How deal with alpha widow?

[nzrod]

Hi. I am 51 and my girlfriend (45) has just moved in with me. Anyone this age knows that the dating market isn't good at all (in most cities) - many fat women, women with kids, women with issues.

My girlfriend is a 9/10 physically, a strong Christian, a counsellor for her job (with two Masters degrees), and interesting - and she has no kids (miscarriages in prior marriage - where he cheated on her). I really feel like I have found a needle in a haystack. I kid you not.

She dated a LOT in the 7 years since her marriage ended (age 38 to 45), and was living in a city of 5 million people so many opportunities. She says she was selective though (Christian background so I kind of believe it) but I count about 5 - 6 in bed from what she told me - who knows.

My concern is the other day we were talking about who broke our hearts the most. She said the first boyfriend AFTER her marriage (10 month relationship). This is despite her husband cheating on her. I said "Why did he break your heart more than your husband?".
She: "I was more physically attracted to him"
Me: "Why"
She: "Oooh, he had a body like a model, like....a statue...those statues you see". Her face lit up and her eyes looked up to the left as she imagined.
She had already told me a week earlier that he gave her her first penis in vagina orgasm, and he has a bigger **** than me. She also implied they slept together first or second date.
He left the town where she was living with two weeks notice so she felt abandoned by him.

So...now of course I am extremely insecure. My heart was racing all night - I got 2 hours sleep. How can I compete with model/statuesque man with a bigger ****? I work out a lot and eat well, and I am good looking, but I am 51 and can't measure up to his description.

She said the next day that she likes sex with me and doesn't compare me to him, but I can't help but imagine I can never compare to her big **** sex with a model who broke her heart.

What to do? I certainly don't want to break up with her, as I say a woman like her at my age is like a needle in a haystack. Any thoughts please?

 

[EyeBRollin]

Sorry, OP nothing you can do. Don’t ask any more of these self sabotage questions. “Don’t ask what you don’t want to know the answer to.”

Men, the reality is that most western women have too many miles on the odometer. Find a gal with short to no dating history. Try immigrant women. Age hurts. You shouldn’t ever expect a 45 year old divorced woman to not be damaged.

 

[EyeBRollin]

How would you know that? I'm assuming not by asking, the very same thing you said.

I suggest reading the DJ Bible and honing your game. “Asking” is foolish and blantantly incorrect. Women seldom give direct answers.

Again what makes you think immigrant women haven't had a lot of body count, I'm assuming not by asking, the very thing you said.

Generally they are more culturally traditional and did not spend their teenage years getting their back blown out at parties with 16-25 year old Chad.

 

[RobbyDog]

Your insecurity will drive her away and your fears will become self fulfilling. You must think of all the reasons why she’s lucky to have you.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Women lie, you never gonna know the right answer, so that's pointless.

Exactly.

I'm an immigrant, and you're wrong, I know them first hand. When those pedestalized by you women get to US, they get corrupted, and they turn into the same spinster. And marriage is even worst, why would married an immigrant women when she'll divorce you, have the papers, money and she will turn into a spinster.

No. I have banged more immigrant women than you have. Not talking about undocumented immigrants- the ones that already have green card or are first generation.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

Why would you ever ask a girl a question like that?

I tend to avoid asking women any questions about their past sexual experiences.

However if she starts voluntarily disclosing info about men in her past and makes it clear they imprinted her, that's when you know you have a problem, especially if they're brought up multiple times.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

Exactly.



No. I have banged more immigrant women than you have. Not talking about undocumented immigrants- the ones that already have green card or are first generation.

I would probably agree with that. However the world is becoming so homogenized I'm starting to think otherwise.

Right now for instance I'm talking to an Iranian girl who literally talks about how much she wants to get ****ed down. Maybe she's an unusual case though.

 

[EyeBRollin]

I would probably agree with that. However the world is becoming so homogenized I'm starting to think otherwise.

Right now for instance I'm talking to an Iranian girl who literally talks about how much she wants to get ****ed down. Maybe she's an unusual case though.

That’s unusual in my experience. All the immigrant and first Gen women I’ve dvcked down were low body count. Couple of them were virgins.

 

[SW15]

A 45 year old who is childless and fit isn't going to be 9 simply because she's 45. I could buy a 7 at best physically.

The advanced degree is a red flag for sure. Women with advanced degrees often possess a host of unfeminine behaviors.

She's a cafeteria style Christian. She may go to a church service weekly but she's not practicing the inconvenient parts of her faith. The only sex that the dogma of Christian religions permits is heterosexual, marital sex.

There is nothing good that comes from talking about a woman's past. In most cases, after about age 25 or so, you're not her lifetime best. It's possible and even probable she's been with a better looking guy, a guy with more money/more awesome possessions than you, a guy with a bigger penis than yours, or a guy who she experienced more intense orgasms with than you. It's possible to work around the first 3 things I mentioned but the 4th one is quite difficult. That's why I made it a priority to become good at sex. I studied and a read a lot about how to be amazing at sex and applied the techniques of those studies. I did that earlier in life, prior to age 23 or so.

I would say that being good at sex and not talking about the past in any great detail are the best ways to deal with this situation.

@nzrod -- You need to take a few deep breaths and not contact her until to you can manage to come to terms with this. You can go forward but you must find a way to have a strong frame and be confident in yourself. If you don't, then @RobbyDog 's quote below will come true.

Your insecurity will drive her away and your fears will become self fulfilling. You must think of all the reasons why she’s lucky to have you.

 

[EyeBRollin]

I would say that being good at sex and not talking about the past in any great detail are the best ways to deal with this situation.

Or finding women with low mileage…

 

[SW15]

I would say that being good at sex and not talking about the past in any great detail are the best ways to deal with this situation.

Or finding women with low mileage…

It's difficult to find low mileage women at any age after a man is about 27-30 or so. @nzrod is 51. At 51, having a 35 year old girlfriend is impressive. 35 year olds typically have high mileage. The woman being discussed here is 45, a full 10 year older than that.

I'll give an example of a 35 year old woman that might be considered lower mileage.

A woman is 35 and childless. She was in a relationship with a man from ages 20-33. It ended. Doesn't matter too much whether it ended in a divorce or a non-marital breakup, though I'd call a non-marital breakup lower mileage. Provided that she didn't have any extra-relational sexual partners during those 13 years, that will slow her notch count. If she didn't have too many partners before that long relationship started at age 20 and not too many between 33-35 when you're meeting her, that's about the lowest mileage 35 year old woman you could get.

 

[EyeBRollin]

It's difficult to find low mileage women at any age after a man is about 27-30 or so. @nzrod is 51. At 51, having a 35 year old girlfriend is impressive. 35 year olds typically have high mileage. The woman being discussed here is 45, a full 10 year older than that.

Hate to be the bearer of bad news..

We aren’t supposed to be “finding” people at 51. In the jungle we would be dead or dying by then. We’re supposed to have the significant other thing figured out long before then. Men decline quickly after 40. Women after 30. That’s the reality…

 

[EyeBRollin]

Yeah and you know for a fact that they are not spinsters like others.

"I have banged more immigrant women" this right here proves my point, but yeah they only banged you, cause you are special, sure buddy.

Yes. I’ve alpha widowed a lot of women.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

That’s unusual in my experience. All the immigrant and first Gen women I’ve dvcked down were low body count. Couple of them were virgins.

I met another Iranian girl a few years ago and she banged on the first date.

And another girl in that same region who blew me first date, banged on 2nd.

 

[SW15]

We aren’t supposed to be “finding” people at 51. In the jungle we would be dead or dying by then. We’re supposed to have the significant other thing figured out long before then.

There is a difference between "supposed to" and reality. Also, "supposed to" is a bit of a cultural construct. According to Caleb Jones (aka Blackdragon), "serial monogamy is the biological default method of pair-bonding for females under the age of 50. It's what (most) women prefer."

Serial Monogamy Revisited - Alpha Male 2.0

-By Caleb Jones There is a woman I know I’ll call “Sandy”. She’s a fascinating case study. Sandy is young, very smart, and very pretty. While she’s a little skinny for my tastes, if I put a completely untouched photo of her up on this blog,...

alphamale20.com

Also, this Blackdragon article is also a good perspective on women's view on monogamy.

Why Women Divorce - Alpha Male 2.0

-By Caleb Jones UPDATE: When I first wrote this blog post, I thought the woman I was talking about was separated. In fact she was not. It was a joke she made on her blog. It doesn’t change what I’m talking about below, since this...

alphamale20.com

Here's a mainstream, blue pill article on monogamy and why the "supposed to" isn't a thing....

Why Serial Monogamy Is the New Marriage

I have heard the intimate yearnings of thousands of women who long for love. Strong women.

www.glamour.com

Serial monogamy means women biologically are designed to change out partners every 5-10 years or so.

Men decline quickly after 40. Women after 30. That’s the reality…

I agree with this part. That's why the famous Rollo SMV chart showing men peak in their late 30s isn't the typical experience for most men between 35-39. Most men between 35-50 are vagina beggars who will settle some mediocre at best woman close to their own age. That's the only woman who will tolerate them.

 

[EyeBRollin]

There is a difference between "supposed to" and reality. Also, "supposed to" is a bit of a cultural construct. According to Caleb Jones (aka Blackdragon), "serial monogamy is the biological default method of pair-bonding for females under the age of 50. It's what (most) women prefer."

Serial Monogamy Revisited - Alpha Male 2.0

-By Caleb Jones There is a woman I know I’ll call “Sandy”. She’s a fascinating case study. Sandy is young, very smart, and very pretty. While she’s a little skinny for my tastes, if I put a completely untouched photo of her up on this blog,...

alphamale20.com

Also, this Blackdragon article is also a good perspective on women's view on monogamy.

Why Women Divorce - Alpha Male 2.0

-By Caleb Jones UPDATE: When I first wrote this blog post, I thought the woman I was talking about was separated. In fact she was not. It was a joke she made on her blog. It doesn’t change what I’m talking about below, since this...

alphamale20.com

Here's a mainstream, blue pill article on monogamy and why the "supposed to" isn't a thing....

Why Serial Monogamy Is the New Marriage

I have heard the intimate yearnings of thousands of women who long for love. Strong women.

www.glamour.com

Serial monogamy means women biologically are designed to change out partners every 5-10 years or so.



I agree with this part. That's why the famous Rollo SMV chart showing men peak in their late 30s isn't the typical experience for most men between 35-39. Most men between 35-50 are vagina beggars who will settle some mediocre at best woman close to their own age. That's the only woman who will tolerate them.

Those articles are quite blackpill. The cause of divorce / cheating is low interest level. Women are not “programmed” to cheat socially nor biologically.

 

[SW15]

The cause of divorce / cheating is low interest level. Women are not “programmed” to cheat socially nor biologically.

The argument can be made that low interest level in romance at that moment could be a symptom of a larger disease. The larger disease could be that women's prefer mating mode from a biological standpoint is shorter term monogamous relationships. The low interest level occurs after the "shelf life of goodness" period has expired. The passage of time and the preference for shorter term monogamy can create the low interest level that causes the cheating/divorce. That's at least how I see it.

 

[Plinco]

If you're OK being her second choice, then stay. If not, leave.

It's about having self-respect.

I think people forget that respect is more important than sex

 

[Dr.Suave]

Most say dont ask these questions. My three cents is that you ask them in the first 3-6 dates, not after giving her exlusivity and being in a relatioship for months or years. I say this becuase your case is not the first, we been seeing a lot of these lately

 

[EyeBRollin]

The argument can be made that low interest level in romance at that moment could be a symptom of a larger disease. The larger disease could be that women's prefer mating mode from a biological standpoint is shorter term monogamous relationships. The low interest level occurs after the "shelf life of goodness" period has expired. The passage of time and the preference for shorter term monogamy can create the low interest level that causes the cheating/divorce. That's at least how I see it.

I believe that is confirmation bias. There is no biological proclivity to shorter term relationships. Women simply move on quicker because they have to be able to mate jump if their man dies in the jungle.

There is also a statistically significant contingent of longer term marriages far beyond that 7 year estimate you are referring to. They are not outliers.