If you're in a social circle, and the women there don't give you a hug when they leave, it's OVER

[corrector]

I get that you use ASMR as a coping mechanism as it provides temporary relief. However, relying on external sources for validation might not address the root of the issue. It’s great that that you measure how you cope, but for OP and for yourself, building genuine confidence and social skills will have a more lasting impact than watching ASMR. Eventually, both will realize how insignificant hugs really are in the grand scheme of things.

Instead of depending on these distractions, what if OP focused on real-life interactions? Engaging in activities that boost his self-esteem, like finding an identity through fitness, hobbies, and socializing, could really help him in the long run. What steps do you think he could take to start making those changes?

He is socializing with an East European group. Therefore, as based on your suggestions, he is already taking the steps. The problem, is when you are taking the right steps, and you get a bad hit like that, that could feel discouraging. Therefore, copes are a solution get a temporary relief, and continue the course of doing the right things.

Again, same issue can happen at fitness. If you go to the GYM, and then have a bad approach with a woman at the GYM, end up having to cancel your GYM membership and go to another GYM then that could be an issue there. Same thing with hobbies. Whatever actifvities you find yourself doing, if there are women involved in the activities, then there is a potential to feel bad.

Like take my example, I go to work to learn a "living" (it's steady pay at least, just not enough with the inflation, etc...), and that is the right thing to do. But as there are women also going to work, and working at different capacities in the organization, then there is a potential to misinterpret things and feel bad for yourself as well.

At the end of the day, engaging in activities does not shield you from women or social dyanamics involving women. If you can't handle it, then you have to find ways of coping with it until it doesn't bother you anymore. With me, it might be certain types of videos or playlists. With others it might be something else.

 

[GoodMan32]

And if you glance at them and look away again, they come up to you and ask you if they can join your table.

Unfortunately not in my experience.

 

[Clockwerk50]

He is socializing with an East European group. Therefore, as based on your suggestions, he is already taking the steps. The problem, is when you are taking the right steps, and you get a bad hit like that, that could feel discouraging. Therefore, copes are a solution get a temporary relief, and continue the course of doing the right things.

Again, same issue can happen at fitness. If you go to the GYM, and then have a bad approach with a woman at the GYM, end up having to cancel your GYM membership and go to another GYM then that could be an issue there. Same thing with hobbies. Whatever actifvities you find yourself doing, if there are women involved in the activities, then there is a potential to feel bad.

Like take my example, I go to work to learn a "living" (it's steady pay at least, just not enough with the inflation, etc...), and that is the right thing to do. But as there are women also going to work, and working at different capacities in the organization, then there is a potential to misinterpret things and feel bad for yourself as well.

At the end of the day, engaging in activities does not shield you from women or social dyanamics involving women. If you can't handle it, then you have to find ways of coping with it until it doesn't bother you anymore. With me, it might be certain types of videos or playlists. With others it might be something else.

Again, I understand your perspective, but I think it’s essential to focus on personal growth rather than seeking validation from others, especially women. These extracurricular activities should be about developing yourself, not about impressing, attracting, and chasing others. As another poster pointed out, attraction often comes when you’re genuinely passionate or exceptional at something—trying too hard typically backfires (Again, the post I linked that I am not sure you read).

Another thing, it seems you’re scared of confronting many aspects of your life, which leads to a reliance on shields like coping mechanisms. Setbacks do happen, and it teaches resilience, a crucial trait reflecting self-sufficiency and maturity.

But lastly, it’s concerning that you're depending on external validation to feel good about yourself. True confidence comes from within. If you feel unmotivated, insecure, or fearful, it’s unlikely anyone else will fill that void for you. Remember, people are drawn to those who lead with purpose and confidence, not those who appear dependent or fearful. You need more genuine masculinity—embracing responsibility, resilience, and the courage to fail and try again.

To be honest, I don’t think you are here for the right reasons, and not sure why you would give advice to watch ASMR videos for personal growth in a seduction forum where the focus should be on confidence and skills; these videos might not lead to a meaningful change needed to attract women. If after all these years you have not taken any steps to growth it raises the question of whether you are truly invested in improving yourself.

Maybe there are better support systems or mentors than what we have here quite frankly.

 

[GoodMan32]

He is socializing with an East European group. Therefore, as based on your suggestions, he is already taking the steps. The problem, is when you are taking the right steps, and you get a bad hit like that, that could feel discouraging. Therefore, copes are a solution get a temporary relief, and continue the course of doing the right things.

Again, same issue can happen at fitness. If you go to the GYM, and then have a bad approach with a woman at the GYM, end up having to cancel your GYM membership and go to another GYM then that could be an issue there. Same thing with hobbies. Whatever actifvities you find yourself doing, if there are women involved in the activities, then there is a potential to feel bad.

Like take my example, I go to work to learn a "living" (it's steady pay at least, just not enough with the inflation, etc...), and that is the right thing to do. But as there are women also going to work, and working at different capacities in the organization, then there is a potential to misinterpret things and feel bad for yourself as well.

At the end of the day, engaging in activities does not shield you from women or social dyanamics involving women. If you can't handle it, then you have to find ways of coping with it until it doesn't bother you anymore. With me, it might be certain types of videos or playlists. With others it might be something else.

You make an excellent point that we run the risk of having to cancel our gym membership if we get rejected by a woman at the gym (Since I have a gym in the building where I live, I have no need to get a gym membership in the first place. But I get your point)

To apply your point on a broader scale, any time you get rejected by a woman through a social activity you partake in, you then have to quit whatever social activity. That's why even though I've been told I should join some social group to meet a woman, I'm reluctant. Statistically, if I were to go the social group route, I'm probably going to get rejected (thus have to quit the group) before I manage to find the "right" woman through the social group. So why bother joining?

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Unfortunately not in my experience.

Well, maybe you should be working on your charm instead of watching ASMR videos and amassing more information on seduction than you can handle.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

To be honest, I don’t think you are here for the right reasons, and not sure why you would give advice to watch ASMR videos for personal growth in a seduction forum where the focus should be on confidence and skills; these videos might not lead to a meaningful change needed to attract women. If after all these years you have not taken any steps to growth it raises the question of whether you are truly invested in improving yourself.

You're not the first to make that observation.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

To apply your point on a broader scale, any time you get rejected by a woman through a social activity you partake in, you then have to quit whatever social activity. That's why even though I've been told I should join some social group to meet a woman, I'm reluctant.

What is this retarded notion that you have to quit the group where a woman rejected you? Why would you do that? If you act like a normal person who can handle rejection, you can stay with the group. All a rejection means is that a woman doesn't want to do the romance thing with you. It doesn't mean you have to flee her vicinity. You can still talk with her, as long as you don't hit on her.

Statistically, if I were to go the social group route, I'm probably going to get rejected (thus have to quit the group) before I manage to find the "right" woman through the social group.

If you behave like a desperate incel, probably yes, but if you try and act normal for the first thirty days, you will probably be able to figure out which women might like you and which ones you shouldn't approach. For most people that would take like 5-10 days, but if you don't understand social dynamics it might take a little longer. So join a group and don't hit on any of the women before you know if they want you to hit on them.

 

[Clockwerk50]

You're not the first to make that observation.

His advise for OP was to watch ASMR videos. Then, he explains his procedure in how he likes to hump his pillow.

I don’t know if anyone sees something wrong with this. Other seduction forums, in Reddit or in other websites that I don’t want to mention since they are the competition, would have kicked this type of mentality out of the door by now.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

I don’t know if anyone sees something wrong with this. Other seduction forums, in Reddit or in other websites that I don’t want to mention since they are the competition, would have kicked this type of mentality out of the door by now.

Don't anger the whiny members, they will complain to the moderators about your bullying and get you banned. Much better to ignore them.

 

[MatureDJ]

You make an excellent point that we run the risk of having to cancel our gym membership if we get rejected by a woman at the gym (Since I have a gym in the building where I live, I have no need to get a gym membership in the first place. But I get your point)

To apply your point on a broader scale, any time you get rejected by a woman through a social activity you partake in, you then have to quit whatever social activity. That's why even though I've been told I should join some social group to meet a woman, I'm reluctant. Statistically, if I were to go the social group route, I'm probably going to get rejected (thus have to quit the group) before I manage to find the "right" woman through the social group. So why bother joining?

Yes, this is an idea that I have contemplated - that because if a social-group attempt at dating fails, it's like that social-group has been poisoned to some degree. This leads to either picking up strangers, or someone who is marginally attached to a social-group (like a friend of someone in the social-group) and just happened to be at some get-together.

 

[MatureDJ]

His advise for OP was to watch ASMR videos. Then, he explains his procedure in how he likes to hump his pillow.

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=sexy+anime+body+pillow&crid=3MCV0UBUSTFPC&sprefix=sexy+anime+body+pillow

I for one cannot see how taking a chick back to your place and having this around would not cause the chick to flee in terror.

Here's a reddit post about the shame:

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/8x12bm

 

[corrector]

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=sexy+anime+body+pillow&crid=3MCV0UBUSTFPC&sprefix=sexy+anime+body+pillow

I for one cannot see how taking a chick back to your place and having this around would not cause the chick to flee in terror.

Here's a reddit post about the shame:

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/8x12bm

I don't use that type of pillowcase. Just a one colour pillow. You can use your imagination to make it anything you want. The co-worker at the office. The lady, at the social event, that did not give you that hug. A nice lady talking to you through the ASMR video telling you how amazing you are. Whatever you want.

 

[BaronOfHair]

This made me think of my favorite Black-Pill movie scene, where one of the main characters (Raphael) was always talking to a lot of women, but they would not acknowledge his presence...

He was a turtle, pursuing human women... THAT'S what destroyed his chances for success

 

[GoodMan32]

What is this retarded notion that you have to quit the group where a woman rejected you? Why would you do that? If you act like a normal person who can handle rejection, you can stay with the group. All a rejection means is that a woman doesn't want to do the romance thing with you. It doesn't mean you have to flee her vicinity. You can still talk with her, as long as you don't hit on her.


If you behave like a desperate incel, probably yes, but if you try and act normal for the first thirty days, you will probably be able to figure out which women might like you and which ones you shouldn't approach. For most people that would take like 5-10 days, but if you don't understand social dynamics it might take a little longer. So join a group and don't hit on any of the women before you know if they want you to hit on them.

I'm aware not everyone would quit a social group over a rejection. All I'm saying is I would quit the group. As for why, a guy with as much luck as you wouldn't understand. When every rejection from classmates in middle school/high school/college was along the lines of "Ew, no, you're the freak of the school/department. No girl would possibly want you," that's the type of thing that sticks with you. If I got a social group rejection, I'd feel like the freaky creep of the social group.

As for gauging which group members might be into me, that brings me to another problem I deal with. The more convinced I am a woman is into me, the less likely I am to make a move on her (because if it turned out I misread her interest level, I'd be reminded of what an autistic idiot I am).

With a cold approach on a total stranger, on the other hand, I have no reason to think she's into me (thus no reason to feel like an autistic idiot if I get a rejection). So I'm more open to cold approaches.

It's a real catch 22 though. You're way more likely to succeed with a woman from some social group you belong to than with a total stranger. But even if I'd have a (let's say) 75% chance of success with a woman from a hypothetical social group I were to join, and only a 5% chance of success with a cold approach on a total stranger, that 25% chance of failure with the social group woman would deter me (whereas the 95% chance of failure with the total stranger is less likely to deter me)

 

[Clockwerk50]

Don't anger the whiny members, they will complain to the moderators about your bullying and get you banned. Much better to ignore them.

Thank you for your advice. I’m putting the three musketeers on ignore/blocked/mute effective immediately. My mental health can’t handle any more of this nonsense, and I can’t afford another unproductive day like today, especially when I’m not benefiting from it.

It’s all in your hands now, sensei.

 

[corrector]

I'm aware not everyone would quit a social group over a rejection. All I'm saying is I would quit the group. As for why, a guy with as much luck as you wouldn't understand. When every rejection from classmates in middle school/high school/college was along the lines of "Ew, no, you're the freak of the school/department. No girl would possibly want you," that's the type of thing that sticks with you. If I got a social group rejection, I'd feel like the freaky creep of the social group.

I have less luck then you do and I understand where you are coming from. However, if I thought like you, then I would have resigned from my job. What I'm saying, is sometimes you have to roll with the punches. Sometimes life has a way of helping you out when everything is going wrong and everything is about to blow up in your face. I still had short-lived friendships with other co-workers, I'm talking to another co-worker now, and there was another lady co-worker that I had a recent connection with which was also nice with me.

With my 2-day of no-interaction ASMR rules, officially, I have not had two straight days of no interactions where I'd allow myself to watch these types of videos in a very long time. What I'm saying is things are not as bad as they are. If you have some coping mechanism to just go over a short-lived hump or inconvenience, you'll find that you are still here and something unexpected might happen to even the scales.

Your mechanism is you have a human therapist you are seeing. You should see if he can help you to develop coping strategies to deal with this 25% thing. You are already escortcelling so you know you can still deal with women even if you get rejected by women.

As for gauging which group members might be into me, that brings me to another problem I deal with. The more convinced I am a woman is into me, the less likely I am to make a move on her (because if it turned out I misread her interest level, I'd be reminded of what an autistic idiot I am).

With a cold approach on a total stranger, on the other hand, I have no reason to think she's into me (thus no reason to feel like an autistic idiot if I get a rejection). So I'm more open to cold approaches.

It's a real catch 22 though. You're way more likely to succeed with a woman from some social group you belong to than with a total stranger. But even if I'd have a (let's say) 75% chance of success with a woman from a hypothetical social group I were to join, and only a 5% chance of success with a cold approach on a total stranger, that 25% chance of failure with the social group woman would deter me (whereas the 95% chance of failure with the total stranger is less likely to deter me)

Again, you need to learn how to cope with things are going wrong and compartmentalize it so it doesn't bring down the whole ship. Plug holes in the ship so to speak to reduce the sinking or keep it afloat.

You have the following copes:
1) A male therapist you are consulting with.
2) Escortcelling

You don't think you can beat the 25% with this? My copes seem to be working for me and I don't exercise those options you have.

You'll find that if you get rejected....maybe you might get a break somewhere else with another lady. At least you are not living in fear.

For example, the place where I asked that lady to go to together in that office with? I ended up going there as a group with my work-team, and was close to another younger girl co-worker, who was nice and close with me at that time, while going on that particular trip. That's what I'm talking about when I say breaks.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

I'm aware not everyone would quit a social group over a rejection. All I'm saying is I would quit the group.

No, that's not what you're saying. You say:

To apply your point on a broader scale, any time you get rejected by a woman through a social activity you partake in, you then have to quit whatever social activity.

If you mean that YOU are unable to stay in a group where someone rejected you, you should've written:
"To apply your point on a broader scale, any time I get rejected by a woman through a social activity I partake in, I then have to quit whatever social activity."
Don't make the nonsense that you do into a 'rule' or 'advice' by saying 'you have to' when you mean 'I have to'.

As for why, a guy with as much luck as you wouldn't understand.

Luck? If it wasn't for bad luck, I wouldn't have no luck at all.

When every rejection from classmates in middle school/high school/college was along the lines of "Ew, no, you're the freak of the school/department. No girl would possibly want you," that's the type of thing that sticks with you. If I got a social group rejection, I'd feel like the freaky creep of the social group.

No, you're absolutely right. None of the other members here were ever bullied in school.

As for gauging which group members might be into me, that brings me to another problem I deal with. The more convinced I am a woman is into me, the less likely I am to make a move on her (because if it turned out I misread her interest level, I'd be reminded of what an autistic idiot I am).

So wtf are you doing here? If you cannot learn how to act like a normal person, you're better off on a forum that makes being autistic more comfortable for you.


I don't think anyone here can give you advice, since none of the advice you've been given has spurned you into action.