I’m in deep

[sosuave213]

OP, did she pull out the phone on the first date for any reason (besides if you asked her to)?

I never go on second dates with women that do this. I don't care if it's their BFF, mom, turtle.

 

[Divorced w 3]

I honestly believe they are ADDICTS.. She might love you, like REALLY love you.. but they cannot put the Heroin down which is (Social Media)

It's like that wife who keeps giving ultimatums to her husband to Quit gambling, or she will leave.

Asking her to quit social is a lot. That’s not the world we are in. There has to be an element of trust and self confidence. I’ve been dealing with this elephant in the room for like a year. I have not felt massively threatened just that I had some suspicions.

To answer a different point we truly get along really well. The pros are the enjoyment and focus we have in each others company and truly not being exhausted at really any stretch of spending time with each other.

 

[Divorced w 3]

OP, did she pull out the phone on the first date for any reason (besides if you asked her to)?

I never go on second dates with women that do this. I don't care if it's their BFF, mom, turtle.

Definitely not.

 

[sosuave213]

Asking her to quit social is a lot. That’s not the world we are in. There has to be an element of trust and self confidence. I’ve been dealing with this elephant in the room for like a year. I have not felt massively threatened just that I had some suspicions.

To answer a different point we truly get along really well. The pros are the enjoyment and focus we have in each others company and truly not being exhausted at really any stretch of spending time with each other.

Imagine getting married to this chick and always sleeping with one eye open.

No thanks jeff

 

[Divorced w 3]

Imagine getting married to this chick and always sleeping with one eye open.

No thanks jeff

If it’s happening it’s happening at the office. There is very little space in our relationship for anything else and that one trip she took really early on. If I decide to give this another shot, it’s going to be an on spot request to open the phone and start flipping through it and I know exactly who to look for.

 

[sosuave213]

If it’s happening it’s happening at the office. There is very little space in our relationship for anything else and that one trip she took really early on. If I decide to give this another shot, it’s going to be an on spot request to open the phone and start flipping through it and I know exactly who to look for.

You should ever never have to do this with any chick.

Strong lack of trust.

 

[Divorced w 3]

You should ever never have to do this with any chick.

Strong lack of trust.

That’s why I am saying ‘if’. I need to sit long and hard with this.

 

[Dr.Suave]

Asking her to quit social is a lot.

Not really, if she sees you as "The Prize", as a King, if you are a the top of her High Score List, she would drop the social media faster than her panties can hit the floor, faster than she approached you at the very beginning.

That’s not the world we are in.

If you really believe that, fine. Otherwise this is just more Cope/Mental gymnastics

There has to be an element of trust

Yes, but there isnt. If there was, this thread would not exist.

Btw, you been taking a lot of heat from us, as we knew would happen. Kudos to you for taking it like a Champ

 

[Divorced w 3]

Not really, if she sees you as "The Prize", as a King, if you are a the top of her High Score List, she would drop the social media faster than her panties can hit the floor, faster than she approached you at the very beginning.



If you really believe that, fine. Otherwise this is just more Cope/Mental gymnastics


Yes, but there isnt. If there was, this thread would not exist.

Btw, you been taking a lot of heat from us, as we knew would happen. Kudos to you for taking it like a Champ

It’s all good on the heat bro. I don’t see it as such.

 

[Divorced w 3]

She texted me a bit ago and goes I love you, hope you and the kids have a great day. I was like thank you.

 

[Divorced w 3]

So anyway all that there is at this point is silence and distance to let the universe give both of us the right course. Me and my judgment and her with hers. if I couldn’t get it out in 5 hours last night what we both need and want it ain’t gonna resolve itself with more talk.

 

[Divorced w 3]

I should probably add one thing.

Last night the following nugget comes out. About six weeks ago I had a bad reaction to her not keeping me informed of when her hair appointment was going to wrap up. I was walking to it and I just decided mid way that I was going to head home. I didn’t talk to her for like 18 hours that evening through the next day and it turns out she was talking crap to her friend, the friend technically said I was being a btch first and the response from my girlfriend was that I indeed was.

Was this my best moment of course not and did it take more massive fishing to figure that out, yes but it did come out.

The friend giving that advice is a mess, drugs and edm shows at almost 40, divorced her guy for what supposedly wasn’t great rationale and since she is dating a once every week dad who she moved around the country for my girl has sought her advice as a close friend. Loving that, I am not.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Lastly (I’m trying to jsut get all the facts out), in early spring we were out drinking on a trip and she goes , I’m surprised you haven’t figured out my phone password yet, it’s xxxxxx. I wasn’t sure what to do with that situation at all.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I returned her call which turned into a 5.5 hour conversation. I’m currently making a coffee and waffles and at some point will update.

It’s like pulling blood from a stone. But she’s also afraid of my reactions. If none of you have noticed I have big reactions.

Remember the personal focus iPhone setting, well basically it exists to suppress names from popping up as I suspected and her explanation that it wasn’t about the amount of names coming up so much as how much my lid was going to blow if I saw something come up- and I mean that’s a fair criticism I lost my mind earlier this year when it wasn’t totally forthright about the prior fling that texted during the day she wanted exclusivity … as well as prior to meeting me how she didn’t need names coming up around family and other people she was dating .

She said that as a victim of sexual assault in college, she hooked up with nobody in four years, and as such until age 25 did not have sex outside her 1.5 year relationship and slowly progressed from there, therefore she says it is not a high number, which tracks to what I know about 5 years ago which if to be believed would put her in low to mid single digits at mid 30- and I worked on explaining that the phone setting was obvious and all it was doing was creating a corrosive situation in our communication and trust.

Also said so about that deletion of the social media idea you had and she countered is that really fair, family & friends all over the place posting life updates on that, to which I can see both sides but I was like obviously it serves a dual purpose.

ill also add this … over the year for 9 months when I didn’t have the opportunity to be there every other weekend and during week for kids she was incredibly forthcoming about sending photos when she was out or calling me a reasonable time just about every night even when out west on her trip. But when she touched her coworkers back and the girl she was out west with had that involuntary facial reaction it def gave me pause in the summer.

I’ll post more in a bit.

Ths is your mind trying to come up with a way to justify what your gut is telling you is not justifiable.

You are STILL refusing to accept who she is even tho she has shown you over and over.

You are likely going to take her back and IMO this will end badly for you within 6 months.

I've watched this movie play out on this forum many times. I already know the ending.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Ths is your mind trying to come up with a way to justify what your gut is telling you is not justifiable.

You are STILL refusing to accept who she is even tho she has shown you over and over.

You are likely going to take her back and IMO this will end badly for you withing 6 months.

You’re a single dad right, what are your biggest red flags in this situation, and secondly what do you look for in your own relationship and why?

To be honest with you if you asked me right now I would tell you I’m leaning end it.

 

[sosuave213]

You’re a single dad right, what are your biggest red flags in this situation, and secondly what do you look for in your own relationship and why?

To be honest with you if you asked me right now I would tell you I’m leaning end it.

Lol she can't even choose her friends wisely, you can't save a hoe, can't turn a hoe into a housewife, etc.

Should have left her at plate status bro. Just because a chick asks you for exclusivity doesn't mean you take it

 

[Divorced w 3]

My thinking at the moment is this… I should have brought this issue up and done away with it much sooner but my insane divorce really benefitted from her close company and our experiences. My kids also benefitted from her and that’s really tough she would be a great stepmother truly. No doubt in my mind. But she can’t talk to me, nor can I to her, and the dishonesty and superficial behavior is flowing in both directions. Her friend group decision process and actions are bad, my communication style and lack of direct needs are bad. Its just bad.

 

[obelisk]

You need to reread this

We're simply trying to reiterate this thread of wisdom as you try and jump around the elephant in the room. You really need to reread it with some objective perspective on what you've written in this thread and experiencing right now.

 

[Divorced w 3]

You need to reread this

We're simply trying to reiterate this thread of wisdom as you try and jump around the elephant in the room. You really need to reread it with some objective perspective on what you've written in this thread and experiencing right now.

Excellent. Thanks

 

[Divorced w 3]

My boys have been saying this for ten months.