I don’t know man, I could be speculating here. But I would say play it cool and keep giving some things some time. I would hold your requirements firm: you don’t want this ex being “buddy buddy”. I think if she wants to move forwards to a deeper connection, she’d have to be willing to let this go. Her social media accounts as well (or give you the passwords so you can see the DMs). Some women would make these concessions at the next “step” if they felt it was worth it. Maybe if you go a little cold and distant you can stoke that loss in her and maybe she’d be willing to make some of the changes you’re requesting.
I don’t think you’re wrong to feel very uncomfortable both about the ex’s continual contact, and the instagram groupies. I think those things are a threat to your connection with her -- and if it’s something that’s more serious than casual, she’ll have to make concessions eventually. Can’t have your cake and eat it too in this sense. I’m sure she might not be willing to accept the same treatment in return.
My vote is if you’re really interested and in love with her – give her some space and see if she’d be willing to make these concessions (and be clear about them). Curious what others think. Making a hoe a housewife is a fair observation, but some people will make changes if they really think it’s worth it. IMHO. The fact she’s still thinking of you, reaching out to you -- maybe you’d be worth some changes.
Last thought: some people do this stuff too as a backup plan since they’re afraid. They fear if they let go of those other things, then you’ll let them go too, and they‘ll free fall. In a way, it‘s a self protection mechanism which may be rooted in deeper fear of rejection. Maybe I’m getting too heady but was my final thoughts…
to.
