Did I make a mistake not making a move?

[Gamisch]

Based on the above info, she's definitely not relationship material because she's a hoe with baggage.


That comment is the tip of the iceberg.

I don't understand the anger OP displays at a random woman he ain't even fecking yet, not even talking to, dating nothing.

If a man looks for a wife he should definitely first run through multiple different woman and eventually pick the best.

Swear modern males are lost. It's a sad sight.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

I am not in the friend zone.

You come across as an orbiter.

Up until that point she had shown more interest in me than the other way around (and that's true even today).

In your mind perhaps, but if a woman is truly attracted to you, she won't play games.

This is what I'm saying, I was vetting a serious relationship with her. I know that she's interested. I'm just trying to figure out if I'd be better off avoiding entirely because of what she said.

Mental masturbation coupled with an attempt to disqualify her so you don't have to risk rejection with an approach. You're acting like a woman.

I don't understand the anger OP displays at a random woman he ain't even fecking yet, not even talking to, dating nothing.

If a man looks for a wife he should definitely first run through multiple different woman and eventually pick the best.

Swear modern males are lost. It's a sad sight.

This. Letter for letter.

Too many people play out relationships in their imagination more than in reality. Pretty much all you think about this girl is conjecture and assumptions. Date her, have sex with her, then come back. And realise that this thread is you being too insecure to date and face possible rejection. If you don't shoot your shot, you will always miss.

 

[Gamisch]

You come across as an orbiter.


In your mind perhaps, but if a woman is truly attracted to you, she won't play games.


Mental masturbation coupled with an attempt to disqualify her so you don't have to risk rejection with an approach. You're acting like a woman.


This. Letter for letter.

Too many people play out relationships in their imagination more than in reality. Pretty much all you think about this girl is conjecture and assumptions. Date her, have sex with her, then come

back. And realise that this thread is you being too insecure to date and face possible rejection. If you don't shoot your shot, you will always miss.

Another thing, that should be a cliche but the sad state of mem makes it a golden nugget; once you have one fish you can use it as bait to catch more,bigger and better fishes.

Imagine OP sat across her literally still snelling like "fish" ,phone buzzing every now and then. Looking at female colleague low key like you wanna blow her back out while remaining professional and aloof. The whole interaction but also the judgement would be completely different.

I learned the hard way to never seriously date a woman you resented from the get go just because "she's there". Eventually you'll never be able to really let go of her past.

Instead of wanting her as a wife he should just want to tap her, and even that is debatable as my opinion is you should NEVER mingle personal love relationships and work. Also means be careful about sleeping with friends /sisters / nieces from colleagues .can still backfire. Just ain't worth the trouble when it all falls down.

 

[itouchyou]

You come across as an orbiter.


In your mind perhaps, but if a woman is truly attracted to you, she won't play games.


Mental masturbation coupled with an attempt to disqualify her so you don't have to risk rejection with an approach. You're acting like a woman.


This. Letter for letter.

Too many people play out relationships in their imagination more than in reality. Pretty much all you think about this girl is conjecture and assumptions. Date her, have sex with her, then come back. And realise that this thread is you being too insecure to date and face possible rejection. If you don't shoot your shot, you will always miss.

Orbiter.. lol. Bro I barely talk to the girl. Bare minimum effort.

I'm being cautious because she lives in my building and I see her all the time.

Also I don't resent or am angry with this woman, lol what? Promiscuity is just something I wouldn't accept, hence the thread I made to figure out the reality of why she said what she said. It just doesn't add up.


Anyways, this thread seems to have run it's course. Thanks everyone for the advice.

 

[SW15]

Always make a move when you sense an opportunity.

 

[Solomon]

OP you're not sleeping with this girl or even dating her yet you're worried about things, for all you know this girl may not even want you like that

The mental energy you're exerting on this is already dooming you to failure in this situation, it's best to move on cause you ain't ready

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Also I don't resent or am angry with this woman, lol what? Promiscuity is just something I wouldn't accept, hence the thread I made to figure out the reality of why she said what she said. It just doesn't add up.

It doesn't 'add up' because you're going on limited information. Had you become intimate with her, you might have figured out what's going on, but since you're only observing her and making assumptions, you're behaving like a woman. You're in your head too much and you don't take action. And then you share your meagre findings here in order to get some kind of committee consensus, again like a woman with her girlfriends.
And the worst thing is that you don't seem to realise this and the moment someone confronts you, you become passive-aggressive, just like a woman.

So maybe you should follow your cojones on this one and not ask us to tell you whether you should take the risk.

 

[pipeman84]

You don't vet a woman for any sort of relationship before you even go on a single date with her, let alone a "serious relationship". WTF are you talking about?

Your job is to go out with her, have fun and fvck the life out of her so she sees stars and gets all gooey inside when she thinks of last night with you while she lies in bed trying to sleep the next day. Then rinse and repeat until she tries to lock you down. Then you decide whether she is worth giving up your freedom for.

Had you become intimate with her, you might have figured out what's going on, but since you're only observing her and making assumptions, you're behaving like a woman.

I don't see the logic in this line of thinking. OP has mentioned in post #10 that he's looking for a woman he could bring home to meet his mother, a potential wife. If the red flags are glaringly obvious on first meeting her and talking in a group setting, how would anything change if he were to date her and have sex?

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

If the red flags are glaringly obvious on first meeting her and talking in a group setting, how would anything change if he were to date her and have sex?

Because you don't really know someone before you've seen them privately. By the way, I said 'become intimate' which is not the same as having sex. More about 'creating sexual tension / lust'. Since she's talking publicly about sex, talking privately about sexual intimacy shouldn't be too difficult.

 

[pipeman84]

Because you don't really know someone before you've seen them privately. By the way, I said 'become intimate' which is not the same as having sex. More about 'creating sexual tension / lust'. Since she's talking publicly about sex, talking privately about sexual intimacy shouldn't be too difficult.

OK, but the career type, masculine woman vibe and that comment about hooking up with the car mechanic are strong enough red flags/dead end road signs for someone who is looking for marriage material.

 

[itouchyou]

It doesn't 'add up' because you're going on limited information. Had you become intimate with her, you might have figured out what's going on, but since you're only observing her and making assumptions, you're behaving like a woman. You're in your head too much and you don't take action. And then you share your meagre findings here in order to get some kind of committee consensus, again like a woman with her girlfriends.
And the worst thing is that you don't seem to realise this and the moment someone confronts you, you become passive-aggressive, just like a woman.

So maybe you should follow your cojones on this one and not ask us to tell you whether you should take the risk.

I asked if what she said could've been something I interpreted incorrectly given the context. I did not ask anyone here if I should go up and talk to her right now.

It's funny you say "like a woman" three times without realizing the hypocrisy of posting on a forum and giving other men advice.. kind of like a woman's girlfriends, you know?

Passive aggressive.. I've been respectful in this thread the entire time, point out a single post of mine which was rude. You're the one coming in here and calling my behavior womanly and making **** up.

Because you don't really know someone before you've seen them privately. By the way, I said 'become intimate' which is not the same as having sex. More about 'creating sexual tension / lust'. Since she's talking publicly about sex, talking privately about sexual intimacy shouldn't be too difficult.

You also seem overly concerned about sex. Why is that? I never bring up sex with women and it just happens naturally, despite my testosterone being above 1000ng/dl in my mid 30s, I'm sexually disciplined enough to be able to control myself. Why is sex so important for you? When considering a marriageable woman I am looking at her attractiveness, how she dresses, her behavior, what she does for a living, who she keeps as company, etc. The last thing I'm thinking about is how good she is at sex. If that's your metric for a relationship, you're setting yourself up for failure. If she ****s you on the first night, what makes you think she hasn't done it with other men? That's a telltale sign of a woman who uses sex to trap guys into relationships. I learned that way back in my first couple years of college, no truly high value man pursues women like that for something serious.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

It's funny you say "like a woman" three times without realizing the hypocrisy of posting on a forum and giving other men advice..

Haha, you think I'm here to give other men advice? How naive.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

OK, but the career type, masculine woman vibe and that comment about hooking up with the car mechanic are strong enough red flags/dead end road signs for someone who is looking for marriage material.

If they lack that masculine dominance, yes. I agree.

 

[Rainrain]

I asked if what she said could've been something I interpreted incorrectly given the context. I did not ask anyone here if I should go up and talk to her right now.

I think the whole post went off the rails because what you are asking and what you wrote in the title on the initial post are 2 different things.

The question about the woman being promiscuous can simply be answered by a “we do not know”. Since we do not know the woman personally and we were not there, you as the receptor of the message can only interpret the context of the story up to your own perception and past experiences.

You are a senior member here so you should know how women behave, inter-gender dynamics, and what usually happens when they are single or come off of a relationship. The correct answers to whether she indulges in a lot of casual sex or how many sexual partners she has had can only be answered by her if she confides in you. These conversations usually happen during the comfort stage of the relationship. Keep in mind too much comfort early on will land you in the friend zone, hence why they happen when you are getting to know each other in an intimate level or in the “talking” stage or dating or after sex. In order to get to this point you would have to ask her out. It is impossible for us to gather this information from a simple comment/story at a friendly dinner not knowing the context, or the tonality, or the venue, or even the people sitting at the table. You could have these answers by making a “move”, asking her out, and dating her.

Nonetheless, people are frustrated at the “should I have made a move” question. The reason being is, just as I stated above, you could answer the promiscuous question by asking her out and getting to know her. However, we do not know if she wants to go out with you. Sosuave moves under the premise that the only way to know if someone is attracted to you is by leading, and if they choose to follow, they like you. So since we do not know if she likes you because you haven’t asked her out, we do not know if you missed a move since you might not have had one at all. And since we do not know if you ever had a chance with her, we are wasting our time thinking about parameters that do not matter at the end of the day.

Hopefully you acknowledge this so everyone can be on the same page. Personally, you thinking she said this to get a rise out of you, or everyone else being in the friend zone except you, makes me think you are projecting your feelings onto her and she just might have her own agenda unrelated to your thoughts. Either that or your ego is huge. Again, it is my perception from what you told us, I could be wrong, but there is only one way to find out, and it is to get to know you at a deeper level, and to get there we would have to ask you out

No homo

The end.

 

[H8CourtshipWithAPassion]

yes because whether we like it or not, the burden of making a move and the most of the first couple of moves has always been and likely always will be on the mans shoulders, i get more annoyed whenever people and society say men are supposed to embrace that role.

 

[corrector]

She probably has an OnlyFans page she did not tell you about.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

yes because whether we like it or not, the burden of making a move and the most of the first couple of moves has always been and likely always will be on the mans shoulders, i get more annoyed whenever people and society say men are supposed to embrace that role.

I get it, you prefer the type of women who come to you and take that 'burden' from you. I guess there's always room for doormats.

 

[H8CourtshipWithAPassion]

I get it, you prefer the type of women who come to you and take that 'burden' from you. I guess there's always room for doormats.

yeah, guilty as charged, never was a fan of that role, even though i don't like to use it as a crutch, well not as much as i used to early one when i found out i had it, it doesn't help that i have autism.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

it doesn't help that i have autism.

It doesn't, but if you're reasonably intelligent, you can learn a lot of social skills without having 'feeling' for social situations.

 

[H8CourtshipWithAPassion]

It doesn't, but if you're reasonably intelligent, you can learn a lot of social skills without having 'feeling' for social situations.

so in other words, guys with autism can get results, yeah i'm opening to believing that