The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[soulforge]

Day 30-something:

Having fantasies over the sex with my ex lately. I've had a couple of one nighters but its just not even close, in some ways I'm repulsed by it. Doesn't help Im playing in a lower SMV bracket as well, taking what I can get type thing to try and distract myself from the loss. I remember in one of my previous breakups with this girl I managed to bang a hottie and even then I remember not really feeling it, I look back now thinking I should have appreciated that opportunity more.

Im getting more used to the living alone situation, had a great weekend partying and feel pretty good about the people I met and the situations I found myself in. It is a limited resource though, I cant just party for the rest of my life, I need to at some point settle back into a more healthy routine. For now Im ok with it.

As for online dating, well it sucks as usual. I got breadcrumbed a week ago by my ex but didn't respond, for me this is a win. Nothing since so I guess shes got a new squeeze, its really the main reason I don't hear from her. She uses men like clothing, whatever makes her feel good at the time.

Its been so long without a healthy relationship Im starting to wonder if they are a fantasy. Looking back Im not sure if Ive ever had one.

Stay strong dude. It's going to be difficult for a while. But in some months you won't compare other chicks with your ex and you will be ok with smashing average girls.

The average girls are just a snack before the main course.

It might take some time, but another hot one will come along soon enough.

Just have to play the long game.

 

[soulforge]

Bit of an Update.

Nearly 4 months NC

And today a work colleague asked me, what has happened with the girl you was seeing (my Russian Ex)

Anyway I just said I ain't seeing her anymore.

So this work colleague tells me, that my ex is posting on Facebook, posts about being Heartbroken & making posts/comments about never finding a man who will love her.

I didn't want to know this chit, as any news about my ex, will slow down my recovery from the breakup and stir up my feelings.

It's seems like she didn't monkey branch to the next guy and is still somewhat broken up about me NEXTING her.

Feel kinda crap today.

Any thoughts on this? My gut tells me that I should continue down the path of NC

Any reaching out to her, will only lead to another toxic mess.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

It's seems like she didn't monkey branch to the next guy and is still somewhat broken up about me NEXTING her.

And putting that on Facebook?
Don't respond.
She just adopted the 'Poor Me' persona to get attention and validation.
(Someone who is actually suffering after a break-up doesn't go on FB to whine)

Keep toxic people out of your sphere. Don't contact her, let her go and find yourself someone worthy of your attention and validation.

 

[soulforge]

And putting that on Facebook?
Don't respond.
She just adopted the 'Poor Me' persona to get attention and validation.
(Someone who is actually suffering after a break-up doesn't go on FB to whine)

Keep toxic people out of your sphere. Don't contact her, let her go and find yourself someone worthy of your attention and validation.

Yes one of the RED FLAGS & an ongoing issue within the relationship, was her complete addiction to social media.

Asking her to put her phone away, or me setting a boundary around phone usage is what sent her into an angry rage, leading me to break up with her.

Amongst other incidents of disrpect & poor behaviour.

I had several conversations with her & tried to steer the relationship to healthier direction. She didn't take head.

The irony now is, she has lost me, but has got social media to express her pain & loneliness on.

I swear these damaged girls, are their own worse enemy.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Asking her to put her phone away, or me setting a boundary around phone usage is what sent her into an angry rage, leading me to break up with her.

I think you took the right decision.
I never allow kittens on their phones when they're with me. It's okay if they check messages from family et cetera, and if there's a good reason (one of my kittens is a paediatric surgeon who is sometimes on call when she's with me) she can have the phone within view, but time spent together is time without those distractions.

The irony now is, she has lost me, but has got social media to express her pain & loneliness on.

I'm pretty sure that confirms her own reasoning for having social media and not giving it up for you.

 

[soulforge]

And putting that on Facebook?
Don't respond.
She just adopted the 'Poor Me' persona to get attention and validation.
(Someone who is actually suffering after a break-up doesn't go on FB to whine)

Keep toxic people out of your sphere. Don't contact her, let her go and find yourself someone worthy of your attention and validation.

She didn't mention me directly, however everyone who has been seeing her posts have connected the dots, that she is hung up ab

I think you took the right decision.
I never allow kittens on their phones when they're with me. It's okay if they check messages from family et cetera, and if there's a good reason (one of my kittens is a paediatric surgeon who is sometimes on call when she's with me) she can have the phone within view, but time spent together is time without those distractions.


I'm pretty sure that confirms her own reasoning for having social media and not giving it up for you.

I knew she was using social media for validation and attention (maybe even off guys too) but I never asked her to delete or quit social media for me.

All I ever asked for, was for her to respect my boundary, and we BOTH (including me) avoid using phones around the dinner table, especially when I have cooked a meal.

Her reaction was rage & anger & challenging behaviour.

Well your single now lol

The social media addiction, was only one problem, aswell as a host of other problems that she presented in the relationship.

This news has thrown me off centre a little, but I think I need to remain firm, and break this attachment with her forever.

 

[Dr.Suave]

But I think I know I need to remain firm, and break this attachment with her forever.

Fixed it

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

All I ever asked for, was for her to respect my boundary, and we BOTH (including me) avoid using phones around the dinner table, especially when I have cooked a meal.

Like I said, that would be the absolute minimum. I gave an exception (being on call), but nobody needs to be 24/7 connected. People will respect that you do not answer the phone or messages around dinner time. And if they don't, well, that's too bad for them.

This news has thrown me off centre a little, but I think I need to remain firm, and break this attachment with her forever.

Stay strong. Don't allow her cry for attention and validation work out for her.

 

[soulforge]

Like I said, that would be the absolute minimum. I gave an exception (being on call), but nobody needs to be 24/7 connected. People will respect that you do not answer the phone or messages around dinner time. And if they don't, well, that's too bad for them.


Stay strong. Don't allow her cry for attention and validation work out for her.

Thanks for the support man.

I'm going to be honest, this break up has been the toughest one for me to deal with in long long while.

There is no chance I can put myself through this all over again, by letting her back into my life. Another break up would be inevitable.

The other thing is, she has serious baby rabies. She desperately wants to have children & would always talk about us having children together.

I put a baby inside this girl & she is highly likely to ruin me.

Back in may, me & her had this disagreement about where to stay for the weekend, at my house or her house.

Out of anger & lack of impulse control, she told me to "Shut The Fvck Up"

No apology, no acknowledgement that is was very disrespectful of her to swear at me like that.

As any self respecting man would do, first thing in the morning, I left her house and walked away.

Instead of going into damage control mode & trying to fix the issue, she sent me a text message and ENDED things with me.

I agreed with the break up, then the following day, she does a complete U-turn and starts blowing up my phone, trying to get back together with me, with promises of curbing her agressive & bratish behaviour.

I knew from that point onwards, that this chick is going to sabotage the relationship at any time, if things do not go her way or when she is frustrated.

There is no chance I am going back to that type of toxicity and chaos.

She's feeling sad, down in the dumps. She will just have to get over it.

Thanks for listening man.

 

[soulforge]

Fixed it

Haha I stand corrected mate.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

I knew from that point onwards, that this chick is going to sabotage the relationship at any time, if things do not go her way or when she is frustrated.

I dated my share of batsh!tcrazy women, mostly because they were dynamite in the sack, but the negativity that follows them like a cloud rains on you too.

Thanks for listening man.

Anytime, man.

 

[Foe]

You got out for a reason man, I went back many times and what I noticed is the reason I left was still very apparant when I went back. I think people do change but only if you walk away, going back negates the lesson they could have received and validates there behavior. Maybe after a long time it could be different but by that stage you will have bigger fish to fry.

Banged my first 7 last night since the breakup, feels absolutely amazing. She has more red flags then a chinese army but feels good to know I can still pull the hotties.

 

[soulforge]

You got out for a reason man, I went back many times and what I noticed is the reason I left was still very apparant when I went back. I think people do change but only if you walk away, going back negates the lesson they could have received and validates there behavior. Maybe after a long time it could be different but by that stage you will have bigger fish to fry.

Banged my first 7 last night since the breakup, feels absolutely amazing. She has more red flags then a chinese army but feels good to know I can still pull the hotties.

Haha don't get blinded by the sex though bro.. keep those red flags in mind at all times.

Remember she is recreational use only.

And yeh I won't be going back to her.. She might be all depressed and posting on Facebook about heartbreak.

However she had nearly 4 months to reach out to me & she didn't. Clearly she feels the victim, absolutely no accountability at all.. Always the victim.

Will continue down the path of NC, there is no future with a woman like this.

 

[Glassguy]

Day 13 of NC. She pops up in my mind now and then during the day, but not as often. Hopefully at the acceptance stage, not even mad about what she did. Its just what it is and shows her character. And her character doesnt define me.

Finally feel like getting back in the dating pool. Date this evening with a very attractive and super outgoing RN this evening. And I know it will not feel weird by any means. I have very close mutual friends with this new chick and she is very close to them as well, so there is common ground and the conversation vibe seems to be good thus far between us. Now time to have some fun, good converasation and if I close the deal, so be it.

My ex pushed me away, sabotaged our relationship and eventually when it hits her like a hammer, she can deal with it alone as I have done for the past month. Time to move on.

 

[soulforge]

Day 13 of NC. She pops up in my mind now and then during the day, but not as often. Hopefully at the acceptance stage, not even mad about what she did. Its just what it is and shows her character. And her character doesnt define me.

Finally feel like getting back in the dating pool. Date this evening with a very attractive and super outgoing RN this evening. And I know it will not feel weird by any means. I have very close mutual friends with this new chick and she is very close to them as well, so there is common ground and the conversation vibe seems to be good thus far between us. Now time to have some fun, good converasation and if I close the deal, so be it.

My ex pushed me away, sabotaged our relationship and eventually when it hits her like a hammer, she can deal with it alone as I have done for the past month. Time to move on.

Yeh mate let them realise how they fuked up later.. In most cases they circle back when nothing better comes along.

You sound like your doing good. Keep up the NC

I think a lesson for both of us, in this experience is to never take red flags lightly.

Especially ones with mental health issues/bipolar/depression meds etc.

 

[Adz--]

Day 38:

Over the weekend I took some time off from work and studying and travelled down to where I went for university for my other friends graduation for a couple of nights, and then went out. One of my own goals were to start talking to women again and bring my confidence out again.

It was a Sunday and one of the bars were pretty dead but, I got talking to a random HB 6, of course her friend tried to c*ck block but I danced and kissed her, this then ended with her kissing some other dude and her c*ck block friends saying she's glad she's a lesbian haha, I brushed it off, went back inside and started talking to another girl that I knew of from other friends circles and started talking to her and kissed her (Ironically she was stood near the first girl) and tried to build but she had to go.
It was getting pretty late at this point, so on the way out I started talking to another woman and straight up asked if she was single but she had a side dude who was stood nearby.

Overall, I'm glad that I put myself out there, it felt good to be being assertive and a DJ again. I will admit i was rusty but it felt damn good.

Since being back at work and studying, thoughts & "feeling" of missing the ex have been coming back in, not as intense or as often as before, but still do happen. I got to keep reminding myself that no matter what, that it's all in the past, there's nothing there for me.

Adz--

 

[Glassguy]

Day 20- Ive been blocked on all social media that I hadnt previously blocked her on at the onset of the break up. I was secretly hoping she would reach out for my own validation (the old "I told you so!) but its actually good that she hasnt, because I need and deserve much more from someone in a relationship.

Its hard to look past the potential that was there and equally hard to forget the person she was the last 2 weeks before things ended, which was a shocker.

Been on several dates with several different chicks since the break up. All very attractive, one very weird in her behavior. I have another date set up tomorrow night with a very cute chick (date 1) and I am just going to enjoy the single life/dating game and if something develops, it develops.

For anyone who is spiritual and going through a break up......prayer helps in unforeseen ways and really does help.

Happy Hunting

 

[soulforge]

Day 20- Ive been blocked on all social media that I hadnt previously blocked her on at the onset of the break up. I was secretly hoping she would reach out for my own validation (the old "I told you so!) but its actually good that she hasnt, because I need and deserve much more from someone in a relationship.

Its hard to look past the potential that was there and equally hard to forget the person she was the last 2 weeks before things ended, which was a shocker.

Been on several dates with several different chicks since the break up. All very attractive, one very weird in her behavior. I have another date set up tomorrow night with a very cute chick (date 1) and I am just going to enjoy the single life/dating game and if something develops, it develops.

For anyone who is spiritual and going through a break up......prayer helps in unforeseen ways and really does help.

Happy Hunting

I never ever check social media after a break up.

The reason why they often block you, is because they are Butt Hurt, or they are playing the Victim Card, like most women do after a break.

If a girl has moved on, she has no real reason to block you, unless her ego is bruised because you didn't give chase.

Remember if they block you, eventually when things don't work out with the next dude, they will eventually unblock you.

Luckily I had the insight to pull the trigger and dump my ex, & remove her from my social media which is only Facebook. She was a chitty girlfriend with a TON of red flags.

A friend told me, that around 3 weeks ago, she was making posts on Facebook about, heartbreak & saying things like "No Man Will Ever Love Me"

I did actually love her, but she took me for granted & caused nothing but stress in my life.

So I sent her back to the streets.. I hear it's cold outhere lol

 

[Glassguy]

Had an RN come over last night to watch a scary movie. Super fit, fake tit$, super sweet personality.
She turned into a sex addict 20 minutes into the movie. So there's that lol.

Several options are a good thing when moving on from a LTR breakup. Especially ones that love to get dirty in bed.

 

[Adz--]

Day 46:

Last couple of days have been more down than up. Getting thoughts of the ex, in terms of memories and sh*t. Every time I catch my self I keep saying to myself that I give power to what I put into my mind and having my ex in my mind is something I don't want to give power to.

I'll be with a regular plate that comes over to mine and still have thoughts of the ex, I'm putting this down to different elements of stress that are all contributing at the moment and affecting me: A) Work B) Studying C) Not spending time on my hobbies D) Draining friends/ acquaintances/ work collegues and E) thoughts of the ex. Some of these things I can work on and balance out, others won't be as easy due to time restrictions and demands, but onwards and upwards.

I'm not going to lie, sh*t is difficult some days and easy breezy other days.

BUT One thing I can say for certain is that from the start of NC to this point, things are better for myself mentally, physically, spiritually and everything else. If It was easy everyone would be finish their NC without any challenges.

Adz--