Cold Approach in Grocery Store

[Divorced w 3]

Not specifically grocery stores.... and at my age, my target demographic is somewhat older than 25 - I tend to do best with women mid 30s, through to late 40s.... But....

I do this kind of approaching all the time - I'm just naturally talkative - As I've got older I've become more sociable , with everyone.
I have no problem speaking to people I don't know, women included - And I've also got better at picking up on whether or woman's interested - If I think she is, I'll try to steer the conversation to get an idea of her availability.
Just make a comment about the surroundings.... look for things like eye-contact, etc.. You get better at judging body-language with practice... expand on the conversation if she seems happy to engage, and just wing-it from there.
When all goes well, I'll ask for some form of contact info. (phone no./social media/etc.) - or even straight out suggest a low-commitment date such as coffee/drinks/etc.
The trick is not to be anxious about the outcome - If things go well..... great! - If not, then I just go about my day.... no harm done.

Try to keep it light, and a woman will generally be much more open and friendly - Women generally aren't stupid, If you come across like you're specifically running 'game', her guard will go straight up.

Within the last few yrs, I picked one up while parking my car in town... She was parking hers so I made a comment about the parking situation and just expanded the convo from there...
Another one (early 40s at the time) was looking at guitar strings in a music store (turned out they were for her teen son) - I helped... and arranged a coffee date before leaving the store - She was tons of fun for a few months.....

Appreciate your detail

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Something I have learned about people in my older years: Approximately 20% of the general population suffers from a specific mental defect. I don't know if there is a name for it but it is a combination of confirmation bias, narcissism, and denial.

Narcissist believe they are better and smarter than others. This is demonstrated when a person with no experience in a subject believes they are so special that their uninformed personal opinion should be taken just as seriously as someone with years of experience. Like the idiots who believe the earth is flat. Their self-importance is so great that they feel they should be given equal consideration as 100,000 scientists who have dedicated their lives to the study of science.

Despite the narcissist's self-importance, they have egg-shell thin egos and because of this, they develop strong protection mechanisms. Being wrong about something or having to admit their laziness and failures is something a narcissist cannot handle, so they employ protection mechanisms to prevent this ego-wounding and the two most common protectionism mechanisms I see employed are confirmation-bias and denial, often combined with victim-mentality. You see it every day in politics, and often around the holiday dinner table with a few select members of your family. It is the formula for creating an INCEL. Just the mere mention that they could be doing something to help themselves is so triggering that they will push back on the suggestion and argue against it (using theory - not experience) until you finally have to end the conversation because you realize they don't WANT something to be true - they aren't looking for the actual truth.

There can be no convincing these INCELs.
INCEL: "Even though I've never tried it, I just know it won't work"
Me: "Yes it does work. I do it all the time. Here is one example of how I did it, what I said, and what happened"
INCEL: "Ok sure, but it only works in these specific locations and situations"
Me: "No that's not true. It works everywhere. Here is a specific example of where I met a girl in another random place and talked with her"
INCEL: "Big deal, so some girl gave you the time of day. That doesn't mean you slept with her. And cheesy pickup lines don't work"
Me: "Sure I did - we dated for 3 months. Here is how I got the first date, then subsequent dates, and how I ended up sleeping with her. I didn't use cheesy pickup lines at all - some may do that but I don't - they simply aren't needed. I just have a normal conversation."
INCEL: "Then she was an ugly wh0re with tons of baggage, red flags, and caked on makeup. I'm only interested in good women."
Me: "Eh? No, I don't date ugly wh0res. This girl was a 23yo professional ballerina who still lived with her parents and had only been in one LTR"
INCEL: "Well.... well.... it's not masculine to go up and talk to women..... a masculine man waits for women to come to him instead of going around begging women and playing stupid!"

It is laughable. There is no helping a person like this other than to tell them they are right, and their current failed love-live is no fault of their own. They just want ego soothing, like a mother holding her infant son.

My stories of meeting, dating, and sleeping with women in their 20's who I met at Target, the veterinarian's office, Whole Foods, grocery store, shoe store, department store, mall, on the sidewalk, on vacation in foreign countries, at athletic competitions, and at volunteer events are many, and all one has to do is search through my posts to read the examples. I have provided great detail about what I said and how the relationships evolved (whether they never led to a date, led to a date but not sex, led to a ONS, led to several months of dating, or led to a 1+ year long LTR or marriage).

DJ's do benefit from the existence of guys like this because it is less competition for us, and makes those of us who are able to have a conversation with a woman stand out all the more. So in this way, I appreciate INCELs.

 

[pipeman84]

You're showing some nice progression in this thread @oldmanofthesea , from avoiding answering a clear question, to a diatribe on my relationship history to directly calling me an INCEL because I argue against cold approaching in grocery stores. Jesus Christ!

You pose as someone with vast experience with women but to me you come across as a low self esteem guy who either needs a lot of time to or can't distinguish at all quality women from those with tons of baggage/red flags and whatever experience you have is with low quality women. That's obvious from your fear that your woman hangs out with other men 1:1. Even with your ex wife, you mentioned you didn't notice any red flags for the first year, yet you also mention about her ex boyfriends and that you hooked up on first date. HELLO! HELLO!

Later edit: Should I be impressed that you dated a 23yrs old hoe for 3 months? Oh, she only had one LTR so that makes her a proper girl. Yeah right...that's why she hooked up with a guy 20yrs her senior for 3 months and then went on to a different dyck Man, I realized by my early 20s that spending time with hoes is not beneficial mentally, emotionally, spiritually ... hoes are for a quick fvck and that's it.

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

@oldmanofthesea
1. just because I don't have personal experience with cold approaching doesn't mean I shouldn't express my opinions on it or that they're automatically worthless. That's like saying a doctor shouldn't talk about diseases because after all he's healthy and hasn't experienced them.

Naw bro, that is a false equivalency fallacy.

A better analogy would be for two "doctors" who are discussing the best method to treat a patient.

One doctor is explaining to the other that a specific surgical procedure works best, because he has used the procedure on many patients and it has worked.

The other doctor is being dismissive, saying that the method doesn't work even though he has never tried the method, yet he is still sh!tting on the first doctors method.

How foolish is that?

3. you keep repeating about your successes and that of other members. I don't know about that, I keep reading about failures in cold approaches and how it negatively affects the guys' mental health. DUH

Everyone knows that with cold approaching, you will fail (get rejected) more times than you succeed.

If you work on self, you should be able to snag at least 30% or better.

As a man, in order to be taken seriously by a woman, you have to have and project value. The wider the age gap, the more important this becomes. So using dumb openers is a double shoot in your own foot. You keep pressing me on how I do things, as if I stated anywhere that I'm an authority and all should do as I do. I don't do cold approach. I'm not interested in chit chat with random girls...most are not even attractive when you look closely at them (meaning, I read their faces and can form an idea of what they're about...most are giving airheads/hoe vibes. And I'm not talking out my ass here, there are quite a few I've seen several times and got their info and turned out they were indeed persons I didn't want anything to do with).

I guess I will never understand...

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

-Miss, last time I put my hand in this basket to pick an Orange a mouse jumped out
-really?
-No
*both laugh*
-so what are you making with those oranges?

Wasting time trying to be a comedian.

Thought you were Mode One.

Smh.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Wasting time trying to be a comedian.

Thought you were Mode One.

Smh.

I never said I was mode one. I said I am learning mode one

also if you read oooh say it again in the stories you know he starts off lightly and then goes for it right?

 

[MtmVaott]

Don't take it as an absolute...let me make a couple of distinctions:
1. if a 20s something girl is minding her business looking at oranges and a 40+ years man moves next to her and says: 'I never can tell when these are ripe - how do you tell' that's creepy. It plays right into the stereotype of older men preying on younger girls and any girl without tons of baggage/red flags will immediately have defense walls raised. On the other hand, if the guy is the same age and starts smiling/laughing at the silliness of his own question, then there's no creepiness there.
2. if it's not the first time you two see each other in the supermarket, then it's already a different level. If she looks at you/smiles then we're talking about warm approach. So then if you say something like 'since we keep looking at each other, let's introduce ourselves...what's your name?' that's a direct, honest approach that doesn't demean you as a man and make you look dumb.

Regarding 2: I would just say 'Hi' and ask for the name. It's a no brainer then.

Regarding 1:
Don't get this mixed up, it's not about age. If I would do it like you describe, it would be simping.

You are basically inauthentic and fake if you ask these rethorical questions. It's manipulative.
You try to make her converse with you by forcing her to answer (out of politeness) or to run away (from you).

Second aspect: Even if you say it with a smirk, you position yourself below her. You still use a question and rely she will answer.
If she chooses not to, says nothing and walks away, you will feel devalued (and she does hurt your honor in fact). So don't bring yourself in this position in the first place

--> Maintain your dignity / self respect

- (If she is taking her time to pick an orange) 'Hard to pick one, right?'
- 'Sorry, but I wouldn't take these.' [grab some oranges] 'Thanks, I wanted that one for myself.'
- 'I would take this orange sort.' [point with finger to different kind of oranges] (Edit: You have to legitimize your recommendation and it sets a 'friendly' vibe - could work, maybe not, but emphasis has to be to help another human regardless who it is)
- 'Cucumbers fit your outfit better' (if she's wearing green jacket)

If they are interested, they will start to pursue after you left, or will pick up the convo.

Isn't this the good old flirting? Man, I think I learned this in kindergarden...So much bullsh1t nowadays floating around...

 

[pipeman84]

I guess I will never understand...

Bottom line: this is a forum that supposedly is about elevating men in their interactions with women, men becoming 'so suave', yet cold approaching in grocery stores with the examples given in this thread is all about grown ass men prostrating for hoes in their 20s. Just baffles me.

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

I never said I was mode one. I said I am learning mode one

Aint nothin to learn, either you tell a woman what is on your mind, or you dont.

also if you read oooh say it again in the stories you know he starts off lightly and then goes for it right?

No, I never read it. But at the same time, he is also a hardcore/extreme Mode One advocate, and he is on the record for saying he never built rapport with a woman he viewed as a f#ck buddy.

So all of the jokey-jokey stuff is unnecessary.

Oooh say it again is a book based on verbal seduction, which he is big on (which I am not).

 

[Divorced w 3]

Aint nothin to learn, either you tell a woman what is on your mind, or you dont.



No, I never read it. But at the same time, he is also a hardcore/extreme Mode One advocate, and he is on the record for saying he never built rapport with a woman he viewed as a f#ck buddy.

So all of the jokey-jokey stuff is unnecessary.

Oooh say it again is a book based on verbal seduction, which he is big on (which I am not).

So you’re literally here lecturing on a topic on which you haven’t even taken the time to learn yourself. Love it.

 

[pipeman84]

- (If she is taking her time to pick an orange) 'Hard to pick one, right?'
- 'Sorry, but I wouldn't take these.' [grab some oranges] 'Thanks, I wanted that one for myself.'
- 'I would take this orange sort.' [point with finger to different kind of oranges]

man, these are good ones, I like them.

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

Bottom line: this is a forum that supposedly is about elevating men in their interactions with women, men becoming 'so suave', yet cold approaching in grocery stores with the examples given in this thread is all about grown ass men prostrating for hoes in their 20s. Just baffles me.

Let me ask you somethin, brethren..

1. Day game
2. Night game
3. Online dating
4. Cold approaching
5. Social circle

Which of these games will give you the best ROI (return on investment), in your opinion?

You are one of those social circle guys, correct?

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

So you’re literally here lecturing on a topic on which you haven’t even taken the time to learn yourself. Love it.

Nonsense.

You said..

"also if you read oooh say it again in the stories you know he starts off lightly and then goes for it right?"

I never read the book, but I betcha your version of starting off lightly, and ARC's version of starting off lightly, are two different things.

I've seen videos of him giving examples of his Mode One approaches, and none involved open mic at the comedy club routines.

 

[pipeman84]

Let me ask you somethin, brethren..

1. Day game
2. Night game
3. Online dating
4. Cold approaching
5. Social circle

Which of these games will give you the best ROI (return on investment), in your opinion?

You are one of those social circle guys, correct?

It depends on how one defines investment.
If investment = fvcking hoes as fast as possible, nothing beats direct route, ie sex workers. One can delude himself and believe himself to be a Don Juan because he cold approaches 100 girls on the streets, at the mall, grocery store and gets a few dates and 1 lay out of it. But he's still fvcking hoes, only taking the scenic route for it. Unless one enjoys this process, that's terrible investment time, emotional, mental wise to fvck 1 hoe.

If investment = getting a quality woman for a LTR, then social circle. The other options listed would work only in some extraordinary circumstance, ie a very vivid dream about getting on OLD, meeting a girl several times in a day and feeling something special when having eye contact...call it serendipity, the hand of God, whatever.

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

Don't take it as an absolute...let me make a couple of distinctions:
1. if a 20s something girl is minding her business looking at oranges and a 40+ years man moves next to her and says: 'I never can tell when these are ripe - how do you tell' that's creepy. It plays right into the stereotype of older men preying on younger girls and any girl without tons of baggage/red flags will immediately have defense walls raised.

That's bullsh!t, amigo.

Nick Cannon is 42 yrs old, and I can easily see him pulling a woman in her 20's.

And ARC's wife was 30 years his junior. She hired him for a consultation and wound up telling him that she was attracted to him...and things progressed from there; from marriage, to parenthood, to his untimely death just recently.

It ain't the age, it is the game.

On the other hand, if the guy is the same age and starts smiling/laughing at the silliness of his own question, then there's no creepiness there.
2. if it's not the first time you two see each other in the supermarket, then it's already a different level. If she looks at you/smiles then we're talking about warm approach. So then if you say something like 'since we keep looking at each other, let's introduce ourselves...what's your name?' that's a direct, honest approach that doesn't demean you as a man and make you look dumb.

There you have it. Every excuse in the book not to approach a woman and talk to her.

The fear is REAL.

 

[pipeman84]

Nick Cannon is 42 yrs old, and I can easily see him pulling a woman in her 20's.

C'mon man, isn't he the guy with what, 12 kids from 6 hoes? Even without his money and fame, one could pull a woman with plenty baggage/red flags with enough foot work, I never denied that.

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

It depends on how one defines investment.
If investment = fvcking hoes as fast as possible, nothing beats direct route, ie sex workers.

Obviously, none of those options involved trickin.

Cmon now, bro.

One can delude himself and believe himself to be a Don Juan because he cold approaches 100 girls on the streets, at the mall, grocery store and gets a few dates and 1 lay out of it.

But he's still fvcking hoes, only taking the scenic route for it. Unless one enjoys this process, that's terrible investment time, emotional, mental wise to fvck 1 hoe.

Notice that, in order to make your point, you had to use the worse case scenario (outside of zero women).

So, what if the dude approaches 100 girls and has a 30+ percentage of getting the number & laid?

That tends to change things, doesn't it?

If investment = getting a quality woman for a LTR, then social circle. The other options listed would work only in some extraordinary circumstance, ie a very vivid dream about getting on OLD, meeting a girl several times in a day and feeling something special when having eye contact...call it serendipity, the hand of God, whatever.

Nonsense.

Because even in your beloved social circles, guess what? You STILL have to be attracted to the woman, and she STILL has to be attracted to you.

And you STILL have to approach the bytch.

That, followed by the fact that you are assuming that a man cant find a quality woman (LTR) by cold approaching her.

The women in your social circle all go grocery shopping, dont they?

Smh.

You are just SCARED to approach women, so you sh!t on guys that have the courage to do what you are afraid to do.

That is hatin, my friend.

At its finest.

 

[MtmVaott]

man, these are good ones, I like them.

Are you up to a 'training session' in the following weeks?
Just to practice these kind of remarks in the supermarket.

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

C'mon man, isn't he the guy with what, 12 kids from 6 hoes?

Yup, that's him.

Im not talkin bout Nick Cannon, the rich celebrity.

I am talkin bout Nick Cannon, the man.

Even without his money and fame, one could pull a woman with plenty baggage/red flags with enough foot work, I never denied that.

Or, one can pull a woman with high value, no baggage or red flags.

Lets not deny that, either.

 

[pipeman84]

The question is, can a man create serendipity though technique, verbal seduction, Game?

I think these situations are divinely orchestrated...one can't just consciously declare, I'm going to meet my mate by 1st of February and therefore put myself out there....that's forcing it, and the Universe might deliver you a lesson.

Because even in your beloved social circles, guess what? You STILL have to be attracted to the woman, and she STILL has to be attracted to you.

Yeah man, but there's vetting process, warming up....if you're trying to tell me that a high quality woman is just as receptive to a stranger who approaches her in the grocery store as she's to the same guy that she's seen, and had time to think about, I don't agree with you. It's like saying that attempting a deadlift with 200 pounds right after entering the gym with no warm up is the same as doing it after proper warm up.

Are you up to a 'training session' in the following weeks?
Just to practice these kind of remarks in the supermarket.

Just stored them on my mental hard drive. Might come in handy.