Dealing with a very confident girl

[BeExcellent]

Well @The Duke I know personally many women who fit this profile who ARE great partners. I don't have to date women to see the results.

Like the girl OP is discussing they are warm, feminine, engaging and don't bother the man while he's doing his "man stuff." They take the lead on childrearing. They listen to and defer to the man. They are capable and valuable complimentary women. They are an asset who is not causing undue drama.

The men are proud of these women; the women are loving and sweet to these men.

How is any of that a bad thing? Women like this get scooped up and wifed up, often for life.

We all have our biases and filters. I'm not jaded about quality women precisely because I don't date women. But men who I know do, and they have the successes and the failures to show for it.

 

[Bokanovsky]

Sigh. Incorrect. Confidence comes from knowing ones value and from having internal self esteem.

If a girl values her virginity (for example) and is saving herself for her husband can be one example. Another example is a beautiful, chill self assured sought after girl who knows most women are insecure & will blow themselves out with insecure clingy behavior.

What you're describing sounds more like moral values or personal philosophy. Confidence is a completely different concept. As The Duke said, confidence comes from doing. Confidence is essentially one's ability to predict outcomes based on past experience.

Confidence has nothing to do with morality, philosophy, values or opinions. You can be a complete lowlife and still be extremely confident. And you can be a highly virtuous person while totally lacking in confidence.

 

[itouchyou]

Sigh. Incorrect. Confidence comes from having internal self esteem.

How do you think internal self esteem is built?

 

[BeExcellent]

How do you think internal self esteem is built?

Through a secure attachment style. How do you get a secure attachment style? By experiencing love, validation and security in early childhood; by recieving good modeling and consistent mentoring, guidance & discipline alongside love throughout youth and young adulthood. Essentially as a result of solid parenting.

Now. Obviously not every young person recieved good parenting. Absent that an individual must possess the courage to self examine, self revise, self discipline and consciously improve, develop and grow. Using objective information.

We know from OP the 26 year old is very physically beautiful. Ok. There is nothing she DID to have good genetics. But if she was taught graciousness and politeness to embrace her beauty without being entitled? That indicates a solid upbringing. Confidence can derive from knowing one's intrinsic and objective worth just as it can derive from competency at a skillset.

If she was taught "Beauty is as beauty does....." then she was taught that behavior is more important than looks.

Confidence can derive from intelligence, accomplishment, social graces, upbringing. It is not JUST from doing. It is from being. From internal instead of external validation.

It is not simply a statistical equation anymore than dating is algebraic. I will find a dictionary link and post the different dictionary definitions, which are quite diverse in different contexts. English is not everyone's first language here, so perhaps this will help.......

 

[BeExcellent]

From Oxford English:

https://www.google.com/search?q=definition+of+confidence&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en-us&client=safari#ebo=0

 

[New_Journey]

In fact he brought up couples counseling, lol, because my naturally aloof non clingy behavior was so very different than what he had seen in previous relationships. That was a WTF moment honestly. I knew he cared much more than he was letting on and I also was like "I've known you 4 weeks. We aren't even a couple....why are you suggesting counseling? I'm still getting to know you....."

I said one time that your hubby was an Autist, and that's why you mock him with your friends. You like having the power in the relationship, but know this speaks volume about the type of woman you are. You man told you 4 weeks in that you were a couple, that is extremely needy behavior and something you should watch for now you two are married, I can't imagine how needy he must be.

You were saying to everyone he is chad, athlete, 38 years old, with no kids, a trophy hubby for you, we all saw the red flags but chose to ignore them and got married, exactly how you did with your ex husband.

Do you think you are in a position of give advice in this forum when you are repeating the same mistakes?

He is extremely handsome. Women literally throw themselves at him "Are you a simger?" "You're sexy", "What band are you in" etc. So he's been a opportunist playboy snce his teens and does understand how most women behave. He's had beautiful women at nightclubs walk right up to him and proposition him sexally, and he's gotten laid from that sort of thing many times. He IS sexy, what can I say? But he's also ridiculously smart, nerdy, stand offish and stylish. I knew he was more awkward than arrogant from the jump the night I met him. So some odd behavior comes with the territory.

You chose to ignore the red flags, because he is all of that, just to keep increasing your ego. Don't be surprised when your marriage ends the same miserable way than your previous one.

Yes I get (got) all that @Be, him being on the spectrum and due to his past experiences with women, why he felt uncertain about you.

My question was:



To help him deal. Versus "couples" counseling. Especially at only 4 weeks in. As you said, you were just being YOU.

That's what I was questioning. Which I would not have had you not mentioned it.

Anyway no need to further respond, it doesn't matter at this point; obviously it all worked out which is all that matters.

She didn't care, because all she saw was a "Chad", she's always been a "boss b!tch", she saw this handsome guy looking for a mommy, and she liked it. Its the classic dysfunction of a Man Child with a Boss B!tch. Its something common as day and night. That will end in her not respecting him, cheating on him and eventually divorcing him. The novelty of "good looks" gets old really quick, and more when he opens his mouth and can't make a coherent sentence.

 

[BeExcellent]

I said one time that your hubby was an Autist, and that's why you mock him with your friends. You like having the power in the relationship, but know this speaks volume about the type of woman you are. You man told you 4 weeks in that you were a couple, that is extremely needy behavior and something you should watch for now you two are married, I can't imagine how needy he must be.

You were saying to everyone he is chad, athlete, 38 years old, with no kids, a trophy hubby for you, we all saw the red flags but chose to ignore them and got married, exactly how you did with your ex husband.

Do you think you are in a position of give advice in this forum when you are repeating the same mistakes?


You chose to ignore the red flags, because he is all of that, just to keep increasing your ego. Don't be surprised when your marriage ends the same miserable way than your previous one.


She didn't care, because all she saw was a "Chad", she's always been a "boss b!tch", she saw this handsome guy looking for a mommy, and she liked it. Its the classic dysfunction of a Man Child with a Boss B!tch. Its something common as day and night. That will end in her not respecting him, cheating on him and eventually divorcing him. The novelty of "good looks" gets old really quick, and more when he opens his mouth and can't make a coherent sentence.

Aw. Did I hurt your feelings? Well @New_Journey it has always been my practice to be transparent and I have been here. ALL men I have dated are extremely handsome. See my avatar. That photo is unfiltered and unretouched in my 50s. No surgical enhancements. That is my real hair. When a girl is beautiful with a great figure and a fun personality?Well dear she has many choices. He is perfectly coherent, holds a masters makes a six figure income and has lots of other attributes. Does he miss social cues? Yep but not always. That's Ok. He leads the relationship in all aspects except parenting (not his kids, not his lane) and my busness endeavors (not his lane). Just like I don't tell him how to manage his projects or his job, he doesn't tell me how to manage my kids or my business. In most everything else he leads. I cook, I do laundry, I run errands, I support his sport. The relationship is imperfect as all relationships are. All people are imperfect. That includes me and that includes you. The faster you accept that the happier you will be.

But if it makes you feel superior to insult me? Ok. I'm just going to laugh at your need to do that & continue living my life, which is honestly pretty great all things considered. Yawn. You are not the first man to hurl insults in my time here, nor will you be the last.

Why? I am myself a very confident girl .

 

[New_Journey]

Aw. Did I hurt your feelings? Well @New_Journey it has always been my practice to be transparent and I have been here. ALL men I have dated are extremely handsome. See my avatar. That photo is unfiltered and unretouched in my 50s. No surgical enhancements. That is my real hair. When a girl is beautiful with a great figure and a fun personality?Well dear she has many choices. He is perfectly coherent, holds a masters makes a six figure income and has lots of other attributes. Does he miss social cues? Yep but not always. That's Ok. He leads the relationship in all aspects except parenting (not his kids, not his lane) and my busness endeavors (not his lane). Just like I don't tell him how to manage his projects or his job, he doesn't tell me how to manage my kids or my business. In most everything else he leads. I cook, I do laundry, I run errands, I support his sport. The relationship is imperfect as all relationships are. All people are imperfect. That includes me and that includes you. The faster you accept that the happier you will be.

But if it makes you feel superior to insult me? Ok. I'm just going to laugh at your need to do that & continue living my life, which is honestly pretty great all things considered. Yawn. You are not the first man to hurl insults in my time here, nor will you be the last.

Why? I am myself a very confident girl .

I will never insult anyone I don't know. I'm taking you to the same standards than we men take each other when they see red flags and don't care. I know you're hot, but that doesn't change the fact that you always choose wrong.

I hope this helps some other girl when her bf exhibits your bfs behavior, to not ignore those red flags.