2nd annual approach anxiety competition

[Masculinity]

Official Message: Challenge #2

Challenge # 2

A good DJ does not approach women only to start interesting conversations, he also knows how to keep them flowing and number closes in the end. Having a purpose in mind before approaching will help accomplish your goals. Your challenge/goal is multidimensional this week; you will be approaching women with two purposes: creating and maintaining conversations and number closing.

The task: 1) Approach any four women (old/young, attractive/unattractive equally) and keep the conversation flowing for at least five minutes.

2) Approach three attractive women (hb7+), maintain the conversation flowing for at least five minutes each and then number close her. In my experience, the most effective way to weed out women who are not interested is by opening and then stating your intentions. Ex: "I came over cause you're cute & wanted to see what else you have to offer" or something similar. Maintain positive body language, tone, and eye contact just like you did in your first challenge.


Note: Some of you had trouble starting off during the last challenge, so we decided to extend the response period. This week, you will have until 1-23-2012 at 11:59pm PST to post your responses to avoid receiving a strike. Additionally, you must post your conversations with your plates as transcript so that we can give you the most detailed feedback. Ex:

Me: Hey, (opener)
Her: Hi (response to opener)
Me: (conversation details, etc)
Her: (reactions, comments, body language, etc)

Personally, I also want to thank those of you who have added to my reputation. As you may already know, GTP & I volunteer our time and what keeps us motivated are you success stories and the fulfillment of helping fellow DJ's. Some of you have been PM'ing me asking questions. I encourage you guys to keep PMing any of the coaches and I so that you're getting your thoughts and questions out and heard. To those who have not yet started approaching or asked questions, we encourage you to start.

Enough talking for now. Go, go, go!

 

[Rubato]

BTW, I realize my responses were not as comprehensive as others this round. I will work on that, because I would love to hear Rob's and Gary's reaction to what I'm doing... both have given and continue to give very wise words in this thread and in others

 

[Masculinity]

No one was f*cking out tonight. I went out with Racecar and admittedly, tonight may have been the worst night of the week to sarge. We had a snowstorm hit, it's blisteringly cold out, and I guess no one felt like going out. I opened 3 girls tonight and I feel like that was a feat in and of itself. I got some audio of the one girl I actually formally opened in the bar that I'll post in the morning, but it was a horrifically bad set. I didn't really care about anything tonight... I've got a cold, I don't feel good, I'm tired, I already have options. So like I said, I don't care.

Sometimes it is better not to go out. I used to live in the northeast of the U.S. and I know how nasty weather can turn a good night into a deserted night. Trust your gut when you make decisions. More often than not, you will be making the right call.



I was talking to Racecar about openers and a lone wolf suddenly appeared. I started making up this ridiculous opener in a fake British accent about how "seeing you is like finding an oasis in the middle of a hot desert" and (it was snowing very hard) "Do you know how many times I've walked back and forth across these streets tonight looking for a face like what I see before me?"

It was a big joke to me but Racecar was cracking up and told me to go for it. I finished my beer and sat next to her. She looked over at me, smiled and said hello. That was the high point.

First, I f*cked up the line.

"Seeing you is like looking in to a desert"... [wait, that's not right...]

She looked away at this point and was clearly annoyed.

I kept going... i'm not sure what I said here, I was just plowing. The bartender asked me if I needed a drink, and I politely declined.

"I've walked up and down these streets for hours, braving the cold, thinking to myself if I could just find a face like yours..."

By this point, the girl hadn't acknowledged that I even existed and was actively annoyed and ignoring me. So I ejected.

At least I had the stones to go with it and plow.

These little challenges between you and your DJ friends can be fun. However, I don't recommend opening with complex or highly canned material. If you do, chances are you will spend too much time in your head and will probably end up stuttering or plain out flunking out.

I like how you don't care about the outcome and convert your thoughts from negative to positive. There are men out there who can never master this skill, and there are others who take years to get it done, so good job Rubato. No approach is failure so even if you crash and burn you had the courage to approach and make a move

I finished up today. 2 girls in line at the post office.

I used the same line on both: "I see you have a big package there."

Both of the girls I said that to laughed. It was funnier with the second girl because I had a lot of boxes (a few computers I'm shipping and several other smaller things) and all she had was this small little box.

I wouldn't normally use a line like that, but this competition is supposed to be about dealing with AA. If I had just said hello, that wouldn't have done much to throw me out of my comfort zone and deal with AA.

Rubato strikes again! In the long run, this is the skill I would like you guys to use more. Spend less time in your head using canned openers and use your surroundings to build conversations naturally.

BTW, I realize my responses were not as comprehensive as others this round. I will work on that, because I would love to hear Rob's and Gary's reaction to what I'm doing... both have given and continue to give very wise words in this thread and in others

Good, and thank your for your words. Where is the audio file you were posting?

 

[Gray The Prince]

zero strikes:
AAAgent
Donjuanit0
TheMusic
Roman81
Packers2010
3countriesplan
Badboyjmm
Martini92
Archway
Rubato
YoungRocketship
Whitebelt
Sidd10001110101


On the hot seat with one strike:
Black Jesus
Btownbuck2012
Iwanttofight
I'm in the mood
dandelion
TheConductor
Sandman
Sofomore


All right, this week's challenge has been posted. You have until Sunday, January 22nd at 11:59 pm Pacific time to post your results. Those of you with a strike, you are on the hot seat this week. Let's get it in gear!!

If I made any errors regarding the list above, PLEASE let me know and I will correct it.

 

[Deicide]

Hey, I like this upcoming task because it takes you into the world of approaching. It's not just Hi and bye, but maintaining a conversation with a stranger, which is a skill within itself.
I'm also a coach in this competition(thank you very much for the PM kick Robyn). If you need any help, advice, or motivation PM me about it.

 

[Deicide]

Ok so I'm almost done the weeks task, I think... I'm counting the women we have to approach as HB's? Because that's the whole point right, haha.

HBs (1/3)
-Some girl I saw at the grocery store, she smiled at me then kinda turned away back to shopping but I said hi, anyway...she responded with a hi, how are you, and I replied with a good! how are you? and kept walking...maybe I should have continued the conversation but I felt weird about it since she was in the middle of picking out food.

Other People (4/4)

-Some guy I made conversation with at traffic court about his ticket...lol
-Another guy I was kinda friendly with at traffic court who I greeted
-Some girl in a bookstore that I wouldn't say qualified as an HB (just greeted her)
-Another older woman at the bookstore looking at maternity books, lol.

The HB's in my adventure were lacking, I'll just have to look harder tomorrow to complete the task I suppose. Maybe I'll go to the mall. Also, are bookstores good places to do pick ups? They seem like they would be, since you can pretty much do an observational opener thing in regards to what the girl is reading or whatever. Any experienced DJ's care to comment on this?

While she's picking out food, talk about food. Grocery store game is one I consistently do, and it's great for situational conversation. Ask her what she's picking out and make a comment. Good job on the good work.

 

[Deicide]

Back to SS bringing you some of the most boring stories ever:

- Approached this hot girl selling car insurance, asked her how much will my insurance policy go up next year if I crashed my bike..etc. Felt nice talking to a hot girl smiling and willing to answer all my questions, but pretty pointless in the end. Good eye contact though..
- Asked a lady in Carrefour where they kept the coffee. She said it's her first day there so she's as lost as I was
- Asked HB7 to pick a hot chocolate box for me because I couldn't make up my mind. Shed did and walked away immediately. That just felt POINTLESS.

So.. what's the point of all this and what could have I done better?
Oh and thanks for the feedback.

The point is to work your way up to approaches by getting more comfortable talking to strangers.
There's a reason the newbie challenge on here is to walk around and say Hi to 5o people.
Good job on getting out of your comfort zone.

 

[Deicide]

There is this waitress in the cafe I hang out with my friends, she is new there. First time we had a convo it was like this:

Me: Hey, how are you?
Her: Fine, how are you?
Me: Fine too, 1 coffee

Second time,

Me: Hey get me 1 cappucino pls
Her: Why cappucino today? (I've been ordering an other coffee all the time)
Me: I don't really know what I want just get me what is harder for you to prepare!
Her: Ok, I'll make you what's easiest
MeAs walking up the to the second floor) The hardest!!

When she brings me the coffee she asks me if the coffee is ok
I try, and I put it back on her plate saying that it's not ok, she laughs and puts it back! We laughed a bit and that was it!

Today, I go in,

Me: Did you learn how to make that coffee?
Her: I knew anyway
Me: Ok I want that
Her: (When she brings the coffee) Try it!
Me: (I pretend to get burned)
Her: I'm looking only at your lips
Me: It's fine!!

She doesn't eye contact me but she has that smile when we talk (no she doesn't have it with every customer )

I'm thinking about asking her name the next time, and tell her that I know a place where they actually know how to make a good coffee, if she wants us to go!

I'm inexperienced in this kind of game so I want an advise, if someone can come up with something better or has something to say that I don't clearly see here! We laugh a lot when we talk!

I post it here cause due to this post I talked to her more than I normally would!

You just have to improv(improv, no typo lol) in your conversations. You're doing what is called hired gun game, which is game for hired workers. You also have to find what little spaces of time with these workers to talk and display your personality. Just relax and say whatever. Also, have a plan in your mind for escalation to the number close attempt time. Be it, the first time you meet her, or maybe a few visits down the road.

 

[Rubato]

Where is the audio file you were posting?

Right here... it can take a while to sort through a long MP3 to find a few seconds of audio. And this really isn't a stellar approach either. It's just evidence I did it.

http://www.purevolume.com/Rubato37086/albums/AA+Challenge+%231

Since I started micing up last month, this is where I put all my approaches. I make a new album every time I go out with a mic. I also put my music up there too.

 

[TheMusic]

Why do we only have 5 days for this challenge? For the other one we had like 9 days, and this one is much harder...

Edit:
Rubato says 5, Robyn says 6...

 

[roman81]

Challenge # 2

A good DJ does not approach women only to start interesting conversations, he also knows how to keep them flowing and number closes in the end. Having a purpose in mind before approaching will help accomplish your goals. Your challenge/goal is multidimensional this week; you will be approaching women with two purposes: creating and maintaining conversations and number closing.

The task: 1) Approach any four women (old/young, attractive/unattractive equally) and keep the conversation flowing for at least five minutes.

2) Approach three attractive women (hb7+), maintain the conversation flowing for at least five minutes each and then number close her. In my experience, the most effective way to weed out women who are not interested is by opening and then stating your intentions. Ex: "I came over cause you're cute & wanted to see what else you have to offer" or something similar. Maintain positive body language, tone, and eye contact just like you did in your first challenge.


Note: Some of you had trouble starting off during the last challenge, so we decided to extend the response period. This week, you will have until 1-23-2012 at 11:59pm PST to post your responses to avoid receiving a strike. Additionally, you must post your conversations with your plates as transcript so that we can give you the most detailed feedback. Ex:

Me: Hey, (opener)
Her: Hi (response to opener)
Me: (conversation details, etc)
Her: (reactions, comments, body language, etc)

Personally, I also want to thank those of you who have added to my reputation. As you may already know, GTP & I volunteer our time and what keeps us motivated are you success stories and the fulfillment of helping fellow DJ's. Some of you have been PM'ing me asking questions. I encourage you guys to keep PMing any of the coaches and I so that you're getting your thoughts and questions out and heard. To those who have not yet started approaching or asked questions, we encourage you to start.

Enough talking for now. Go, go, go!

Bro, in the second part of the task, when you say:
"Approach three attractive women (hb7+), maintain the conversation flowing for at least five minutes each and then number close her."

I take it you mean, we have to number close all 3 and not just attempt to number close. If so how many tries do we have to get the numbers?

 

[roman81]

Update on the number close-call after the coffee

Called her up, after a bit of fluff talk this is key part.

me: so did you have a good time the other day?
her: yeah it was ok, you shouldn't have kissed me! (sounded serious)
me: well you know (half teasing tone)...you have these lucious lips and they looked so kissable, i couldn't help it i had to steal a kiss.
her: (small giggle) friends shouldn't kiss each other (i cut in here)
me: what makes you think i want to be friends
her: laughs
me: anyway, wanna do something this weekend?
her: I don't know, i think i'm busy, i'll check my schedule and text you

after some more fluff talk we end the convo.

Your thoughts are welcome

 

[Gray The Prince]

Bro, in the second part of the task, when you say:
"Approach three attractive women (hb7+), maintain the conversation flowing for at least five minutes each and then number close her."

I take it you mean, we have to number close all 3 and not just attempt to number close. If so how many tries do we have to get the numbers?

You don't have to get the number, just at least TRY to. For example, if you attempt to number close at least attractive Hbs and you fail each time, then you still complete this week's objective.

 

[Gray The Prince]

So I've made the number of hi's this week, in no particular order.

# - Girl working in department store, asked her about the brands they sell, she said she wernt sure as she is just a temp, seemed embarrassed and ending up blushing with her friend

Talking to female sales representatives, especially attractive ones are ideal when it comes to practicing conversation with an attractive woman.

# - woman at bus stop - just said hey, has XX bus gone yet, she said nah and asked if I was going to 'so and so' said yh, as we were talking bus comes along and she shouts as in to say its pulled up over there, had to half run for it

# - outside a busy train station, see two pretty girls, ask them for directions to such and such road, they tell me 'yh go there etc etc' I try to hold strong eye contact with one of them (who had beautiful eyes by the way), and she gives a lil smile when I think she notices, and so I move on..
Asking for directions can definitely be a good and unique opener depending on how strong your game is. Holding eye contact is a very hard thing to do for a lot of guys and you did an excellent job with that. I recommend trying this again, even if you know EXACTLY where you're going.

# - in said train station again, having a look at the newly renovated concourse, and admiring the juxtaposition of the new architecture against the old (listed) buildings in the background, when I see another dude trying to look through the hoardings aswell to get a look, I say hi and we have a little talk about how great the place looks and how its coming along.

# same station, see a girl hanging around outside so I ask her for directions to XX road, says she has no idea as she's just waiting for a friend, I ask where she's from and tells me she's from Cambridge, I make the assumption she studies at the university there and she laughs and blows it off saying she's just at a local college, we talk abit more about all the people around here that have no idea where anything is or those working around the area who seem oblivious to anything other than what directly concerns them.

I liked how you made the assumption about her studying there, it makes the conversation more open-ended when you use your noggin. Good job with holding the convo.
few other hi's to shop workers in book store's, and people I have seen at work but never said hello to, until now, so just introduced myself to them etc

and a brief chat with a security guard who I'm sure thought I was trying to steal something or was up to something dodgy, as I couldnt find what I was looking for in a local store.

Walked passed way too many opportunities, to say hello to some more girls that were hot, the AA was still strong when it came to those that were >HB6Yeah, you will miss a lot of opportunities, we all do but regarding the HB7's and above, you have to talk them just like you would a guy or an unattractive girl. Believe it or not, HB7+s are often approached by less guys than HB5's and belows because of AA and guys who disqualify themselves by trying to treat them way differently. You will get so much better with this in the oncoming weeks.

so all in all, was ok'ish..

Thanks again to the OP, and those involved in the task posting up motivational vids etc

Responses in teal.

 

[Gray The Prince]

Called her up, after a bit of fluff talk this is key part.

me: so did you have a good time the other day?
her: yeah it was ok, you shouldn't have kissed me! (sounded serious)
me: well you know (half teasing tone)...you have these lucious lips and they looked so kissable, i couldn't help it i had to steal a kiss.
her: (small giggle) friends shouldn't kiss each other (i cut in here)
me: what makes you think i want to be friends
her: laughs
me: anyway, wanna do something this weekend?
her: I don't know, i think i'm busy, i'll check my schedule and text you

after some more fluff talk we end the convo.

Your thoughts are welcome

She may genuinely have plans but at the same time, you may need to cut her loose. If she dodges again, then you should prolly send her packing.

 

[Masculinity]

Why do we only have 5 days for this challenge? For the other one we had like 9 days, and this one is much harder...

Edit:
Rubato says 5, Robyn says 6...

I posted the challenge on the 16th and you have until the end of the 23rd to finish; that makes exactly seven days. You had 7 days for the first challenge, but we extended the deadline to allow more participants to stay in the race.

GTP made a mistake. The deadline above is the correct one.

Called her up, after a bit of fluff talk this is key part.


me: so did you have a good time the other day? :nono: Ahhh...this just yells "I'm an approval-seeking guy" on your behalf. You don't want to seem like you care too much, too soon for a chick you barely know. Sometimes, women don't know how to feel/react in a situation. Hence, you can label their experience & see how they react. Ex:"Hey, you. Someone had a blast the other night! How are you?" She will tell you otherwise if she didn't have a blast.

her: yeah it was ok, you shouldn't have kissed me! (sounded serious) Bunch of bullsh!t

me: well you know (half teasing tone)...1) you have these lucious lips and 2) they looked so kissable, 3) i couldn't help it 4) i had to steal a kiss.

Mmm...this is where you went downhill. Complimenting early on in the interaction is not a good thing to do. A small compliment is tolerable every here and then. However, notice how you complimented her four times in a row; you need to dial that way down. When you overuse compliments, they lose their power. However, not complimenting at all is not good either. Use compliments as a currency with which you reward good behavior.

her: (small giggle) friends shouldn't kiss each other

Sh!t test

me: what makes you think i want to be friends

You validated her immediately. Your sentence says "I want you sooo bad!" You could have said "certainly not, that's why you made that move & we starting making out the other night "

her: laughs
me: anyway, wanna do something this weekend? Approval-seeking behavior again. You are the prize in this chase. She doesn't run things around here, you do. You have to be a leader and assume she will say yes. You are a good person and there is no reason for her to say no. And if she does, she misses out on you. Remember to keep the abundance mentality, not scarcity. You could have said

"I'm busy x and y days, but what ar eyou doing on ____day?"
(She responds)
Well, don't make plans on (day & time she's free) because you're hanging out with me

her: I don't know, i think i'm busy, i'll check my schedule and text you

This is called playing hard to get. It is a psychological game in which she attempts to make herself seem more valuable to you by having low availability "being busy" and having to "check her schedule."The wonderful thing about these psychological games is they work both ways. And guess what? When you pull these tricks (very effective, btw) on your plate(s), guess who's going to be chasing after you?

I recommend you get yourself a copy of The Rules. It is a small manual filled mind games women play. If you get yourself familiar with these games, you will be able to spot them immediately & deal with them accordingly. You can also use the ones that are not so manipulative and ridiculous. Here is the book: link.

after some more fluff talk we end the convo.

Your thoughts are welcome

My thoughts: It seems like she lost interest in you and/or she is playing games. If she doesn't contact you, then give it a week and contact her again and handle "asking her out" differently. If on the other hand, she actually texts you saying she is available, do NOT accept her offer. Simply say "Oh, (name), I understood you were busy, so I made plans to go out with someone else(do not give details on who it is even if she asks you, as she may think you may be seeing another woman). Maybe, we'll hangout another time."

At this point, she will probably stay quiet and say "oh ok" in which case I would do NC for a week or two until she contacts you. Or if she asks "when are you free?" then you, my friend, are back to being a leader. This is where you can turn the tables around and say "I got a lot of things going on," but unlike her, you give her a day in which you are free. Ex: I got a lot of things going on this week, but I have some time x day in the evening. (have a plan)Let's do this and that. It will be fun!

I am interested in what she has to say. PM me if you have further or more personal questions. Keep me updated.

-Rob

 

[ImWithTheDJ]

u guys are losers

 

[TheMusic]

That's nice.

Btw; my tries.
Women (0/7):
- Girl came sitting next to me in the computerroom at school. She was with another guy. I knew her name, so I said hi. I asked about what they were doing, teased here with something (dunno what, think something childish like stealing her waterbottle). When the guy was leaving, she asked if I could entertain her. However, I was kinda busy, so I replied "Well, you can listen to this music with me while I finnish this email?". She said there for another half hour. However, we didn't talk that much. Not worth counting.
- Older women in McDonalds. Two dogs were fighting outside, I asked what was going on, she talked for about a minute how bad she felt for the dogs etc. I became kinda bored, and she had to go to her daughter.
- 2 girls in the Mc. They made some kinda comment about the dogs, asked if they were dead yet, I said something back, didn't really talk.

All not 5 minutes, no phonenumbers, so not worth counting.

 

[Gray The Prince]

u guys are losers

U mad bro? :moon:

 

[Packers2010]

do you have to get the number. i got a facebook the other day dose that count?