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Where the fvck do you crash Barney Fife? In the real world there are gorgeous female Lawyers in droves. Drive through downtown Tampa any morning around 0700. Your eyes would explode from the sheer sight of them meandering the sidewalk. The rest of this isn't bad.

Keep this in mind fella's: The greatest gift you can give a woman is the occasional "No.". Not only will a stern "No." keep her brain in-check, it will also elevate you to a higher standard than the rest of the rabble who refuse to do anything that could chance to piss her off. Who gives a fvck...

"When you die you're going to regret the things you don't do. You think you're queer? Let me tell you something, we're all queer. You fvck little girls. So be it." Ricky Roma. What you have, Sir, is the ache of regret. It's a seed now, but it's growing. It's growing like your prostate...

You can't beat SamSpade's advice. My only contribution to this topic is this: NEVER wear fvckin' skinny jeans. If you do, make sure there's a c0ck in your craw so no one mistakes you for a heterosexual.

Is she one of the chicks running down the lane with the dry-mop, or is she pin-pointing her gaze on the rock? Either way, she's good for anal.

I'm more the B!tches Bastard than anything else. Brother 5String, occasional jealousy will do more to rev up a woman's attraction to her man than a diamond encrusted c0ck.

"Fvck her mind first, her body will happily follow." These words are true whether or not she's been your wife since Kennedy was capped, or one of those moronic Kardashian skanks.

I'm divorced and engaged. This seems to be a pretty cool little place to dig a hole and hang out a spell.

There's an inate mental difference with 19 year old Kardashian slags, and those who're 19 year old unpolished young women. The former are to be used, and re-used in the covering darkness, as the empty hole they strive to be. The latter are desperate for a mature, positively-aggressive...

You guys want to know the overwhelming feeling I had Monday? Despair. Gut-clenching, as powerful as if I hadn't taken my morning dump in a month, despair. Despair for the he-b!tches scampering for that perfect card. The perfect box of chocolates. The perfect fvcking flower. For whom? The...

Actually, Brother, I just elevated to a very nice promotion at work. I work 0800-1800 Monday through Friday. My own office, an assistant, a gigantic tree in one corner, and a 400 count humidor on my cherrywood desk. I'm not sitting around on my laurels watching grass grow. I'm busier than...

Brothers, I'm living a life most can only dream of and imagine. Right now I'm sitting on the back porch, the day is breezy and overcast here in Central Florida. I have both of my dogs lying next to me, a cup of steaming Ethiopian select coffee to my right (in my favorite mug which bears The...

That cvnt Irene took away the rain we were supposed to get. Made it hot as balls. 115 degrees with the heat index. I went out and did yardwork for awhile. Helluva tan. Smoked a cigar with the Mrs. afterwards.

This has to be some kind of 9-sided nerd dice or other goofball-esque nerdity.

Jesus IqqI, you dig up sh!t better than Sam Spade. Find my car keys and c0ck ring when you have 30 free seconds.

Man, how true is this. Brother Scrouds has one of the most intense stares I've ever witnessed. He's like Gary Oldman's Dracula the way he can mesmerize with his eyes. And a damned fine cigar guy too.

I'll take that as a compliment Brother Booblicious. She's the booger I have fun rolling around my fingertips. You know what I mean.

You're simply confused. I have nothing to do with it. Until a coupla' years ago we were still a familial unit. She has always been the ex-Mrs. K since I've been here.

You can't divorce an LTR. We were married from 2000 to May 2005. Lil K isn't mine biologically but I was the only masculine presence in her life for over 13 years. Now, not so much. Her Mother made her make a choice between staying in contact with me or doing whateverthefvck she wants...

I was divorced before I became a member here. There's some perspective for ya.