You have put this lady on a tall pedestal. She has two degrees, yet doesn’t have her own place and moved in with you.
Christian values yet she banged Chad Greek God Thunder C0ck on the first date and gloats about it.
These answers are never going to leave your mind, so don’t ask them. That knowledge will poison the well. If she is this mystical 9/10, she‘s been on lots of dates and most likely sampled a lot of d!ck.
This is what you have to work with at 51, so lower your expectations and have more pride in what you have to offer these women. It sounds like you put her value above your own. Do a bit of self reflection and work on your insecurities. Now that you have her sexual history burned into your head, probably best to let her go and learn for the experience.