I don't find my wife sexually attractive. Been married for over a year and have not had sex, not because she didn't want it, but because I did not want to do it with her. There's nothing wrong with the way she looks, but she does not have any confidence in the way she looks (body issues) and I think this is the root of it.
Here are some observations:
Observations of what and possibly why I am attracted to:
- Strong, but submissive libidos. Or they may be aggressive and sexualized, but the relationship does not last long.
- Brunettes who appear to be “smarter and healthier” maybe appear more confident and high energy.
- They have been mostly young, but some are in their 30’s. Most have been brunettes, but some blondes.
- Young, pretty, and confident, but also submissive in bed.
- Girls who appear to be high maintenance. Perhaps as a sign of high value, high confidence (respect ~ sex).
- I look at obtaining women as a symptom of self-improvement, and if I stay with her, then I will not self-improve (?)
Observations of my relationship with her, and possible causes:
- She is socially awkward and has body image issues, the girls I was with before didn’t have that problem.
- The relationship makes demands from me that I view as aggressive toward me, such as getting emotionally involved, to slow down, giving into demands that are not a part of my goals. She is emotionally involved because she cares more about me, which I am not used to.
- She is boring when she talks to me. Probably because she sits at home all day, and has few friends.
- During attempted sex, she does not feel aroused enough by my actions. Probably because I don’t act in a way that I find her attractive.
Possible root causes:
My libido draws from my core values, but does not match with my expected values, that is, living aggressively. My libido corresponds with my ambitions.
I have to see her as sexualized (confident with her body), submissive in bed, not getting in my way. I expect a woman to be turned on sexually by me being aggressive.
