Is it even worth it for a guy like me to try with making moves in-person?

[GoodMan32]

It's 2024 and we're talking about 2012 stuff. There's a case to be made that your tactics haven't changed with the times. Tactics tend to need to change more often than overall strategy. Overall strategy is based on fundamentals that tend to shift more slowly.



If you attended college from roughly ages 18-23, talking about college sex experiences isn't as relevant to today. There is a time and place for sharing college sex experiences. We even had a good thread on college sex experiences on this forum.

Observations about college sex life from someone that went to a party school.

I thought I'd share this as someone who went to a party school and was in a fraternity there as well. Not wanting to give too much about myself but I went to UGA and graduated a few years ago. While Athens has its hot girls, I do feel like the quality got worse every year due to the admission...

www.sosuave.net

I am in my early 40s and I attended college from 2001-2005. At this point, when I think about my college sex experience, I realize that some parts of my college sex experience might be dated. A college student today would not be able to use many of the game tactics that I used in the 2001-2005 era.

Also, if a college student is using tech methods to pursue non-college students, that is often a bit problematic and a sign that there are problems with him attracting women on campus.

You described me to a tee when you said a college student using tech methods to pursue non-students is a sign he's having a hard time getting a woman on campus.

I fully admit I had a hard time getting a woman on campus (seeing as the most success I ever had shooting my shot with girls on campus was one girl I got a sexless date from).

I suppose, as you said though, college stories are beside the point once you get to be my age.

 

[SW15]

college stories are beside the point once you get to be my age.

College stories still count as notches now. That isn't taken away. There were some elements of my college sex experience of 2001-2005 that would be relevant to a college student trying to seduce today but much of it wouldn't be relevant.

In terms of thinking about seduction now, my seductions and relationships of 2001-2005 don't greatly influence my decision making today. Occasionally, I am able to draw upon older experiences to support something I still see today, but that doesn't happen as frequently.

If I were in a situation in 2024 where I was trying to have sex with a 40 year old childless woman born in 1984, my experiences with 1984 born women in 2004 when they were 20 aren't going to be as important.

 

[H8CourtshipWithAPassion]

Not trying to bias the audience; merely including relevant information.

Yeah, my case of ASD is high functioning (I found out I was on the spectrum back when they still differentiated between Asperger's and all-out autism. Psychiatrist said I have mild Asperger's).

In a way, the fact my case is mild hurts me even more. Since the average normie would never be able to tell I'm on the spectrum, they get freaked out by my social ineptitude (and apparent creepiness). Because as far as they can tell, I have no reason to be "off." They think I'm simply strange/dangerous (I've even had a woman compare me to Jeffrey Dahmer).

I remember a poster on here once told me I might as well inform women right off the bat that I'm on the spectrum (so they don't get freaked out when my spectrum behavior inevitably comes out). That's problematic too. A lot of normies view being on the spectrum as synonymous with being mentally challenged. I'd rather have normies think I'm strange than mentally challenged. I've never disclosed my spectrum status to any woman I've been interested in.

yeah, its another reminder, well you avoided that, but its not unheard of for lots of men on the spectrum to become wizards, its either the norm or just quite common

 

[GoodMan32]

College stories still count as notches now. That isn't taken away. There were some elements of my college sex experience of 2001-2005 that would be relevant to a college student trying to seduce today but much of it wouldn't be relevant.

In terms of thinking about seduction now, my seductions and relationships of 2001-2005 don't greatly influence my decision making today. Occasionally, I am able to draw upon older experiences to support something I still see today, but that doesn't happen as frequently.

If I were in a situation in 2024 where I was trying to have sex with a 40 year old childless woman born in 1984, my experiences with 1984 born women in 2004 when they were 20 aren't going to be as important.

As for my odds of getting laid at my current age, I thought of one silver lining (as far as my looks). Even though (after seeing what I look like), your assessment of me is average, it's worth keeping in mind that I prefer a significantly older woman.

I imagine an older woman would compare me to men in her age bracket. Even if my looks are average for a man in his early 30s, I'd still look like a young stud to a 50 year old woman, compared to men her age (at least I certainly hope I look better than the typical 50 year old man).

I'm pretty sure that's how I got my affair with the 45 year old married woman back when I was 23. Even an average-looking 23 year old was leaps and bounds better than her 50 year old husband.

Then one silver lining about the creepiness thing: In addition to your comment that I don't look like a creepster, I have a story from this past Halloween. I dressed up as a TV character (for privacy reasons, I don't want to say who). One of the managers at my work said I had that character down to a tee, with the exception of one thing: She said that TV character is creepy, but I'm not creepy.

Why I was unanimously viewed as a creep in high school, yet apparently not by that manager in my office, I'm not quite sure. It's certainly a good sign, however.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Why I was unanimously viewed as a creep in high school, yet apparently not by that manager in my office, I'm not quite sure. It's certainly a good sign, however.

High school attitude is not the same as office work attitude. Also, how do you know it was unanimous? Did everyone chime in, or just the 'attractive' girls?

 

[SW15]

I imagine an older woman would compare me to men in her age bracket. Even if my looks are average for a man in his early 30s, I'd still look like a young stud to a 50 year old woman, compared to men her age (at least I certainly hope I look better than the typical 50 year old man).

I'm pretty sure that's how I got my affair with the 45 year old married woman back when I was 23. Even an average-looking 23 year old was leaps and bounds better than her 50 year old husband.

There's truth to this but it's still not that good. It's not that great of an outcome to be a 20-25 year old male and be having sex with a woman 15-20 years older. While there are situations where a 21 year old male has sex with an attractive 38 year old woman, it would still be better for a 21 year old male to be having sex with an 18-21 year old female. The youthful bodies of 20 year old women are generally more pleasing to the eye than the body of a 38 year old woman, even an attractive and childless 38 year old woman.

Why I was unanimously viewed as a creep in high school, yet apparently not by that manager in my office, I'm not quite sure. It's certainly a good sign, however.

That's not as good of a sign as you think that it is.

When you were in high school, the opinions of your high school classmates were most meaningful. That was your peer group and your likely mating pool.

Additionally, white collar offices are heavily governed by sexual and general harassment rules. Very little said in an office space means anything. Also, that manager at your place of employment is likely a married female with children so she's far from your target market AND she's limited by harassment rules in her speech.

 

[GoodMan32]

High school attitude is not the same as office work attitude. Also, how do you know it was unanimous? Did everyone chime in, or just the 'attractive' girls?

I supposed there's no way to know the creep assessment was 100% unanimous. Every girl I expressed interest in during high school wasn't into me though (And I heard the creepy moniker used to describe me many times. By girls I found attractive, female friends of girls I found attractive, some random girls here and there, and even some male classmates)

 

[GoodMan32]

There's truth to this but it's still not that good. It's not that great of an outcome to be a 20-25 year old male and be having sex with a woman 15-20 years older. While there are situations where a 21 year old male has sex with an attractive 38 year old woman, it would still be better for a 21 year old male to be having sex with an 18-21 year old female. The youthful bodies of 20 year old women are generally more pleasing to the eye than the body of a 38 year old woman, even an attractive and childless 38 year old woman.



That's not as good of a sign as you think that it is.

When you were in high school, the opinions of your high school classmates were most meaningful. That was your peer group and your likely mating pool.

Additionally, white collar offices are heavily governed by sexual and general harassment rules. Very little said in an office space means anything. Also, that manager at your place of employment is likely a married female with children so she's far from your target market AND she's limited by harassment rules in her speech.

With all due respect, I don't see how a 21 year old male having sex with a 38 year old woman is relevant to my current circumstances. I'm in my early 30s (which makes a big difference compared to a 21 year old male, even if early 30s doesn't sound tremendously old). And my target age range is 45 all the way through 60s.

A hot 38 year old woman could easily think she's too good for me. A 50 year old woman, on the other hand (even if her looks are good for 50), isn't able to be as picky as a hot 38 year old woman.

I know most men would say a nice-bodied 21 year old gal is ideal. I know I'm in the minority with my preference for older women. But the fact of the matter is I prefer older.

As for the office vs high school thing, here's another difference (to build upon your example of workplaces being governed by sexual harassment rules): Most men in the modern day don't look for a woman at work. So our chances to show any "creepy" side at work are minimal. If I (or any guy) were to express interest in a lot of female coworkers, I suppose we could easily develop a reputation of being a creep.

 

[SW15]

A 50 year old woman

Let's talk about 50 year old women in general. Most have lost their looks. A 50 year old woman is not a good catch for a 35 year old man. A 35 year old man is better off going for 25-35 year old women.

This conversation is likely coming down to preferences. I prefer women who are younger than I am. Ideally, I would like someone substantially younger, but even somewhat younger is acceptable.

 

[BaronOfHair]

And my target age range is 45 all the way through 60s

Do you now see why the other 99% of humanity finds you creepy, or at the very least too odd to keep company with? Not even being sarcastic here. Re-read what you just admitted to, then ask yourself the following questions:

-"Isn't pretty f-cking weird and aberrant for a guy in his 30s to crave women who could be his mother or even grandmother?"

-"Isn't what I'm doing the male equivalent of a hard bodied piece of ass like Katherine McPhee marrying and having babies with a man in his mid-70s?"

 

[GoodMan32]

Let's talk about 50 year old women in general. Most have lost their looks. A 50 year old woman is not a good catch for a 35 year old man. A 35 year old man is better off going for 25-35 year old women.

This conversation is likely coming down to preferences. I prefer women who are younger than I am. Ideally, I would like someone substantially younger, but even somewhat younger is acceptable.

Once again, I'm aware most men prefer younger (whether it be slightly younger or significantly younger).

But seeing as this thread is about my own quest to find a woman, aren't my preferences the most relevant (in the context of this thread)?

 

[GoodMan32]

Do you now see why the other 99% of humanity finds you creepy, or at the very least too odd to keep company with? Not even being sarcastic here. Re-read what you just admitted to, then ask yourself the following questions:

-"Isn't pretty f-cking weird and aberrant for a guy in his 30s to crave women who could be his mother or even grandmother?"

-"Isn't what I'm doing the male equivalent of a hard bodied piece of ass like Katherine McPhee marrying and having babies with a man in his mid-70s?"

I'm aware my age preferences aren't the norm. That being said, a lot of women (and even some men) would call it creepy if a 45+ year old man was into much younger women. Age gaps can get stigmatized whether a man is going significantly older or significantly younger.

As for the mom/grandma thing, a 45 year old woman is more in older cousin territory for a guy in his early 30s.

A woman in her 50s or 60s could easily be my mom, yeah. But then again, I circle back to the point about how it also sometimes gets called creepy when a man is into a woman young enough to be his daughter. Yet, for some reason, a man being into a woman young enough to be his daughter is somehow more socially acceptable.

The Katherine McPhee analogy is a faulty analogy. She's a beautiful celebrity; of course she'd have no reason to go for an elderly man. I, on the other hand, am a socially awkward nobody.

 

[SW15]

this thread is about my own quest to find a woman, aren't my preferences the most relevant (in the context of this thread)?

Let's say this thread is about your situation right now as a mid-30s male interested in dating substantially older women by initiating in-person approaches.

Approaching women in real life is difficult. In general, it becomes more difficult to find 30s/40s single women through real life methods. It is probably even more difficult to find a woman 45-55 in the real world through approaching who is willing to have any sort of sexual relationship with a man in his early to mid 30s. Additionally, in order to uncover that opportunity, you might have a dynamic personality and be aggressive with approaching a large quantity of women in a combination of nightlife venues and non-bar venues.

 

[BaronOfHair]

I'm aware my age preferences aren't the norm. That being said, a lot of women (and even some men) would call it creepy if a 45+ year old man was into much younger women. Age gaps can get stigmatized whether a man is going significantly older or significantly younger.

As for the mom/grandma thing, a 45 year old woman is more in older cousin territory for a guy in his early 30s.

A woman in her 50s or 60s could easily be my mom, yeah. But then again, I circle back to the point about how it also sometimes gets called creepy when a man is into a woman young enough to be his daughter. Yet, for some reason, a man being into a woman young enough to be his daughter is somehow more socially acceptable.

The Katherine McPhee analogy is a faulty analogy. She's a beautiful celebrity; of course she'd have no reason to go for an elderly man. I, on the other hand, am a socially awkward nobody.

You've got a decision to make here, hombre

-Acknowledge that younger men who lust after women decades his senior end up socially ostracized in almost every human society on Earth, while the reverse (Older guys pairing up with young women)isn't really true at all, then modify your behavior accordingly

-Continue on like you have been, and subsequently remain marginalized


The thought process and actions you're currently engaged in is similar to that portion of the gay community who assert that they SHOULD be able to act like perverts in public and dress like hobos, yet not be viewed with disgust and contempt by the rest of humanity. Good luck with all of that

 

[GoodMan32]

Let's say this thread is about your situation right now as a mid-30s male interested in dating substantially older women by initiating in-person approaches.

Approaching women in real life is difficult. In general, it becomes more difficult to find 30s/40s single women through real life methods. It is probably even more difficult to find a woman 45-55 in the real world through approaching who is willing to have any sort of sexual relationship with a man in his early to mid 30s. Additionally, in order to uncover that opportunity, you might have a dynamic personality and be aggressive with approaching a large quantity of women in a combination of nightlife venues and non-bar venues.

Yeah, I'd say the thread is about me wanting to find significantly older women (and I guess I will leave it up to the posters to decide if a 32, soon to be 33, year old man is early 30s or mid 30s).

In addition to in person approaches, I'm also open to:

• hookup websites (there are probably hookup websites specifically for cougars)
• Having the woman approach me (I got a date with an older woman back in 2018 this way. She never gave her exact age, nor did I ask. I would guess she was 50-ish)
• Allowing it to just sort of happen, with neither of us really making the move (The woman I had my last free sex with falls into this category; and she'd be 45 now, she was 42 at the time. The woman I had my 2nd to last free sex with way back in 2015 fell into this category too. She was 42 at the time, would be in her 50s by now)

I'm curious as to your comment about how hard it would be to find 45-55 year old women open to a sexual relationship with a man my age. If I'm understanding correctly, are you saying a woman that age is less likely to be down for casual sex to begin with, and even less likely to be dtf a man more than a decade younger than her?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

With all due respect, I don't see how a 21 year old male having sex with a 38 year old woman is relevant to my current circumstances. I'm in my early 30s (which makes a big difference compared to a 21 year old male, even if early 30s doesn't sound tremendously old). And my target age range is 45 all the way through 60s.

A hot 38 year old woman could easily think she's too good for me. A 50 year old woman, on the other hand (even if her looks are good for 50), isn't able to be as picky as a hot 38 year old woman.

I know most men would say a nice-bodied 21 year old gal is ideal. I know I'm in the minority with my preference for older women. But the fact of the matter is I prefer older.

As for the office vs high school thing, here's another difference (to build upon your example of workplaces being governed by sexual harassment rules): Most men in the modern day don't look for a woman at work. So our chances to show any "creepy" side at work are minimal. If I (or any guy) were to express interest in a lot of female coworkers, I suppose we could easily develop a reputation of being a creep.

Your problem is you have an inferiority complex and that makes you ugly in everyone's eyes, mens included.

No woman wants a guy who has zero self confidence and who thinks she is too good for him.

 

[GoodMan32]

You've got a decision to make here, hombre

-Acknowledge that younger men who lust after women decades his senior end up socially ostracized in almost every human society on Earth, while the reverse (Older guys pairing up with young women)isn't really true at all, then modify your behavior accordingly

-Continue on like you have been, and subsequently remain marginalized


The thought process and actions you're currently engaged in is similar to that portion of the gay community who assert that they SHOULD be able to act like perverts in public and dress like hobos, yet not be viewed with disgust and contempt by the rest of humanity. Good luck with all of that

I get what you're saying. It's pretty taboo for a man my age to get with a woman in her 60s (my upper limit).

That being said, it's worth taking into account that my preference starts at 45. There's a huge difference between a 45 year old woman and a woman in her 60s. A 45 year old woman is still young (and a 45 year old woman only has a little more than a decade on me).

Put another way: I don't think getting with a 45 year old woman at my age carries nearly the same stigma as getting with a woman in her 60s.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I get what you're saying. It's pretty taboo for a man my age to get with a woman in her 60s (my upper limit).

That being said, it's worth taking into account that my preference starts at 45. There's a huge difference between a 45 year old woman and a woman in her 60s. A 45 year old woman is still young (and a 45 year old woman only has a little more than a decade on me).

Put another way: I don't think getting with a 45 year old woman at my age carries nearly the same stigma as getting with a woman in her 60s.

Honestly the amount of rationization and justification you are doing is making me physically sick almost.

It's been a long time since I have seen this many excuses in one thread from the same person.

I'm out. You can't be helped with your current mindset and that's a shame because you are doing to to yourself.

 

[SW15]

hookup websites (there are probably hookup websites specifically for cougars)

There is a website called CougarLife, which is supposed to match cougars and cubs. A quick Google search shows website results with the feedback that men greatly outnumber women on CougarLife and that it is mostly a waste of time.

Having the woman approach me (I got a date with an older woman back in 2018 this way. She never gave her exact age, nor did I ask. I would guess she was 50-ish)

Allowing it to just sort of happen, with neither of us really making the move (The woman I had my last free sex with falls into this category; and she'd be 45 now, she was 42 at the time. The woman I had my 2nd to last free sex with way back in 2015 fell into this category too. She was 42 at the time, would be in her 50s by now)

Both of these paths are unlikely to happen for most men. The only men who might get approached by some higher sex drive women seeking younger men are men in the 90th percentile + in looks. Also these men are likely under 26-27. You've likely aged out of that category by now and aren't good looking enough for that to happen.

A man seeking an older woman might get fortunate enough with approaching strangers to make it happen. It would take a lot of approaches, a dynamic personality, and better than average looks. This is most likely to happen in a bar environment but there are a few non-bar environments where it could also happen.

I'm curious as to your comment about how hard it would be to find 45-55 year old women open to a sexual relationship with a man my age. If I'm understanding correctly, are you saying a woman that age is less likely to be down for casual sex to begin with, and even less likely to be dtf a man more than a decade younger than her?

Generally speaking, it's going to be more difficult than average to find a 45-55 year old who is...

• Unattached and available
• Not seeking a longer term relationship
• Open to men 10+ years younger

A woman possessing these 3 attributes in that age range is rarer.

younger men who lust after women decades his senior end up socially ostracized in almost every human society on Earth, while the reverse (Older guys pairing up with young women)isn't really true at all

It's less common behavior for younger men to lust after women 10+ years older.

I tend to give much younger men (18-25) a bit of a pass on doing that if it is a shorter term thing. It is best for younger men to seek out young women close to his own age. However, it can be an interesting life experience to have sex with an attractive, much older woman (think 33-44) while he's still in his late teens/early 20s for a short period of time. When a man is 26+, he has enough selection of younger women near his own age.

The gynocentric social order in Western nations does give older men a rough time for dating substantially younger women.

 

[HaleyBaron]

Keeping to the thread topic...

The onus is always on us guys to make moves. Even if you fail, that is what it means to be a man. Even someone like me who tends to just let women come to him or don't try to openly flirt with women often during social situations, I still suggest all men to pursue the girls they want. And if she says no or rejects it, just let it go and move on. A lot of boys aren't trained to have that backbone.

It is not like I do not sympathize however. Approaching a random girl cause you want to **** her is a hard thing to sell. It always easier to know someone first before you do anything sexually. I've learned that random hookups pale in comparison to ****ing a girl I've known for a while and have some sexual tension going. Trying to stay out of their friendzone while keeping the possibility open that one day we are going to ****. Some men fail this part trying to befriend women like their guy friends. Do not do this.