43 year old needs dating advice

[frankcd]

Well I believe Sara got her questions from the Seinfeld episode when Elaine was trying to fix her friend up with George....

Her friend asked Elaine these questions of George:

What does he do?
Was he ever married?
Was he ever close? But she asked was I ever in a serious relationship.

Other than that the questions Sara asked were identical to the ones in the show.... I am just guessing she got them from the show I am not positive...

Obviously, Sara was trying to blow me off and had a joke on me in the process...

Well live an learn..... And I guess she did view me as a loser in the fact of the way I handled the situation with her....

see ya,
Frank

 

[ZeeOwl]

Hey Frank.

Glad to see I'm not the only old dog on here trying to learn new tricks.

I'm glad my post about the 23-year-old supplied some inspiration. lol It hasn't turned out like I'd planned (at least not yet), but it was a really interesting learning experience. I made a few blunders, but that's how learning occurs. It was kind of a surprise, I'll admit. I hadn't expected to catch the interest of a girl that young. I'm usually aiming for the early to mid 30s crowd. And what some of the other posters said about women in this age group is 100% true. A lot of them are desperately trying to find a guy for a meaningful relationship. Don't let their "I'm waiting for the perfect guy, and won't settle for less" BS get to you. They're bluffing. They can hear their biological clocks ticking louder every day, they know that they are losing their early 20s HB looks, and they are afflicted with "old maid syndrome" to boot. To top it all, their libido is climbing like crazy. These are easy prey my friend, easy prey.

Keep reading this board, and buy a few books if you can. I've bought David D's DYD eBook. Doesn't contain any earth-shattering info, but it's got quite a bit of useful techniques which are fairly well explained. For someone who has little to no dating experience, it's gold. While my situation is a little different from your's (I've had 5 significant relationships, of which 3 were LTRs), my dating experience is quite limited. Before this year, I'd dated maybe 10 women. In the last 3 months, I've gone on dates with about 20. One even made it to 2nd. haha! So don't give up, hang in there. You can do it too.

I've been going the internet route for the past few months, and it works well if you approach with the right technique and attitude. I've gotten pretty good at creating initial interest. I'm still struggling with the actual dating though. Each one is going a little better and smoother. Practice makes perfect.
Here are detailed reports on my 2 last ones, if you want to know how the internet thing usually goes:
http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=38382
http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=38587

 

[frankcd]

Hey ZeeOwl,

You really believe ladies in their 20's want me!

Jeez, I am glad to hear your vote of encouragement. I never really thought or had the notion to pursue a woman under 25 until I was burned by my friend Sara who pursued me. I always figured that a woman under 28 really has no interest in a man now 44. If they want kids they have to realize I will be eligible for retirement at the age the child graduates high school. Plus, the younger women do not want to be a widow if I pass on at an early age. But most of all they realize men over 40 have a problem with "getting it up" so to speak and they need that lovin on a daily basis...

I myself am shooting for the early to mid 30's. I placed an ad recently with an online dating service and the response has not been what I expected. The age group I was interested in "28 to 35" has only yielded one reply in three weeks. She is a 35 year old that looks much older and lives 175 miles from me. Of course I did not respond...

BTW, the woman I was pursuing from church was another blow off. I did not see her yesterday at the Atlantic City church so I called her at work. She goes "how did you get my number?, I am in a meeting and I have to run." The phone is slammed down and that is it. Well she told me her name, company and department she worked in. I guess I was a fool to think she wanted me to call her. She was at the oldest 28... She was not what I thought to be, sweet and nice.

Deep down I really do not believe a woman under 38 has an interest in a man 44. The ones under 38 play head games and just enjoy the reaction. A woman 27 told me a couple years ago
that she is offended and it makes her "skin crawl" when an older man looks at her with interest.

I guess I am a topic of interest since my post has had close to 2900 views. Many must find it hard to believe or just have sympathy for me.



As always your replys appreciated..

see ya,
Frankcd

 

[Live2Love2Laugh]

Hi Frank!
A pat on the back for you for getting happy again after that creep treated you so mean. Actually, a couple of creeps. Anyway, we folks of 38 years aren't all washed up either, you know. I regularly pass for 28, and sometimes bartenders ask me for ID (granted the places are dimly lit) but they are serious when they ask. They want me to pull it out and show them. Sheesh.

Is it the age or the looks or the status that appeal to you? Looks can be found in other-than-too-youthful places. If you want status, you're too shallow for a quality woman to waste time with. If you want sex drive, thirties are better than twenties. Believe me, I'm about ready to explode into little bits -- I haven't had sex for quite a while because I'm recovering from a bad (very bad) relationship, and sex with near-strangers hasn't appealed enough.

You're getting pretty good advice here mostly, except the lying bit. Don't lie. But don't reveal, either. It's none of their damn business.

 

[frankcd]

Live2,

I presume you are a woman or at least I hope you are. I disagree I am too shallow a person for a woman with status.

I do not want older women because of the baggage and the possible diseases they may possess after having countless men.
(Not into women who need all fingers and toes to count their sexual liasons.) In fact, one before marriage is too many for me.

I have 'very' limited experience with sex for which I am proud/happy and mostly because of my religious beliefs.

But you may like these two quotes:

"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits" or "To be ignorant of one's ignorance is the malady of the ignorant."

gotta run!
see ya,
Frank

 

[frankcd]

Well, how should I begin? I guess about 6 weeks ago I stopped in a TV news studio near my home to watch the live broadcast.
When I walked in I noticed a "very attractive" woman who was an employee. We made eye contact and I thought to myself I have zero chance.

I stopped in weekly for another 3 weeks. Each time I only stayed about 15 minutes. The second to my last visit I noticed she was talking with a co-worker and then turned to me and smiled.

Well the last time I stopped in she was talking with a guest of the show. I was standing there and when they finished speaking she just stood there standing sideways to me. So, I just blurted out what is your job here and she goes I am a producer. And the whole time we were speaking she just stared into my eyes. I broke the contact and then looked back into her eyes.

Then a few minutes later we talked for another couple of minutes then I left.

I must say I believe she is interested in me. She knows I am in at least my late 30's and she can not be older than 27/28.

She is just beyond my wildest dreams if I can hook up with her. Just unbelievable.

I hope she is not just being friendly.
I am hoping to go and visit again this week. No later than Friday.
My problem is getting her number with co-workers standing around. Maybe I can give her mine. But we are for the most part complete strangers...

Have to see what happens.

Frank

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by frankcd
I must say I believe she is interested in me. She knows I am in at least my late 30's and she can not be older than 27/28.

She is just beyond my wildest dreams if I can hook up with her. Just unbelievable.

I hope she is not just being friendly.
I am hoping to go and visit again this week. No later than Friday.
My problem is getting her number with co-workers standing around. Maybe I can give her mine. But we are for the most part complete strangers...

Have to see what happens.

Frank

I hope you have formally introduced yourself to her. It would make closing much easier if you knew who you were closing to and she who she was accepting.

Go back before Friday and introduce yourself if you haven't already and tell her that you would like to chat with her more when it was less busy. Then ask if she would like to have coffee with you after her day is done.

Good luck!

 

[frankcd]

Well, we have not exchanged names as of yet. I know her name because she is on the station web site.

I was just so stunned and flattered that I did not know how to start a conversation. I just felt I had better with her standing there. Plus, the way she made eye contact, staring at me just got me flustered. She has terrific eyes and I just got lost looking into them. Like I said we only talked about her job and that she likes it.

The odd part of all this is that I feel like I have to go back and see her. As if I am drawn to her. Really peculiar.

Have see to how this plays out....

Frank

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Well make sure that you introduce yourself. She needs a name to go along with the face. She should stop having to refer to you as 'that guy' whenever she thinks about you.

 

[frankcd]

I will probably see her this Friday. Is this possible since we are for the most part strangers?

Will I look like a fool trying to get to know her in front of her co-workers?

Plus, I really have to do this all on this Friday because I may not be in the area to see her again for a few weeks.

And I do believe she makes considerably more money than me which is intimidating along with I do not think she realizes I am over 40. I have to mention my age at some point on Friday, am I right?

see ya,
Frank

 

[ShortTimer]

looks

Hey Frank, crazy question:

You keep harping on your age, and I guess that's understandable, but I'm wondering what you look like. No this is not some kind of gay come-on, the reason I ask is because if you can pass for someone younger you may be able to get away with dating a younger woman. I'm 27 and look about 23 or younger depending on how I dress (I get carded at rated "R" movies, k?). So I've had much younger girls be ok with dating me (legal of course) because I don't look my age. I know you want the young tail, I think we all do, but what I'm getting at is you'll have a much better time if you look young.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by frankcd
...
Will I look like a fool trying to get to know her in front of her co-workers?

Plus, I really have to do this all on this Friday because I may not be in the area to see her again for a few weeks.

And I do believe she makes considerably more money than me which is intimidating along with I do not think she realizes I am over 40. I have to mention my age at some point on Friday, am I right?

see ya,
Frank

Frank, ask her to join you for coffee after work, that will take care of her audience of coworkers.

One thing to consider is that you plan on getting to know her when you won't be around for a few weeks? I'm not saying not to go forward but next time, go forward much sooner.

Don't worry about how much she makes, she's in a different field! It's not fare comparing things that are so much different.

As for your age, are you looking for excuses? Come on, age is just a number and what is more important is your attitude!

Stop sweating over all of this. she isn't your fiancée, she is just another woman that interests you and whom you would like to know a little better, nothing more (yet)

 

[frankcd]

Francisco, it just happened so fast. I did not even realize she liked me until the week before last. I could be reading this all wrong, maybe she is being nice because she thinks I like her.

But I do not get that vibe.... I think she likes me...

And I did not know until this past Tuesday that I would have a new work location and it prevents me from seeing her. So, I have to move fast and I am may not be the "ladies man" to pull this off. I will feel her out when I go in Friday and see how she is.... I would estimate my chance is 1 in 5.

A good point, she told me her job title and it is in the credits at the end of the show. So, she has to realize I could get her name.

I was thinking I could email her and tell her who I am and let her know why I have been unable to stop in and see her.... Only email her if I do not get her number or give her mine... Of course we will exchange names before I would ever email her.

Just hope it works out....


P.S. I ran into my friend I met in church. And when she saw me she was hot, I could see it in her eyes. Just by the way she acted when I saw her told me she likes me and "does not have a boyfriend." Maybe in a few weeks I may try and apologize to her and then possibly go out. She is cute, looks a lot like Jennifer Anniston but younger....

see ya,
Frank

 

[frankcd]

I am not planning on seeing my friend on Friday. I know she was just being sociable and she has no interest in me. You will say I have no confidence, but I have the past 30 years of rejection to know who is a viable prospect.

Why bother.. I know you would view this as the outlook of a loser, well than I am one.

Plus, the saying "be careful what you ask for, you just might get it" applies perfectly to this situation. She is so nice looking that I am just setting myself up for failure. If she ever did date me, how far would it go or long would it last? She is out of my league... (And I do not want the ladies that are in my league, because it is depressing.) So, in my case none is better!

Well I have to move on with my miserable life but at least I am not getting another rejection. My work shows I am capable. A person can not have it all.

Frank

 

[Helter Skelter]

Frank

What a sorry outlook on life. If that's how you feel, why are you wasting our time asking for advice? Just keep wacking off then, if your happier that way.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by frankcd
Well I have to move on with my miserable life but at least I am not getting another rejection. My work shows I am capable. A person can not have it all.

Frank

speechless

 

[bp1974]

It sounds like you really don't feel like getting rejected right now. I can understand that. Have a good few weeks away.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

 

[frankcd]

No I am not seeking a shoulder to cry on, I am just stating how I feel and being realistic. I have been burned by 3 women I had liked and tried to date in the past year. One was associated with my job and she(Sara) made a fool of me with her co-workers. I am a mature, middle aged man and a woman under 30 has a joke with me. Just not supposed to happen.

And this woman at the station is by far better looking than those 3. Nah, this would end up like a falling star and possibly worse.

And old man I worked with about 7 years ago summed it up perfectly, when he told me "I have a way with women , when I am around they go away." Him being married over 45 years to the same woman, said, some men just are not meant to be or able to be married.

BTW, I put a profile on Match.com about a 2 months ago. I specifically stated I am seeking a never married woman between 27 and 37, athletic or average physique. Guess how many responses, I got one from a woman who lives 150 miles from me. They do not have an interest in a man 44 and never married.

As soon as the woman from the station knows the real me she will feel the same. I can not change, it is like a leopard changing its spots.

I have plenty other activities to keep me happy (and wacking off is not one). And I have more than a dozen friends my age and older who have never been married. There is strength in numbers.

Finally, everyone here is doing a tremendous service to men in my predicament, but they have to be willing to be PERSISTENT and be OPTIMISTIC. Of which I am neither. I am just tired and have given up!

see ya,
Frank

 

[uniassign]

Frank,

I have read the entire thread, and can I say you have made real progress!

One thing I have noticed is that you lack confidence. Confidence is one of the KEY in getting women. No woman ON THIS EARTH likes a man who is unsure of himself. It seems to me that's what is coming across to all the girls you have talked to. All these posts about the girl being too attractive for you etc.

Stop for a moment and think WHAT THEY HAVE TO OFFER YOU? Don't put the chick on a pedestal just because she looks good. I have gone out with HOT HOT HOT girls but they PAIN me to talk to them.

Think about what you can offer a girl. Think of your good traits.

Come from a position of authority. Women love a guy who can take charge (I think that has also been mentioned here). Taking charge means you WILL get rejected every now and then. But real men don't fear rejection - why? Because rejection is life's way of teaching you a lesson. When you get rejected, think of what you can do better to improve the situation (come back here and tell us what you did, recall all the details that you can). Rejection, in this game is what we call EXPERIENCE. Unless you absolutely BOMB out, 100% of the times the women won't even remember you, and may even commend you for taking the risk.

APPROACH, APPROACH and APPROACH.

Don't let your age get to you. Use it to your advantage. Women love to be in a relationship with a man they can learn from and be like. I am sure from your years of life experience, you can teach these women a thing or two.

Have a seduction persona. Find one that fits you and your lifestyle. If you are a fun and exciting person, create an aura of Jame Bond style playboy. If you are more of a quiet person, go for the religious angle. If you are a romantic, go for a don juan, cassanova style approach (without the neediness etc).

Remember, at your level, it is ALL a NUMBERS GAME

That's all I could think of at the moment.