Did I make a mistake not making a move?

[itouchyou]

There was this girl in my apartment building I met a while back. Ivy league educated, attractive blonde in her early 30s, works in private equity but actually has a chill WFH schedule. We're in NYC. Anyways this girl is probably one of the nicest I'd ever met. Super intelligent, has the "happy gene", dresses modestly, very chatty and kind. She's probably an 8/10.

Thing is, when I first met her, she gave off the vibe of an ambitious, hypergamous career type women with a masculine personality (it's not that she isn't feminine, it's that she's just super outgoing and has clearly been dating a lot and believes in the feminist ideology). I know she's receptive towards me because of her body language and some stuff she said early on.

Anyways, one day we had dinner with some people and we started talking about dating, and she basically blurted out that she hooked up with some guy that did work on her car (she invited him to her place), and that she felt "empowered" by it (she was laughing when she said it). That comment right there basically confirmed to me that I was correct about the type of person she was. My gut was 100% right. However, I'm also curious if she felt comfortable saying it because her social status was higher than everyone there, myself included.

Problem is - even after that comment, I'm wondering if it was just a momentary lapse in her judgement. She's still single and looking for that perfect guy. Apparently she broke up with her fiancé a few years ago, likely to find someone better.

The hard part for me is that I see who she is at face value and I'm having a hard time believing she actually sleeps around a lot. To the point where I'm almost willing to overlook it. However I have a feeling this is setting me up for disaster down the line if I pursue. Women who say stuff like that can't be trusted right? To me she is otherwise perfect, but I have a feeling she is behaving that way since her time is running out.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

If you have to ask yourself if it was a mistake that you didn't make a move, the answer is almost always yes.

 

[itouchyou]

If you have to ask yourself if it was a mistake that you didn't make a move, the answer is almost always yes.

It's not so much that I didn't make a move; but if it's possible that given the context, she doesn't sleep around as much as I thought. For someone to be proud of saying what she said in her early 30s, it's a behavior that is probably new.. which means she only recently became that type. Right? If she was doing stuff like that all in her 20s she wouldn't have bragged about it now.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Next time you see her just be like...

I like bad bitches, got a fvcking problem..
And yeah I like to fvck I got a fvcking problem...

Halle Berry, Hallelujah...
Holla Back, I'll do ya...Beast!

 

[Rainrain]

I think I am confused at the title since I am not sure what you are asking. Are you trying to ask if she is a lower valued woman because she might have a lot of partners? And if she doesn’t have many partners then you made a mistake by not making a move?

If those are the questions my answer would be who cares. You don’t know her that well to make any assessments on who she is or what she is about.

Does she have you in the friend zone like a gay friend? Was she qualifying herself to you by saying these things? Have you asked her out?

 

[itouchyou]

I think I am confused at the title since I am not sure what you are asking. Are you trying to ask if she is a lower valued woman because she might have a lot of partners? And if she doesn’t have many partners then you made a mistake by not making a move?

If those are the questions my answer would be who cares. You don’t know her that well to make any assessments on who she is or what she is about.

Does she have you in the friend zone? Was she qualifying herself to you by saying these things? Have you asked her out?

My question is more of whether what she said can be taken as confirmation that she's promiscuous, or maybe it was just a one time thing. If it was the latter, then I'd be willing to overlook that.. which is why I'm thinking I made a mistake. It doesn't make sense why she'd say that in her 30s, unless it was something she didn't do very often or never did before. She's also too socially intelligent to say something like that without realizing it makes her look bad. Do you think she said it to get a reaction out of me? Because I didn't react.

I don't see why you think she was qualifying herself to me by saying that. I'd be interested in your theory on why you suggested this.

I am not in the friend zone.

 

[Rainrain]

My question is more of whether what she said can be taken as confirmation that she's promiscuous, or maybe it was just a one time thing. If it was the latter, then I'd be willing to overlook that.. which is why I'm thinking I made a mistake. It doesn't make sense why she'd say that in her 30s, unless it was something she didn't do very often or never did before. She's also too socially intelligent to say something like that without realizing it makes her look bad. Do you think she said it to get a reaction out of me? Because I didn't react.

I don't see why you think she was qualifying herself to me by saying that. I'd be interested in your theory on why you suggested this.

I am not in the friend zone.

She could have said that to impress you and her friends, to **** test you, she could have gotten a kick out of, she could be lying, maybe her grandmother died 2 years ago from that day. Again, who cares.

The amount of partners she has had would matter if you were a potential suitor to her or if you already had kissed her and you were vetting if you want to be in a serious relationship with her. However, in your explanation, it looks you are not even in the starting line yet.

What about you cross the bridge when you get there, stop making movies in your head, and at least try to kiss her and ask those questions when you know more about her?

Edit: Also, if you are one of those people that are turned off by someone who says such things, that is ok as well. Just be mindful that a lot of people here have different values and you might get answers all over the place that won’t validate your way of thinking.

 

[itouchyou]

She could have said that to impress you and her friends, to **** test you, she could have gotten a kick out of ti, she could be lying, maybe her grandmother died 2 years ago from that day. Again, who cares.

Well it matters because that's quite a thing to say if you're a woman. To admit to a bunch of people that you sleep around like that. That's a massive red flag is it not?

The amount of partners she has had would matter if you were a potential suitor to her or if you already had kissed her and you were vetting if you want to be in a serious relationship with her. However, in your explanation, it looks you are not even in the starting line yet.

This is what I'm saying, I was vetting a serious relationship with her. I know that she's interested. I'm just trying to figure out if I'd be better off avoiding entirely because of what she said.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Well it matters because that's quite a thing to say if you're a woman. To admit to a bunch of people that you sleep around like that. That's a massive red flag is it not?



This is what I'm saying, I was vetting a serious relationship with her. I know that she's interested. I'm just trying to figure out if I'd be better off avoiding entirely because of what she said.

Whoa. Stop right there bro.

You don't vet a woman for any sort of relationship before you even go on a single date with her, let alone a "serious relationship". WTF are you talking about?

This is where men get into trouble creating fantasy relationships of what could be in their own mind before they even go on a date.

It's not YOU who should want the serious relationship with her, it's HER that should want the serious relationship with you. You got the frame backwards and you are taking on the feminine role before you have even gone on a date.

Your job is to go out with her, have fun and fvck the life out of her so she sees stars and gets all gooey inside when she thinks of last night with you while she lies in bed trying to sleep the next day. Then rinse and repeat until she tries to lock you down. Then you decide whether she is worth giving up your freedom for.

You are basically wanting to open the cell door, toss yourself in, slam the door shut, lock the door and then hand her the key. How is this attractive to her? Do you think she wants a guy who is "dying" to be in a serious relationship already before even going out on a date?

Women instinctively know there is something wrong with a guy who behaves in that way even if they can't put their finger on it they will find themselves losing attraction quickly.

Stop this right now. This is a simp level thought process.

 

[itouchyou]

Whoa. Stop right there bro.

You don't vet a woman for any sort of relationship before you even go on a single date with her, let alone a "serious relationship". WTF are you talking about?

This is where men get into trouble creating fantasy relationships of what could be in their own mind before they even go on a date.

It's not YOU who should want the serious relationship with her, it's HER that should want the serious relationship with you. You got the frame backwards and you are taking on the feminine role before you have even gone on a date.

Your job is to go out with her, have fun and fvck the life out of her so she sees stars and gets all gooey inside when she thinks of last night with you while she lies in bed trying to sleep the next day. Then rinse and repeat until she tries to lock you down. Then you decide whether she is worth giving up your freedom for.

You are basically wanting to open the cell door, toss yourself in, slam the door shut, lock the door and then hand her the key. How is this attractive to her? Do you think she wants a guy who is "dying" to be in a serious relationship already before even going out on a date?

Stop this right now. This is simp level thought process.

I think you have misinterpreted. I'm not a fan of promiscuous women because that type of behavior is indicative of a myriad of problems that would not be good for a serious relationship. It indicates that the woman sees sex as nothing more than a tool to lock down a man, and has completely divorced sex from love. A marriageable women would be more reserved than that. Would I bring home a woman to my mother like this?

I have no fantasy of who she is. We've chatted enough for me to understand the kind of person she is outside of dating, and she seems legit.

I also am past the point of wanting to **** a random woman. I'm simply not focused on sex. I'm also not "dying" to be in a serious relationship with her. I've just been looking for indicators of what kind of person she is and making assessments on that. I'm on the search for a wife, and barring her inappropriate comment, everything else checks out. I'm not a guy that commits very easily or is "desperate".

Edit: Also, if you are one of those people that are turned off by someone who says such things, that is ok as well. Just be mindful that a lot of people here have different values and you might get answers all over the place that won’t validate your way of thinking.

Thing is, what kind of self respecting man wouldn't be turned off by a woman saying such a thing?

 

[Dr.Suave]

My question is more of whether what she said can be taken as confirmation that she's promiscuous, or maybe it was just a one time thing.

Yes, she's on the carrousel. Dont give her exclusivity, plate status /recreational use only. Pump & Ghost. Spin more plates

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I think you have misinterpreted. I'm not a fan of promiscuous women because that type of behavior is indicative of a myriad of problems that would not be good for a serious relationship. It indicates that the woman sees sex as nothing more than a tool to lock down a man, and has completely divorced sex from love. A marriageable women would be more reserved than that. Would I bring home a woman to my mother like this?

I have no fantasy of who she is. We've chatted enough for me to understand the kind of person she is outside of dating, and she seems legit.

I also am past the point of wanting to **** a random woman. I'm simply not focused on sex. I'm also not "dying" to be in a serious relationship with her. I've just been looking for indicators of what kind of person she is and making assessments on that. I'm on the search for a wife, and barring her inappropriate comment, everything else checks out. I'm not a guy that commits very easily or is "desperate".



Thing is, what kind of self respecting man wouldn't be turned off by a woman saying such a thing?

All women are fvcking whether they talk about it or not and guys are delusional if they think differently. You think a good looking woman is just sitting around waiting for Prince Charming to come along and living like a nun in the meantime?

That's just not living in reality.

Unless it's some cultural or religious thing where their family would be shamed or they would be killed for shaming the family or some other such thing. Definitely doesn't seem to be the case with her.

 

[Rainrain]

Thing is, what kind of self respecting man wouldn't be turned off by a woman saying such a thing?

1. A woman that says such things in front of a man means that she is not scared of losing him or has no romantic interested in him.

2. If I was talking to a woman and she did that to me I’d overtly step back, soft next her, and plate her. From what you told us it seems like you are not even in the “talking” stages nor kissed her yet. It seems like your perception between what is actuality happening and its reality are 2 different universes.

3. Everyone has different brackets of red flags. It seems like you made your peace with this situation and you are just here for validation. We don’t know if she is having sex with other men not if what she said was factual. We can only assume that, since she is single, she is obviously going on dates and meeting guys. She is not unicorn. Again, it is your decision at the end of the day.

Good luck and I hope you are talking to more women.

 

[itouchyou]

1. A woman that says such things in front of a man means that she is not scared of losing him or has no romantic interested in him.

If she said it during a 1 on 1 date, I agree, fullstop, but this was said in a group. You're saying there's no difference?

It's not likely she said this to see how I'd react? I ask that because everyone else at the table were either chicks or guys she friendzoned.

Up until that point she had shown more interest in me than the other way around (and that's true even today).

 

[The Duke]

Stop with the mental masturbation.....just fuhk the girl. Jeezus. It's just pu$$y.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

My question is more of whether what she said can be taken as confirmation that she's promiscuous, or maybe it was just a one time thing. If it was the latter, then I'd be willing to overlook that.. which is why I'm thinking I made a mistake. It doesn't make sense why she'd say that in her 30s, unless it was something she didn't do very often or never did before. She's also too socially intelligent to say something like that without realizing it makes her look bad. Do you think she said it to get a reaction out of me? Because I didn't react.

I don't see why you think she was qualifying herself to me by saying that. I'd be interested in your theory on why you suggested this.

I am not in the friend zone.

Gotta find out if she's Irish OP. This is your next step. If yes, be more cautious. If no, be less cautious (unless Italian, but they are rarely feminist).

Any time a chick is being confusing, especially over 30, you have to consider her background and cultural influences.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Yo dudes if this chick wasn't throwing off mixed signals OP wouldn't have started the thread. She's his neighbor, she's always home, so this advice thread is warranted.

 

[RickPound]

Seduce her and f*ck her, a few times at least. Then if it’s obvious she’s a h*e you’ll be turned off, based on what you’re saying. And then she’ll want to f*ck you more - as long as you keep your mouth shut. A good problem to have

 

[Gamisch]

Why make a thread about a woman you despise already? This Is the modern male's issue; the d1ck says A while the mind says B.

You can't expect ANYTHING from anyone especially not from a woman you're not dating. If you know women those personality traits shouldn't be a shock to you( the bubbly personality).

I bet you're walking on eggshells around her, while car fix dude is a MAN- MAN who makes her feel like a naaaaa turel woman .

Dear to be you . She is who she is and she dgaf about you nor other colleague's opinions . Gotta be around more women bro. Stop walking on eggshells around them.

 

[pipeman84]

Ivy league educated, attractive blonde in her early 30s,

that she hooked up with some guy that did work on her car (she invited him to her place), and that she felt "empowered" by it (she was laughing when she said it).

Apparently she broke up with her fiancé a few years ago

Based on the above info, she's definitely not relationship material because she's a hoe with baggage.

I also am past the point of wanting to **** a random woman. I'm simply not focused on sex. I'm also not "dying" to be in a serious relationship with her. I've just been looking for indicators of what kind of person she is and making assessments on that. I'm on the search for a wife, and barring her inappropriate comment, everything else checks out.

That comment is the tip of the iceberg.