Is there any solution? I feel like there's no good answer for me. It's all a mess

BergischerLöwe

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Meaning it's inconvenient to have to work..? I'm asking if you work at all.


I'm going to take a guess and say that you are either a) not diagnosed or b) not medicated. On the chance that I'm wrong, you don't need good grades for a lucrative career. If anything, it sounds that you aren't working at all, which is more telling than anything. (If I can't look like arnold, I'm not even going to TOUCH weights!)


...

^That's why. You're dressing like the dude your mom hooked up with in the 80's and has been secretly hoping would come back to sweep her off her feet.
I am diagnosed with adhd and I have been since I was seven years old, but I’m not medicated since all those pills do is make me irritable. They do nothing to actually improve focus. I would indeed like to have a career but I have no idea what I would do for that. I wanted to study audio production in college but I needed a certain gpa to get into the program and my grades weren’t good enough. Right now I’m learning how to record on tape and I have decent recording equipment, but idk how I’d make money doing that. I could try asking bands if I can record them but I still have a bit more to learn as far as recording is concerned. I see nothing wrong with how I dress, I play in a rock n roll band and the way I dress is part of the look. Do I really have to start dressing like some kinda normie to get women? I think that’s selling out
 

BergischerLöwe

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Look man. What you’re doing is not working. The solution is to change it. Seems like you’ve made your choice so therefore you should just be happy with your situation because inaction will keep you in exactly the same place you are right now.

I wish you the best of luck. I’m out of this discussion.
Man all I was doing was asking for help. I’m sorry if you feel like I’m just shooting down suggestions, but for me it does feel that hopeless. Maybe I need to pay a dating coach or something similar to put me on the right track. Perhaps what I’m going thru is above this forum’s pay grade
 

BergischerLöwe

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Neither do I.
I think the fundamental problem is that I’ve always had to rely on apps and have never been capable of meeting women irl. If apps didn’t exist I’d still be a virgin. When I was a teenager I should have learned how to engage women irl like normal guys are supposed to, but it never happened
 

IamtheAlphamale

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By now any of you regulars on here have probably seen my posts about the problems I have meeting women. As the years have gone by it's clear that I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place, and even after posting on here regularly for the better part of three months looking for advice I'm still left with no answers as to how to solve the problem I'm in. I'm becoming increasingly convinced that trying to date or meet the kind of woman I really want is a futile effort and that it's unrealistic to think that I'll ever achieve my goals as far as my love life. Right now there's major obstacles preventing me from meeting women and I'm not sure if they're even anything I can stop.

Firstly, I've only ever been able to meet women from apps. I've used apps since I was 18 and to this day it's the only way I know how to meet women. However these have tended to be mid tier women that are far more attracted to me than I am to them, most of them were a tier or two below me in looks. Over the past few years I've gotten diminishing returns from apps, in both quality and quantity of matches. Nowadays I'm lucky to get one or two matches a month to the same kind of mid tier women I've mentioned before, and when I message them I either get no reply or the convo fizzes out very fast. Recently I caved and started paying for hinge again but I know it's not going to do me any good. Usually I have nothing in common with the women on dating apps, and this hurts my chances too. I'm more of a niche guy so already only specific kinds of girls would potenially be attracted to me. But most of the time the kinds of girls that swipe right on me are ones I'm not attracted to. Apps are a complete dead end yet I'm forced to rely on them.

Before anyone says "just meet girls in real life, bro", let me explain why that option isn't viable either. To this very day, I have never gotten with any girl that I've initially met irl. It hasn't happened like that at all. I have no experiences of pulling the cute girl from class when I was in college, or hooking up with a woman from a party, or being introduced to a girl via social circle and eventually dating her. I have none of those fundamental experiences with meeting women irl that normal guys are supposed to have. Historically, whenever I've come across a woman irl that I found attractive, I've suppressed my attraction since I always know that nothing will come of trying to pursue her. There have been a couple times where I've gotten girls' numbers irl, but each time that happened the woman approached me first and they were all women who had boyfriends so they were already spoken for. I can count the number of times that's happened on one hand, and every time getting the number was the furthest it went.

I have absolutely no way of meeting women naturally in real life. I can't do cold approach since it's not compatible with my nature as an introvert, and I'm scared to death of being labelled as a creep for trying it. None of the traditional cold approach venues would work for someone like me. I don't like going to bars unless my band has a gig and I wouldn't find the sort of woman I'm looking for there, and the thought of approaching women in public places such as malls and grocery stores is just cringe. There's no way I would ever have any success with cold approach. The learning curve is so steep the I'll just get discouraged and give up, and even if I stick it out I wouldn't get any better results than what I've been able to achieve online. There are some guys that aren't suited to cold approach, and I'm one of them.

Meeting women via hobby groups social circle, and warm approach is also out. My social circle is small and there's no possibility that I could be introduced to a woman thru it. The last time in my life that social circle may have been an option was back when I was like 18/19, but even then it didn't happen. Hobby groups also won't work since my hobbies tend to be solitary, niche, and male dominated, so there's no hope of meeting women thru those channels. I'm religious, but there's no dateable women in the religious circles I frequent so that's also not an option. I'd love to meet a woman via an irl warm approach somehow, but I've never been able to build rapport with a woman I've first met irl, asked her out, and actually gotten with her. There's nothing suggesting that I'm even capable of doing that since I've made it to 27 without it ever happening. If it wasn't for apps, I'd still be a virgin, and now that apps no longer work for me I'm royally screwed. I'm also convinced that if there are girls out there who are really compatible with me, they're hanging out at home most of the time and not really showing themselves irl, so I have no chance to actually meet them. But like I said, even in the unlikely event that I meet a girl irl I'm never capable of turning that opportunity into anything.

In short I don't think there's anything I can do besides make peace with my situation, keep fruitlessly swiping away on apps, and hoping and praying I luck out. I wish apps worked better for me since I'll never be able to meet women irl, and the women from apps just aren't what I'm looking for either. I hate this hellscape that is the modern dating scene, I hate being forced to exclusively rely on apps to even be seen by women, I hate not having any options to meet women irl, I'm just sick of all of it. What do I even do in a situation like this when fate is railroading me into being perpetually unsatisfied with my dating life and never being able to meet and date the kind of women I actually want. It's so frustrating, and even on this forum nobody has been able to give me a viable, realistic, sensible answer to solve the problems I've described. Is there anything I can do, or is it over? Please be honest and realistic about what my options are, if I have any
There's this thing called a limiting belief. It's basically 'I can't get the ketchup from the top shelf, I will never be able to get the ketchup from the top shelf.'

Was there ever a time you were capable of getting the ketchup?

Michael Jordan said basically that he missed almost 10000 shots in his career. He didn't even make the high school basket ball team. But he just kept trying. He didn't take his first shot and miss and say 'it's impossible'.

Basically you miss every shot you don't take. Your saying to yourself oh that girl is hot but she would never go for me, It's not the right environment to approach and I wouldn't be able to get her anyways. Aka I can't reach the ketchup on the top shelf.

There's something your not realizing and that is that social skills take practice. If you don't use them you won't be good at them. If Michael Jordan didn't practice playing basketball he wouldn't have become a legendary player. So next time you decide not to approach remember that you decided not to take the shot and work on your skills.

Do you actually like that feeling in your head? The 'I can't I will never be good blah blah.' Cause that's how your going to feel for the rest of your life unless you DECIDE otherwise.

Your embracing a mindset that is super unhealthy. This is why all of us came here. To work on ourselves. If your just gonna say apps won't work for me and I will never approach anyone ever because I care too much what everyone thinks about me then yeah you will never pick any girl up.

But if your willing to practice then buy a book. Niel strauss has a book of 30 days of challenges. Your going to have to push yourself. Set goals, be a man.

You decide your life.

If your inner game is weak then research it. You can just use a hypnosis app when you sleep. Or if your not comfortable with that then start researching confidence and social skills etc.

Your at the very start of the game and your saying 'I can't win so I quit'

Man up.
 

BergischerLöwe

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There's this thing called a limiting belief. It's basically 'I can't get the ketchup from the top shelf, I will never be able to get the ketchup from the top shelf.'

Was there ever a time you were capable of getting the ketchup?

Michael Jordan said basically that he missed almost 10000 shots in his career. He didn't even make the high school basket ball team. But he just kept trying. He didn't take his first shot and miss and say 'it's impossible'.

Basically you miss every shot you don't take. Your saying to yourself oh that girl is hot but she would never go for me, It's not the right environment to approach and I wouldn't be able to get her anyways. Aka I can't reach the ketchup on the top shelf.

There's something your not realizing and that is that social skills take practice. If you don't use them you won't be good at them. If Michael Jordan didn't practice playing basketball he wouldn't have become a legendary player. So next time you decide not to approach remember that you decided not to take the shot and work on your skills.

Do you actually like that feeling in your head? The 'I can't I will never be good blah blah.' Cause that's how your going to feel for the rest of your life unless you DECIDE otherwise.

Your embracing a mindset that is super unhealthy. This is why all of us came here. To work on ourselves. If your just gonna say apps won't work for me and I will never approach anyone ever because I care too much what everyone thinks about me then yeah you will never pick any girl up.

But if your willing to practice then buy a book. Niel strauss has a book of 30 days of challenges. Your going to have to push yourself. Set goals, be a man.

You decide your life.

If your inner game is weak then research it. You can just use a hypnosis app when you sleep. Or if your not comfortable with that then start researching confidence and social skills etc.

Your at the very start of the game and your saying 'I can't win so I quit'

Man up.
What's the neil strauss book called?
 

BergischerLöwe

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OP every post you make, I learn something new about you and not the good new either. You seriously need to consult a therapist or something to fix your underlying issue.
I'm already in therapy and have been for some time. There's little therapy can do in fixing my issues meeting women tho, at least that's what it seems like
 

BergischerLöwe

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There's no way my parents could set me up like that. This isn't the 19th century. If I was alive back then it's very likely that I would have met a woman thru those kinda channels, but that custom doesn't exist anymore outside of fundamentalist Christian circles. Even if they could it's kinda pathetic to resort to that and something like that would put women off anyway. Do you know anybody whose parents set them up with someone? I can't count on my friends setting me up either. That sort of thing simply does not happen
 

corrector

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There's no way my parents could set me up like that. This isn't the 19th century. Even if they could it's kinda pathetic to resort to that and something like that would put women off anyway. Do you know anybody whose parents set them up with someone? I can't count on my friends setting me up either. That sort of thing simply does not happen
They are well connected arent they?
 

BergischerLöwe

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They are well connected arent they?
I don't think they know anybody who knows someone I could date and would be well suited to me. But like I said it's pathetic to have to have your parents set you up with someone, at least in this present day. Like I was saying if I lived in past eras I probably would already have a wife at this point via arranged marriage or some other kind of matchmaking, and for an introverted, not very social guy like myself such an arrangement would actually be ideal. But that institution in society simply doesn't exist anymore. Sometimes I wish I lived in a more traditional society where arranged marriage is commonplace, but I was born in the wrong era. If I lived in the Old Country a few hundred years earlier I wouldn't be having problems meeting women to be quite frank. It's over for BornInTheWrongEraCels (as MatureDJ would say)
 
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CornbreadFed

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I don't think they know anybody who knows someone I could date and would be well suited to me. But like I said it's pathetic to have to have your parents set you up with someone, at least in this present day. Like I was saying if I lived in past eras I probably would already have a wife at this point via arranged marriage or some other kind of matchmaking, and for an introverted, not very social guy like myself such an arrangement would actually be ideal. But that institution in society simply doesn't exist anymore
You would still have a different excuse for every decade of previous centuries lol. Everyone on this site has given you excellent advice and you have made an elaborate & unique rebuttal for all of them.
 

BergischerLöwe

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You would still have a different excuse for every decade of previous centuries lol. Everyone on this site has given you excellent advice and you have made an elaborate & unique rebuttal for all of them.
Well as far as family or friends making introductions for me I can't count on that. Maybe a paid matchmaking service would be better but that's still a long shot
 

corrector

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I don't think they know anybody who knows someone I could date and would be well suited to me. But like I said it's pathetic to have to have your parents set you up with someone, at least in this present day. Like I was saying if I lived in past eras I probably would already have a wife at this point via arranged marriage or some other kind of matchmaking, and for an introverted, not very social guy like myself such an arrangement would actually be ideal. But that institution in society simply doesn't exist anymore
You dont think or are you sure? You should at least talk to them about this. You cant call this pathetic because I think we both know its not a normal society. Blackpill is mainstreaming and you can see it in the youtube and tictok videos and comments. This may be pathetic in the 00s or early 10s but I feel at this time its like anything goes. It looks like.society is designed to keep allot of guys incels and its more appearant now than ever before.
 

BergischerLöwe

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You dont think or are you sure? You should at least talk to them about this. You cant call this pathetic because I think we both know its not a normal society. Blackpill is mainstreaming and you can see it in the youtube and tictok videos and comments. This may be pathetic in the 00s or early 10s but I feel at this time its like anything goes. It looks like.society is designed to keep allot of guys incels and its more appearant now than ever before.
I'm absolutely sure they wouldn't know anybody. I do agree that our corporate overlords are deliberately trying to make more guys incel, and instead of actionable solutions to the incel problem, society just tries to make them complacent and ply them up with porno and video games
 

IamtheAlphamale

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What's the neil strauss book called?
I think it's something like : master the game in 30 days. Google it. He has a few books. He's one of the most famous pickup artists from back in the day.

Warning : you must do the challenges in order or you won't have success
 

IamtheAlphamale

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What's the neil strauss book called?
The book is called 'Rules of the Game'

It works too. But you have to talk to people. It can be hard. But realize this : your mind makes things out to be much worse than they are in reality.

I've done the book before.

The thing about approaching is this : if you have a bad result then 99 percent of the time you did something wrong. So work on yourself. It is possible to have a long conversation just stopping random hot girls as they are walking. And it's possible to do 99 percent of the time when you get good. I've done the book.

Also I didn't have any luck when I was young either.
 

BergischerLöwe

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The book is called 'Rules of the Game'

It works too. But you have to talk to people. It can be hard. But realize this : your mind makes things out to be much worse than they are in reality.

I've done the book before.

The thing about approaching is this : if you have a bad result then 99 percent of the time you did something wrong. So work on yourself. It is possible to have a long conversation just stopping random hot girls as they are walking. And it's possible to do 99 percent of the time when you get good. I've done the book.

Also I didn't have any luck when I was young either.
Alright cool I’ll check out the book
 
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