Did I make a mistake not making a move?

[Gamisch]

Based on the above info, she's definitely not relationship material because she's a hoe with baggage.


That comment is the tip of the iceberg.

I don't understand the anger OP displays at a random woman he ain't even fecking yet, not even talking to, dating nothing.

If a man looks for a wife he should definitely first run through multiple different woman and eventually pick the best.

Swear modern males are lost. It's a sad sight.

 

[Gamisch]

You come across as an orbiter.


In your mind perhaps, but if a woman is truly attracted to you, she won't play games.


Mental masturbation coupled with an attempt to disqualify her so you don't have to risk rejection with an approach. You're acting like a woman.


This. Letter for letter.

Too many people play out relationships in their imagination more than in reality. Pretty much all you think about this girl is conjecture and assumptions. Date her, have sex with her, then come

back. And realise that this thread is you being too insecure to date and face possible rejection. If you don't shoot your shot, you will always miss.

Another thing, that should be a cliche but the sad state of mem makes it a golden nugget; once you have one fish you can use it as bait to catch more,bigger and better fishes.

Imagine OP sat across her literally still snelling like "fish" ,phone buzzing every now and then. Looking at female colleague low key like you wanna blow her back out while remaining professional and aloof. The whole interaction but also the judgement would be completely different.

I learned the hard way to never seriously date a woman you resented from the get go just because "she's there". Eventually you'll never be able to really let go of her past.

Instead of wanting her as a wife he should just want to tap her, and even that is debatable as my opinion is you should NEVER mingle personal love relationships and work. Also means be careful about sleeping with friends /sisters / nieces from colleagues .can still backfire. Just ain't worth the trouble when it all falls down.

 

[itouchyou]

You come across as an orbiter.


In your mind perhaps, but if a woman is truly attracted to you, she won't play games.


Mental masturbation coupled with an attempt to disqualify her so you don't have to risk rejection with an approach. You're acting like a woman.


This. Letter for letter.

Too many people play out relationships in their imagination more than in reality. Pretty much all you think about this girl is conjecture and assumptions. Date her, have sex with her, then come back. And realise that this thread is you being too insecure to date and face possible rejection. If you don't shoot your shot, you will always miss.

Orbiter.. lol. Bro I barely talk to the girl. Bare minimum effort.

I'm being cautious because she lives in my building and I see her all the time.

Also I don't resent or am angry with this woman, lol what? Promiscuity is just something I wouldn't accept, hence the thread I made to figure out the reality of why she said what she said. It just doesn't add up.


Anyways, this thread seems to have run it's course. Thanks everyone for the advice.

 

[SW15]

Always make a move when you sense an opportunity.

 

[Solomon]

OP you're not sleeping with this girl or even dating her yet you're worried about things, for all you know this girl may not even want you like that

The mental energy you're exerting on this is already dooming you to failure in this situation, it's best to move on cause you ain't ready

 

[pipeman84]

You don't vet a woman for any sort of relationship before you even go on a single date with her, let alone a "serious relationship". WTF are you talking about?

Your job is to go out with her, have fun and fvck the life out of her so she sees stars and gets all gooey inside when she thinks of last night with you while she lies in bed trying to sleep the next day. Then rinse and repeat until she tries to lock you down. Then you decide whether she is worth giving up your freedom for.

Had you become intimate with her, you might have figured out what's going on, but since you're only observing her and making assumptions, you're behaving like a woman.

I don't see the logic in this line of thinking. OP has mentioned in post #10 that he's looking for a woman he could bring home to meet his mother, a potential wife. If the red flags are glaringly obvious on first meeting her and talking in a group setting, how would anything change if he were to date her and have sex?

 

[pipeman84]

Because you don't really know someone before you've seen them privately. By the way, I said 'become intimate' which is not the same as having sex. More about 'creating sexual tension / lust'. Since she's talking publicly about sex, talking privately about sexual intimacy shouldn't be too difficult.

OK, but the career type, masculine woman vibe and that comment about hooking up with the car mechanic are strong enough red flags/dead end road signs for someone who is looking for marriage material.

 

[itouchyou]

It doesn't 'add up' because you're going on limited information. Had you become intimate with her, you might have figured out what's going on, but since you're only observing her and making assumptions, you're behaving like a woman. You're in your head too much and you don't take action. And then you share your meagre findings here in order to get some kind of committee consensus, again like a woman with her girlfriends.
And the worst thing is that you don't seem to realise this and the moment someone confronts you, you become passive-aggressive, just like a woman.

So maybe you should follow your cojones on this one and not ask us to tell you whether you should take the risk.

I asked if what she said could've been something I interpreted incorrectly given the context. I did not ask anyone here if I should go up and talk to her right now.

It's funny you say "like a woman" three times without realizing the hypocrisy of posting on a forum and giving other men advice.. kind of like a woman's girlfriends, you know?

Passive aggressive.. I've been respectful in this thread the entire time, point out a single post of mine which was rude. You're the one coming in here and calling my behavior womanly and making **** up.

Because you don't really know someone before you've seen them privately. By the way, I said 'become intimate' which is not the same as having sex. More about 'creating sexual tension / lust'. Since she's talking publicly about sex, talking privately about sexual intimacy shouldn't be too difficult.

You also seem overly concerned about sex. Why is that? I never bring up sex with women and it just happens naturally, despite my testosterone being above 1000ng/dl in my mid 30s, I'm sexually disciplined enough to be able to control myself. Why is sex so important for you? When considering a marriageable woman I am looking at her attractiveness, how she dresses, her behavior, what she does for a living, who she keeps as company, etc. The last thing I'm thinking about is how good she is at sex. If that's your metric for a relationship, you're setting yourself up for failure. If she ****s you on the first night, what makes you think she hasn't done it with other men? That's a telltale sign of a woman who uses sex to trap guys into relationships. I learned that way back in my first couple years of college, no truly high value man pursues women like that for something serious.

 

[Clockwerk50]

I asked if what she said could've been something I interpreted incorrectly given the context. I did not ask anyone here if I should go up and talk to her right now.

I think the whole post went off the rails because what you are asking and what you wrote in the title on the initial post are 2 different things.

The question about the woman being promiscuous can simply be answered by a “we do not know”. Since we do not know the woman personally and we were not there, you as the receptor of the message can only interpret the context of the story up to your own perception and past experiences.

You are a senior member here so you should know how women behave, inter-gender dynamics, and what usually happens when they are single or come off of a relationship. The correct answers to whether she indulges in a lot of casual sex or how many sexual partners she has had can only be answered by her if she confides in you. These conversations usually happen during the comfort stage of the relationship. Keep in mind too much comfort early on will land you in the friend zone, hence why they happen when you are getting to know each other in an intimate level or in the “talking” stage or dating or after sex. In order to get to this point you would have to ask her out. It is impossible for us to gather this information from a simple comment/story at a friendly dinner not knowing the context, or the tonality, or the venue, or even the people sitting at the table. You could have these answers by making a “move”, asking her out, and dating her.

Nonetheless, people are frustrated at the “should I have made a move” question. The reason being is, just as I stated above, you could answer the promiscuous question by asking her out and getting to know her. However, we do not know if she wants to go out with you. Sosuave moves under the premise that the only way to know if someone is attracted to you is by leading, and if they choose to follow, they like you. So since we do not know if she likes you because you haven’t asked her out, we do not know if you missed a move since you might not have had one at all. And since we do not know if you ever had a chance with her, we are wasting our time thinking about parameters that do not matter at the end of the day.

Hopefully you acknowledge this so everyone can be on the same page. Personally, you thinking she said this to get a rise out of you, or everyone else being in the friend zone except you, makes me think you are projecting your feelings onto her and she just might have her own agenda unrelated to your thoughts. Either that or your ego is huge. Again, it is my perception from what you told us, I could be wrong, but there is only one way to find out, and it is to get to know you at a deeper level, and to get there we would have to ask you out

No homo

The end.

 

[H8CourtshipWithAPassion]

yes because whether we like it or not, the burden of making a move and the most of the first couple of moves has always been and likely always will be on the mans shoulders, i get more annoyed whenever people and society say men are supposed to embrace that role.

 

[corrector]

She probably has an OnlyFans page she did not tell you about.

 

[H8CourtshipWithAPassion]

I get it, you prefer the type of women who come to you and take that 'burden' from you. I guess there's always room for doormats.

yeah, guilty as charged, never was a fan of that role, even though i don't like to use it as a crutch, well not as much as i used to early one when i found out i had it, it doesn't help that i have autism.

 

[H8CourtshipWithAPassion]

It doesn't, but if you're reasonably intelligent, you can learn a lot of social skills without having 'feeling' for social situations.

so in other words, guys with autism can get results, yeah i'm opening to believing that

 

[Clockwerk50]

yeah, guilty as charged, never was a fan of that role, even though i don't like to use it as a crutch, well not as much as i used to early one when i found out i had it, it doesn't help that i have autism.

In reality, tons of women make the first move. They either start liking your pictures, react to your stories, friend you in social media, comment your pictures, some start chatting you up with a “what’s up”, or strike a conversation in real life. However, you have to be good looking, work on your body, excel at something, have a great lifestyle, travel, a cool hobby, have a good reputation, or have money. I am guessing you don’t have any of the above though.

 

[H8CourtshipWithAPassion]

In reality, tons of women make the first move. They either start liking your pictures, react to your stories, friend you in social media, comment your pictures, some start chatting you up with a “what’s up”, or strike a conversation in real life. However, you have to be good looking, work on your body, excel at something, have a great lifestyle, travel, a cool hobby, have a good reputation, or have money. I am guessing you don’t have any of the above though.

interesting, i've long been under the impression that even handsome good looking, high status men, normally never have women throwing themselves at them, or normally never have women hitting on them.

 

[Clockwerk50]

interesting, i've long been under the impression that even handsome good looking, high status men, normally never have women throwing themselves at them, or normally never have women hitting on them.

I wouldn't say "throw themselves" at them but women open the channels of communication and provide choosing signals, making it easier for the person they are attracted to. The guy still has to initiate and lead somehow just like you and I. Hot guys will ask the girls out, and some will chicken out and flake on him, but they have thick skin and they are not whimps. They will have to escalate and read choosing signals. Life is not potn where you just lay on the bed and the girl does everything for you.

As an example, this is the instagram of someone that posted a picture in his motorcycle and a picture in the Mediterrenean (Sorry it is in Spanish). You need to moderate wealth to do this but at the same time, you don't have to be overly attractive. Just the aura that you are interesting and cool suffices. The guy has 900 followers so you don't need to be an influencer. Most of the people liking the pictures are from social game or people he has known for years.

This can be done by you.

 

[H8CourtshipWithAPassion]

I wouldn't say "throw themselves" at them but women open the channels of communication and provide choosing signals, making it easier for the person they are attracted to. The guy still has to initiate and lead somehow just like you and I. Hot guys will ask the girls out, and some will chicken out and flake on him, but they have thick skin and they are not whimps. They will have to escalate and read choosing signals. Life is not potn where you just lay on the bed and the girl does everything for you.

As an example, this is the instagram of someone that posted a picture in his motorcycle and a picture in the Mediterrenean (Sorry it is in Spanish). You need to moderate wealth to do this but at the same time, you don't have to be overly attractive. Just the aura that you are interesting and cool suffices. The guy has 900 followers so you don't need to be an influencer. Most of the people liking the pictures are from social game or people he has known for years.

This can be done by you.

View attachment 12757

View attachment 12758

yup, men are the initiators always and forever, men are stuck with that role whether we like it or not

 

[BPH]

There was this girl in my apartment building I met a while back. Ivy league educated, attractive blonde in her early 30s, works in private equity but actually has a chill WFH schedule. We're in NYC. Anyways this girl is probably one of the nicest I'd ever met. Super intelligent, has the "happy gene", dresses modestly, very chatty and kind. She's probably an 8/10.

Thing is, when I first met her, she gave off the vibe of an ambitious, hypergamous career type women with a masculine personality (it's not that she isn't feminine, it's that she's just super outgoing and has clearly been dating a lot and believes in the feminist ideology). I know she's receptive towards me because of her body language and some stuff she said early on.

Anyways, one day we had dinner with some people and we started talking about dating, and she basically blurted out that she hooked up with some guy that did work on her car (she invited him to her place), and that she felt "empowered" by it (she was laughing when she said it). That comment right there basically confirmed to me that I was correct about the type of person she was. My gut was 100% right. However, I'm also curious if she felt comfortable saying it because her social status was higher than everyone there, myself included.

Problem is - even after that comment, I'm wondering if it was just a momentary lapse in her judgement. She's still single and looking for that perfect guy. Apparently she broke up with her fiancé a few years ago, likely to find someone better.

The hard part for me is that I see who she is at face value and I'm having a hard time believing she actually sleeps around a lot. To the point where I'm almost willing to overlook it. However I have a feeling this is setting me up for disaster down the line if I pursue. Women who say stuff like that can't be trusted right? To me she is otherwise perfect, but I have a feeling she is behaving that way since her time is running out.

Having read nothing other than this original post, I don't understand the reason for it.

You're talking like this is a person from your past and you're wondering "what could've been".

Did you make a mistake by not making a move? I mean yeah, if you wanted to f*** her, you need to initiate. Sounds like you had this whole weird fantasy of her potentially not living up to the standards you've set for her in your head...I don't know why you posted this, nothing you've described indicates she's shown any interest in you - and yet you're hoping she lives up to YOUR standards when you probably aren't even on her radar.

The one thing I will say, is that if a woman is comfortable publicly talking about her past hookups, she's probably not interested in anybody in that audience - AKA she's not worried about being potentially disqualified by putting out too much information.

 

[H8CourtshipWithAPassion]

Not necessarily.

Not necessarily.

yeah, okay i will admit, part of the reason for my attitude lately, is well i got out of a failed relationship with someone i was incompatible with, it didn't feel like a normal relationship, she didn't feel like a true girlfriend, i will admit, i stayed with her longer than i should have is because i didn't want to become alone again.

 

[H8CourtshipWithAPassion]

Acknowledgment is the first step towards recovery. You've been lied to your whole life. All you deem important in life has no value unless you attach meaning, but most is sentiment. What others think is irrelevant, they have their own shyte to work through. When you understand how you hurt yourself, you can establish boundaries with other people and give them consequences when they cross them. Men of principle are treated with respect. Don't stick around people who disrespect you, they're not worth your attention and validation.

And make sure to read my sig.

yup, definetley a huge major step, i can think of a sarcastic way of making a move on a woman, as i do make my move physically, i can speak at the same time, "okay i'm making my move on you because i'm a man and its what we do"