Dealing with a very confident girl

[BeExcellent]

Well @The Duke I know personally many women who fit this profile who ARE great partners. I don't have to date women to see the results.

Like the girl OP is discussing they are warm, feminine, engaging and don't bother the man while he's doing his "man stuff." They take the lead on childrearing. They listen to and defer to the man. They are capable and valuable complimentary women. They are an asset who is not causing undue drama.

The men are proud of these women; the women are loving and sweet to these men.

How is any of that a bad thing? Women like this get scooped up and wifed up, often for life.

We all have our biases and filters. I'm not jaded about quality women precisely because I don't date women. But men who I know do, and they have the successes and the failures to show for it.

 

[Bokanovsky]

Sigh. Incorrect. Confidence comes from knowing ones value and from having internal self esteem.

If a girl values her virginity (for example) and is saving herself for her husband can be one example. Another example is a beautiful, chill self assured sought after girl who knows most women are insecure & will blow themselves out with insecure clingy behavior.

What you're describing sounds more like moral values or personal philosophy. Confidence is a completely different concept. As The Duke said, confidence comes from doing. Confidence is essentially one's ability to predict outcomes based on past experience.

Confidence has nothing to do with morality, philosophy, values or opinions. You can be a complete lowlife and still be extremely confident. And you can be a highly virtuous person while totally lacking in confidence.

 

[itouchyou]

Sigh. Incorrect. Confidence comes from having internal self esteem.

How do you think internal self esteem is built?

 

[BeExcellent]

How do you think internal self esteem is built?

Through a secure attachment style. How do you get a secure attachment style? By experiencing love, validation and security in early childhood; by recieving good modeling and consistent mentoring, guidance & discipline alongside love throughout youth and young adulthood. Essentially as a result of solid parenting.

Now. Obviously not every young person recieved good parenting. Absent that an individual must possess the courage to self examine, self revise, self discipline and consciously improve, develop and grow. Using objective information.

We know from OP the 26 year old is very physically beautiful. Ok. There is nothing she DID to have good genetics. But if she was taught graciousness and politeness to embrace her beauty without being entitled? That indicates a solid upbringing. Confidence can derive from knowing one's intrinsic and objective worth just as it can derive from competency at a skillset.

If she was taught "Beauty is as beauty does....." then she was taught that behavior is more important than looks.

Confidence can derive from intelligence, accomplishment, social graces, upbringing. It is not JUST from doing. It is from being. From internal instead of external validation.

It is not simply a statistical equation anymore than dating is algebraic. I will find a dictionary link and post the different dictionary definitions, which are quite diverse in different contexts. English is not everyone's first language here, so perhaps this will help.......

 

[BeExcellent]

From Oxford English:

https://www.google.com/search?q=definition+of+confidence&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en-us&client=safari#ebo=0

 

[New_Journey]

In fact he brought up couples counseling, lol, because my naturally aloof non clingy behavior was so very different than what he had seen in previous relationships. That was a WTF moment honestly. I knew he cared much more than he was letting on and I also was like "I've known you 4 weeks. We aren't even a couple....why are you suggesting counseling? I'm still getting to know you....."

I said one time that your hubby was an Autist, and that's why you mock him with your friends. You like having the power in the relationship, but know this speaks volume about the type of woman you are. You man told you 4 weeks in that you were a couple, that is extremely needy behavior and something you should watch for now you two are married, I can't imagine how needy he must be.

You were saying to everyone he is chad, athlete, 38 years old, with no kids, a trophy hubby for you, we all saw the red flags but chose to ignore them and got married, exactly how you did with your ex husband.

Do you think you are in a position of give advice in this forum when you are repeating the same mistakes?

He is extremely handsome. Women literally throw themselves at him "Are you a simger?" "You're sexy", "What band are you in" etc. So he's been a opportunist playboy snce his teens and does understand how most women behave. He's had beautiful women at nightclubs walk right up to him and proposition him sexally, and he's gotten laid from that sort of thing many times. He IS sexy, what can I say? But he's also ridiculously smart, nerdy, stand offish and stylish. I knew he was more awkward than arrogant from the jump the night I met him. So some odd behavior comes with the territory.

You chose to ignore the red flags, because he is all of that, just to keep increasing your ego. Don't be surprised when your marriage ends the same miserable way than your previous one.

Yes I get (got) all that @Be, him being on the spectrum and due to his past experiences with women, why he felt uncertain about you.

My question was:



To help him deal. Versus "couples" counseling. Especially at only 4 weeks in. As you said, you were just being YOU.

That's what I was questioning. Which I would not have had you not mentioned it.

Anyway no need to further respond, it doesn't matter at this point; obviously it all worked out which is all that matters.

She didn't care, because all she saw was a "Chad", she's always been a "boss b!tch", she saw this handsome guy looking for a mommy, and she liked it. Its the classic dysfunction of a Man Child with a Boss B!tch. Its something common as day and night. That will end in her not respecting him, cheating on him and eventually divorcing him. The novelty of "good looks" gets old really quick, and more when he opens his mouth and can't make a coherent sentence.

 

[BeExcellent]

I said one time that your hubby was an Autist, and that's why you mock him with your friends. You like having the power in the relationship, but know this speaks volume about the type of woman you are. You man told you 4 weeks in that you were a couple, that is extremely needy behavior and something you should watch for now you two are married, I can't imagine how needy he must be.

You were saying to everyone he is chad, athlete, 38 years old, with no kids, a trophy hubby for you, we all saw the red flags but chose to ignore them and got married, exactly how you did with your ex husband.

Do you think you are in a position of give advice in this forum when you are repeating the same mistakes?


You chose to ignore the red flags, because he is all of that, just to keep increasing your ego. Don't be surprised when your marriage ends the same miserable way than your previous one.


She didn't care, because all she saw was a "Chad", she's always been a "boss b!tch", she saw this handsome guy looking for a mommy, and she liked it. Its the classic dysfunction of a Man Child with a Boss B!tch. Its something common as day and night. That will end in her not respecting him, cheating on him and eventually divorcing him. The novelty of "good looks" gets old really quick, and more when he opens his mouth and can't make a coherent sentence.

Aw. Did I hurt your feelings? Well @New_Journey it has always been my practice to be transparent and I have been here. ALL men I have dated are extremely handsome. See my avatar. That photo is unfiltered and unretouched in my 50s. No surgical enhancements. That is my real hair. When a girl is beautiful with a great figure and a fun personality?Well dear she has many choices. He is perfectly coherent, holds a masters makes a six figure income and has lots of other attributes. Does he miss social cues? Yep but not always. That's Ok. He leads the relationship in all aspects except parenting (not his kids, not his lane) and my busness endeavors (not his lane). Just like I don't tell him how to manage his projects or his job, he doesn't tell me how to manage my kids or my business. In most everything else he leads. I cook, I do laundry, I run errands, I support his sport. The relationship is imperfect as all relationships are. All people are imperfect. That includes me and that includes you. The faster you accept that the happier you will be.

But if it makes you feel superior to insult me? Ok. I'm just going to laugh at your need to do that & continue living my life, which is honestly pretty great all things considered. Yawn. You are not the first man to hurl insults in my time here, nor will you be the last.

Why? I am myself a very confident girl .

 

[New_Journey]

Aw. Did I hurt your feelings? Well @New_Journey it has always been my practice to be transparent and I have been here. ALL men I have dated are extremely handsome. See my avatar. That photo is unfiltered and unretouched in my 50s. No surgical enhancements. That is my real hair. When a girl is beautiful with a great figure and a fun personality?Well dear she has many choices. He is perfectly coherent, holds a masters makes a six figure income and has lots of other attributes. Does he miss social cues? Yep but not always. That's Ok. He leads the relationship in all aspects except parenting (not his kids, not his lane) and my busness endeavors (not his lane). Just like I don't tell him how to manage his projects or his job, he doesn't tell me how to manage my kids or my business. In most everything else he leads. I cook, I do laundry, I run errands, I support his sport. The relationship is imperfect as all relationships are. All people are imperfect. That includes me and that includes you. The faster you accept that the happier you will be.

But if it makes you feel superior to insult me? Ok. I'm just going to laugh at your need to do that & continue living my life, which is honestly pretty great all things considered. Yawn. You are not the first man to hurl insults in my time here, nor will you be the last.

Why? I am myself a very confident girl .

I will never insult anyone I don't know. I'm taking you to the same standards than we men take each other when they see red flags and don't care. I know you're hot, but that doesn't change the fact that you always choose wrong.

I hope this helps some other girl when her bf exhibits your bfs behavior, to not ignore those red flags.

 

[Sega Genesis]

I hope this helps some other girl when her bf exhibits your bfs behavior, to not ignore those red flags.

NJ (and anyone else who may be interested), just my two cents but I don't think her husband's early insecurity/uncertainty was a 'forever' red flag necessarily, it was a 'temporary' red flag based on the newness of the relationship and the uncertainty that sometimes accompanies new relationships.

I think him burdening her with his uncertainty/insecurity by suggesting couples counseling might be considered a red flag but as she said he's on the spectrum and hopefully he has since learned to contain such emotions and deal with them on his own.

I think that's important, our partners are not our therapists, in fact turning them into one can be a huge turn off for people during the precarious early stages. Which 4 weeks in would certainly be considered to be!

I also think uncertainty is a given in many new relationships, for both people as they go through the process of learning about each other and finding their groove together.

It has been for me and also my boyfriends!

The reasons DON'T matter, the important thing is they each learn to manage their emotions on their own and not burden their partner with it.

As Shakespeare said "the course to true love never did run smooth" which I personally have found to be very true!

In BeExcellent's case they are now married, happy and in love so I trust those early pangs of insecurity/uncertainty have passed. She's stated he knows she's on this forum and doesn't feel threatened or jealous by it, which would suggest as such.

Anyway, I wish them both well and although this post isn't exactly on topic, I hope it served some positive purpose for someone.

JMO as always.

 

[BeExcellent]

On the one hand @New_Journey you say you don't insult people you don't know. Then, rather amazingly, you turn right around and insult me...."you always choose wrong...."

That is exactly what I am pointing out (although its obvious enough to a reader who is paying attention).

I have chosen just fine thank you. Was already married to first husband when crap hit the fan in real life. You cannot know how people are going to handle SERIOUS stress until serious stress occurs. And no people do not always show you beforehand. Despite his issues, which he openly owns & acknowledges now, he's a loving father. None of my kids have "Daddy issues", etc. and none are entitled either. We are amicable and get along well.

My current husband is a really cool guy who I thoroughly enjoy or I wouldn't have selected him from my options. I married him for the right reasons.

I share various things here and use examples from my own life to illustrate things or make a point just as anyone does. But the examples do not constitute the day to day totality of my life moment to moment.

The error you make is to assume that if one moment was a certain way, that all moments are the same way. Not true. That's a logic flaw. You can see it in your belief system where you say "always". You have very limited frame of reference regarding my life, although the things I talk about around here are true. But that is not the whole picture. My life is really good, I am grateful and blessed. My kids are well adjusted and my husband and I are happy.

You may have just given up a great girl who will make a good wife for someone. Time will tell. But I'm not going to assume that choice was correct or incorrect, nor would I make statements to that effect one way or another. That's your domain. Your life.

I'm not second guessing those choices nor am I judging them. They are yours.

Study up on me if you like. There are thousands of posts here with consistent content over 10 years. And if you look at that content you'll see something. Life is nuanced. People grow & change over time, nobody is static. Sometimes situations arise that are unexpected, and people don't always behave the way you think you would, and its always easy to Monday morning quarterback someone else.

Monday morning quarterback yourself. I've spent time reviewing my choices and outcomes in my life. I spend time considering potential outcomes given known variables.....but life has its chaos and not all variables are known......even if we *think* they are.

Strive and be resilient.

But don't be that guy who hits someone and says "Don't hit!" I mean, Really????

Gotta run. More skiing to do before the lifts close, lol.

Cheers.

 

[New_Journey]

"you always choose wrong...."

That is not an insult, you feel its a insult because it hits home. You are a boss b!tch how women with money like to call themselves, who needs a strong man given your nature, your exhubby was not strong how you described him, and neither the current one for many reasons that described too. So, you choose the wrong type of men to date, why is that? Are you too scared/proud to submit to a strong man or strong men don't like to deal with you?

 

[Divorced w 3]

I You cannot know how people are going to handle SERIOUS stress until serious stress occurs. And no people do not always show you beforehand.

I don’t buy that.

For one, marriage is for better or for worse. In good times and bad, in sickness and in health.

I have dated multiple women (and married) that would have stuck by me if they knew that I was bipolar. One did, but she didn’t have the energy or interest as a young mom to dig in on it. I didn’t dig in either. Ten years went by and in that timeframe I blew napalm all over my life and my marriage. But I filed - and I did us both a service because I was almost 8 years removed from this diagnosis and in denial. I knew though, that the woman who I was marrying was going to be a nervous, loud obnoxious mess when she had kids. It was a subconscious thing and likely for self-preservation reasons but I always knew it.

I think very few people have the meddle to want to roll their sleeve up and be that partner who can even stand by when their partner burns the literal house down, destroys the business or whatever else, and I don’t know if your relationship got abusive or what and if so obviously that’s not tolerable, but as a young parent you did what you felt you had to do - not everyone is wired to help someone who is too sick to see it themselves.

I just, with that said, don’t buy the idea you didn’t know who he was at some level. You can’t kid us on that.

 

[BeExcellent]

I don’t buy that.

For one, marriage is for better or for worse. In good times and bad, in sickness and in health.

I have dated multiple women (and married) that would have stuck by me if they knew that I was bipolar. One did, but she didn’t have the energy or interest as a young mom to dig in on it. I didn’t dig in either. Ten years went by and in that timeframe I blew napalm all over my life and my marriage. But I filed - and I did us both a service because I was almost 8 years removed from this diagnosis and in denial.

I think very few people have the meddle to want to roll their sleeve up and be that partner who can even stand by when their partner burns the literal house down, destroys the business or whatever else, and I don’t know if your relationship got abusive or what and if so obviously that’s not tolerable, but as a young parent you did what you felt you had to do - not everyone is wired to help someone who is too sick to see it themselves.

I just, with that said, don’t buy the idea you didn’t know who he was at some level. You can’t kid us on that.

I didn't know. He was from the same eschelon socially, was from a very good family, did not drink, was running a successful business; his aunt & uncle knew my father's relatives in another state & he was well vetted. I did not meddle in his business dealings (maybe I should have, lol), and everything appeared on the up & up. We got married and the plan was I'd stay home & raise kids while he ran his business.

I didn't realize the partner (51% partner who controls the partnership) was grossly over spending. When my first husband tried to control spending he couldn't, and a number of things happened where the partner (my first husband's best friend since age 10), screwed him over, got him forced out of his business, and my first husband's whole life plan was torched.

He was super angry, disillusioned, etc. Too proud and embarassed to get help, therapy or business help after he lost everything. My father had to get involved legally to salvage his ownership percentage. He became depressed, and then started drinking after about 10 years. I stuck with him after the partnership fiasco that for over 15 years and tried everything to encourage him. I should have left him much sooner, but I married for life. He became a shell of himself, let himself go physically, everything. Meanwhile I had to carry my family on my back financially, and I did, building a 7 figure net worth because I refused to be poor when we didn't need to be.

So you tell me how you would do if you best guy friend from childhood took you for everything, betrayed your loyalty and your trust, ruined your reputation and destroyed your finances, derailed your family plan and life plan & then your dreamgirl wife had to pick you up and carry you because you lost everything as man that you built. We were already married when this happened and there was no indcation it was coming. None.

You guys find it so easy to lampoon me. Nope. Didn't see it coming. Nobody did. Was I disappointed how he handled it? Yes but I stayed for years trying to help. Then I realized me staying was enabling him, and that was a very bad example for my kids. So I left. He let me go. He knew I tried everything to help him for many years.

The difference was in strength of character. I refused to be defeated by circumstance even in the toughest time (I was pregnant when all this hit the fan), so I had to carry the family, carry the baby, try to help him. Y'all have NO idea.

Like I said, sometimes life happens. I never thought my first husband would get depressed and fold. Nothing in his background or upbringing suggested that. Nothing.

You cannot always know. Facts.

 

[Divorced w 3]

I didn't know. He was from the same eschelon socially, was from a very good family, did not drink, was running a successful business; his aunt & uncle knew my father's relatives in another state & he was well vetted. I did not meddle in his business dealings (maybe I should have, lol), and everything appeared on the up & up. We got married and the plan was I'd stay home & raise kids while he ran his business.

I didn't realize the partner (51% partner who controls the partnership) was grossly over spending. When my first husband tried to control spending he couldn't, and a number of things happened where the partner (my first husband's best friend since age 10), screwed him over, got him forced out of his business, and my first husband's whole life plan was torched.

He was super angry, disillusioned, etc. Too proud and embarassed to get help, therapy or business help after he lost everything. My father had to get involved legally to salvage his ownership percentage. He became depressed, and then started drinking after about 10 years. I stuck with him after the partnership fiasco that for over 15 years and tried everything to encourage him. I should have left him much sooner, but I married for life. He became a shell of himself, let himself go physically, everything. Meanwhile I had to carry my family on my back financially, and I did, building a 7 figure net worth because I refused to be poor when we didn't need to be.

So you tell me how you would do if you best guy friend from childhood took you for everything, betrayed your loyalty and your trust, ruined your reputation and destroyed your finances, derailed your family plan and life plan & then your dreamgirl wife had to pick you up and carry you because you lost everything as man that you built. We were already married when this happened and there was no indcation it was coming. None.

You guys find it so easy to lampoon me. Nope. Didn't see it coming. Nobody did. Was I disappointed how he handled it? Yes but I stayed for years trying to help. Then I realized me staying was enabling him, and that was a very bad example for my kids. So I left. He let me go. He knew I tried everything to help him for many years.

The difference was in strength of character. I refused to be defeated by circumstance even in the toughest time (I was pregnant when all this hit the fan), so I had to carry the family, carry the baby, try to help him. Y'all have NO idea.

Like I said, sometimes life happens. I never thought my first husband would get depressed and fold. Nothing in his background or upbringing suggested that. Nothing.

You cannot always know. Facts.

I don’t understand a bunch of it but I’m not lampooning you. You’re very touchy on criticism of a topic that none of us would know about if you hadn’t volunteered the info here.

what doesn’t add up for me was: was pregnant and left after 15 years of business folding, so your kids were older

you built your wealth up when he was dealing with this and then you left; he must have added some value even if just in raising the kids, if he was as bad as you said you would not have left your children alone with him

you tell us you took the assets you made during the marriage and asked for them completely and uncontested; did you guilt him and pray on his depressive tendencies and why did you feel he hasn’t contributed as a homemaker? Do you really expect us to believe if the shoe were on the other foot you wouldn’t have made a claim for part of his business or income from it during the marriage?

I have other questions but your babe in the woods on an issue that you raised totally unsolicited rings a little less than authentic

 

[Bingo-Player]

OP from what you've written I don't think the 26 year old chick has absolutely any intention of letting this get serious

For a woman in her mid 20's theres a LOT of novelty in dating an older guy I think its even starting to trend on TikTok ....the life experience is attractive and stimulating for them

Make no mistake this chick would have had a few rides on the carousel and is likely still on it

If she is as much of a proposition as you make out she will be more than aware the world is her playground at least for another decade

Her behaviour is not at all congruent with a woman who is starting to think about settling

I have just wrapped things up with a 26 y/o and I think she would have been happy to see me 3-4 times a week , she was the one pushing for more because she actually told me she's starting to think about the future

 

[BeExcellent]

I don’t understand a bunch of it but I’m not lampooning you. You’re very touchy on criticism of a topic that none of us would know about if you hadn’t volunteered the info here.

what doesn’t add up for me was: was pregnant and left after 15 years of business folding, so your kids were older

you built your wealth up when he was dealing with this and then you left; he must have added some value even if just in raising the kids, if he was as bad as you said you would not have left your children alone with him

you tell us you took the assets you made during the marriage and asked for them completely and uncontested; did you guilt him and pray on his depressive tendencies and why did you feel he hasn’t contributed as a homemaker? Do you really expect us to believe if the shoe were on the other foot you wouldn’t have made a claim for part of his business or income from it during the marriage?

I have other questions but your babe in the woods on an issue that you raised totally unsolicited rings a little less than authentic

I'm not sensitive. But you assume things that are not true. Sorry my life "rings inauthentic" to you. Its my life and its not always been a pretty picture.

Believe me, there have been moments where I've thought, Gee, did I do this all wrong? Should I have leveraged my looks for the best deal like so many beautiful women do? But that's not my character. Its not how I was raised and its not who I am. I couldn't do it now....Well. Now I wouldn't need to so there's that.

He was never dangerous. Drpressed & lazy? Yes. I did not guilt him at all. We discussed everything over coffee. He knew what was wrong & if it didn't change I would leave. Then after five more years I left.

He agreed on the assets. He knew he had not held up his end of the bargain. He has told my kids this himself.

I've responded further in DM. I don't think it relevant to this thread except that if OP has a girl with the kind of character I have? He's got something rare.

Not many beautiful girls with good chatacter and high self esteem around. They get wifed up.

 

[Chow Mein]

I didn't know. He was from the same eschelon socially, was from a very good family, did not drink, was running a successful business; his aunt & uncle knew my father's relatives in another state & he was well vetted. I did not meddle in his business dealings (maybe I should have, lol), and everything appeared on the up & up. We got married and the plan was I'd stay home & raise kids while he ran his business.

I didn't realize the partner (51% partner who controls the partnership) was grossly over spending. When my first husband tried to control spending he couldn't, and a number of things happened where the partner (my first husband's best friend since age 10), screwed him over, got him forced out of his business, and my first husband's whole life plan was torched.

He was super angry, disillusioned, etc. Too proud and embarassed to get help, therapy or business help after he lost everything. My father had to get involved legally to salvage his ownership percentage. He became depressed, and then started drinking after about 10 years. I stuck with him after the partnership fiasco that for over 15 years and tried everything to encourage him. I should have left him much sooner, but I married for life. He became a shell of himself, let himself go physically, everything. Meanwhile I had to carry my family on my back financially, and I did, building a 7 figure net worth because I refused to be poor when we didn't need to be.

So you tell me how you would do if you best guy friend from childhood took you for everything, betrayed your loyalty and your trust, ruined your reputation and destroyed your finances, derailed your family plan and life plan & then your dreamgirl wife had to pick you up and carry you because you lost everything as man that you built. We were already married when this happened and there was no indcation it was coming. None.

You guys find it so easy to lampoon me. Nope. Didn't see it coming. Nobody did. Was I disappointed how he handled it? Yes but I stayed for years trying to help. Then I realized me staying was enabling him, and that was a very bad example for my kids. So I left. He let me go. He knew I tried everything to help him for many years.

The difference was in strength of character. I refused to be defeated by circumstance even in the toughest time (I was pregnant when all this hit the fan), so I had to carry the family, carry the baby, try to help him. Y'all have NO idea.

Like I said, sometimes life happens. I never thought my first husband would get depressed and fold. Nothing in his background or upbringing suggested that. Nothing.

You cannot always know. Facts.

Appreciate the post.

It’s interesting to see how people handle pressures. You did the right thing, your ex was not keeping up with your ambition.

No matter what you appear on the outside, your character will always be what women want to know.

 

[Glassguy]

I AM definitely more relationship minded at the moment which is clouding my judgment I think. I have no trouble bedding women in fact it became a little too mechanical at times

I guess I’ve been around the block and I’m done, absolutely done, particularly with weak pansy flimsy girls who all seem to get their dating advice from cosmopolitan. I just want ONE SOLID Woman, who has my back and I have her back, who gets it, who I can entrust and build a good team together, who has some depth and character and can provide feminine energy and a soft landing spot. Rarer than a hens teeth.

I totally get it. Fvcking women can and will at some point become a bore and you will want more out of the interaction.

When dating a higher quality woman, you will eliminate most of the garbage that comes attached to the low hanging fruit.

Higher quality women are career minded. So they have consistency and good decision making skills. They know they are head and shoulders above the average woman in the dating pool so they arent out there attention wh0ring 24/7. They value themselves.

Dating garbage leads to garbage interactions. Women who arent good mothers. Women who are looking for a man to take care of them. Attention wh0ring. Women who fall for any decent looking guy who gives them the time of day.
How do those things translate to dating a woman like that? No bueno.

High quality women look for a guy who compliments their lifestyle and doesnt need a man to make her happy. I find the best interaction with higher quality women is to be up front, direct but also be yourself if you have a fun personality and charisma. Seduction doesnt change because a women is on her purpose and has goals. But her bullshyte indicator is probably going to be on point because she puts her best interests first and foremost.
As higher value men we are looking for those same things in women. My current gf has her doctorate degree in physical therapy. She manages her career and life very well although it sometimes can be cluttered and busy.

And she is super affectionate. She was a little guarded at first but expect that from a higher value woman. Once you show them through your actions that they can feel safe and comfortable with you, they really open up. This has been my experience with EVERY highly educated woman on her purpose in life...well except one. And she is a highly educated trainwreck but I saw the signs early lol.

Most importantly, be direct with a woman like this put dont push. Let her come to you and she will do that if your dates are fun and you leave her with mystery and intrigued.