What to do now - dont want to make mistake

[TheGambino]

Met this girl on vacation in Spain 2 weeks ago. Shes dutch too.

From the moment I met her we clicked, same life believes, goals, values.
We met in a club, started dancing, having fun. She was with a friend and I asked her to our place we rented. She hesitated a lot saying she's not that kind of girl etc etc but they came. Loads of fun and making out all evening.
From that day I saw her for 5 days in a row. Problem was her friend didn't like my friends anymore because they tried to escalate but she didn't want to go all the way.

My girl says things like, Lets see how you do, if were a real fit longterm. Asking me deep and a lot of questions indicating she is trying to find out if im a ltr partner for her. Just a girl with high interest. She also shared some real deep things about her past, that she had an abusive ex who beat her up a lot... and also stalked her.

I played it very cool, not giving any impression about our future, she asked for my IG and snapchat and phone number, didn't hang around her, left her be at some points so that she came to me when we were out, and she became mad once because I didn't walk with her to the toilet.. Anyhow believe me I played it like a pro when we were together.

We hooked up on day 3, and again on day 5. Kissing, holding hands bla die bla everyday, grinding, dancing. Cex was amazing, made her squirt so thats all good.

fourth day I took her and her friend to a restaurant and it was great. After that day my girl even send me a picture and told me to put it on my homescreen on my phone and blowing up my phone with sweet texts. That evening she got in a beef with her friend because her friend told her your going with him everyday and I dont want to see them anymore, she chose to go out with me and had a mad conversation with her friend. Anyhow two things happened that day.

We made a picture and it happened to be a very bad picture, I didnt look good on it and I just know that my girl really didnt like it also. It seems nonsense but it really affected her a bit. Also that night we went out the 5th day, (my buddies my girl and me) a girl came to our table, invited by my friend, she flirted with me and I ignored her the whole evening. Then my girl says ''that girl just asked me why im with you, she says im better looking then you and that I can do better, how rude. I told her to f8ck off and that I like grown up real men''. I told that girl to fvck off from our table, maybe I shouldve just laughed it off but whatever. Anytime a guy came to her and that happened a lot, she ran to me or hide behide me, that made me feel good.

That night I asked her over to my place and she did, we had cex again and next day her friend called all mad that shes booking a flight back if my girl didnt go to her, so I dropped her off. I planned on going back that evening but I didnt book a flight back yet, my girl says i see you in holland, kisses me etc.

My buddy wanted to add 2 more days to the vacation and I agreed, maybe also this scared my girl off thinking that I was staying because of her, but im assuming that, we really enjoyed Spain so it wasnt because of her, we had nothing to do anyway that weekend so we stayed.

From that point on she backed off a bit. No texts, no snapchats, later to replie. I asked her out the next day in Spain but she says nooo were going to take it easy tonight. I added a new girl on instagram that evening and had fun with her in the club all night.

My girl did text me that night that shes home I replied next day because it was 5.00

I left my girl be. Next day my buddy and I go out for the last day of our vacation to a club and shes there with her friend. They were with a whole group of people, girls and guys. I went to her once kissed and she gave me her cheek. I just went on my business that evening.

On the flight home I get a weird text from a dutch phonenumber with ''hey this is camilla from spain, are you back home?'' and ''im interested in getting to know you'''. Thats my girl, trying to see if I will fall in this stupid trap. I replied im not interested and deleted the number.


Were both back home and she lives 1 hour away. She texts me everyday, we call a couple of times. She says she has a problem, her salon is very warm and that the wimpers and nails don't stick on the clients and she was upset that her clients would not come back. I thought a long time and decided to send her an mobile airconditing. I have one in my garage i never use it so I wanted to help her out. Also i got a business and money so I dont really care. She sends a lot of texts thankyou so much, I love it blablablabla.

She calls me and I ask her out. She says when? I say next week. She says ''I dont know my work schedule yet''. She has a hair salon and I can see her schedule on instagram, it's really busy but still a girl with sky high interest will make it fit, im not stupid. I just say okay, which day? but she doesnt name a day at that moment and tells me she has to know her schedule so she can commit to it. I say ok no worries talk a bit more and hang up.

But I felt that after day 5 in Spain and her beef with her friend, bad picture of us and what happened her interest lowered somewhat.

Now our last contact was saturdaynight, she says sleepwell xx and I say sleepwell with a blowkiss but she never opens/read that text. Its still grey from saturday. I posted loads of stories on my snap of me having fun with friends, she checks everything but thats it. (but she never commented on my stories, also in spain she didnt).

So now were silent since last saturday/ our phone call was thursday.

Would you call her this evening and try one more time to meet up or just outwait her?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

What's next is you are likely going to get needy and end up scaring her away if past interactions are any indication.

 

[TheGambino]

What's next is you are likely going to get needy and end up scaring her away if past interactions are any indication.

Your one of the most experienced and with wisdom filled guys out there. Please explain some more what you mean, i would appreciate it so much man

 

[Bingo-Player]

You're in way too deep she can sense it and is trying to take control of the frame

She also shared some real deep things about her past, that she had an abusive ex who beat her up a lot... and also stalked her.

This isn't good even if consciously she thinks shes over it , sub consciously women tend to hold trauma for these kinds of things for most of their lives and it almost ALWAYS leads to an excuse for bad behaviour .....

She calls me and I ask her out. She says when? I say next week. She says ''I dont know my work schedule yet''. She has a hair salon and I can see her schedule on instagram, it's really busy but still a girl with sky high interest will make it fit, im not stupid. I just say okay, which day? but she doesnt name a day at that moment and tells me she has to know her schedule so she can commit to it. I say ok no worries talk a bit more and hang up.

Which is what's going on here ^^

------------------------------------

Here's my advice

Ghost

No contact 2 weeks , do not post anything on social media and if you do don't let her see it

Let her miss you and let the emotions cool down for both of you

You probably won't listen but that is what you need to do

 

[TheGambino]

You're in way too deep she can sense it and is trying to take control of the frame



This isn't good even if consciously she thinks shes over it , sub consciously women tend to hold trauma for these kinds of things for most of their lives and it almost ALWAYS leads to an excuse for bad behaviour .....



Which is what's going on here ^^

------------------------------------

Here's my advice

Ghost

No contact 2 weeks , do not post anything on social media and if you do don't let her see it

Let her miss you and let the emotions cool down for both of you

You probably won't listen but that is what you need to do

I will

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

My girl says things like, Lets see how you do, if were a real fit longterm. Asking me deep and a lot of questions indicating she is trying to find out if im a ltr partner for her. Just a girl with high interest.

So, how did your job interview go? Did you tell her about your stretch in prison? Shared other vulnerabilities?
This not just 'a girl with high interest'. She was reviewing your job application.

She also shared some real deep things about her past, that she had an abusive ex who beat her up a lot... and also stalked her.

Apart from the light this puts her in ("I'm crap at choosing who I'm attracted to"), I'm not sure if she was being honest. Basic psychology 101 is to share something that makes you seem vulnerable and trusting and as a result the other party will feel compelled to share their vulnerabilities.

You still seem to take what people/women say at 'face value' without wondering about her motivation to share this with you. Maybe you should follow a course in psychology 101, because that would lay bare her motivations in every part of the interaction.

 

[TheGambino]

So, how did your job interview go? Did you tell her about your stretch in prison? Shared other vulnerabilities?
This not just 'a girl with high interest'. She was reviewing your job application.


Apart from the light this puts her in ("I'm crap at choosing who I'm attracted to"), I'm not sure if she was being honest. Basic psychology 101 is to share something that makes you seem vulnerable and trusting and as a result the other party will feel compelled to share their vulnerabilities.

You still seem to take what people/women say at 'face value' without wondering about her motivation to share this with you. Maybe you should follow a course in psychology 101, because that would lay bare her motivations in every part of the interaction.

Thanks @amsterdamassasin

I learned from my mistakes and told her almost nothing about myself. Just listened to her and told basic stuff that will make me a good fit.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

I learned from my mistakes and told her almost nothing about myself. Just listened to her and told basic stuff that will make me a good fit.

Sounds like progress.

 

[TheGambino]

Sounds like progress.

Also it took me two days for her to tell her about her abusive ex. I kept asking what it was and she told me after two days. So she didn’t want to share it so quickly.

She probably tells that because she’s scared she meets someone who does the same and is a stalker.

Self defence.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Also it took me two days for her to tell her about her abusive ex. I kept asking what it was and she told me after two days. So she didn’t want to share it so quickly.
She probably tells that because she’s scared she meets someone who does the same and is a stalker.
Self defence.

No, that's not what happened.

Look closely:
"Also it took me two days for her to tell her about her abusive ex. I kept asking what it was and she told me after two days. So she didn’t want to share it so quickly."

She made you wait two days before she spilled her guts, but you already knew there was something. The waiting period is for you to take her more seriously when she finally tells you about her shameful past.

"She probably tells that because she’s scared she meets someone who does the same and is a stalker."

No, because she already knows whether she should be scared of you. She tells you this to give her future justification to come down on anything disagreeable you might do and to manipulate you into doing her bidding, because 'you know what I was abused, so of course I have trust issues'.

Sounds far-fetched, doesn't it? Well, maybe it is, but you may want to ask yourself: "WHY is she telling me this?"

 

[TheGambino]

No, that's not what happened.

Look closely:
"Also it took me two days for her to tell her about her abusive ex. I kept asking what it was and she told me after two days. So she didn’t want to share it so quickly."

She made you wait two days before she spilled her guts, but you already knew there was something. The waiting period is for you to take her more seriously when she finally tells you about her shameful past.

"She probably tells that because she’s scared she meets someone who does the same and is a stalker."

No, because she already knows whether she should be scared of you. She tells you this to give her future justification to come down on anything disagreeable you might do and to manipulate you into doing her bidding, because 'you know what I was abused, so of course I have trust issues'.

Sounds far-fetched, doesn't it? Well, maybe it is, but you may want to ask yourself: "WHY is she telling me this?"

Thanks for the insights. I will keep this in mind.
We disagree a lot you guys were harsh on me but I love all of ya.

 

[Rainman4707]

Met this girl on vacation in Spain 2 weeks ago. Shes dutch too.

From the moment I met her we clicked, same life believes, goals, values.
We met in a club, started dancing, having fun. She was with a friend and I asked her to our place we rented. She hesitated a lot saying she's not that kind of girl etc etc but they came. Loads of fun and making out all evening.
From that day I saw her for 5 days in a row. Problem was her friend didn't like my friends anymore because they tried to escalate but she didn't want to go all the way.

My girl says things like, Lets see how you do, if were a real fit longterm. Asking me deep and a lot of questions indicating she is trying to find out if im a ltr partner for her. Just a girl with high interest. She also shared some real deep things about her past, that she had an abusive ex who beat her up a lot... and also stalked her.

I played it very cool, not giving any impression about our future, she asked for my IG and snapchat and phone number, didn't hang around her, left her be at some points so that she came to me when we were out, and she became mad once because I didn't walk with her to the toilet.. Anyhow believe me I played it like a pro when we were together.

We hooked up on day 3, and again on day 5. Kissing, holding hands bla die bla everyday, grinding, dancing. Cex was amazing, made her squirt so thats all good.

fourth day I took her and her friend to a restaurant and it was great. After that day my girl even send me a picture and told me to put it on my homescreen on my phone and blowing up my phone with sweet texts. That evening she got in a beef with her friend because her friend told her your going with him everyday and I dont want to see them anymore, she chose to go out with me and had a mad conversation with her friend. Anyhow two things happened that day.

We made a picture and it happened to be a very bad picture, I didnt look good on it and I just know that my girl really didnt like it also. It seems nonsense but it really affected her a bit. Also that night we went out the 5th day, (my buddies my girl and me) a girl came to our table, invited by my friend, she flirted with me and I ignored her the whole evening. Then my girl says ''that girl just asked me why im with you, she says im better looking then you and that I can do better, how rude. I told her to f8ck off and that I like grown up real men''. I told that girl to fvck off from our table, maybe I shouldve just laughed it off but whatever. Anytime a guy came to her and that happened a lot, she ran to me or hide behide me, that made me feel good.

That night I asked her over to my place and she did, we had cex again and next day her friend called all mad that shes booking a flight back if my girl didnt go to her, so I dropped her off. I planned on going back that evening but I didnt book a flight back yet, my girl says i see you in holland, kisses me etc.

My buddy wanted to add 2 more days to the vacation and I agreed, maybe also this scared my girl off thinking that I was staying because of her, but im assuming that, we really enjoyed Spain so it wasnt because of her, we had nothing to do anyway that weekend so we stayed.

From that point on she backed off a bit. No texts, no snapchats, later to replie. I asked her out the next day in Spain but she says nooo were going to take it easy tonight. I added a new girl on instagram that evening and had fun with her in the club all night.

My girl did text me that night that shes home I replied next day because it was 5.00

I left my girl be. Next day my buddy and I go out for the last day of our vacation to a club and shes there with her friend. They were with a whole group of people, girls and guys. I went to her once kissed and she gave me her cheek. I just went on my business that evening.

On the flight home I get a weird text from a dutch phonenumber with ''hey this is camilla from spain, are you back home?'' and ''im interested in getting to know you'''. Thats my girl, trying to see if I will fall in this stupid trap. I replied im not interested and deleted the number.


Were both back home and she lives 1 hour away. She texts me everyday, we call a couple of times. She says she has a problem, her salon is very warm and that the wimpers and nails don't stick on the clients and she was upset that her clients would not come back. I thought a long time and decided to send her an mobile airconditing. I have one in my garage i never use it so I wanted to help her out. Also i got a business and money so I dont really care. She sends a lot of texts thankyou so much, I love it blablablabla.

She calls me and I ask her out. She says when? I say next week. She says ''I dont know my work schedule yet''. She has a hair salon and I can see her schedule on instagram, it's really busy but still a girl with sky high interest will make it fit, im not stupid. I just say okay, which day? but she doesnt name a day at that moment and tells me she has to know her schedule so she can commit to it. I say ok no worries talk a bit more and hang up.

But I felt that after day 5 in Spain and her beef with her friend, bad picture of us and what happened her interest lowered somewhat.

Now our last contact was saturdaynight, she says sleepwell xx and I say sleepwell with a blowkiss but she never opens/read that text. Its still grey from saturday. I posted loads of stories on my snap of me having fun with friends, she checks everything but thats it. (but she never commented on my stories, also in spain she didnt).

So now were silent since last saturday/ our phone call was thursday.

Would you call her this evening and try one more time to meet up or just outwait her?

No don't call her, seems her interest is low on this one. Let her come to you.

 

[TheGambino]

No don't call her, seems her interest is low on this one. Let her come to you.

I don’t think it’s low interest. We hooked up, I think it’s more that there’s too much emotion, saw eachother so much, came in her life hard and she feels indeed that I’m deeper in it then her so she puts the brakes on to see my true colors and see how she feels about me in a while. Also trying to control frame like someone said.

I think her interest is mediocre at this point. I won’t call, I follow @Bingo-Player advice up and go ghost on social media and all for 2 weeks. Maybe she texts in the meantime.

Also she probably ghosted guys in the past that turned into needy fools, so that’s also a test.

Ofcourse if her interest level was 90-100 she would meet up, so I think I went up to a 9 and back at like a 6 now.

 

[The Duke]

I think you and her both got caught up in the excitement and didn't do a good job controlling the tempo of your budding relationship. Too much, too soon. This always sets a man up for struggles later on.

A woman is looking for a man who is in control of his emotions. She wants a rock. You agreeing to see her as often as you did on vacation doesn't project that you are strong in that area. You need to tell them NO at times. She needs to invest in you, she didn't.

If anything, she is the one that said NO and you did the investing(sending her the A/C). You can't suffocate your relationships and expect them to flourish. Let the woman play her role, and you play yours.

Dangle the carrot in front of them, but let them come to you. Thats how they want it, and thats what works best. They have to invest in you first.

 

[TheGambino]

I think you and her both got caught up in the excitement and didn't do a good job controlling the tempo of your budding relationship. Too much, too soon. This always sets a man up for struggles later on.

A woman is looking for a man who is in control of his emotions. She wants a rock. You agreeing to see her as often as you did on vacation doesn't project that you are strong in that area. You need to tell them NO at times. She needs to invest in you, she didn't.

If anything, she is the one that said NO and you did the investing(sending her the A/C). You can't suffocate your relationships and expect them to flourish. Let the woman play her role, and you play yours.

Dangle the carrot in front of them, but let them come to you. Thats how they want it, and thats what works best. They have to invest in you first.

Exactley I backed down. Let her come to me

 

[Rainman4707]

I don’t think it’s low interest. We hooked up, I think it’s more that there’s too much emotion, saw eachother so much, came in her life hard and she feels indeed that I’m deeper in it then her so she puts the brakes on to see my true colors and see how she feels about me in a while. Also trying to control frame like someone said.

I think her interest is mediocre at this point. I won’t call, I follow @Bingo-Player advice up and go ghost on social media and all for 2 weeks. Maybe she texts in the meantime.

Also she probably ghosted guys in the past that turned into needy fools, so that’s also a test.

Ofcourse if her interest level was 90-100 she would meet up, so I think I went up to a 9 and back at like a 6 now.

Ok, it's frustrating all these games are'nt they, but suppose that's the way the game has to be played.

 

[TheGambino]

Ok, it's frustrating all these games are'nt they, but suppose that's the way the game has to be played.

Very frustrating. Keep grinding, gym, work, life be the best you. That’s what we men need to do.

 

[The Duke]

No offense to any of you guys, I used to be frustrated by it as well.

Once you understand the game to a higher degree and start playing your hand correctly, it won't be frustrating anymore.

Its a turnoff to a woman when you act on your urges and tempations too often, even though they might like it at the moment.

All women want a leader(a solid rock). A leader doesn't give into someones wishes every time. She is looking for someone to define some boundaries, thats how she knows she can have faith in you later on in the relationship.

 

[TheGambino]

No offense to any of you guys, I used to be frustrated by it as well.

Once you understand the game to a higher degree and start playing your hand correctly, it won't be frustrating anymore.

Its a turnoff to a woman when you act on your urges and tempations too often, even though they might like it at the moment.

All women want a leader(a solid rock). A leader doesn't give into someones wishes every time. She is looking for someone to define some boundaries, thats how she knows she can have faith in you later on in the relationship.

Wise words. It’s so true but you let yourself go in the moment because of the fun. But I will do this. It was vacation also normally I would never see a girl so often.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Wise words. It’s so true but you let yourself go in the moment because of the fun. But I will do this. It was vacation also normally I would never see a girl so often.

Vacation is similar to clubs/bar when you meet women.

It's a "fantasy world" where the normal realities don't exist. The club/bar for the night, the vacation for the time they are there.

The biggest mistake is guys think that because something happened on vacation that once they are back in the grind of the real world that things will just continue where they left off.

But that's not how it works. Once vacation ends, you are both in a different world and it's very hard to go from one world to the other no matter what happened or how many times you fvcked her.

High likelihood that you don't see her again. You should never expect anything to last once vacation ends. It's just a different mindset women are in when they are on vacation and they see it as something fun and exciting but then once they go home they are back to their "normal life" and usually the guy on vacation doesn't fit into that life.

Maybe things will be different but you should never expect anything that happens under those circumstances to continue after.

If anything you should keep it casual and light and have no expectations that anything will happen. Anything that does happen from this point forward is a bonus.