So the best two posts on this, give conflicting advice, to pursue or not?
Advice from the old lady:
This is how quality women date (the second girl; the 26 year old). Most women are insecure & will chase because lack of contact creates anxiety; but a secure confident girl won't chase. She will assume the lack of initiative equals a lack of interest, and she will move on.
There is an old axiom about dating that previous generations followed: "The man chases until the woman catches him." There is a reason this is good advice. Allow me to explain (this is how I dated and I've been proposed to 3 times & married twice *I am currently married to my second husband).
1. This reflects the desirable masculine/feminine polarity where the man initiates and the woman responds.
2. If the man is pursuing/initiating then he is investing and he is finding value in the woman. This creates a secure environment for the woman to respond positively, return investment, and allow the sexual conquest, which requires vulnerability with her physical person.
3. This dynamic affirms a man's leadership in relationship.
4. Wise women choose from among the men who demonstrate interest/investment. They do not waste time chasing men who were not initially interested because they know probability is high that they will lose the man when he finds a woman he IS interested in pursuing. You, OP are seeing this dynamic occurring in real time right now. The 27 year old is diminishing in value next to the 26 year old for the reasons I am showing you.
So the 26 year old expects you to behave like a man and make known what you want. She waits for something to respond to; she does not create it or chase it. You are a man doing 'man stuff' and she knows/assumes you are busy & you'll reach out when you have time for her......and she will respond/keep her word/show up like an adult. This is what you want.
If you want to see her? Ask her out & enjoy her company. That's it. No "what are we" talks.
My husband felt like you when he started dating me. I behaved exactly like your 26 year old. He'd ask me out & I'd go. He asked more often; I went. We had fun. Wash rinse repeat. We texted for logistics not to chat. I did not chase him. And I was still seeing other men (this is why its called "dating") even though my attraction to him was growing. After 2 months he asked me to be his exclusive girlfriend. I said yes. Eventually he proposed. I said yes and we are now married.
That is the natural way things should progress. These guys who think women should chase are taking the feminine role and wanting the girl to pursue which is the masculine hunter energy. Wanting the girl to ask for a relationship. What then? Do they expect the girl to propose? When exactly do gender dynamics flip back to normal? Answer, they don't. Follow the logic!
These are the men who end up with women browbeating them for an engagement ring & it builds resentment and will result in a dead bedroom when the man is totally turned off by the masculine energy ball buster chick he thought should be chasing after him.
Wrong dynamic guys!!!!
Again OP, you have both types of women you are seeing now. Which one do you feel more drawn to again? See why that is & how that works?
I think this woman means well... but don't do this.
My experience, combined with the 20+ years I've been helping men with their dating lives, has lead me to the observed conclusion that you, as the guy, bringing up the topic of being in a relationship is more likely to make her lose interest and ghost you.
Why? Simple: most men are ready to have the relationship convo much earlier than a woman is ready to have it. And if you bring up "hey, let's be in a relationship" or "hey, let's see each other more" and she hasn't yet felt her way to the same conclusion, she's going to think (a) you're forcing her into it, or (b) that you already know you want her, and since she's still figuring it out it's not fair to "lead you on" since she doesn't feel the same way yet at this point in the dating phase.
Here's the reality: as long as she's saying "yes" to all your date requests and hooking up with you, you're GOOD. Women often need a bit more time to feel their way into wanting to see you more and wanting to be in a relationship with you. Don't think you're losing just because you're only seeing each other once a week - again, she's consistently saying "yes" so you're good. Eventually, she will start to ask you for more time AND, usually around month 3 or 4, inquire about being in a relationship. Just keep showing up consistently as you have been and things will evolve naturally without you having to vocalize anything.
And also: in the meantime, keeping talking to other women. You owe none of these women loyalty yet until they start coming to you asking for more of your time and/or a relationship.
This arrived in my mail today from SoSuave.
I thought it pertinent:
"Make a move too soon, and you come across as needy and gauche.
But if you don't make a move when she wants you to and when you have the opportunity, then she can only conclude that you are not interested, or that you are chicken.
If you make a move much later on, when she is no longer interested, then she concludes that you were chicken." - John
My wife, also a quietly confident woman, was 26 when we met, and I in my 30's, a bit younger than yourself. We're still together 22 years on, married for almost 20.
I had no 'game' back then, still don't, but in retrospect, it seems I may have gamed her by accident..
The age gap felt irrelevant and was never discussed. I act and look younger than my age.
I was not looking for another relationship when she fell into my sphere, as I was negotiating a LDR with a very 'handsome'
('beautiful' doesn't seem to cut it when describing a former ballerina), but ultimately unavailable woman at the time.
I did not mention this other woman except when directly asked, though there was ample evidence of her presence (photos, gifts, books, letters..)
Your own girl isn't mentioning any guys either, because she's classy.
I compare this with some of the trashier women I'd been involved with, with whom the topic of other men surfaces sooner or later.
To this day, I have no idea what my wife’s 'notch count' might be, but she's only ever mentioned one dude before me, in passing
(the CEO of her previous job, ie a BSD).
If I ask my wife about our courtship, she remembers it differently to how I do.
She says that I took the lead, in just about everything.
In my own memory, and knowing my own lack of game, I'm sure that she must have dropped hints.
Even our early days romance didn't feel like dates to me. She was the new girl in town and I was merely fulfilling a public duty by showing her around..
She didn't like a lot of the places we went nor all the things that we did, but she enjoyed doing them with me.
At around the 3-4 month mark, her lease was expiring and it seemed only natural for her to move in with me. She was by then spending most of her free days at my place anyway, and was already cooking, cleaning and even redecorating..
I eventually proposed to her, a couple of years on, during a visit to her hometown.
I presented her with a ring on the first morning we woke in our hotel room. She didn't consider this terribly romantic.
I also did the old fashioned thing of asking her father for his blessing afterwards (it wasn't the first time we'd met, and I already knew he approved of me).
I know this all sounds bluepill, but we're talking about LTR here, not smashing plates.
My main takeaway, is my wife’s emphasis is on how I took the lead with our courtship, even though to me, everything just fell in place naturally.
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