as approaching women, building attraction and then closing the deal. It was like the rich kid whose parents gave him everything and then once he was out on his own, he had no clue how to manage his money because there was always someone there to save him. That sex crazed look women get in their eyes after you get really good at picking them up, I used to get without doing anything. I never had to worry about what I said or didn't say, how my body language was, etc. All of my jokes were funny. Nothing mattered, I couldn't screw it up no matter what I did. I literally could have probably told these chicks I was an axe murderer and they still would have wanted to come home with me.
So while I have had sex with a lot of hot women, I never had to do any work for it, and am kinda clueless in how to actually start from ground zero. I was pretty much starting with 90% of the work already done for me, and all I had to do is invite them home. All of this ended up with me taking a strong disliking to these women. I knew the only reason they had any interest in me was because of my status and they wouldn't even look at me if they saw me on the street without knowing who I was. I got a jaded outlook on them, and knew finding a long term partner would be like finding a needle in a haystack. After a while, I didn't even want to see them when I woke up, basically just kicking them out in the morning and then hanging out with friends, or doing DJ related things like cleaning records, mixing, listening to new songs, going to record stores, etc...
I rarely invited any of them to out to eat, watch movies, go out, etc...all I did was have sex with them. I didn't really even want to be around them and listen to their stupid bullsh!t. When I met my wife, she was the anti-club girl. She had a career, a good job, was smart, pretty, financially responsible, came from a good family, etc. She was a woman among girls, basically. I jumped at the chance to be with her because I was so sick of these hot girls that had nothing to offer and were club junkies or worse druggies. We dated for 3 years and have been married for almost 7 now. For whatever reason, I miss the hot club girls, probably because of the sex and the memories of what they looked like naked. I know I would have to work a lot harder to get them now, although I have had my share of 7s and 8s hitting on me likely because of my musculature. So that is pretty much my story.
Am I happy about the way I am feeling now? Not at all. However, the fact remains that I am feeling that way and I see it getting worse not better as I get into even better shape(a lot of the girls tell me I remind them of their personal trainers---a weird pickup line, but whatever). The thing that makes it worse is that I love her family as much as I love her. Parents, brothers and sisters all love me and I love them. I love when we go to visit them, I love it when they come visit us, I love everything about her family. To potentially lose all of them would be something that would be horrible to me. Yet the urge still remains, and it really sucks in some ways.
The funny thing is the more I contemplate things and the more my wife hears and sees other women hitting on me, the more aggressive she has gotten in initiating sex. Its not like we used to have a bad sex life at all, but we have gone from maybe 3 or 4 times a week to 8 or 9 times and many days when I am off, its 3 times a day. She is literally trying to wear me out it seems. She also has started waking me up in the middle of the night sometimes, which I get annoyed with because she is interrupting my anabolic cycle and I get extremely aggressive sexually with her for it, which she seems to enjoy. The more attention I am getting from other women and the better shape I am getting in, the freakier she is getting. We basically have done everything except ATM(I find that gross personally and would only do that to someone I really disliked) and virtually nothing is off limits. Almost like she is trying to make sure I don't go anywhere or have any reason to, like she is fighting to keep me away from the other women. It kind of turns me on to tell the truth, but I definitely have noticed the difference. Any time I get a call or text now she says "Oh is that your other girlfriend calling/texting?", kinda joking, but I can tell she is kinda not also...
So for right now, I am going to try and fight the urges, what I have already done, I can't undo and I am not going to tell her about it. She doesn't need to know. Can I say I won't do it again? No, but I am going to try not to...
