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Why do I not find my wife attractive?

Plinco

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One would think most of these issues would have been apparent prior to marriage.
It did not appear beforehand because it was a long distance relationship. Long distance relationships are usually another no no.

It's not simping that got me into this trouble, it was pure stupidity, believe me. Usually I'm not the one to believe in arbitrary moral standards, but I feel like I'm obligated to make it work out, probably due to my civilized temperament (probably due to my strong mommy figure growing up as a child). Another characteristic of my cognition is to see potential and possibilities everywhere, so I think that there's always the possibility that she could work out for me, if I can only change my thinking orientation or something. It's like nice guy syndrome had a baby with jerk syndrome, it would give this defect that I am witnessing.

Scarcity mindset.
That was a big part of it, yes

I'm not a mind reader, but I'd guess that he figured, "she's a virgin, that's hot, and I'm not going to get another chance to get a low notch count girl that's at this looks caliber, so I might as well lock her down."
Right on the money buddy!
 
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metalwater

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maybe you're a master.

you have the girl doing everything and anything for you and you even have us trying to help. haha.

--
seriously; still assuming this is authentic. you have been trying for some time as is she. I would guess that you are sort of doing the same things over and over. because you are you and she is who she is. she IS attracted to you because she stays and tries. perhaps she even sees you in better ways than you know of yourself.

there is more than one way to solve most things. so far no success with the red pill animal attraction methods. yet your sense of honor and responsibility is telling you to figure it out.

try to take a different approach, the front door lust and desire aren't working and the red pill teaches us that it can not be negotiated (even with ourselves). suggest you take a shot at building a "spiritual" connection with her and from that perhaps new senses appear for you that include her and will result in another access route to desire. it can be done. I think a couple of the men in the forum can suggest ways, and I could suggest some also. it's not really a red pill, but could be very rewarding.
 

SW15

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It did not appear beforehand because it was a long distance relationship. Long distance relationships are usually another no no.
It is easy to miss details in long distance relationships. I have always had a no long distance relationships policy. I am strict about distance even within the large metros areas where I have lived. I don't like girlfriends to live more than 10-12 miles from where I live.
 

Ricky

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This is an interesting thread and i had to skim it but plan to read through it all at some point.

My friend Ryan lost interest in his wife. Ryan had slept with many women (>100) before marriage. He got divorced recently.
I was surprised to learn just how infrequently he slept with her the last 7 years of his marriage.
 

Plinco

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This is an interesting thread and i had to skim it but plan to read through it all at some point.

My friend Ryan lost interest in his wife. Ryan had slept with many women (>100) before marriage. He got divorced recently.
I was surprised to learn just how infrequently he slept with her the last 7 years of his marriage.
I would appreciate any insight that you might have
 

You essentially upped your VALUE in her eyes by showing her that, if she wants you, she has to at times do things that you like to do. You are SOMETHING after all. You are NOT FREE. If she wants to hang with you, it's going to cost her something — time, effort, money.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

Dr.Suave

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Take a cialis, you will get harder easier in spite of not feeling super attracted to her initially. Once you start banging her frequently without a condom she might grow on you.
 

Plinco

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Take a cialis, you will get harder easier in spite of not feeling super attracted to her initially. Once you start banging her frequently without a condom she might grow on you.
Half the time I don't even want to kiss her.
 

Plinco

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Update

I'm going to try to treat her as a girlfriend and see what happens.
 

Atom Smasher

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@Plinco , I think you identified the root cause of the problem in your OP. You said that she is boring to talk to. That in and of itself is sufficient to kill sexual desire.
I’m concerned that you might be jumping from the frying pan to the fire if you divorce her. You yourself accurately defined most modern women out there…”I see arrogance, jadedness, and ugliness.”
This sounds like a good girl except for the boredom/sexuality thing.
Is it possible to get her to explore some outside interests? I’m wondering if she was more involved with life outside of marriage, she might become more interesting. What if you both agreed to an individual outside pursuit and you can both discuss what you’re doing and learning? Maybe classes of some kind?
What about attempting some role-playing in the bedroom? Is it too late to try that?
There is a lot more to marriage than sex, although sex is important. I’d just hate to see you divorce and then on the other side realize you had it better than you thought. Most women today are trash. This girl is not. The fact is that most non-trash girls lean a little toward the boring side.
Sometimes we want our wives to provide intellectual stimulation that they are incapable of providing. I have struggled with that all my life with girlfriends. My wife is gorgeous and kind and submissive, but it would be folly for me to expect the same intellectual stimulation from her that I get from men. They just aren’t wired for that.
I have learned to accept women as unable to provide the whole package. For intellectual stimulation, it’s men all the way. Women by nature are intellectually boring AF, and will always disappoint in that area of life.
If you found a way to stick it out with her, as the years go by you might find that the differences you see now will diminish in importance.
I totally get how you feel. I’m just tossing out some thoughts for consideration. Just consider slowly and methodically fixing the issues before resorting to rummaging around back in the trash heap.
 

zekko

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Most women today are trash. This girl is not. The fact is that most non-trash girls lean a little toward the boring side.
Fair point. Not sure I agree, exactly, since I don't find trashy behavior exciting. But I could see a lot of guys seeing it this way.

Something John Lennon said when he ran into a rough spot with his wife Yoko Ono has always stuck with me. He said that they could tear it up and start fresh with someone new, but eventually he would just reach the same point with the new girl. So might as well power through and deal with it now.
 

Plinco

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@Plinco , I think you identified the root cause of the problem in your OP. You said that she is boring to talk to. That in and of itself is sufficient to kill sexual desire.
I’m concerned that you might be jumping from the frying pan to the fire if you divorce her. You yourself accurately defined most modern women out there…”I see arrogance, jadedness, and ugliness.”
This sounds like a good girl except for the boredom/sexuality thing.
Is it possible to get her to explore some outside interests? I’m wondering if she was more involved with life outside of marriage, she might become more interesting. What if you both agreed to an individual outside pursuit and you can both discuss what you’re doing and learning? Maybe classes of some kind?
What about attempting some role-playing in the bedroom? Is it too late to try that?
There is a lot more to marriage than sex, although sex is important. I’d just hate to see you divorce and then on the other side realize you had it better than you thought. Most women today are trash. This girl is not. The fact is that most non-trash girls lean a little toward the boring side.
Sometimes we want our wives to provide intellectual stimulation that they are incapable of providing. I have struggled with that all my life with girlfriends. My wife is gorgeous and kind and submissive, but it would be folly for me to expect the same intellectual stimulation from her that I get from men. They just aren’t wired for that.
I have learned to accept women as unable to provide the whole package. For intellectual stimulation, it’s men all the way. Women by nature are intellectually boring AF, and will always disappoint in that area of life.
If you found a way to stick it out with her, as the years go by you might find that the differences you see now will diminish in importance.
I totally get how you feel. I’m just tossing out some thoughts for consideration. Just consider slowly and methodically fixing the issues before resorting to rummaging around back in the trash heap.
I appreciate your input
 

Dr.Suave

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Im with Atom. Dont give up on her. The pasture may look greener on the other side but its probably not the case.
 

zekko

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Im with Atom. Dont give up on her. The pasture may look greener on the other side but its probably not the case.
If half of what you read on this forum is true, it's definitely not greener.
 

jimwho

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This sounds like a good girl except for the boredom/sexuality thing.
Is it possible to get her to explore some outside interests? I’m wondering if she was more involved with life outside of marriage, she might become more interesting.
Sensing someone doesn't like you is a buzz kill. Sensing it everyday is a HUGELY effective buzz kill. How can anyone
Be fun exciting affectionate happy sexy interesting when the person you're looking at thinks you suck?

I have been very active in fun sports. Some extremely dangerous. All my girlfriends and one wife did what I was doing.
Girls (for me anyway) have not had their own passion unless doing it with someone else's direction. I really like "Atom's"
Suggestions, but until op tackles his disdain for his own wife problem, it's over.

I would help her pack, set her up as best I could, make her understand (it's not her) and set her free..
 
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Zimbabwe

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Suggestions, but until op tackles his disdain for his own wife problem, it's over.
What OP wants is a Nun on the streets and a Slvt in the sheets, realistically that sort of thing doesn't exist. Women of good charecter tend to be boring af, while Slvts are fun and exciting for a while.

Op has projected an idealised version of what he wants a Traditional wife to be, he just needs to accept her for who she is and suck it up so he can finally have sex with her.
 

It doesn't matter how good-looking you are, how romantic you are, how funny you are... or anything else. If she doesn't have something INVESTED in you and the relationship, preferably quite a LOT invested, she'll dump you, without even the slightest hesitation, as soon as someone a little more "interesting" comes along.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

Plinco

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yet your sense of honor and responsibility is telling you to figure it out.
And my d*ck is telling me to ditch her.

suggest you take a shot at building a "spiritual" connection with her and from that perhaps new senses appear for you that include her and will result in another access route to desire. it can be done. I think a couple of the men in the forum can suggest ways, and I could suggest some also. it's not really a red pill, but could be very rewarding.
I appreciate the thought but I'm not that kind of guy.

@Plinco ,
I’m concerned that you might be jumping from the frying pan to the fire if you divorce her. You yourself accurately defined most modern women out there…”I see arrogance, jadedness, and ugliness.”
This sounds like a good girl except for the boredom/sexuality thing.
Im with Atom. Dont give up on her. The pasture may look greener on the other side but its probably not the case.
Scarcity mindset. Not saying any of you are wrong, just pointing it out.

Sensing someone doesn't like you is a buzz kill. Sensing it everyday is a HUGELY effective buzz kill. How can anyone
Be fun exciting affectionate happy sexy interesting when the person you're looking at thinks you suck?

I have been very active in fun sports. Some extremely dangerous. All my girlfriends and one wife did what I was doing.
Girls (for me anyway) have not had their own passion unless doing it with someone else's direction. I really like "Atom's"
Suggestions, but until op tackles his disdain for his own wife problem, it's over.

I would help her pack, set her up as best I could, make her understand (it's not her) and set her free..
One of the essential points in this is the scarcity vs abundance mindsets. Is the Universe a good place or a bad place?

What OP wants is a Nun on the streets and a Slvt in the sheets, realistically that sort of thing doesn't exist. Women of good charecter tend to be boring af, while Slvts are fun and exciting for a while.

Op has projected an idealised version of what he wants a Traditional wife to be, he just needs to accept her for who she is and suck it up so he can finally have sex with her.
Having a scarcity mindset is what got me into this mess. I have no desire for having a long term relationship except for passing on a legacy. Having an extreme outlook of either abundance or scarcity will get anyone in trouble.
 

Plinco

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I just had an insight just now.

I don't respect her enough to be romantic with her. I feel like she has poison DNA.

I feel like I could do a lot better than her, which I think is delusional of me since I am struggling with my health and finances and approaching 40. Yet I still think I deserve a hot college girl; totally delusional of me to feel like this right now. I'd have to put a lot of work into it.
 

DEEZEDBRAH

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Funny thread is funny.

If I was to guess, modern woman, western wife? Married western women think life's a pie eating contest.
 

DEEZEDBRAH

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I just had an insight just now.

I don't respect her enough to be romantic with her. I feel like she has poison DNA.

I feel like I could do a lot better than her, which I think is delusional of me since I am struggling with my health and finances and approaching 40. Yet I still think I deserve a hot college girl; totally delusional of me to feel like this right now. I'd have to put a lot of work into it.
Delusional as f.

Nobody deserves ****. You get what you deserve. If you deserved it, you would get it. You don't therefore you don't deserve it.

**** health and finances don't get rewarded with stunners. Your health could be genetic or could be due to sloth. If financial struggle is any indication, you aren't doing it right.

Modern women are disgusting but your modern man soy boy is a joke. The pair belong at the circus with the bearded lady.

If she's that bad get a side piece.
 

Just because a woman listens to you and acts interested in what you say doesn't mean she really is. She might just be acting polite, while silently wishing that the date would hurry up and end, or that you would go away... and never come back.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

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